we are moving forward

we are moving forward.

and yes, my pronoun is we.

i hit my goals for April, and with 7 days left, trying to get more done. i know i need to pack and all that for my trip but, let me sit for a hot min.

and it’s Disco Night at the bar! i haven’t been since 2023 and i am so ready for it! i know i’m going in with my county shit so, Urban Cowboy?

i want to work on my Book of Shadows (really thinking of renaming it) and my Book of Cartomancy today. need to put away the laundry, and start packing.

and work out.

so much to do, time to get going.

weekly update

i am 92% done for the month, 17% done for the year, giving me a F.

i have started working out. it ain’t much but it is something.

i have gotten back with working on the witchcraft. i want that done before i start reading other books.

i got the last of the Seasons of the Witch decks. i’m excited to get them studied and start the next level of my cartomancy and witchcraft.

i have my gift card for Chili’s and ready to go see Captain America. i am going by myself. i know i will be ok with that.

there’s things i want to write about but, i don’t know if i’m ready for that or if it needs to see the light of day.

it’s funny there’s things i don’t think i can’t say to Colt and Nicole but i can write them and push it out onto the internet.

the state of Amerwitch

and what state am i in?

i am still here. i am still here and i am still moving forward.

i pull my cards and i tell my story. the cards have never led me wrong, no matter the deck.

fall is done. i plan on warding once i post this. i need to work on some cleaning.

i need to gather the books i want to read and plot out how i am moving forward with my witchcraft.

i want to start working out. i need to carve out time for that.

i need to, overall, come up with a plan on how to get it all done: working out, cleaning, witchcraft, studying my new decks, crocheting.

i know a large part of that will be stop playing games and start focusing more on The Work.

and i know this is going to be a slow process, to get to that level.

it’s the matter of getting up and getting going.

and that’s i am going to do.

i want

i want to write more. i have my two projects i am working on now, “The Work” and my Supernatural/Schitt's Creek fic. i know i want to make the fic smutty. never done that before but, here’s to new things.

i want to write more about my witchcraft. i’ve been doing this for 20 years, i should be writing about it.

also, tarot. i have ideas, i want to put words on paper.

and my blog. i feel that i keep too much inside and that is not healthy for me.

i really want to get cleaned and organized with my lair. i got a part cleaned up after an depressing October and, i feel so much better for it.

i want to work out more. i want to get back to the moving meditation of dancing in my underwear. i miss that.

and, just plain meditation. i want to get into that groove.

going back to working out, i want to get stronger. i got some videos stashed away and i know it will be a slow walk up a hill, but to get to the top!

and another tattoo. i have it planed out and there is an idea for a third.

so, why all this? why post all these ideas?

Wednesday morning the thought of suicide crossed my mind. and the day spend half doom scrolling and cleaning and today it hit me.

i am queer. no matter how i slice the cake, i am queer. i am who ThEy are coming for. i am who ThEy want gone.

and no, it’s not happening. i feel that i can’t do anything to change the greater world but, that’s not who i am. i am very much “Keep your backyard tidy before fucking with your neighbor’s.” and that’s what i’m doing.

i am working on myself, as an act of defiance. me becoming a better person, a better queer person, being out there in this red state i live in, living my best life, laughing at the fuckers, that is an act of defiance.

is this all i can do? motherfucker, i am trying my best. i am not helping anyone by living in a pit of despair. let me get out of this pit, then i can fuck someone up.

weekly update

i am 90% done for the week, 41% for the year, giving me a D.

the reason is because i added 3 goals for the year.

by July i want to use my oracle deck!

my one big win is this is the 2nd day this month that i am below 280 lbs!

i am kicking ass!

weekly update

small steps equal some progress.

i’m 99% done for the month, 66% done for the year giving me a B- grade.

i’m still needing some get up and go with my life. i am moving inches but i want to move more.

but i am moving more. i am trying dancing as a moving mediation. i’m blasting Florance and the Machine and feel like i’m praying.

so i do have some things going better then i thought. that’s why i write, to keep track of shit.

time to get up and move.

how we doing?

how we doing?

