whole

There’s the internet meme of “I’m just random number of random animals in a trench coat” and I never fully gotten it till now.

Last year I broke up with my boyfriend of 14 years. The last few months I’m been texting a guy I met off Tinder. Me and this guy have very similar taste in things and I’m just loving it. I met him at PRIDE and, he’s real and a fully formed person.

This past spring, I went on a rewatch of The Sopranos. That was the Ex’s fav show. I watched it once when we were dating and enjoyed it.

This time it was different. I saw all the things that the Ex had just copied whole from the show into his personality.

There is always a line from one of the Ex’s fav movies that keep blaring in my head, “...there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman…”

And I keep thinking about the idea of the Ex.

I can trace back parts of my personality to where it “started.” Watching The Wizard of Oz every year and wanting to be the Wicked Witch of the West, that got me into witchcraft. My mom’s choice of music influenced mine, Meat Loaf and Bob Seager. Another ex introduced me to Buffy and that led into wanting to see Avengers and the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe. Nicole led to Bowie. Marching band gave me Phantom of the Opera. My sister gave me Supernatural.

But! That is just pinpointing when those items were introduced to me. I still had the power to say no. And furthermore, I took those items and made them my own.

I watched too much M*A*S*H, read The Bell Jar, and watched Dr. No and that led me to vodka martinis and vodka as a whole.

The Ex just mashed up Patrick Batman and Tony Soprano.

I am a whole person.

The new guy is a whole person.

This is what I have been missing for a long time.

Sacred Opossum

Friday morning came to me with some time for moving meditation at work.

this year is almost over and 2025 is coming towards me. i need a theme for next year and nothing is coming to me. i thought that “aimless” would be one but i have goals and plots for the next year.

lunch come and i go to work on the set of tarot prompts. here’s my questions for the day:

“What am I moving toward if I stay aligned with my current path? What would I move toward if I take my journey in a different direction?”

awesome! this is just what i was thinking about! let’s do this! i pull up my tarot app and got

“What am I moving toward if I stay aligned with my current path? Empress.

What would I move toward if I take my journey in a different direction? Fool.

i got called out by my fucking tarot app. cards are gonna cards, fucking hell.

and this morning i was thinking about it again. i remember after the election, someone posted on Facebook this thing of RPG classes and how they apply to fights we will have in the next administration. i thought to myself that i am going to be the fool and hermit: crack jokes, stay home, and work on myself.

Fool. Hermit? what are those cards called in the Starman Tarot? The Sacred Clown and The Alien. could i be the sacred alien-

Sacred Opossum.

Sacred Opossum. my first thought it was perfect and so fucking stupid at the same time. the more i think about it, the more i love it.

if the name of my witchcraft is Feral Opossum, then Sacred Opossum is very much the path i want next year to be.

weekly update

list is 263% done for the month, 23% done for the year, giving me a A+ rating.

and so much more to do.

i think Days of Bowie is really the end of old business and the start of new business. besides the moons, there is no more holidays till spring. i can focus on getting stuff done.

and i am overwhelming myself with getting EVERYTHING done all at once. or i go the opposite directions and do so little in so many categories that it feels i am not moving at all.

there needs to be a new list of things to do. i have goals for the month (do 6 things) but with no idea on what 6 things to do, i get nothing done.

best bet would be to focus on my cards. start studying them and getting that worked out.

weekly update

start off the 1st week of 2023 with the list being 217% done for the month, 18% done for the year, giving me a A+.

and i still have so much to do.

i tossed this week, as i am still trying to get better over fucking up my back and the rest of my body for Christmas.

and it’s the eve of Days of Bowie. time to get the year going and done.

goal for today: clean. and re-ward the house.

let’s do it.

King

In the year of Our Lord-

And we are stopping right there. I usually start off with the year of Our Lord Bowie and, bless His name, we are not doing that this year.

I was at a loss on what would be the theme for this year, what would be the tag on my blog to note that this happen in 2023.

And when I was doing my year reading, the song came on and that solidified that inking of an idea I had for my theme: “King” by Florence and the Machine.

The line “I am no mother, I am no bride, I am king” hit me. I am no mother, I am no bride, what am I then?

I am King.

Last year was a trip of discovering Florence and the Machine and I went down the on all the vids I could find on the YouTubes.

Along with the theme song of “King”, my Year Card is Moon: “I perceive the truth through the inner veil and its reflection.” And that hits me so well for this year.

As for my goals for 2023, I take a moment to acknowledge that I won in getting shit done in 2022 but I did not get everything done. Most of what I did not get done carried over to this year.

What I discovered at my birthday and am carrying on in this year is that I want things. If I cannot get the things I want, I will defy my last 42 years and be the better version of me that I never knew I could be. This is not going to happen overnight; this will be a yearlong work.

