weekly update

i am 95% done for September, 69% done for the year, giving me a B-.

what happen to August? we don’t talk about him.

and my seasonal depression is flaring up early this year.

i have a date Sunday. it’s a 1st date and it’s the first 1st date i’ve been in 25 years.

i’m now getting stressed and nervous about it. i had an outfit picked out and now, i don’t know.

i need to throw cards.

weekly no update

there is really nothing to update.

i have hit a stuck part. didn’t want to but here i am.

card of the month said so…

i need to get up and get going with something.

weekly update

weekly update

 

i am 112% done with June’s goals, 61% for the year, giving me a B!

by tomorrow i’ll be 97% done with July’s goal.

i have been doing so much thinking about everything this past month.

i was off for 3 days in a row and didn’t do anything. i don’t need to do that any more.

i’m happy. i did not realized how much working at ThE sToRe was killing me till i was gone of it.

my new job is no thought, just do. same thing every day, nothing wild or crazy dropping on me, out of the blue. no one is a cheerleader/drank the Kool-Aid/joined the cult.

i met someone, a real human and not “…there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman…”. i keep asking if this is how a relationship is suppose to be.

i want to date him.

i want other things.

also, today the random memory of how “On My Own” and “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” were my themes and songs one semester.

i am so not that bitch any more.

the cards keep telling me that part of the healing is moving onto the next level. i have done that and i need to.

i wanted to be better, and now that i am, i am wasting it.

no, that’s makes me the same before the healing.

fuck…..

I am coming out of my cage and I feel fine...

I am coming out of my cage and I feel fine.

 

I wrote. That’s usually get the demons out of my head. I wrote and they are still here.

(Still waters run deep)

There are not just two wolves but a thousand voices, each trying me, each of the in conflict.

Am I looking for red flags? Am I trying to make res flags.

 and then there is sex… 

On paper, he’s perfect. We have similar taste. His choice of music isn’t shit. We are comparable.

I feel I need to decide everything right now. Black and white, yes and no, decide everything, right now.

I think this could lead to a friendship.

He’s unabashedly queer.

A friendship that might grow into something.

It’s the idea of something casual and not dating to marry.

What is casual? Can I do casual?

Can I just enjoy the feeling?

Am I just waiting for the bad shit to happen/waiting to end it all do it don’t?

He is a fully formed person. Have I ever dated a fully formed person?

Is that it? He’s fully formed and I don’t know what to do with that?

 (Throw some damn cards…) 

I don’t know how to do a relationship with a fully formed person, due to lack of experience. It’s my lack of experience that had made me feel incapable to compete with the ghost of relationships past and future, when I am the ghost of now. I am waiting to be called the fraud I am and dismissed. There is no imposter syndrome, I am an imposter and mask as an adult who had been around the block a lot, where I am barely at a high school level.

Fuck.

invest

i am still alive.

i think my clothes are all packed. i need to work on packing all the other things.

i need to make another round to make sure i have all the makeup that i need.

going for a cunty look, not county, especially with it being disco night at the bar.

and all the decks and chargers and toys and money and all the fun stuff.

and i need to pick out a purse.

so much to do in so little time.

we are moving forward

we are moving forward.

and yes, my pronoun is we.

i hit my goals for April, and with 7 days left, trying to get more done. i know i need to pack and all that for my trip but, let me sit for a hot min.

and it’s Disco Night at the bar! i haven’t been since 2023 and i am so ready for it! i know i’m going in with my county shit so, Urban Cowboy?

i want to work on my Book of Shadows (really thinking of renaming it) and my Book of Cartomancy today. need to put away the laundry, and start packing.

and work out.

so much to do, time to get going.

20 years

“As the Earth holds me. As the Sky sees me. As the Sun rises within me. I step out to greet the Day.”

 

last week marked the 20th anniversary of me being a witch. and reading Evolutionary Witchcraft is showing me how much i have grown as a witch and as a human.

i am not the same bitch i was, with a Silver RavenWolf book in one hand and that was pretty much it. i thought i knew everything, with that one book.

