Bless me Mother, for I am queer

“Bless me Mother, for I am queer.”

“Baby Gurl, you were born this way.”

“No, it’s more complicated than that.”

“Go on.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Try.”

“You know how there are women on the internet and how they only dated men and then started dating woman and had a whole ass epiphany?”

“Yes…”

“It has happened to me.”

“Wait, I thought you were texting a guy?”

“AMAB.”

“Do I need to open a bottle are you going to get with it?”

“Ok, so he’s listed as man/non-binary and bisexual and having gone on one date, is very queer. And I have only dated cis-het men.”

“What about bisexual Matthew?”

“I don’t think anything about him was real, including him saying he was bi.

“Anyway, the way he flirts with me, hits on my queerness like nothing before. With Colt, it’s fun to play straight because we’re not. With Him, we give off the idea of cis-het but we are not.

“You know how I like to dress as Dean Winchester in the winter months and that give me all the gender euphoria? I feel so fem when I dress butch.

“I was dressed fem for the date and he made me feel butch.”

“How was that?”

“I was surprised but I like it.”

“And today?”

“I mention I felt like I could fight a bear and that I know I can take a twink out and He said the last line was beautiful and that ‘There is definitely a bear interested in taking you on….’”

“Oh my.”

“And then there was something I said out loud.”

“What was it?”

“I said out loud that I want to be his boyfriend. It goes with the fact He uses all pronouns and I could say, ‘She’s my boyfriend.’”

“But you don’t like male pronouns and honorifics. Expect to be called Daddy.”

“Four-year-old me would be so surprised that instead of wanting a boyfriend, to want to be a boyfriend.”

“He makes you feel like a real queer.”

“I don’t like how you said it but it’s true. I feel like he sees my queerness. He sees that part that is me. He sees me like I want to see myself.”

“Nicole never made you feel queer?”

“It’s different with her. I think because she’s fem and I’m fem that we give off lesbian vibes. It’s not that I have to prove anything with her.”

“Is it because Matthew never saw you as queer but that you had all the right parts?”

“Is it because he’s a “guy” and he sees me as queer?”

“Don’t ask me questions you know the answer to.”

“Yes Mother.”

Bless me Mother for I did witchcraft

“Bless me Mother for I did witchcraft.”

“You’re a witch. Isn’t that what you do?”

“Not like this.”

“What did you do?”

“I think a love spell.”

“You don’t even know what spell you did? Start from the beginning!”

“Well, I don’t know when I did it.”

“Don’t make me open this flask. And I am not sharing.”

“I was thinking of my Tinder profile and I realized I got what I asked for and maybe I made it a spell.”

“What does your profile say?”

“Queer Witch looking for a partner.
Partner should be a whole person, knows who they are, and what they want in this life.”

“Nice.”

“And I got that.”

“With HIM.”

“Yeah.”

“I am not going to forgive you for this.”

“I keep thinking of more witchcraft I can do.”

“On who?”

“On me. For this.”

“Baby Gurl, you got all of this without magic.”

“So, I shouldn’t do anything more?”

“You should do it all. Go for blood.”

“I got a date in a month.”

“Get off your ass and start The Work!”

“Yes Mother.”

Bless me Mother, I went to PRIDE

“Bless me Mother, I went to PRIDE.”

“TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!”

“I was so out of my element. And there were so many people there and furries.”

“In this weather?”

“And there was a lot of tails...”

“Tell me about HIM.”

“I want to preface this with they use any pronouns and I am just going with he/him for the time being.”

“Fair. What about HIM?”

“And now my brain goes blank.”

“Just start shooting.”

“He was all over the place because he was a volunteer for PRIDE. He also said he volunteers for the Trevor Project.”

“Wow.”

“HE like the Phantom movie and Gerard Butler as Phantom.”

“Oh gods.”

“He vapes and was wearing off brand crocs.”

“Is there any good news?”

“This morning my brain kept keeps going to back to one thought about last night.

“I met a fully formed person. This person was built on the life they lived. This was a choose your own adventure where it went off the rails and end at PRIDE.

“Matthew is not fully formed. I said after rewatching The Sopranos, I see so much he copied off that show as his personality. That and American Psycho.

