the state of Amerwitch

and what state am i in?

i am still here. i am still here and i am still moving forward.

i pull my cards and i tell my story. the cards have never led me wrong, no matter the deck.

fall is done. i plan on warding once i post this. i need to work on some cleaning.

i need to gather the books i want to read and plot out how i am moving forward with my witchcraft.

i want to start working out. i need to carve out time for that.

i need to, overall, come up with a plan on how to get it all done: working out, cleaning, witchcraft, studying my new decks, crocheting.

i know a large part of that will be stop playing games and start focusing more on The Work.

and i know this is going to be a slow process, to get to that level.

it’s the matter of getting up and getting going.

and that’s i am going to do.

weekly update

by the math, i am done for the month, 54% done for the year, giving me a C+ grade.

go me.

i am moving forward and trying very hard to do things.

i received signs after warding the house. i think things are flowing towards me, higher powers and what not.

i need to get with crocheting some deck bags.

i need to get some work with other things….

i did get the hotel room booked!

and with that…

i don’t know what happen over the past 24 hours but i feel better.

i don’t know if this darkness just had to go over me or what. i feel better and lighter. i feel like i want to do things and get shit done!

and i got a new oracle deck today! the first card i saw made me cry so i know this is the deck for me.

this will be the one to fix all my problems…

i got a new look on my tarot post that i want to work on tomorrow. tonight, i very much want to crochet and watch the X-Men cartoon. the new one dropped and i’m not even done with the 1st season of the original show.

and i got a breath of my ideas for my own oracle deck. i want to write it down and possibly make the 1st card.

but right now, i need to get going on something to crochet while i watch my cartoons.

weekly update

i am 182% done for the month, 17% done for the year, giving me an A!

i almost got all of February goals done. i will as soon as i interview and crochet a bag for A Cozy Witch Tarot.

i did not like that guidebook but i love the artwork. it has made me rethink buying any of her witchcraft books.

i feel that i have nothing to add to the world and my voice doesn’t matter

i should tweet more, i should make an Instagram account to post pics, i should get back on TikTok and make some vids, i should post more on Tumblr, i should be writing more, i should be crocheting more, i should be working out more…

i should i should i should.

and in the all of it, i feel that i have nothing to add to the world and my voice doesn’t matter.

too many options and no where to go.

things

i need to sit down and look over my goals and put them in an order of doing them. maybe not all of them but a good chunk of them.

mostly the books to read and the decks to study. by putting them in an order i have a map and can start making some forward progress.

along with that, i can put my other goals into another list.

i keep throwing away my days off and i don’t know how to stop that. i deleted TikTok so maybe that will help…?

i am not. i am not doing all that i should do and i don’t know why i-

what happens if i have that “perfect” life that is always outside my reach? i achieve an order and cleanliness-

if cleanliness is next to godliness, fuck all if that’s not a devotion to my deity…

to shower, to catch up on The Last of Us and hopefully crochet in there.

my mind is moving too fast right now.

weekly uppdate

i’m 190% for the month, 32% for the year, giving me a A+ grade.

i am just not moving forward.

doing anything seems all lost to fucking Tic Tok.

what makes me not be on Tic Tok is pot.

it’s been a week of me taking a gummy on my nights off (Tuesday and Friday) and let me tell you, it’s been great.

i don’t hurt, i can feel my blood in my veins, time stops working but i can deal with that.

i felt better the whole week. i didn’t feel the need for my plain gummys, i don’t remember the last time i drank. just having a gummy twice a week has improved my well-being.

i got all caught up with my TV. i got a book read/deck studied. hopefully i will crochet while watching The Last of Us.

blar

i don’t feel like writing.

i have been crocheting. i got most of the bags for my new decks done. i know i am doing this out of order but i don’t care anymore.

i need to start a tarot study notebook to make into my Codex. tomorrow i am fucking FINALLY getting Tarot of the Owls! let’s recap this drama.

• summer 2022: preorder the deck. was told i would get it March 23.
• January 1st: got an email that i would get the deck on the 17th.
• January 17th: i get an email saying that i would be getting the deck tonight but in March.
• January 18th: i tweet the artist and she said that preorders are saying February. i look, still getting mine in March. i order the deck anew, and that says February. i cancel my March order and wait till February.
• January 19th: new date is now the 31st.
• January 22nd: now it’s the 27th
• January 24th: now it’s Thursday.

SO, WE WILL WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW NIGHT!

off we go into the night.

i need to do more

i’ve added 2 more things i want to do this year. it’s only to get yard better and to make everything cleaner.

i did get my outdoor altar up. moded a bit of things in my yard. hope to use it this spring.

i need to get my decks together and the yarns and start working on that.

i’m still waiting on a deck to come in. hopefully it will be here by April.

and i have books coming.

and i am $2.12 (i think) of having the funds to buy 3 more decks.

i need to move more on my days off. moving more now means i can rest more latter.

i need to look into buying yarn for Shelby’s afghan.

i need to do more.

weekly update

hi.

after PRIDE comes wraith, right?

this county is on fire and i am throwing in the towel for now.

i deleted TicTok. it was getting too much for me, fun skit, people losing their rights, ad. i couldn’t take it anymore.

i was doom scrolling as the children call it.

and it was eating at my soul.

and i didn’t get shit down for June.

today was a challenge. i put on a random YouTube music video playlist on my TV and got back to 20/10, a la Unfuck Your Habitat and got shit done. i made a good dent and it’s cleaner.

and you want some witch tips? clean your fucking living space. get a bucket and a mop and CLEAN! you will be amazed how much you feel better after you vacuum.

and for today this week’s update! i am 76% done for the month (and i will get above 100% this month), 44% for the year, giving me a D- grade! my new routine for this month is a day of reading, working out, meditating, and rest. i did ok with that just 3 last month but i am adding reading into it this month.

