whole

There’s the internet meme of “I’m just random number of random animals in a trench coat” and I never fully gotten it till now.

Last year I broke up with my boyfriend of 14 years. The last few months I’m been texting a guy I met off Tinder. Me and this guy have very similar taste in things and I’m just loving it. I met him at PRIDE and, he’s real and a fully formed person.

This past spring, I went on a rewatch of The Sopranos. That was the Ex’s fav show. I watched it once when we were dating and enjoyed it.

This time it was different. I saw all the things that the Ex had just copied whole from the show into his personality.

There is always a line from one of the Ex’s fav movies that keep blaring in my head, “...there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman…”

And I keep thinking about the idea of the Ex.

I can trace back parts of my personality to where it “started.” Watching The Wizard of Oz every year and wanting to be the Wicked Witch of the West, that got me into witchcraft. My mom’s choice of music influenced mine, Meat Loaf and Bob Seager. Another ex introduced me to Buffy and that led into wanting to see Avengers and the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe. Nicole led to Bowie. Marching band gave me Phantom of the Opera. My sister gave me Supernatural.

But! That is just pinpointing when those items were introduced to me. I still had the power to say no. And furthermore, I took those items and made them my own.

I watched too much M*A*S*H, read The Bell Jar, and watched Dr. No and that led me to vodka martinis and vodka as a whole.

The Ex just mashed up Patrick Batman and Tony Soprano.

I am a whole person.

The new guy is a whole person.

This is what I have been missing for a long time.

Bless me Mother, I went to PRIDE

“Bless me Mother, I went to PRIDE.”

“TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!”

“I was so out of my element. And there were so many people there and furries.”

“In this weather?”

“And there was a lot of tails...”

“Tell me about HIM.”

“I want to preface this with they use any pronouns and I am just going with he/him for the time being.”

“Fair. What about HIM?”

“And now my brain goes blank.”

“Just start shooting.”

“He was all over the place because he was a volunteer for PRIDE. He also said he volunteers for the Trevor Project.”

“Wow.”

“HE like the Phantom movie and Gerard Butler as Phantom.”

“Oh gods.”

“He vapes and was wearing off brand crocs.”

“Is there any good news?”

“This morning my brain kept keeps going to back to one thought about last night.

“I met a fully formed person. This person was built on the life they lived. This was a choose your own adventure where it went off the rails and end at PRIDE.

“Matthew is not fully formed. I said after rewatching The Sopranos, I see so much he copied off that show as his personality. That and American Psycho.

“And HIM is fully formed?”

“I think of it as I am joining HIS show at season 38 and I am trying to play catch up. Kinda like dropping into the middle of Supernatural and trying to catch all the lore without watching all the back seasons.”

“HE’s got a lot of catching up with you. But that will be for another time. Where are you going from here?”

“I want to get to know HIM better. I think this could be a friendship.”

“And?”

“I want to start there. I realized that while I thought the whole purity culture didn’t affect me but I got some things I need to unpack.”

“Well then. What is our next step?”

“Keep on txting. See what happens next.”

“Loose with all the plans?”

“¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

“Bitch.”

Witchy Prompts, Day 17

Do you associate certain Gods with specific songs? Share them!

 

I think David Bowie is one of the Higher Powers so his music is divine.

I think of Thor (more of the Marvel one) when I hear AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck”.

Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote Jesus Christ Superstar, a whole musical version of a passion play.

There are songs that make me think of Deity over all, like the story of the “Hallelujah Chorus”. It’s said when Handel got writing that part, he was crying because it just poured out of him so fast.

There is the overall feeling I feel when I use to perform in a Baptist church orchestra and certain songs, especially when the choir joined us, that I felt the spirit coming down over us.

And that is my view on music, overall. I use the term “It felt like church” when I went to Ozzfest. The way Hatebreed and Disturbed person and conducted themselves on stage, I felt the Spirit there.

I just need to think on this more and write how I see music and the Great Divine work together.

 Prompts Found Here.