20 years later, do i know everything now? fuck no. do i want to know everything? not really.

what have i learned? i path is very tarot heavy. that is my one magic i do daily.

am i where i want to be as a witch? no. i am hoping that this year i will get there. i am reading and studying and moving forward.

and now, i need to do The Work.

sping ahead

“I am worthy of love and happiness. I deserve all the good things that come into my life.
I trust in my ability to overcome challenges and grow stronger with each experience.
I choose to focus on the present moment and let go of worries about the past or future.
I am surrounded by love and support. I am connected with the universe and guided by its wisdom.”

 

i hit my goals for the month. anything more i do is just bonus points and less work in December.

i am working. i am done with the deck studying for the year and i started in on my witchcraft books. read it all, then go back and think about it and hit it again.

i am moving forward. it took a while but with the new season coming, i got to get going. and i am. i got shit done today, even after working upstairs. i can do this. an inch a day will get me there faster then nothing at all.

go me.

weekly update

i am 112% done for the month, 20% done for the year, giving me a D. whoot.

i am trying to do things in an organized order. i think in years past, i was spreading myself thin, trying to do it all, at once, get burned out, and then quit it all together.

and i really need to get my ass in gear with some goals. i need to work on Feral Witchcraft before i can start reading some of my books. i want to get done studying my new decks before i start making my own.

i have been using my snow days to get cleaning done. once that is done (kitchen and witchcraft cabinet really needs it) upkeep will be easy. and then more time for me.

there are still things i need to do, i just don’t know what to do.

first, get some The Work done and then, cleaning.

weekly update

i am 99% done for the month, 18% done for the year, giving me a F+. whoot!

i am very much looking forward to my big VD celebration this weekend. i hope to do all i have plan.

i have ideas and there seems to be a block in them. i know my card of the month is the Hanged Man but i am trying hard to make inches forward.

maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s work, maybe it’s Colt, but the blars is getting bad. there is good veins of good here but, the rest can drag a bitch down.

weekly update

i am 92% done for the month, 17% done for the year, giving me a F.

i have started working out. it ain’t much but it is something.

i have gotten back with working on the witchcraft. i want that done before i start reading other books.

i got the last of the Seasons of the Witch decks. i’m excited to get them studied and start the next level of my cartomancy and witchcraft.

i have my gift card for Chili’s and ready to go see Captain America. i am going by myself. i know i will be ok with that.

there’s things i want to write about but, i don’t know if i’m ready for that or if it needs to see the light of day.

it’s funny there’s things i don’t think i can’t say to Colt and Nicole but i can write them and push it out onto the internet.

weekly update

i’m 144% done for the month, 13% for the year, giving me a C+.

i think my goals are set for the year. things keep popping up and i need to change things.

the lair is almost base clean. i just need to hit the kitchen.

the more i get into the various Seasons of the Witch decks, the more i keep getting excited about how this is gonna change how i want to practice.

i know the next month brings a new program, for lack of word. going with the mind/body/soul theory of working on each one, one day at a time, making forward progress and moving inches.

time to get up and do some shit.

1/1/2025

hello.

yesterday i was working myself into a worrying fit over this year. and then it hit me. i don’t need to worry because the cards will tell me what’s what.

and i threw them last night and i need to go over it all.

the theme of this year is Sacred Opossum. finishing up Dune: Prophecy, i really want to live that life of a nun/witch who is a studious bitch. i want books and notebooks and be learning.

and that will take time and effort. time i have, effort i am working on.

i also want my lair to be clean. i have let things fall off the trail and i want to get back onto it.

and i am going to get up and start getting shit done.

Bless me Mother Feral, I need to vent.

“Bless me Mother Feral, I need to vent.”

“Mother Feral? Is that my name now?”

“Works for me.”

*takes a shot* “Hit me.”

“I’m getting a lot of feels as 2024 ends and 2025 is getting ready to start. I know I’m a witch and I can do stuff but I feel like I shouldn’t/don’t do anything.”

