There’s the internet meme of “I’m just random number of random animals in a trench coat” and I never fully gotten it till now.
Last year I broke up with my boyfriend of 14 years. The last few months I’m been texting a guy I met off Tinder. Me and this guy have very similar taste in things and I’m just loving it. I met him at PRIDE and, he’s real and a fully formed person.
This past spring, I went on a rewatch of The Sopranos. That was the Ex’s fav show. I watched it once when we were dating and enjoyed it.
This time it was different. I saw all the things that the Ex had just copied whole from the show into his personality.
There is always a line from one of the Ex’s fav movies that keep blaring in my head, “...there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman…”
And I keep thinking about the idea of the Ex.
I can trace back parts of my personality to where it “started.” Watching The Wizard of Oz every year and wanting to be the Wicked Witch of the West, that got me into witchcraft. My mom’s choice of music influenced mine, Meat Loaf and Bob Seager. Another ex introduced me to Buffy and that led into wanting to see Avengers and the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe. Nicole led to Bowie. Marching band gave me Phantom of the Opera. My sister gave me Supernatural.
But! That is just pinpointing when those items were introduced to me. I still had the power to say no. And furthermore, I took those items and made them my own.
I watched too much M*A*S*H, read The Bell Jar, and watched Dr. No and that led me to vodka martinis and vodka as a whole.
The Ex just mashed up Patrick Batman and Tony Soprano.
I am a whole person.
The new guy is a whole person.
This is what I have been missing for a long time.
how am i?
not good bitch.
i think stress is slowly eating at me and i don’t know what to do to stop it beside just start heavily drinking every night.
the one place is out of my CBD gummies. i got some destressing things from store and i don’t know how well they will work. i took some this morning and didn’t see any difference. will try again tomorrow night.
i even skipped a day of cards. i know that is not a good sign.
i did get my crafting table cleared off, and my side desk organized. i think i need to so my main desk next (if not tonight) to get things looking better.
i am working on 2025 goals right now. i’m 2ish % done for the next year and keep working on things.
i worked on my oracle deck yesterday. i need to make a spread sheet for it and print off what i have done and give it a look over. maybe send some info to Nicole for a second set of eyes.
AND! i got Colt to agree to watch Buffy. it took me some 20 mins and i am to watch Once Upon a Time to boot.
20 mins. it took breaking up for Matthew to start watching Peaky Blinders, after years of me telling him he would like it.
Colt is showing me what a real man is. he is setting the bar very high for any dude who wants to partner up with me.
i am trying to watch Dune so i can move onto the Bene Gesserit show that is out now.
How can I overcome my fears?
8 of Chalices. I just need to. Just get over them and go.
What do my relationships need?
9 of Scythes. They need a lot of work.
3 Card Spread
Inhale: Queen of Scythes. I need to find my power and take hold of it.
Hold: Revered 10 of Scythes. Hold onto that fucking power of fight!
Exhale: 8 of Scythes. Let go of the chains and become free!
