day 30, the end

November, it’s been real, it’s been fun, but has it been real fun?

i think i know what i want to focus on for next year. i think i know what the theme of next year should be, i just don’t know what words to use for it.

this year was “Season of the Witch and i think i improved as a as a witch this year. i got some miles down, and i know what i need to work on for next year.

next year, i want to focus on my cartomancy skills. my tag for anything card related it “let me consult my cards” so i can’t use that, as much as i want to.

i’ve seen “Cardslinger” used on Instagram but that’s not what i’m, did i just some up with the theme?

“A Fool’s Journey”? “A Witch’s Journey”? i know journey needs to be in the tag, i need to think on this.

i could ask the cards…

i need to go to bed.

day 28

i need to write something.

got some more cleaning done today. i think the next part is gonna be the mess in front of the closet area.

then what? what do i do when EVERYTHING is clean and organized? WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?!?

and that is a good question. what will i do? what will executive dysfunction let me do?

i’m to the point that this is all about gearing up to start 2022 like a new year.

my dad suddenly died in December of 2018. 2019 was a wash of a year. 2020 was gonna be a new year, a new decade, it was gonna be a year to celebrate!

ya’ll know how that went.

so, 2022, will this be a new year? 2018 was the last new year i had. am i prepping for the new and good or just to be disappointed all over again?

there's a Star Man

i crack open the Starman Tarot and i think i’m in love.

i’m not a fan of decks that are off base of Rider-Waite-Smith but just giving this deck a rough look, oh wow.

i’m not one to feel vibes off of decks but this one gives out a vibe. it feels like this deck is a line to something way bigger than this world.

and the fact the artiest, Davide De Angelis, met Bowie when he was a child and then got to work with him when he was adult, only makes this cool.

no, it was when De Angelis said the had a dream of the whole deck, after Bowie died, yes, that’s it.

and there are 2 spreads in the book.

Days of Bowie and the month of January is gonna be a trip.

work is killing me slowly

work is killing me slowly.

Black Friday, the big one, is this Friday and i am dreading it. i don’t know if it’s the day that is getting to me or the fact that after it will be full on fucking Christmas and gods, i don’t want that.

where my work close hit my skin, it makes my body hurt.

and i know this is all mental. i hate that work is so in my head right now. i hate that my mental problems are coming out as pain in my body.

i’ve had coworkers do this job high, drunk, went home for a shower, went home for sex, while my ass is there for 9 hours, stone cold sober.

is this why i’m such a bad ass at work?

day 20

i think i did everything i was supposed to this weekend. plus, i wrote a fucking awesome journal entry.

i need to do some card throwing and watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving tonight.

i really need to get my crocheting together and get back on that horse. always, it’s less Age of Mythology in my life will only improve it.

season of the witch

this year’s theme is “Season of the Witch". i wanted to become a better witch this year.

and i think i hit on something last night but only realized it this morning.

i have an alter in my bedroom for my rituals. whatever i need to do, i put it on that on, for the ritual. other then that, it’s mostly bare.

now, in my living space, i have a bookshelf that i just filled with all sorts of prettys and the top, well the top has a lot of spots for candles holders and incenses and things.

so, last night i lit 3 candles and some incense and went about my night of drinking.

it was a full moon and i should have done a “real” ritual last night. that’s the whole part of taking days off, right? to do “real” rituals and be a “real” witch?

and it hit me this morning.

last night, it was just the candles and booze and just relaxing and enjoying and fuck, have i miss that. i miss late nights, me being the only one awake, with just the internet giving me odd entertainment, and being alive.

and that vibe carried over to this morning, where i was drinking water harder then the booze last night and feeling alive.

work has taken that vibe from me that it took almost a year to get back what i was missing. and i didn’t know that was what i was missing. i knew something was not right and now i know what it is.

and to boot, fall/winter is gender reaffirming. hoodies and flannel make me feel like myself and you can’t get that in the summer.

i just need to burn more stuff, even without a purpose or reason. i need to get my ancestors altar up and running. i need to find out why there are Lutherans in my bloodline.