“So not to jink the year?”

“Yes and no.”

“Keep going.”

“Well, it took me a long time but I got a grip on what the theme 2025 is going to be.”

“Sacred Opossum.”

“Yeah. With Agatha All Alone, Dune: Prophecy, and UNEND, the idea of groups of witches, learning and growing just hit me. I want to be do that. I want a year of studying.”

“A year and a day?”

“Oh, I didn’t even think about that. I got the books for it.”

“And a list of goals that you are working on.”

“I made a bingo card out of them. I’m hoping that gives me a boost to get shit done.”

“You seem to be going into this year with hope.”

“It’s not like that. I don’t think.

“It’s more of, there’s a shit show coming and I feel that the best I can do is to fully work on myself. I don’t know where I heard it from but queer joy is going to be an act of rebellion. That the happier I can make myself, the more it will be a fuck you to the shit storm.”

“You’re not becoming a Hermit are you?”

“Maybe? Fool and Hermit feels like the combo I’m feeling and that’s why I came up with Sacred Opossum.”

“What about dating?”

“What about dating?”

“Well, you been single for almost a year and things tried to happen and you stopped them.”

“I had many learning experiences this past year and I will be applying the knowledge I have learn going forward.”

“You going to burn that candle that was part of the love spell you did on Halloween?”

“There’s going to be a lot of witchcraft going on next year. Lots of cards and books and building altars and writing..”

“Sounds like a full-time job. Maybe you won’t have time to burn that love spell candle.”

“Maybe I’ll do it to spite the fuck out of you.”

“Spite and anger are twins. And you are always angry.”

“That’s my secret.”

“Do you want penance?”

“Naw. I’m going to catch up on my shows and call it a night.”

the state of Amerwitch

and what state am i in?

i am still here. i am still here and i am still moving forward.

i pull my cards and i tell my story. the cards have never led me wrong, no matter the deck.

fall is done. i plan on warding once i post this. i need to work on some cleaning.

i need to gather the books i want to read and plot out how i am moving forward with my witchcraft.

i want to start working out. i need to carve out time for that.

i need to, overall, come up with a plan on how to get it all done: working out, cleaning, witchcraft, studying my new decks, crocheting.

i know a large part of that will be stop playing games and start focusing more on The Work.

and i know this is going to be a slow process, to get to that level.

it’s the matter of getting up and getting going.

and that’s i am going to do.

Sacred Opossum

Friday morning came to me with some time for moving meditation at work.

this year is almost over and 2025 is coming towards me. i need a theme for next year and nothing is coming to me. i thought that “aimless” would be one but i have goals and plots for the next year.

lunch come and i go to work on the set of tarot prompts. here’s my questions for the day:

“What am I moving toward if I stay aligned with my current path? What would I move toward if I take my journey in a different direction?”

awesome! this is just what i was thinking about! let’s do this! i pull up my tarot app and got

“What am I moving toward if I stay aligned with my current path? Empress.

What would I move toward if I take my journey in a different direction? Fool.

i got called out by my fucking tarot app. cards are gonna cards, fucking hell.

and this morning i was thinking about it again. i remember after the election, someone posted on Facebook this thing of RPG classes and how they apply to fights we will have in the next administration. i thought to myself that i am going to be the fool and hermit: crack jokes, stay home, and work on myself.

Fool. Hermit? what are those cards called in the Starman Tarot? The Sacred Clown and The Alien. could i be the sacred alien-

Sacred Opossum.

Sacred Opossum. my first thought it was perfect and so fucking stupid at the same time. the more i think about it, the more i love it.

if the name of my witchcraft is Feral Opossum, then Sacred Opossum is very much the path i want next year to be.

Tarot Prompts, Day 29

 

What am I ready to embrace?

 

The Devil.

Tarot Prompts, Day 28

 

What am I ready to release?

 

Reversed 9 of Pumpkins.  So much bullshit.