weekly update

i am moving by the smallest of inches.

i gave up on a “clean” August and had fun last night.

HE made me think of a poem and of witchcraft.

and the texting is getting a bit, risqué.

Colt calls him my boyfriend but i can firmly say he’s a crush. i do have a crush on him. it’s as far as i want to call it.

and with talking to the new kittens last night, there is a rule i need to tell HIM about.

i feed you, i touch you.

he fed me, he gets to touch me.

Blessed me Mother Feral for I am alive

“Blessed me Mother Feral for I am alive.”

“That’s always a good sign.”

“Yeah. I want to talk about my Valentines Weekend.”

“Ooo, I can hear the caps in your words. How was it? Big date.”

“I went alone.”

“How asexual of you.”

“Beside the weather and the fact I couldn’t get my oil change because the shop was out of oil, it was a great time.”

“Tell me about it.”

“The weather was crap but I was only going to Jeff because I really didn’t need to go to The City. I have enough gummies to get me to May.

“The shop was out of oil so I drove to the store to sit and use their Wi-Fi. I could get in the parking lot so, I stayed in the car.”

“Kind of creepy, go on.”

“I get to the movie theater and spent half the money on a soda then on the ticket. Fucking hell this, ANYWAY! I got a Mt Dew because they had no Dr. Pepper and man, that was a trick.

“How was the movie?”

“Captain America: Brave New World was nice. It felt like old Marvel but with new focus. The white man was the bad guy, the heroes were all POCs. It wasn’t the greatest thing ever but it was good.”

“End scene?”

“Open ended as fuck. Springfield will tell with Thunderbolts*.”

“Springfield is in-”

“Two months, 1 week, 5 days, 3 hours, give or take.”

“O… K… What happen after the movie?”

“I fought with Google maps because it wanted to take me to the Chili’s in Springfield and not the one over the hill. I won.

“I got to Chili’s and got a table and order my steak and shrimp fajitas. Once I got my food, I popped an earbud in and listen to Midnight Burger while I ate. I used my gift card and only had to pay $10 for the whole meal.”

“Tipped 30%?”

“In fucking cash. I was an easy $8 for them.

“While I was there, my phone told me that is was suppose to snow so I hurried my ass to the liquor store and decided to skip the library.”

“Making good choices I see.”

“I spend a 100 at the store.”

“What the hell did you get?”

“Rumple Minze, a big bottle of Everclear, and I found a bottle of pomegranate liqueur.”

“Why?”

“Witchcraft.”

“Is that all you going to say about it?”

“And then I came home.”

“That’s all?”

“I thought of him once while I was sitting at Chili’s.”

“But you were sitting in a 3-person row and had room for Nicole and Colt.”

“Yeah. I hope to seduce Colt to come up here to see The Fantastic Four: First Steps.”

“But you did this all on your own.”

“Yes. If the weather was better, I think I would have had a better time. But, if i need to see Fantastic Four by myself, I know I can do it.”

“Fuck right.”

“Fuck. Right.”

BlAr

my body is just a ball of stress.

between the fuckery of work and fucking Black Friday and all that bullshit and *looks at the world* i am holding onto so much stuff.

the CBD gummies i love are out of stock and i don’t want to start drinking every night. i have my Gummys for Tuesday and Friday nights and they do help.

i am also getting a weekend in 16 daysish. that was a happy surprise since my next one was supposed to be in February.

i need a shower and a long night’s rest.

maybe tomorrow night….

When I find myself in times of trouble/Mother Trauma comes to me

i want to fall into-

i don’t know what. anything seems to be wrong to say out loud.

i know tomorrow i want to fall into my gummy and let the good times roll. i am tired and stress.

it was the miracle of hearing the voice of Mother Trauma this afternoon that seems to clear me of what had ailed me so hard last night.

fuck, i even wrote some!

i am going to take my shower, hit my bed, READ, and go to bed on time!

random thoughts on a faint full moon evening

i got the hotel room for the wrong dates. i need to call them back and get it fixed.

i don’t think i need to go to the pot store in July. i think i can skip it. i think the first place i’m gong to hit in Springfield will be Bass Pro. i need an opossum.

my own opossum.

i did fix up my one shelf or put all my card boxes on it. it is already too little.

i can stop at any time!

i saw Mae (and the other two). she is awesome and almost walking.

i need to start shaving my legs. i don’t remember the last time i did but i want to for Colt. i hope he appreciate that.

I am comfortable

wrote this last night on Tumblr. wanted it “written down” for my own records.

 

It’s Friday night. I took my shower, put on clean pjs, and I am in bed. The crockpot upstairs is cooking the chicken I will meal prep for my weekly lunches.

I took a (legal) pot gummy and am having a glass of wine. Fury Road is playing on my tablet.

Is this the life my D.A.R.E officer worried I would have? It was way too late, at age 12, to tell me booze was bad. And then tell me drugs would make me see music and hear colors, like that didn’t sound awesome to me, stuck in my small town, Catholic school?

