day 20

i think i did everything i was supposed to this weekend. plus, i wrote a fucking awesome journal entry.

i need to do some card throwing and watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving tonight.

i really need to get my crocheting together and get back on that horse. always, it’s less Age of Mythology in my life will only improve it.

season of the witch

this year’s theme is “Season of the Witch". i wanted to become a better witch this year.

and i think i hit on something last night but only realized it this morning.

i have an alter in my bedroom for my rituals. whatever i need to do, i put it on that on, for the ritual. other then that, it’s mostly bare.

now, in my living space, i have a bookshelf that i just filled with all sorts of prettys and the top, well the top has a lot of spots for candles holders and incenses and things.

so, last night i lit 3 candles and some incense and went about my night of drinking.

it was a full moon and i should have done a “real” ritual last night. that’s the whole part of taking days off, right? to do “real” rituals and be a “real” witch?

and it hit me this morning.

last night, it was just the candles and booze and just relaxing and enjoying and fuck, have i miss that. i miss late nights, me being the only one awake, with just the internet giving me odd entertainment, and being alive.

and that vibe carried over to this morning, where i was drinking water harder then the booze last night and feeling alive.

work has taken that vibe from me that it took almost a year to get back what i was missing. and i didn’t know that was what i was missing. i knew something was not right and now i know what it is.

and to boot, fall/winter is gender reaffirming. hoodies and flannel make me feel like myself and you can’t get that in the summer.

i just need to burn more stuff, even without a purpose or reason. i need to get my ancestors altar up and running. i need to find out why there are Lutherans in my bloodline.

#cuzwereconnected, day 19, part 2

well, i did something stupid.

and to be honest about it, this will be an edited version because he may read it.

i asked Colt out.

and looking over, i really haven’t written about it.

so, here is my version.

last year i came out as non-binary. i told that to Colt, he had words, we didn’t directly talk for a week, i unfriend him, kicked him off my Netflix, he had words for me, and he walked away from 6 years.

and on my birthday, i sent him a txt and we been txt since then. he unblocked me from Twitter and TicTok and started following me on Instagram.

so, i asked him out to see Spider-Man, him, me, Matthew, like so many Marvel movies. my happy little trio of queers. my poly life.

“I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door”

there are times it feels like it did before. there are times i want to say Assbutt and #cuzwereconnected, but i don’t because neither one of us have been adult to talk about it and now, we have a date in a month.

i cried when i saw Shang-Chi because there were 3 seats in a row, just 3, and me and Matthew sat in them and there was space for Colt and he wasn’t there.

i cried when Chadwick Boseman because i didn’t want to live a life without Colt and not knowing what was going on with him was killing me.

on my birthday i was in Springfield and i took one of the biggest chances i ever did and txt him.

i really should throw the cards about us.

i really should say all the thoughts that are in my head to him.

day 19, part 1

babies came over yesterday. Mutt Hubert wanted to stay with us and Jeff Esther wanted to go deer hunting.

so, Michael took his dress wearing, had to bring her 2 horseys daughter with him deer hunting.

and seeing him sing “Rock-A-By-Baby” was freaky as fuck.

it was boring as hell without Jeff Esther, she is the life of the party.

for today, i need to go to Jeff for Taco Thanksgiving shopping. i want to check the oil in my car, put salt in the water softer, clean, magick, cartomancy, and watch Riverdale.

but 1st, breakfast.

day 16

i have been slacking with the tarot prompts for the month. instead of making myself write out for tonight, let me throw some cards.

day 15

i have not given a fink about my personal writing project for this month. i spent more time researching instead of writing because of, fear.

and that fear carries over with me wanting to make a TikTok. i believe i have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies. but, if i can sort out where to published stuff for “Friends Only” i might be able to put out some content.

i see peeps treat Tumblr like Twitter and while i feel like i have the ideal of an audience on Twitter, i still don’t tweet that much.

i can write. sitting here and making myself write everyday has been some teeth pulling but i am trying.

day 14

i went off of Good Reads and now am on Story Graph as Amerwitch. i doubt i get Dune finished by the end of the year. that book is a drag and yes, i have seen the new movie of it.

i tried out a new deck last night. it’s the Believe In Your Own Magic and you can read it about it here. i’m gonna use it for my daily readings next month and think it will pair nicely with my Nightmare Before Christmas tarot.

and as soon as i am done with the Seasons of the Witch: Samhain Oracle i need to dive into Starman Tarot to be ready in time for Days of Bowie.

i just need to read, so much more.