lighting crashes

so, lighting hit the old oak that was about 20 feet away from the house last Sunday.

and it’s been a week.

i’m sad the tree had to be cut down. feels like losing something important to me. i did find 2 acorns and put them in a crack of the stump, covering it with sawdust.

i need to find some of the bark that got blown off, for witchcraft purposes. Nicole wants some too.

got tickets to Doomsday. not seeing it in 3D IMAX because of Dune. just going to see it regular.

did not get much work done on the basement this week. things kinda fell apart after lighting hit the tree and still dealing with that.

i did get a new tarot deck this week! i got Seasons of the Witch Autumn Tarot! it’s so pretty! i’m excited to get the other ones, if they are just as cool as the Autumn deck.

Witchcraft XXXIV

What is my favorite type of magic; candle, sympathetic, sigils, etc.?

 

Right now, I am very much about the cards, tarot and oracle.

Witchcraft Prompts

Witchcraft XXXIII

What subject do I love to study?

 

I have goals for next year to do some looking into tarot and aligning it with other concepts.

Witchcraft Prompts

update?

this is not how i thought this month would go.

i still feel that something is holding me back. like, i have depression and it’s not letting me live the life i want.

and on paper, things are good. friends, job, family, things look good.

so why can’t i put down my phone and actually do some fucking work?

i throw cards and it’s the same answer all the time, get up and fucking study.

i cut down on goals for the year because i am trying to get a better focus on who i want to be this year.

i see what the problem is and the laziness comes and gets me and i don’t do anything.

fuck, i don’t even play SIMS right now. that feels like too much work, trying to start up new houses and families.

i use to get my money goals in. not right now i am.

did it start when i crapped out on my posting my cards of the day? i have been trying very hard to get back into that.

let me post this, do a work out (I AM SEEING IZZY IN 15 DAYS I NEED TO LOOK GOOD!!!), and see what the night beings me.

Witchcraft XV

How do I believe divination works?

 

I use cartomancy for my divination so, how do the cards work?

There’s layers to it. When I throw my cards I feel I am yelling into the void and the void is giving me clues and hints.

Sometimes I think it’s the deck itself that is doing the talking, like this set of cards know what’s going on, not that it’s any higher powers talking to me.

With that, I have use cards to talk to higher powers/things that go bump in the night/my Friend in the backyard. Ask a question, pull a card for the answer.

Sometimes I think I am looking for an answer and the cards make me think about that is going on.

Witchcraft Prompts

Witchcraft XIV

Which (witchy) holidays, if any, would I like to celebrate and how?

 

Halloween is my high holy day. I ward, I light a fire at night and watch The VVitch outside after casting my spells.

My practice is right now at a time of change. I am marking the Witch’s Sabbats because I have the Seasons of the Witch oracle decks and using them in my daily draws.

Witchcraft Prompts

trying to move

i am trying.

no SIMS tonight, i need to get shit done.

after i post this, i’m throwing cards, shower, meditate, and start a notebook.

this notebook is going to be a planner of sorts. i want to make list and plot out when i can do stuff and then DO IT!

chatted with Colt last night and i put words together.

i realized i have this habit of "doing ThIs will cure me of my current problem!" and then doing the thing, being better for a while, and then going back to square one.

i need to make real changes, no matter how small, to be able to move forward.

there is nothing holding me back but myself.

Shadow and Light

 

This past week has been not good for me. I didn’t know I was waiting for Thursday afternoon.

It started that morning with work being work and me reaching god statues and being recognized by management that I am awesome. By the afternoon, I received not news but realization that a dark cloud that’s been over my head since May is now fucking gone.

I woke up to the sun shining and the cats singing. I saw this spread the other day and thought that this will give me insight but I have that now. I still want to do it because getting better is a never-ending action and this will get me to a new level of better.

What is hidden? Forget-Me-Not. What is hidden is this new life I can live out now. Things are going well and I don’t have to fear pending doom.

