blar and update

another week of just moving the barest of inches.

i keep adding to this year’s goals and, am i pushing myself or just insane? or both?

i need to stop with the time wasting of phone and video game. i need to focus on The Work.

it’s also the idea that it is still August and nothing is suppose to get done in August. i have hit my goal for September already so, working on October.

blar update

there is nothing to report.

i am trying very hard to make it out of alive this month. August don’t feel as bad as years past but, i don’t trust calm before the storms.

i need to move more on my days/time off. even if i don’t get a goal done, i can at least move an inch on some of them.

i did get back into Once Upon a Time and blar. the way they made Emma evil and now she’s lost Hook, she don’t feel like the badass they started her out to be.

one thing i am doing this month is giving up sex, drugs, and rock and roll. have i seen an improvement? no. am i going to do it for the whole month? yes.

weekly update

i am 95% done for September, 69% done for the year, giving me a B-.

what happen to August? we don’t talk about him.

and my seasonal depression is flaring up early this year.

i have a date Sunday. it’s a 1st date and it’s the first 1st date i’ve been in 25 years.

i’m now getting stressed and nervous about it. i had an outfit picked out and now, i don’t know.

i need to throw cards.

weekly no update

there is really nothing to update.

i have hit a stuck part. didn’t want to but here i am.

card of the month said so…

i need to get up and get going with something.

weekly update

i am 99% done for the month, 18% done for the year, giving me a F+. whoot!

i am very much looking forward to my big VD celebration this weekend. i hope to do all i have plan.

i have ideas and there seems to be a block in them. i know my card of the month is the Hanged Man but i am trying hard to make inches forward.

maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s work, maybe it’s Colt, but the blars is getting bad. there is good veins of good here but, the rest can drag a bitch down.

i don't know

how am i?

not good bitch.

i think stress is slowly eating at me and i don’t know what to do to stop it beside just start heavily drinking every night.

the one place is out of my CBD gummies. i got some destressing things from store and i don’t know how well they will work. i took some this morning and didn’t see any difference. will try again tomorrow night.

i even skipped a day of cards. i know that is not a good sign.

i did get my crafting table cleared off, and my side desk organized. i think i need to so my main desk next (if not tonight) to get things looking better.

i am working on 2025 goals right now. i’m 2ish % done for the next year and keep working on things.

i worked on my oracle deck yesterday. i need to make a spread sheet for it and print off what i have done and give it a look over. maybe send some info to Nicole for a second set of eyes.

AND! i got Colt to agree to watch Buffy. it took me some 20 mins and i am to watch Once Upon a Time to boot.

20 mins. it took breaking up for Matthew to start watching Peaky Blinders, after years of me telling him he would like it.

Colt is showing me what a real man is. he is setting the bar very high for any dude who wants to partner up with me.

i am trying to watch Dune so i can move onto the Bene Gesserit show that is out now.

BlAr

my body is just a ball of stress.

between the fuckery of work and fucking Black Friday and all that bullshit and *looks at the world* i am holding onto so much stuff.

the CBD gummies i love are out of stock and i don’t want to start drinking every night. i have my Gummys for Tuesday and Friday nights and they do help.

i am also getting a weekend in 16 daysish. that was a happy surprise since my next one was supposed to be in February.

i need a shower and a long night’s rest.

maybe tomorrow night….

blar

i think i live in my head too much and need to change that.

i had a realization. if i get back to basic needs (Maslow's hierarchy of needs) i am doing it all wrong.

i really need to get my shit together and get this place clean. i need to set up a form of schedule to get things done. put stuff on paper and really do it.

i am too much in my head when it comes to sense of worship. i feel that i am not doing it right, when after my research i have found no concrete things. i can just make it up and work it out.

and then the doubt creeps in on if i am doing it wrong, ALL WRONG, why do it in the first place?

there is nowhere to go to find answers, this is all me. i am a lone witch on this project.

and i shield so hard, i can’t feel anything. i can’t feel the coming autumn, the nearness of my goddess lady.

