day 30

like Phantom said, “It’s over now, the music of the night!”

day 29

i didn’t give up on my 2025 goals. i’m going to call it that i did 90% of them and as years past i just gave up and burn things this time of year, i am doing better.

what didn’t get done in 2025, rolls over into 2026 so, here we go.

i am almost done with NoJoMo. it was trying but i think i have pulled it off.

i go back to work tomorrow. theses past 3 days have not been as grand as i had hoped.

day 28

i really need to sit and write out a real entry but, not tonight.

day 27

dsfghs

day 26

time to do drugs and take a shower.

day 25

my period started this morning.

that explains a lot about the last week.

day 24

i got my three-day weekend coming up and i am going to clean and cure myself.

day 23

somehow i still got burnt out, all right before Thanksgiving.

maybe i can chalk this up to my mind not feeling it but my body feeling it.

i really need to clean. i gotten into the cycle of “it’s bad/it makes me depressed/if i clean i’ll feel better/i’m too depressed to clean/it’s bad/it makes me depressed/if i clean i’ll feel better…”

i’m hoping that i get a 3-day weekend for Thanksgiving and can make a dent.

i need to go to bed.

day 22

work is ok but for that one fuckwit who works there. i realized i think about him too much so i keep repeating "I call all my power back to me" to calm down and banish him away.

i don't have any magic on me when i'm at work so i need to make me come charms to keep shit away from me.

the weather has been wonderful. it feels like i'm in a horror movie this whole month.

it's been great to have November, with all the fall elements and no fucking Christmas being shoved down my throat.

McRibs still are evil.

i worry about my friends having enough money to survive while i'm living large, but not large enough to share.

day 21

maybe tomorrow i’ll have the energy to write.

day 20

i am tired. time to take drugs and forget everything, at least for one night.

day 19

i need a day off.

day 18

i am tired.

this week has been hitting harder than usual.

i went to the river today. just took a right and went there. cleaned up some trash that fuckers had left and was gifted with 2 sticks, win win for everyone.

day 17

i am looking forward to my CD coming this week. then, i need to learn to rip it onto my phone. then one night this week, take a gummy and let the music wash over me and cleanse me of my sins.

i need to get cracking with my year goals. only got 84% of them done and i am hoping to make it to 90%. i am not going to kill myself getting them done but i want more.

it’s time to work on them and then to bed.

day 16

coming home from work, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” popped up on my Pandora. and before i could ask the question out loud, i said yes.

i have found what i’m looking for. i found happiness.

i was such a frog in boiling water when i was at that fucking store.

day 15

it hit me today.

it’s ungodly warm for November, the sun is shining, the leaves are at a contest falling off the tress that you only see in the movies, the ground is wet with leaves, in that sexy fall way, and it all come to a point that this has been the best November i have felt in a long time.

because i am not at the fucking store.

there is no hint of Christmas anywhere near me, there has been no talk about Black Friday or shopping or any other shit. it’s been November.

and when i mention plans and traditions for Thanksgiving/Christmas, no one is judging me for not doing it right.

i am living my best life right now.

day 14

fuck this, i wrote for my story.

day 13

time to shower and get high.

day 12

last night i upped the flirting game with Izzy.

it’s odd how my brain has been rewired (?) of late with starting this relationship. i’m not dating to marry, there is no white dress dream, there is no saying “I love you” but there are the real thoughts of kissing and things to happen between us.

 I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same

 

and i have been alone. it’s not the fact i broke up over a year now, it’s the fact the last year of my serious relationship lack love and affection.

and a lot of other things.

casual. it’s something new. something i’ve never really have done before.

i’m scared and excited. starting off my crone chapter of my life living out my Lover life.

day 11

i am cashing in my Fetch points early (not waiting for $50) to get Everybody Scream by Florence and the Machine. i hope to get it by next week.

i’m thinking that maybe i won’t make it to 30 days with my mind/body/soul. i’m so use to doing this meditation that that i am not getting into as much as i should. i’m going to try for 2 weeks and then see where i am from there. tonight makes it day 6 so, half way there.

i keep thinking of things for my new story while at work. maybe this weekend i will get a chance to put some stuff on paper.

and i really need to clean. trash is bad and i want to put all my laundry away and try to tidy up some things before the New Year.