What is revealed? Sage. That I am done with one part of my life and can move to the next part.

How can the shadow serve you? Daisy. The shadow can show me the way to the light.

How can the light guide? Violet. I just need to bask in the light.

I thought February was going to be my starting month. I didn’t know that I needed things to align and it would take all of February.

I am ready for March.

the cards said to write and here i am

the cards said to write and here i am.

things are good. things are moving forward. i need to pick up speed but overall, i am content with myself.

Lent started today and i be damn if an asshole tried to manplain it to me. 8 years of Catholic wasn’t for nothing, motherfucker.

keep having chats with Izzy about stuff and, i’m going down a path i never thought i would. i don’t know if i am 100% certain and don’t know if i will live up to what they want but i am willing to try.

i have high hopes we see each other next week. i have hope in myself that i can live up to the texts i’ve been sending him.

i want to talk to Nicole but i am hesitant about it. i don’t know if i can commit to something so why ask for advice?

Witchcraft VI

 

Where do my witchy talents lie?

 

I know tarot is a big part of my practice and power. I also have a way in just creating spells in a hell of a creative way (love spell using a song from Rocky Horror Picture Show).

Witchcraft Prompts

Witchcraft V

What areas of witchcraft would I like to learn more about?

 

I have plans this year to work on some things with the tarot. I got some, ideas, and I want to try them out.

As for witchcraft as a whole, nothing is really hitting me right now.

Witchcraft Prompts

weekly update

i am 75% done for the month, 7% done for the year, giving me a F.

i am making forward progress on my weekends. i am cleaning and getting stuff done. what i am not doing is stuff during the week. i need to start doing something there.

i need to stop with the “doom scrolling” at night and just start reading in bed. i have too many books (just got 3 this week) and am not reading them. i saw a post where someone had a room floor covered with books they have not read, a foot or more deep.

i don’t want to be that person.

it also means i’m not going to the library for a while.

i also need to get on with working out and meditating.

and working towards the next level of my daily practice.

i did a post on Tumblr today that made me pause. it was about worshiping the Norse deities and said that start with what feels familiar/makes sense to you. after that, “Let your worship change as you develop a stronger interpersonal relationship with (and deeper understanding of) the deity you're venerating. You have complete freedom.”

i have fallen off the worshiping of Karpo that i don’t feel anything anymore. and last year made me rethink of how i ward my home and the adding of the seasonal oracle decks of Seasons of the Witch, i do have a lot of things in my head that i need to sit and work on.

but first, i need to clean this lair of mine.

maybe for Imbolc i can get the witchcraft rolling.

magic misery madness mystery

Hello 2026.

I start this year a lot happier than I was a year ago. I don’t know what’s to come but I am hopeful and realistic about things.

My Card of the Year is Strength and I had a hell of a thought about it last night. Strength is a woman with a lion, and my brain went Beauty and the Beast.

I am a Beauty and there is a Beast (a bear!) in Rolla.

Me and Izzy had a hell of a chat Monday night. So much was said and so much put my mind at ease.

Strength might have many meanings for me this year and I am excited to see all the levels of it.

There were many things I wanted to do today but, the 100 gummy I took last night took me out, more then I thought. I took it easy, taking care of myself, energy I hope to carry with me all year long.

Tomorrow starts the work.

maybe for the first time in a long time

thank Karpo, fall is here.

there still much work to do, before i can get into just celebrating and not doing the hard witchcraft. that will be taken care of this week.

and then there is the planning of my birthday weekend.

in other news, i went on a 2nd date. we watch Deadpool and Wolverine and they got us pizza. i had fun.

i had a fun afternoon with a fully form human who thinks i’m cute.

and my Flower Speak cards call me out so fucking hard yesterday. 5 cards for one spot to tell me to either wake up and take in the good or just be the fuckwit i have been.