By the end of this calendar year, I want to fill my clean, empty hall with grand self-mythology.

plans

new plans, i will sit and relax Saturday night. i don’t know how but i will.

i need to sit down and write out some harder plans for what i want to get done before 2023. there are ideas in my head but i want some plans on paper.

this week has been a week and i want, no. i want to be in a routine of sorts by 2023. i want things to happen on certain days and live that life.

and that will take planning and working.

i think i really need to work on getting my crafting table cleared off so i can make some stuff that will go with my plans.

and then i can clean out and reorganized my bedroom.

and then the living room needs a clean out.

and prep some ideas for Days of Bowie.

i need to get a notebook and do some work in it.

on ward

i started a list of what i want to get done in 2023. is it early? will I get some of them done before this year? time will tell.

i did get the 1st of the birthday gifts! i got the Labyrinth tarot deck and Earth, Air, Fire and Water by Scott Cunningham! so excited!

weekly update

17% done! and that’s 101.7% done for the month!

yes, i was able to get 17% of my 2022 goals done this week. i am over for my goal for this month so, anything more i do for February, it’s bonus! yeah!

as much as i want to try to read my tarot book i’m working on, i have had this pull to start in on the True Heart Intuitive Tarot Deck. i got the deck because i heard that the book is an eye opener when it come to the cards.

 

i really need to finished The Starman Tarot because that book is a trip and half…

 

and i did get some year for a project that is on my goals of this year. i need to sit and plot and buy yellow yarn also.

tonight, i drink!

Witchy Prompts, Day 17

Do you associate certain Gods with specific songs? Share them!

 

I think David Bowie is one of the Higher Powers so his music is divine.

I think of Thor (more of the Marvel one) when I hear AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck”.

Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote Jesus Christ Superstar, a whole musical version of a passion play.

There are songs that make me think of Deity over all, like the story of the “Hallelujah Chorus”. It’s said when Handel got writing that part, he was crying because it just poured out of him so fast.

There is the overall feeling I feel when I use to perform in a Baptist church orchestra and certain songs, especially when the choir joined us, that I felt the spirit coming down over us.

And that is my view on music, overall. I use the term “It felt like church” when I went to Ozzfest. The way Hatebreed and Disturbed person and conducted themselves on stage, I felt the Spirit there.

I just need to think on this more and write how I see music and the Great Divine work together.

 Prompts Found Here.

end days

the only thing i really want to get done by the end of the year is reading my David Bowie tarot book. i want to start using them on the 1st and ha! time is fleeting.

i want to get a lot of cleaning done on the 31st. i need the trash out, bathroom needs a going over, and i want all the dishes done. i want to start 2022 off in a cleaner state.

of all the goals that i wanted to get done by the end of this year, they don’t really matter since me and Colt are on talking terms.

there's a Star Man

i crack open the Starman Tarot and i think i’m in love.

i’m not a fan of decks that are off base of Rider-Waite-Smith but just giving this deck a rough look, oh wow.

i’m not one to feel vibes off of decks but this one gives out a vibe. it feels like this deck is a line to something way bigger than this world.

and the fact the artiest, Davide De Angelis, met Bowie when he was a child and then got to work with him when he was adult, only makes this cool.

no, it was when De Angelis said the had a dream of the whole deck, after Bowie died, yes, that’s it.

and there are 2 spreads in the book.

Days of Bowie and the month of January is gonna be a trip.

day 14

i went off of Good Reads and now am on Story Graph as Amerwitch. i doubt i get Dune finished by the end of the year. that book is a drag and yes, i have seen the new movie of it.

i tried out a new deck last night. it’s the Believe In Your Own Magic and you can read it about it here. i’m gonna use it for my daily readings next month and think it will pair nicely with my Nightmare Before Christmas tarot.

and as soon as i am done with the Seasons of the Witch: Samhain Oracle i need to dive into Starman Tarot to be ready in time for Days of Bowie.

i just need to read, so much more.

41

i don’t know where to start with all of this.

i’m 41 now.

i got my nose pierced. it hurt like a bitch but i’m so happy.

i will never do cocaine because me shooting the cleaning spray up my nose twice a day is already being a horrible problem.

i got to see Nicole! she loved the Bowie painting i did. it was not like how i image but i’m so happy with how i turned out.

he would like it.

i brought too many decks this weekend. i’m so behind.

this month, less Age of Mythology and more witchcraft!

saw Venom: Let There Be Carnage. fun fact: when the 1st one came out, my boyfriend was surprised i didn’t want to see it and wanted to see the “girly” movie of A Star is Born.

the movie was a trip and now i need to see Spider-Man, right now!

and need to watch the 3 Toby Maguire’s movies too…

other thing happened. more on that later.

and that was about my birthday weekend.

domino effect

Hi. I’ve been journaling for the past 20 years. I went back to 2001 and to see what I wrote.

This. This is what sticks in my head every year on this day:

The lead story on the Today show was Michael Jordan coming back to play basketball for the Washington Wizards.

I want to say it was Kaite Couric who said that line. I caught that before going out the door, a little after 7 AM, CST, that Tuesday morning. I had a half-hour drive till I got to school.

I was 20. I was going to turn 21 in a few weeks. I still thought I was a straight girl, and I had never been kissed.

And you want to hear the sick, twisted thing about that day? Want to listen to my domino effect?

That got me my first real guy friend, and that led to me being this badass, asexual non-binary you see here today. my depression went up a notch 20 years ago, and me writing and posting on Open Diary, yeah. I got Christopher, then Brian, then Jim, and that got me to Matthew and Colt.

You can fight me on my thought process, but I was there, inside my head. If the people of Tic Tok can trace Twilight to 9/11, I can trace my own becoming then.

I end this with a song fitting about being in this county for the past 20 years.