#cuzwereconnected, day 19, part 2

well, i did something stupid.

and to be honest about it, this will be an edited version because he may read it.

i asked Colt out.

and looking over, i really haven’t written about it.

so, here is my version.

last year i came out as non-binary. i told that to Colt, he had words, we didn’t directly talk for a week, i unfriend him, kicked him off my Netflix, he had words for me, and he walked away from 6 years.

and on my birthday, i sent him a txt and we been txt since then. he unblocked me from Twitter and TicTok and started following me on Instagram.

so, i asked him out to see Spider-Man, him, me, Matthew, like so many Marvel movies. my happy little trio of queers. my poly life.

“I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door”

there are times it feels like it did before. there are times i want to say Assbutt and #cuzwereconnected, but i don’t because neither one of us have been adult to talk about it and now, we have a date in a month.

i cried when i saw Shang-Chi because there were 3 seats in a row, just 3, and me and Matthew sat in them and there was space for Colt and he wasn’t there.

i cried when Chadwick Boseman because i didn’t want to live a life without Colt and not knowing what was going on with him was killing me.

on my birthday i was in Springfield and i took one of the biggest chances i ever did and txt him.

i really should throw the cards about us.

i really should say all the thoughts that are in my head to him.

day 19, part 1

babies came over yesterday. Mutt Hubert wanted to stay with us and Jeff Esther wanted to go deer hunting.

so, Michael took his dress wearing, had to bring her 2 horseys daughter with him deer hunting.

and seeing him sing “Rock-A-By-Baby” was freaky as fuck.

it was boring as hell without Jeff Esther, she is the life of the party.

for today, i need to go to Jeff for Taco Thanksgiving shopping. i want to check the oil in my car, put salt in the water softer, clean, magick, cartomancy, and watch Riverdale.

but 1st, breakfast.

day 16

i have been slacking with the tarot prompts for the month. instead of making myself write out for tonight, let me throw some cards.

day 15

i have not given a fink about my personal writing project for this month. i spent more time researching instead of writing because of, fear.

and that fear carries over with me wanting to make a TikTok. i believe i have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies. but, if i can sort out where to published stuff for “Friends Only” i might be able to put out some content.

i see peeps treat Tumblr like Twitter and while i feel like i have the ideal of an audience on Twitter, i still don’t tweet that much.

i can write. sitting here and making myself write everyday has been some teeth pulling but i am trying.

day 14

i went off of Good Reads and now am on Story Graph as Amerwitch. i doubt i get Dune finished by the end of the year. that book is a drag and yes, i have seen the new movie of it.

i tried out a new deck last night. it’s the Believe In Your Own Magic and you can read it about it here. i’m gonna use it for my daily readings next month and think it will pair nicely with my Nightmare Before Christmas tarot.

and as soon as i am done with the Seasons of the Witch: Samhain Oracle i need to dive into Starman Tarot to be ready in time for Days of Bowie.

i just need to read, so much more.

day 13, part 2

i got my bookshelf organized. i will probably will get it more organized at a later date as i get more things organized.

i think i know where i can put all my deck boxes so they are out and pretty and fill a space i have that i don’t want to be useless.

i do have room for more shelves but do i want to buy them...? i know that i can fill them with books but, really? and just a look on the internet, i would have to get white ones and yeah, that would need to be painted.

but first, i need to do a card reading. December is almost here and i want to use a new deck for the month.

day 13, part 1

i got my lunches made for next week. they shall be a hardy meal.

i need to balance my checkbook and get my cash balance too.

i need to do some cleaning. i need to change my sheets on my bed and put on my heated mattresses pad. i need put my clothes away.

i need to get off the internet and do something.

day 11

i might post the pics of the sky i took this afternoon. something was going on and i don’t know what it was.

well, it was a weather thing going on. if i believed in omens, it would be something i would question but, i’m not big into omens.

i did talk to the moon and for a brief second made me question all my beliefs.

this time tomorrow i will be on my day off and then i can really relax.

day 10

once upon a time i was a witch but with only a handful of tarot and oracle desk that could all fit inside her pumpkin candy jar.

that was, 2 years ago?

so, now with 21 decks and more coming in, i need something bigger.

and better.

so, off to the store and the internet i go to look. i wanted something that was “real”, not plastic, and that closed.

all i found was the fucking cube system.

so, i did find something that could work, that i have in my own collection and it’s a good idea.

and then it hit me.

i have my Grandma Bertha’s old chest cabinet record player. i had all intents of getting it and turning it into just a chest and then Dad died but now…

this will be freaking ass cool to use for witchy stuff! i need to finish my Deep Fall Clean and then, then i can move onto this freaking project.

