update

got major cleaning done. moved the table and got to study it.

it’s the same as Grandma’s kitchen table. the top is rough as hell and someone has put boards under it so you can’t make it smaller.

this table has been in the basement as long as i can remember and it matches Grandma’s kitchen table. i have questions, so many, and no one to ask.

i took all the crap off of it and looked at it and wonder if Anton and Mary looked at this table.

i want to get it all cleaned up tomorrow, organized what’s going under the table and how. maybe hit the top of the refrigerator and then bottom of the witch’s cabinet.

i feel i can get everything cleaned this month. and if that happens, i get everything cleaned and up to date, i can start studying. i can see myself with notebooks, just thinking and making a thought board.

*sigh* i don’t want to say anything but i am feeling it.

Witchcraft XXXV

What would my perfect witchy day be like?

 

We are almost there.

I want fall. I want a gray day that’s slightly wet. I want a nip in the air where you it makes to think you need to find your hoodie soon.

I would also be off from work. The weather needs to be so that I can open my basement door and bring in the fresh air of the outside.

The day makes me want to work. I wan to work get up and put in the effort to do what needs to be done, be it cleaning or witchcraft.

Witchcraft Prompts

lighting crashes

so, lighting hit the old oak that was about 20 feet away from the house last Sunday.

and it’s been a week.

i’m sad the tree had to be cut down. feels like losing something important to me. i did find 2 acorns and put them in a crack of the stump, covering it with sawdust.

i need to find some of the bark that got blown off, for witchcraft purposes. Nicole wants some too.

got tickets to Doomsday. not seeing it in 3D IMAX because of Dune. just going to see it regular.

did not get much work done on the basement this week. things kinda fell apart after lighting hit the tree and still dealing with that.

i did get a new tarot deck this week! i got Seasons of the Witch Autumn Tarot! it’s so pretty! i’m excited to get the other ones, if they are just as cool as the Autumn deck.

here we go

Things are good with me, the goal post I set, I have gone past them. I own my own home, I have a new car, a job that wants me to be better, and a partner who sees me as a whole ass human, not just parts.

i wrote that this morning. i have won and i am not celebrating to trying to be better.

this happen when we moved into the house. i thought that would cure me and it didn’t.

well, now what?

now we start the work of being better. stuff has been bad since April and i need to stop it. i need to do the work, do The Work, and make my home the place i want it to be.

that’s it. i want this place to be like i want. that is gonna take time and effort. it’s not going to happen overnight, and it’s gonna take upkeep to make it happen.

if i work 20 mins a night, i can get it done. it will be inches but it will get me there.

because, if i can get my home inline, then i can get inline. i will have the time to do the witchcraft, cast the spells, read the cards, be the bad ass witch my 4 yr-old self could only dream of.

it’s starts.

where have i been?

where have i been?

work is ok, home is ok. after all the stress and bullshit, both came out fine and dandy.

the new floor is almost stripy. it’s great.

one year free. that’s what i keep thinking. i am one year free from all the bullshit that i thought was going to take me out. like a opossum, i am coming back from the dead to hiss at all you fuckers.

Cole is moving back to St. Louis so Colt is the only one left in Springfield. i am worried about him being by himself. i won’t be there till Doomsday and that’s a long ways away.

i want to get back into doing more. i keep saying that i am starting THIS month and then things fall apart. this time i am going to move forward. one year free and i am going to run with that freedom. get back to reading and studying and cleaning. things are fine at home and at work. i am fine. it is time to move forward.

am i still alive?

am i still alive?

i know i am not living.

this past week has been stressed plus. work was just stressing with a F.O.R. and big wigs showing up. on the day of, i was the only blue shirt there and i was on side 1 for breakfast. i hold power and must use it wisely.

home is stressful too. Monday, the people will be here to put in the new floor and new shower and MY shower will get fixed (leaks like it’s on). ALL the things had to be to moved out of the rooms and we are done to just the bare necessities.

i have this thought that if the floor Grandma put in lasted 50 years, maybe we can get 50 years out of this floor. Jehoshaphat will be 52 and maybe a grandma in her own right.

i’ll be 96, gods willing.

i cleaned the hell out of my bathroom today.

i made hell of progress today. i just need to move. i want to try to do 20 mins a day this week, just to keep things going forward.