i am ok. i don’t know if last week was PMS or what but i feel like things are going forward. i am moving inches and it feels great.

and there is a strong call of meditate yelling at me. i am going to try some moving mediation by cranking the music and just dancing. i think it’s a step and maybe i’ll get some thoughts going.

i do need to work on the list i made and did not do on Wednesday. i will chalk that up to period pain and move forward on Saturday.

i want things to be better by Fall and, that may not happen but i know i can get it better. i have plans and idea and i see the bigger picture.

it’s a matter of working on a small corner to get to the bigger picture.

weekly update

i’m 102% done for the month, 60% done for the year, giving me a B- grade.

my weight went up in a not good way. i need to start a workout routine and stick with it.

i did try something fun last night. i wrote for 30 mins and worked on card reading for 30 mins. i got shit done and it was great.

big thing i want to do this month is get my closet cleaned out and study the Mabon deck i got.

weekly update

well, it’s been a week.

i’m 129% done for the month, 54% done for the year, giving me a A- grade.

today i got above 300 lbs again and i am not happy about that.

i need to get back to working out. i am trying to keep up with watching what i eat but my workouts are a big fail.

i also need to crack down and get shit done. i make list and plans and it all goes away and down the drain with a game of Age of Mythology.

my cards call me out about this week and i kinda ignore them. today’s reading:

Cards of the Day: Chariot, Tower, Dr. Strange, Valkyrie, Witches Hanging Rope, and Fire Element.

I had 2 Tarot cards fall out and just picked 2 cards from the other decks.

6 cards to tell me what?

This past week has not been the best for me and my cards are calling me out on that. I am a bad ass who has control over the things that are pulling me into a darken blar. I need to use my power and get myself better.

and i pray i can get there.

weekly update

i’m 119% done for the month, 50% for the year, giving me a B grade.

i really haven’t done much.

i am mostly waiting for the end of my Marvel Weekend and coming back ready to put in the new work.

i will get back to the working out, keeping track what i eat, and the start of mediation.

keep on reading Crafting a Daily Practice and start that work. back it up with Kissing the Limitless. maybe get another book into the mix to try to become a better person.

i got to get up and get my hair cut, pack, and do some witchcraft for this trip.

:-)

weekly update

i’m 143% done for the month, 48% for the year, giving me a A grade.

the way i am plotting out things, i think i am going to try to get back to meditation, again. one of my goals is to read Inner Temple and that would be a great way to get going on that.

i’m down 13 pounds. if i start the arm workout, i might see improvements by October. that gives me incentive to get going and look hotter for my birthday.

i am looking forward to Springfield, so fucking hard this year. i want to start packing, now.

oOo, there is witchcraft i need to do to be ready for Springfield!

weekly update

i’m 132% done for the month, 33% for the year, still a B- grade.

the big win is that when i weigh myself this morning, i was below 300.

i was 299.8.

it has been a long time since i was in the 200’s and i am thrilled by it.

now to keep it and to keep losing it.

i need to work on my #ToDoList and clean some shit.

stuff

where do i start?

Matthew came up last week, ate all my food, and over all we had a good time. we saw Grandma and Ant-Man and we went to the weed store and i got a bag of gummys…

yeah, that was its own trip.

i like the store, have recommended it. it was my first one and it was a good experience. the gummys are a variety pack and i tried the a half one of the full power one (i am treating this very carefully and trying to write down what is going on because, SCIENCE!) and it was great! i felt so wonderful and free and it was great.

last night i tired half a gummy of the half power and it was ok. longer to do things and still felt good. still have one more flavor/level to try.

i have rethought of doing workouts as calling it my Dora Milaje training. now, i feel a need to do it and try my best at it. i am aiming for 4 days a week of doing something and so far, so good.

maybe the feel of limbo is still over me but i am working on moving forwards.

weekly update

new month, new goals, i’m 170% for the month, 28% for the year, giving me just an A grade this go around.

i’m a stopping point, no that’s not it.

the cards keep coming up as limbo and i don’t know why. i am working on my tarot notebook and that is not lending itself to moving number ups but i am working!

i want to get the tarot notebook done, then start studying the decks i have. along the way, work out this week.

and do a reading to find out what the fuck is up with this theme of limbo that’s over me.