“And HIM is fully formed?”

“I think of it as I am joining HIS show at season 38 and I am trying to play catch up. Kinda like dropping into the middle of Supernatural and trying to catch all the lore without watching all the back seasons.”

“HE’s got a lot of catching up with you. But that will be for another time. Where are you going from here?”

“I want to get to know HIM better. I think this could be a friendship.”

“And?”

“I want to start there. I realized that while I thought the whole purity culture didn’t affect me but I got some things I need to unpack.”

“Well then. What is our next step?”

“Keep on txting. See what happens next.”

“Loose with all the plans?”

“¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

“Bitch.”

Bless me Mother for I am not who I was

“Bless me Mother for I am not who I was.”

“And who are you, dear child?”

“You may not know but I was once a 20 something that met a rando on the internet (at the time it was scary and everyone you met off the internet was a serial ax murder) and willing to drive 3 hours, to the BIG CITY, to pick them up from the airport, to bring them to my house.”

“And now what?”

“I am a 40 something that is scared to drive an hour to a Small City, that i know really well, to meet a rando (who seems really nice) at PRIDE.”

“You have fallen.”

“I have grown up and much more jaded.”

“That too.”

“I haven’t done this shit in over 20 years.”

“You need to get out there!”

“I know that! I am trying! I didn’t think it would be this hard, finding a human I like.”

“Well, you are on Tinder.”

“At one point I was getting better results on Grindr.”

“Gurl.”

“I never once lied on that app.”

“Anyway, about PRIDE. Whatcha wearing?”

“Jeans and my purple shirt. Makeup is gonna be a smear of glitter eyeshadow. And I got my pin that says ‘I only look straight.’”

“Classy.”

“I just don’t know if I give off queer vibes or not. Gods, I don’t want to be looked at as an ally.”

“Eww.”

“I know.”

“Well, I hope to take your confession after PRIDE and I hope it is a juicy one.”

“Mother!”

“Get it Gurl!”

Bless me Mother, you need me to confess

“You need to confessed.”

“I need to confessed? For what?”

“You know what you did.”

“Do I need to confess or do you need ME to confesses?”

“Just do it!”

“Bless me Mother for I have…”

“Screamed.”

“Oh. You want to talk about that.”

“Yes. Start at the beginning.”

“So, when I saw Deadpool and Wolverine last summer and Blade showed up, I had a reaction.”

“You about jumped out of your chair in the theater.”

“Yeah… I didn’t know I had that in me. I don’t know what came over me at that point.”

“And then you have been watching a certain ad on the internet of late.”

“Ok. I re-watched The Last of Us and it has reawakened my love of Pedro Pascal. And he is so fucking cute in the ad and he looks at you and tells you that you are perfect do I need to say more?”

“He’s in Fantastic Four that’s coming out this summer.”

“Yeah… kinda worried about myself with that movie.”

“And then you screamed today.”

“Yeah. I was surprised too.”

“Tell me like I don’t know.”

“Marvel put out a video of who’s suppose to be in Doomsday and it was a good mix of names and then one popped up and I screamed about it.”

“Who was it?”

“Can I mention that I completely missed Tom Hiddleston’s name was in this list?”

“That makes it even worst. Who made you scream?”

“Channing Tatum.”

“Why?”

“I did not know how much his Gambit meant to me.”

“How feral are you going to go in Doomsday?”

“I don’t know!”

“Tom Hiddleston, Pedro Pascal, and Channing Tatum.”

“And David Harbour.”

“Is there any one in the line up that isn’t going to make your feral?”

“Some of the women, maybe.”

“You need a boyfriend.”

“Bless me Mother, I need a boyfriend.”

“Bless you, indeed.”

Blessed me Mother Feral for I am alive

“Blessed me Mother Feral for I am alive.”

“That’s always a good sign.”

“Yeah. I want to talk about my Valentines Weekend.”

“Ooo, I can hear the caps in your words. How was it? Big date.”

“I went alone.”

“How asexual of you.”

“Beside the weather and the fact I couldn’t get my oil change because the shop was out of oil, it was a great time.”

“Tell me about it.”