May is coming up and i didn’t get one last year. it was robbed from me. but i am so much better then i was an year ago that i refuse to let shit bog down on me anymore. i have one stressor in my life, and the more i think of cursing him, the more he falters, without me throwing the curse.

i am taking a shower that should clean my soul. tomorrow is the start of my work week and there is work to be done.

Witchcraft XIII

What in nature am I drawn to; the ocean, animals, the trees, etc.?

 

I like penguins, groundhogs, opossums, and vultures.

I love lilacs and all the flowers I have growing around my house.

I love the Gasconade River.

I like to get lost in the woods.

I love living out in the sticks.

Witchcraft Prompts

Fat Monday

want to write, have nothing to write.

Wednesday is Ash/Fish Day and i will be damn if any one tries to explain it to me.

trying to get another date with Izzy and shit keeps coming up. the texts, i think i am in danger but the good kind.

i think i am in good hands.

i just want those hands on me.

today marks 3 years of being celibate and being a recreational marijuana user. it also marks being 2 years single and 10 months of texting Izzy.

i am moving forward. just not in the ways i think i would be.

time to get some shit done to do The Work tonight.

Witchcraft I

What draws me to witchcraft?

 

My first memories of wanting to be a witch was wanting to be the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz. If I had to be green and deal with monkeys, so be it.

It wasn’t till I found the witchcraft section of my small-town library that I discovered that witches were real, and I can learn to cast spells.

And then I found out about a goddess, Catholicism was way over for me.

I have been practicing for over 20 years now and only getting better every day.

Witchcraft Prompts

day 22

work is ok but for that one fuckwit who works there. i realized i think about him too much so i keep repeating "I call all my power back to me" to calm down and banish him away.

i don't have any magic on me when i'm at work so i need to make me come charms to keep shit away from me.

the weather has been wonderful. it feels like i'm in a horror movie this whole month.

it's been great to have November, with all the fall elements and no fucking Christmas being shoved down my throat.

McRibs still are evil.

i worry about my friends having enough money to survive while i'm living large, but not large enough to share.

day 18

i am tired.

this week has been hitting harder than usual.

i went to the river today. just took a right and went there. cleaned up some trash that fuckers had left and was gifted with 2 sticks, win win for everyone.

day 15

it hit me today.

it’s ungodly warm for November, the sun is shining, the leaves are at a contest falling off the tress that you only see in the movies, the ground is wet with leaves, in that sexy fall way, and it all come to a point that this has been the best November i have felt in a long time.

because i am not at the fucking store.

there is no hint of Christmas anywhere near me, there has been no talk about Black Friday or shopping or any other shit. it’s been November.

and when i mention plans and traditions for Thanksgiving/Christmas, no one is judging me for not doing it right.

i am living my best life right now.

day 2

last few years i have gotten a Halloween ritual that i love and feels right.

the biggest part of it is watching The VVitch. and this year, it hit me on why i love this movie so much.

i have always wanted to be a witch. it wasn’t just a Halloween costume, it was a goal, to be witch, to be like the Wicked Witch of the West, she was the end goal, green and monkeys if need be. that’s who i wanted to be when i grew up.

but witches weren’t real, only in the books and movies and all pure fantasy.

and then when i was 8, i found out about the Salem Witch Trials.

i don’t remember the book 100%. it was from my town’s library, it was from the children’s section, and problem written in the 70s or 80s, so the info wasn’t the best but it was there.

what i remember is the realization of witches are real and this happen here, where i live.

it would be another 20 years, or so, before i got bored and started reading all the books that same library had on the trials. i found them on the shelf and just started with the first on and went down the shelf.

and The VVitch is all that. it was this Halloween, in bed with Izzy, that i thought, little Amer would love this movie.

day 1

hello November.

driving home this morning, the sun was right and the leaves were colorful. the crows were out and i saw 2 deer.

it felt right.

and it was nice after the Halloween night i had.

after a brief pit-stop at a Taco Bell parking lot, near a roundabout, for the only magic i was doing that night, i was off to pick up Izzy and start the festivities.

there was pizza and pumpkin pie and ice cream and The VVitch and classic IT.

i had awoke at 6 Halloween morning and stayed up till midnight! whoot!

they are wonderful. i feel seen as a whole person.

and they are a whole person.

and i just need to stop being shy about things so things can go forward.

and i got other things going on in my head too.

