i am still alive.
i plan on getting back to writing in July.
i had an epiphany (?) today, maybe. this past week i have been cleaning every night for 20 mins (got the whole fucking living room done, even vacuum and i’m so mad it took me 6 months to do it). so today, i didn’t really need to clean but still felt guilty for cleaning and kinda didn’t enjoy my day off.
but that is what i am going for, so much! i want to have a day off and not have to fucking clean or do anything but fun stuff.
it is within my grasp.
hi.
Mom got the internet fixed and is getting the fucking tree cut down.
i got down last week and today it was just a change of my mind.
the cards told me to get out of this fucking funk and here i am.
this post is a hell of a mess but we are going to keep on going!
and with the knowledge of having a steady stream of internet, i am going to start on a schedule of getting shit down. in fits of 20 mins, doing things each night to get to my end goal.
i’ve fallen off the wagon of getting shit down and i need to get back on it. that is not going to fix everything but it will get me back on that track.
i should tweet more, i should make an Instagram account to post pics, i should get back on TikTok and make some vids, i should post more on Tumblr, i should be writing more, i should be crocheting more, i should be working out more…
i should i should i should.
and in the all of it, i feel that i have nothing to add to the world and my voice doesn’t matter.
too many options and no where to go.
what the hell is going on with me?
i went backwards with my goals theses pass two weeks. that is just not good.
i thought May would be my month and it just was not.
and i’m 3 days in June and i do not see a upside.
i really don’t have any days off coming up as i got a date with Matthew and family plans burned Saturday.
i’m going to bed.
