and on the 1st day of Fall, she showed the fuck up.
it was like overnight, it happened.
she showed up and the temp dropped and the ground grew crunchy with death and oh my gods yes, fuck me, Milady Autumn.
i’m on day 4(?) of 8 in a row (maybe day 5, it all blurs), and right now, this moment, this night, i feel good. i feel like i can rise above this bullshit and be.
i get 1 day off, go in for 4 days in a row, and then it’s my Birthday Fun Time Weekend. i’m seeing Nicole, and plan on being buzzed, if not drunk, and having the time of my life.
there is a lot i need to get done on my one day off. i can’t sit on this, if i want to have a Birthday Fun Time Weekend.
i really do have hopes that Oktober brings something because i feel that i am bringing something to it.
Shelby said that maybe i need some time outside to recharge.
when i went out to feed the cats, the wind picked up and there was a chill in the air.
Fall starts tomorrow. and today, this afternoon, i felt her coming. she’s not here yet but she is coming.
i cannot wait for her to get here.
i keep changing the date of this entry and never writing anything.
i know work is stressful. it feels that it sucked everything out of me and i don’t want to do anything when i get home. the idea of sitting down, drinking a glass of wine, and watching a new show, it feels too much to me.
and today. i keep seeing all this Halloween stuff out in stores and then when i get to mine, there is none. grant it, i have been collecting Halloween stuff for the past 29 years, and i am happy with all i have. i take it that i am very picky of what i buy now but it feels like there is nothing to look over. like, i can’t just look over a full display and think how someone will enjoy this and not have any pull to buy it. there is just nothing out there for me to look at.
and with fall starting so soon, i feel the nip in the air, and the other day i was crunchy leaves under my shoes and i felt nothing. nothing!
i primed Nicole’s panting a year ago and still, it’s not done and it needs to be done in 10 days.
i got three decks of cards that i need to work on.
books to be read.
stuff to make.
things to do.
words to write.
and nothing gets done.
i keep think that i got ADHD or something and i know i don’t. i just don’t do anything but be lazy.
this sluggish month is an ass and i need it to be over and better.