To get Better

I want to be Better.

To be Better, I need to put in The Work.

To put in The Work, I need to work.

And that is the stopping stone.

From the top, what will happen to me if/when I am Better?

Define Better: being better means a clean living space, working out, a daily practice of my religion, a sense that my time off is dedicated to creativity and not to catching up with life.

Clean living space- it means what it means. Everything is put away, trash gone, closet organized, bathroom sparkles, there is no need for overhaul, just upkeep. Clean to let Babies come down. Clean so Colt can visit.

Working Out- putting in the time to move my body to get healthier, to get stronger.

Daily practice- become more magickal. To connect to what is out there, establish ties to the other worlds, aspire to a higher life. I want to my Mystical!

Time off- I feel I don’t own my time. I feel that because I don’t do “The Work” because WORK is soul-sucking, eye bleeding, mind-destroying, I need “Rest,” and then I feel guilty about “Rest” as I see it as laziness, that fucking Puritan thought-form.

I don’t come from Puritan. I come from English Quakers and German Lutherans.

I need to reset my thought into action. Easier said than done.

This power has to come from within, in a long, slow, painful procedure.

To get Better.

weekly update

hi.

after PRIDE comes wraith, right?

this county is on fire and i am throwing in the towel for now.

i deleted TicTok. it was getting too much for me, fun skit, people losing their rights, ad. i couldn’t take it anymore.

i was doom scrolling as the children call it.

and it was eating at my soul.

and i didn’t get shit down for June.

today was a challenge. i put on a random YouTube music video playlist on my TV and got back to 20/10, a la Unfuck Your Habitat and got shit done. i made a good dent and it’s cleaner.

and you want some witch tips? clean your fucking living space. get a bucket and a mop and CLEAN! you will be amazed how much you feel better after you vacuum.

and for today this week’s update! i am 76% done for the month (and i will get above 100% this month), 44% for the year, giving me a D- grade! my new routine for this month is a day of reading, working out, meditating, and rest. i did ok with that just 3 last month but i am adding reading into it this month.

let’s get this shit show going.

weekly update

i have 87% done for the month, putting me at 44% done for the year, a D grade for now.

i am working my ass off to get Dune done right now. i play the movie and i read the book. it seems to help me. i’m 91% done with the book and i am so ready to be out of the sand.

i need to start meditating. i can’t seem to get to that lvl yet.

i have been working out. that’s a plus. i am seeing results from that. good results.

need to get off this blog and onto working on my goals!

moving

my goals have been moving forward very well.

i spent part of the day printing off things for my Book of Cartomancy. i think i can get it down this Saturday.

at work i’ve been watching Dune while reading Dune. it puts me in the right head space to read that fucking book.

i don’t get it. i don’t get why this book is suppose to be the greatest sci-fi book.

i want to start writing or at lest plotting this new story i got cooking. after the queer media i am soaking up right now, this book will there be queer as fuck. will there be any cis, straight people in it? why?

OH! and because this is my own fantasy world i am building, the queers are out and welcome.

i know i need to make it not all white people. that is gonna be a bit tricky but i think i can pull it off.

if i can just start meditating…

weekly update

i start the month off with a 79% done for the month, 40% done for the year, giving me a F+ grade.

what is killing me is that no matter what, me losing weight is not happening. i am trying to work out more. i have been working on eating better.

i feel that i am doing what i’m supposed to do and nothing is happening.

i need to work on my #ToDoList today.

is there a shift in me?

is there a shift in me?

i set the timer for 5 mins. when it goes off, i’m going to do a 10 min walking workout to get steps in and to count as my new objection.

i really want to set a plan for this summer of me doing 1 of 3 things a night: working out, meditating, or resting.

the cards last month kept hinting at that i should be meditating. and i said i would and not do it.

i don’t know why i’m being so hardheaded on this idea. i also know that i tend to be want to meditate more in the summer than any other time.

it is June and that’s a sign that it is summer.

maybe this is the shift i’ve been waiting for.