my home is clean. i have the start of a relationship with a full form human. i am working on my witchcraft. my friends love me, still, and i’m seeing them next week. i am working out and loving the changes of my body. i like my job. i have money.

i am fucking happy.

i. am. fucking. happy.

maybe for the first time in a long time.

weekly update

i am 95% done for September, 69% done for the year, giving me a B-.

what happen to August? we don’t talk about him.

and my seasonal depression is flaring up early this year.

i have a date Sunday. it’s a 1st date and it’s the first 1st date i’ve been in 25 years.

i’m now getting stressed and nervous about it. i had an outfit picked out and now, i don’t know.

i need to throw cards.

weekly no update

there is really nothing to update.

i have hit a stuck part. didn’t want to but here i am.

card of the month said so…

i need to get up and get going with something.

weekly update

weekly update

 

i am 112% done with June’s goals, 61% for the year, giving me a B!

by tomorrow i’ll be 97% done with July’s goal.

i have been doing so much thinking about everything this past month.

i was off for 3 days in a row and didn’t do anything. i don’t need to do that any more.

i’m happy. i did not realized how much working at ThE sToRe was killing me till i was gone of it.

my new job is no thought, just do. same thing every day, nothing wild or crazy dropping on me, out of the blue. no one is a cheerleader/drank the Kool-Aid/joined the cult.

i met someone, a real human and not “…there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman…”. i keep asking if this is how a relationship is suppose to be.

i want to date him.

i want other things.

also, today the random memory of how “On My Own” and “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” were my themes and songs one semester.

i am so not that bitch any more.

the cards keep telling me that part of the healing is moving onto the next level. i have done that and i need to.

i wanted to be better, and now that i am, i am wasting it.

no, that’s makes me the same before the healing.

fuck…..

I am coming out of my cage and I feel fine...

I am coming out of my cage and I feel fine.

 

I wrote. That’s usually get the demons out of my head. I wrote and they are still here.

(Still waters run deep)

There are not just two wolves but a thousand voices, each trying me, each of the in conflict.

Am I looking for red flags? Am I trying to make res flags.

 and then there is sex… 

On paper, he’s perfect. We have similar taste. His choice of music isn’t shit. We are comparable.

I feel I need to decide everything right now. Black and white, yes and no, decide everything, right now.

I think this could lead to a friendship.

He’s unabashedly queer.

A friendship that might grow into something.

It’s the idea of something casual and not dating to marry.

What is casual? Can I do casual?

Can I just enjoy the feeling?

Am I just waiting for the bad shit to happen/waiting to end it all do it don’t?

He is a fully formed person. Have I ever dated a fully formed person?

Is that it? He’s fully formed and I don’t know what to do with that?

 (Throw some damn cards…) 

I don’t know how to do a relationship with a fully formed person, due to lack of experience. It’s my lack of experience that had made me feel incapable to compete with the ghost of relationships past and future, when I am the ghost of now. I am waiting to be called the fraud I am and dismissed. There is no imposter syndrome, I am an imposter and mask as an adult who had been around the block a lot, where I am barely at a high school level.

Fuck.

invest

i am still alive.

i think my clothes are all packed. i need to work on packing all the other things.

i need to make another round to make sure i have all the makeup that i need.

going for a cunty look, not county, especially with it being disco night at the bar.

and all the decks and chargers and toys and money and all the fun stuff.

and i need to pick out a purse.

so much to do in so little time.

we are moving forward

we are moving forward.

and yes, my pronoun is we.

i hit my goals for April, and with 7 days left, trying to get more done. i know i need to pack and all that for my trip but, let me sit for a hot min.

and it’s Disco Night at the bar! i haven’t been since 2023 and i am so ready for it! i know i’m going in with my county shit so, Urban Cowboy?

i want to work on my Book of Shadows (really thinking of renaming it) and my Book of Cartomancy today. need to put away the laundry, and start packing.

and work out.

so much to do, time to get going.