November is going to be busy.

everything

i don’t know where to start.

i had my birthday weekend and it was rough. i got called out by the 2 most important people in the world, had my identity question, and just was rough.

it was the first time i was excited to go home after my visit.

i need to find a new hotel. i am haunted and i am not playing that game anymore.

not if I am taking Izzy with me next year.

i have plans for Halloween. i’m not going to be in my backyard, around a fire, watching The VVitch.

i will be with Izzy, watching The VVitch, in a hotel room.

it was their idea, the hotel room. originally it was just going be at his place but, they texted me, saying could get a room with 2 beds, i can leave whenever and fuck, what a gentlethem!

we haven’t done anything, not even hugging or holding hands and boom, third date in a hotel room, an overnight slumber party.

i am excited and kinda scared.

also, i came up with a spell to get rid of something. and i know it’s working all ready, before i even casted it.

i got my clothes picked out for Halloween. i know my makeup and i even got my horns out.

and i need to go to bed.

hello September!

hello September!

the weather cooled off and it’s getting nippy at times. last night i went to the backyard and tried to feel for Autumn. i didn’t, but it’s getting there.

tomorrow is the last full moon of summer and i am doing some magic. the three of us, me, Nicole, and Colt, have been lacking in physical contact of late (like 2 years ago being the avenge) and i made a spell for it. we all deserve some action, with benefits. what’s the point of being a witch if you can’t throw some magic out there for friends and yourself?

trying to set up a 2nd date with Izzy. first time i’ve used their name here. they use all the pronouns so, just watch out on the ones that pop up around them/him/her.

i like him. that’s all i can say right now. i like him, txting him is great, he’s a delight.

and that spell is to help things along…

i need to make a list of herbs i need in my stash of witchcraft supplies. i have no garlic or chili pepper in my stash. i need to look it over hard and make a list of what i need.

weekly update

i am moving by the smallest of inches.

i gave up on a “clean” August and had fun last night.

HE made me think of a poem and of witchcraft.

and the texting is getting a bit, risqué.

Colt calls him my boyfriend but i can firmly say he’s a crush. i do have a crush on him. it’s as far as i want to call it.

and with talking to the new kittens last night, there is a rule i need to tell HIM about.

i feed you, i touch you.

he fed me, he gets to touch me.

invest

i am still alive.

i think my clothes are all packed. i need to work on packing all the other things.

i need to make another round to make sure i have all the makeup that i need.

going for a cunty look, not county, especially with it being disco night at the bar.

and all the decks and chargers and toys and money and all the fun stuff.

and i need to pick out a purse.

so much to do in so little time.

we are moving forward

we are moving forward.

and yes, my pronoun is we.

i hit my goals for April, and with 7 days left, trying to get more done. i know i need to pack and all that for my trip but, let me sit for a hot min.

and it’s Disco Night at the bar! i haven’t been since 2023 and i am so ready for it! i know i’m going in with my county shit so, Urban Cowboy?

i want to work on my Book of Shadows (really thinking of renaming it) and my Book of Cartomancy today. need to put away the laundry, and start packing.

and work out.

so much to do, time to get going.

not county but cunty

Mom made my shirt. the material is small squares of various shades of pink plaids. i told her this was the shirt i was going to wear to the bar when i hit it with Nicole and Colt.

it’s done. it’s so more county looking then i thought it was going to be.

i can’t go goth in this shirt. i was almost wanting to chuck it and then i remember “not county but cunty.”

i have tried to look up Chappell Roan makeup looks and, i’m not made for this.

back to some bad ideas and throwing eye shadow on my face.