let’s get this shit show going.

weekly update

i’m to 88% done for the month, still at 44% for the year, still a D grade.

still reading Dune, i am crocheting more, and i got my head right and i am meditating.

meditating, there’s something there. i don’t know what but i keep seeing something.

need to clean my living space.

want to write, don’t know what to write.

i got my Book of Shadows printed off and put together. i need to work on my Book of Cartomancy. that might take some time, seeing i’m going to have to write some things instead of printing all of it.

i have started working on my afghan again. that is slow going but it is going.

and i am reading Dune. i just don’t see what makes this book so freaking great.

and no way would Zendaya end up with Timothée Chalamet. i’m team Tom Holland all the way.

i want to start writing. i have these characters in my head and i don’t know their names.

and there is world building and i’m making it queer as fuck! no straights are in this story! PRIDE!!!

i need a drink.

blar

i went crazy and went back to the trailer and found 13/14 boxes of stuff.

3 were just yarn.

i have too much stuff.

i have added redoing my closet on my ToDoList. i know there are stuff i need to look at and think if i need it or not.

i need to work out more.

i want to get that ab lounger out and see if having that here will help me.

theses 5 days off have been wonderful. and now that’s Matthew’s back home, i feel peace here.

i know there is more of life i want but i suffer from executive dysfunction too much to do anything.

even now, i want to hit 8,000 words by writing this and have stopped within so close to it.

fuck it. time to get some shit done.

weekly update

105% done for the month, 35% for the year, giving me a C- grade! i’m passing!

i have been working on my #ToDoList mostly this week. that, and watching Yellowstone and crocheting. trying to read at work.

i did take the books i have not read off my bookshelf and look, i have room!

i need to read more. i have been. slowly and surely.

not that much of a move up but it’s still moving up.

always trying to move up.

cold and rain

i need to do more card readings. i don’t know why i am stopping myself from doing them.

i did get some cleaning down today. Matthew will be here Friday night and i don’t want the place all crap before he gets here.

i have been plotting out a new idea for a story. this one made be get my Pathfinder game book out. i have a lot of parts and i just need to get them in a line.

i did plot out how i am going to get to get all my 2022 goals down. its 3 a month for the rest of the year. i hope to get them done sooner than that.

i do hope with Matthew here, we can get summer sorted out and the Strange Weekend planned out. i am nervous about things of it and there is the real-life parts happening.

haven’t done Springfield since Endgame.

i feel the need to be witchy but this weather is all cold and rain. maybe this weekend…

i need to shower and crochet.

weekly update

90% for the month, 30% for the year, giving me a D-grade!

the big thing was getting done with the study on True Heart Intuitive Tarot and making crocheting the bag for it. all i have to do is interview it (i get to break it in in May)!

and that is the 3 main goals for this month.

plotting what goals i want to work on has given me a better aim. this month was getting the studying, crocheting the bag, and interviewing of True Heart Intuitive Tarot. i have plotted out what i need to get done for next month and we’ll wait to see what June brings us.

also, giving myself a ToDoList has given me real direction on what i need/want to get done.

and we are off to get more then

spring cleaning

am i done with the cleaning? the big ugly cleaning, yes. yes, i am done with that.

i just need to tidy up a bit on Saturday and then, done?

because one is never done with cleaning. it is a never-ending cycle of war.

i got my monthly To Do List half way done today.

and i forget that we are barley a week into April…

i am doing good.

the way my 2022 goals are lined out, erp.

one goal is to read 6 books and another goal is to study the True Heart tarot. studying the True Heart tarot, interviewing the deck, and crocheting a bag is part of my monthly goals, and the money goals are part of the year goals, and studying the book is reading a book for 6 books to read, and see how it’s all connected?

is it cheating? no. it’s being smarter.

now i must go and do at lest 3 more things on my To Do List before i go to bed. how about watching the last 3 episodes of Our Flag Means Death? and i can crochet while watching, so that works on another goal!

better?

i’ve spent the day, running all over, getting oil change, car inspected, ad my fucking tags.

i fucking adulted today!

and i switch out my heavy hoodie for my thinner hoodie. its this a sign of real spring?

and then i remember a part of why i love fall.

fall is a transitive season, going from hot to cold with lots of wind and ups and downs. spring is the same way.

and i am ready for it. i am ready for spring and warmer weather.

and maybe that’s my head space problem. maybe i’m getting my own version of SAD, when the season won’t change and i need them to change.

i think i am getting better, if only a bit. i need to do more cards, i need to read, i need to crochet.

i need to work on my 2022 goals!

weekly update

i am 19% done with my year goals, making it 114% for the month! go me!

my weight is going up and that i am not happy about.

i’ve been off this whole week due to Matthew and weather and my period is starting up next week. i did just finish a mini workout and might do more, just to get my steps up.

i started working on my afghan. i started study the True Heart Intuitive Tarot. i have a plan on my Pride flag, i want that done BEFORE Pride.

i have 4 goals DONE with 8 goals in progress.

and my progress ones are the ones i am proud of. i am working on many goals, all at the same time.

i am making forward progress, inches and inches, becoming better, hitting marks, i will be successful this year!

more work that is fun and less play that is not fun

so, i have tried to decide on something and last night showed me what i should be doing.

instead of wasting my time on playing a game for an hour that really don’t being me much happiness now, i’m going to try to write for that time. there’s a story that’s being loud and writing itself in my head that i need to get on paper.

and i really need to get my afghan up and going. i need to sit down and start crocheting at night instead of eating at night. over the 4 days i was snowed in, i gain all the weight i had lost. i know i am worth more than numbers on a scale but i am waning smaller numbers. move more, eat less, become a better version of myself.

let’s get this day going and see where it will take me.