I work full time, pay my bills on time, striving, “…got dreams he’ll never take away”.

And get high twice a week.

This is not the adulthood I thought I would have, in my D.A.R.E days. It’s better and worser then I thought but,

I am comfortable.

:-)

weekly update

still 91% for the month, got to 69% for the done for the year, still a B-.

inventory is Friday and i am dead. i sign up for 6 days in a row/44-hour work week and it’s hurting.

Friday night i am getting high and watching all I am Groot.

i am trying to get into my Star Trek tarot deck. the book goes hard on the tarot history but i kinda skipped that and trying to get into the crux of it.

i’m wrapping this up do i can go to bed early tonight.

blar of an update

i order Colt’s birthday gift. i hope he likes it, as i don’t know if he reads this or not.

hi Colt.

i also order new water bottles and Seasons of the Witch - Mabon Oracle. we will see how that goes. it comes out on June 12th but i’m not getting it till July 3rd? why?

this past week has been blar and come to a head last night. the plan was pot and watching the Muppets, to celebrate the life of Jim Henson.

and i couldn’t. the idea of popping a gummy and getting high seemed too much to do.

Colt, if you are still reading, you are the one and only i do bare my soul to and tells things to. you are my confidant.

i lost my train of thought with all of this…

weekly update

i’m 118% done for the month, 49% for the year, giving me a B grade.

(i have switched over to May goals, as there are only a few days of April left.)

i got my copy of LiL Cryptid Oracle today! and my new phone case! so excited for both!

and i am off this whole weekend! i need to pack for next weekend and plotting everything for everything and all of that.

but for tonight, we get high and be pagan.

words to paper, that what this is

tomorrow i should get my new phone case and my new oracle deck. i’ll get high and a good time will be had by all.

i need to pack on Saturday for my Marvel weekend. i need to carefully plot out my outfits, Matthew’s clothes, and all my worldly things i will need on this trip.

need to change my sheets, change my tablecloth, and changed my shoes.

May 1st is just bringing a lot of changes.

Michael made mention of selling his car to me. i would love to see this happen and it would be a hell of a financial undertaking for me. i know i can swing it, i will have to make it swing.

i feel the need to write but nothing comes out of it.

i feel the need to grow my witchcraft and that is slow.

i keep thinking the other oracle deck will bring me something closer to my deity but we have been making good with the Halloween Oracle. time will tell.

weekly update

i’m 130% done for the month, 32% for the year, giving me a B- for grade.

i need to work.

and my plan after posting this is to get some fucking work down. i want next week Sunday to be a day of rest and reading and that involves doing the work NOW.

the pot is getting to me, in a good way? i’m not drinking so, there’s that. i don’t go looking for destressing herbs, because i have pot. last night i got the feel to write but i’m also tired so, that didn’t go anywhere.

maybe some uppers and pot will give me something different…

off to get some work done!

oh, what a world we weave when we are high on the crack pipe

where do i start?

i was killing a bit of time and was looking over the herbs and vits at the store when i saw the ones to help with stress and i laughed. i laughed because i have weed at home.

and as i sit here, i feel the idea of a story bubbling. i don’t know what and i don’t know if it means anything but it is there.

i have a weekend coming up and i want so hard to work on cleaning THIS Saturday, hopefully do something on Wednesday (am going shopping with Mother), work again on Saturday so on Sunday i can relax.

this is almost like its own kind of high.

weekly uppdate

i’m 190% for the month, 32% for the year, giving me a A+ grade.

i am just not moving forward.

doing anything seems all lost to fucking Tic Tok.

what makes me not be on Tic Tok is pot.

it’s been a week of me taking a gummy on my nights off (Tuesday and Friday) and let me tell you, it’s been great.

i don’t hurt, i can feel my blood in my veins, time stops working but i can deal with that.

i felt better the whole week. i didn’t feel the need for my plain gummys, i don’t remember the last time i drank. just having a gummy twice a week has improved my well-being.

i got all caught up with my TV. i got a book read/deck studied. hopefully i will crochet while watching The Last of Us.

stuff

where do i start?

Matthew came up last week, ate all my food, and over all we had a good time. we saw Grandma and Ant-Man and we went to the weed store and i got a bag of gummys…

yeah, that was its own trip.

i like the store, have recommended it. it was my first one and it was a good experience. the gummys are a variety pack and i tried the a half one of the full power one (i am treating this very carefully and trying to write down what is going on because, SCIENCE!) and it was great! i felt so wonderful and free and it was great.

last night i tired half a gummy of the half power and it was ok. longer to do things and still felt good. still have one more flavor/level to try.

i have rethought of doing workouts as calling it my Dora Milaje training. now, i feel a need to do it and try my best at it. i am aiming for 4 days a week of doing something and so far, so good.

maybe the feel of limbo is still over me but i am working on moving forwards.