“The weather was crap but I was only going to Jeff because I really didn’t need to go to The City. I have enough gummies to get me to May.

“The shop was out of oil so I drove to the store to sit and use their Wi-Fi. I could get in the parking lot so, I stayed in the car.”

“Kind of creepy, go on.”

“I get to the movie theater and spent half the money on a soda then on the ticket. Fucking hell this, ANYWAY! I got a Mt Dew because they had no Dr. Pepper and man, that was a trick.

“How was the movie?”

“Captain America: Brave New World was nice. It felt like old Marvel but with new focus. The white man was the bad guy, the heroes were all POCs. It wasn’t the greatest thing ever but it was good.”

“End scene?”

“Open ended as fuck. Springfield will tell with Thunderbolts*.”

“Springfield is in-”

“Two months, 1 week, 5 days, 3 hours, give or take.”

“O… K… What happen after the movie?”

“I fought with Google maps because it wanted to take me to the Chili’s in Springfield and not the one over the hill. I won.

“I got to Chili’s and got a table and order my steak and shrimp fajitas. Once I got my food, I popped an earbud in and listen to Midnight Burger while I ate. I used my gift card and only had to pay $10 for the whole meal.”

“Tipped 30%?”

“In fucking cash. I was an easy $8 for them.

“While I was there, my phone told me that is was suppose to snow so I hurried my ass to the liquor store and decided to skip the library.”

“Making good choices I see.”

“I spend a 100 at the store.”

“What the hell did you get?”

“Rumple Minze, a big bottle of Everclear, and I found a bottle of pomegranate liqueur.”

“Why?”

“Witchcraft.”

“Is that all you going to say about it?”

“And then I came home.”

“That’s all?”

“I thought of him once while I was sitting at Chili’s.”

“But you were sitting in a 3-person row and had room for Nicole and Colt.”

“Yeah. I hope to seduce Colt to come up here to see The Fantastic Four: First Steps.”

“But you did this all on your own.”

“Yes. If the weather was better, I think I would have had a better time. But, if i need to see Fantastic Four by myself, I know I can do it.”

“Fuck right.”

“Fuck. Right.”

Bless me Mother Feral, I need to vent.

“Bless me Mother Feral, I need to vent.”

“Mother Feral? Is that my name now?”

“Works for me.”

*takes a shot* “Hit me.”

“I’m getting a lot of feels as 2024 ends and 2025 is getting ready to start. I know I’m a witch and I can do stuff but I feel like I shouldn’t/don’t do anything.”

“So not to jink the year?”

“Yes and no.”

“Keep going.”

“Well, it took me a long time but I got a grip on what the theme 2025 is going to be.”

“Sacred Opossum.”

“Yeah. With Agatha All Alone, Dune: Prophecy, and UNEND, the idea of groups of witches, learning and growing just hit me. I want to be do that. I want a year of studying.”

“A year and a day?”

“Oh, I didn’t even think about that. I got the books for it.”

“And a list of goals that you are working on.”

“I made a bingo card out of them. I’m hoping that gives me a boost to get shit done.”

“You seem to be going into this year with hope.”

“It’s not like that. I don’t think.

“It’s more of, there’s a shit show coming and I feel that the best I can do is to fully work on myself. I don’t know where I heard it from but queer joy is going to be an act of rebellion. That the happier I can make myself, the more it will be a fuck you to the shit storm.”

“You’re not becoming a Hermit are you?”

“Maybe? Fool and Hermit feels like the combo I’m feeling and that’s why I came up with Sacred Opossum.”

“What about dating?”

“What about dating?”

“Well, you been single for almost a year and things tried to happen and you stopped them.”

“I had many learning experiences this past year and I will be applying the knowledge I have learn going forward.”

“You going to burn that candle that was part of the love spell you did on Halloween?”

“There’s going to be a lot of witchcraft going on next year. Lots of cards and books and building altars and writing..”

“Sounds like a full-time job. Maybe you won’t have time to burn that love spell candle.”

“Maybe I’ll do it to spite the fuck out of you.”

“Spite and anger are twins. And you are always angry.”

“That’s my secret.”

“Do you want penance?”

“Naw. I’m going to catch up on my shows and call it a night.”