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weekly update

i am 94% done for the month, 59% done for the year, giving me a C grade.

there is so much i want to write but i don’t.

i’m on all theses social platforms and i don’t say anything because i’m scared that i’m just a fucking idiot.

i have ideas for, essays, for a lack of a better word, about stuff.

and i should just write the shit and post it and see what happens. i know no one will read it, no one ever repost my stuff so, there’s that.

i need to finish up packing for tomorrow. i have the car, i hot the hotel, i am fine and ready to rock and roll tomorrow.

blarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i’m here.

the basement keeps flooding and today my car died.

i am having a week.

i am ready for my 4-day weekend, next week.

i need to do so much prepping for my Springfield trip. i have a list, i need to make a fucking budget for it.

there’s just the things i need to sit and work on.

weekly update

i am 91% done for the month, 41% done for the year, giving me a D.

i keep writing stuff and it never makes it here. its like i want to have some secrets for myself.

i need to write something. i don’t know what. i need to do so much but time just leaves and nothing kicks me in the ass.

so, where was i?

so, where was i?

for the past year i have been trying to be a devotee to Karpo and theses past few weeks, i have felt cut off. i feel that someone is trying to get ahold of me, i don’t know who.

i know i need to read more and be more active in my witchcraft. i know witchcraft and religion can go hand in hand and that one is not the same as the other but i feel lost. i am trying to-

i am trying to live this new life. this life where i am working out, taking care of my body, crocheting, cleaning, being an adult.

being single…

i’m gonna let that hang out there and come back to it later.

i want to get done with the old X-Men cartoon so i can get going with the new.

i miss Colt. i should be seeing him in 3 weeks but i’m not. i won’t see him for 103 days.

i need to go to bed.

weekly update

next week starts a new quarter, along with a new month.

blar.

weekly update

i am 104% done for the month, 28% for the year, giving me a D again.

i just have no motivation this month to get anything done.

the To-Do-List gets longer and i just not.

even the idea of sitting on my couch and watching TV seems too much work right now.

time to try…

blar

ok, where were we?

i feel odd that i’m not doing anything for Spring Equinox. i am warding and that is it’s own deal.

maybe i am doing something, i just didn’t realize it.

i know i haven’t been writing. i need to. the cards keep calling me out on it.

i don’t know what to write. stuff has happen but, that’s for another day. this isn’t my place to put down the daily life of a queer witch.

i don’t want that responsibility.

blar

did i want to spend my time off getting work done or doing the work?

it was spent off, doing nothing.

but i go back to work tomorrow and back to a regular set schedule. time to get shit done and made progress.

“first” step is to get an air pump and some contact paper to get my ball and desk in better shape.

i have the ideas, i need to put stuff into practice.

it all needs to be put into practice.

weely update

i have not made much headway since last week.

i have a good plan on what i want to do for 2024.

i have made a great plan on how to get better now. EVERYTHING needs to be cleaned so i get overwhelmed. i made a list of what i want to get down.

part of 2024 plans are once a month to clean everything. i have it broken down to “rooms” so it is not so overwhelming.

hopefully tomorrow i can get something started.

weekly update

well, it’s been a week.

i’m 129% done for the month, 54% done for the year, giving me a A- grade.

today i got above 300 lbs again and i am not happy about that.

i need to get back to working out. i am trying to keep up with watching what i eat but my workouts are a big fail.

i also need to crack down and get shit done. i make list and plans and it all goes away and down the drain with a game of Age of Mythology.

my cards call me out about this week and i kinda ignore them. today’s reading:

Cards of the Day: Chariot, Tower, Dr. Strange, Valkyrie, Witches Hanging Rope, and Fire Element.

I had 2 Tarot cards fall out and just picked 2 cards from the other decks.

6 cards to tell me what?

This past week has not been the best for me and my cards are calling me out on that. I am a bad ass who has control over the things that are pulling me into a darken blar. I need to use my power and get myself better.

and i pray i can get there.

blar of an update

i order Colt’s birthday gift. i hope he likes it, as i don’t know if he reads this or not.

hi Colt.

i also order new water bottles and Seasons of the Witch - Mabon Oracle. we will see how that goes. it comes out on June 12th but i’m not getting it till July 3rd? why?

this past week has been blar and come to a head last night. the plan was pot and watching the Muppets, to celebrate the life of Jim Henson.

and i couldn’t. the idea of popping a gummy and getting high seemed too much to do.

Colt, if you are still reading, you are the one and only i do bare my soul to and tells things to. you are my confidant.

i lost my train of thought with all of this…

blar

i tried to write yesterday and it didn’t happen.

i was going to do a set of tarot prompts and i realized that, no, not gong to work this month.

i feel the need to write, something, and nothing is pulling at my heart to put words on paper.

if i could pick a genre that would help.

i am going to try to write about my own Wheel of the Year and see how that plays out.

and i am having a hard time just trying to fill this page with words.

time to write something real.