i know i can do it. i know i can’t fuck it up because i have the internet to help me!

but! what about how it’s old and worth money and shut the fuck up. i don’t do records and there’s a good chance it doesn’t work anymore. me turning it into something i need and want is a better way to honor her then holding onto junk that don’t work.

and Red Heart just published a pattern to make baskets that will be awesome to hold decks while inside my new chest.

i hope to have it done by spring.

day 8

my TV decided today, out of nowhere, to not connect to the internet. so much for casting from my phone. i’m now using my Xbox for that.

cleaning is going well. i keep skipping spots so this swept from one end to the other did not turn out as how i saw it going. i need to hit my room but that’s for another day.

time change seems to be here. it will kick in when i go back to work and see how bad everything is.

i need to make a list of the decks i need to study, decks need a bag crocheted, books to read, YouTubes to watch, and movies to watch.

i did do something different with the newest ToDoList i made. i didn’t number it. there is no system where i keep track how much i got done and give myself a grade on it. it’s all out there and loose. we’ll see how well this way works out.

i did get my heated mattress pad today! i will changed my sheets and pop that on this Saturday! i’m so old that i’m excited for this.

and i need to get my ass to bed.

day 7, part 2

so, it’s 9 PM and i have been awake for 18 hours.

the chili nachos were great.

i got Matthew to sit by the fire for almost an hour. i saw a shooting star, heard the coyotes, and heard something walking in the woods.

a good time was had by all.

day 7

it’s like 4:30 in the morning when i start writing this. i don’t know if the time changing, me going to bead early last night, or the fact i’m use to waking up at 3 in the morning has made me get up TODAY at 3 when it was really 2 but, HERE I AM!

i want to work on my Gender Itinerary but i can’t seem to find a list any where on what are the aspects of gender. i don’t want to be the person who comes up with her own.

it’s 9:30 AM. let’s get this on the internet.

day 6

trying to get this posted before 7:30 AM. that’s when the sun is up and i can feed the cats and get going.

Matthew got here last night. i didn’t make it all the way to the end of Dune before needing to go to bed. i think i have like, 5 mins left of the movie. to be fair, Matthew didn’t even make it as far as i did.

i did remember to get hamburger out to make the chili for today. tomorrow, it will be chili nachos for supper. yeah fall!

and! tomorrow night, i will try to get him outside for some fire pit time. i don’t know if that’s gonna work but we can try.

i want to spend the day tomorrow catching up on all my tarot stuff and do some cleaning. my cleaning time has been horrible this month and i need to get back on track.

day 5

Black Friday was a bust. it started at 5 AM, with 5 whole people there. Christmas music started at 6 AM. by 8 it was “over” and by noon we had it all cleaned up.

it was so pointless.

my heated mattress pad should be here tomorrow so i can put it on my bed Sunday!

Matthew is here. i need to shower so we can watch Dune.

*sigh*

day 4

i am tired and i hurt.

i think i got a head cold trying to start. i got meds for it so hopefully i can nip that thing in the ass.

i got a rough To-Do-List written out. it needs some tweaking, like all the movies, decks, and books i need to work on.

Matthew will be here tomorrow night for the weekend. i don’t know how much work i’ll get done but i have hopes to get some shit done.

i need to work on my “Gender Itinerary”. i have some rough ideas on what i want to cover with it, just need to hash out an outline for it.

i need to go to bed.

day 3

yep, day 2 and i failed at NojoMo.

Babies came over and that took my night. now, i’m trying to play catch up with this and tarot.

and i need to get my grocery list down pat for tomorrow night. Matthew will be here on Friday for an Eternals weekend.

the basement won’t be as clean as i want it to be. i don’t think i’m gonna get to clean it tonight but maybe tomorrow?

got get going with the cards.

here we go

here we go.

NoJoMo 2021 is a start and i am trying to make it, every day. sometimes i am amazed on how much i can find with me forcing myself to pour out my feels every day.

oh. i hope nothing comes out that i don’t…

i need to make a list of books i want to read and projects i want to do. i think i can start on the reading part now, the projects will have to wait till the Deep Fall Clean is done.

and how’s that going? well, i’ve skipped my bedroom and outside of it to focus on the living room. Matthew will be here this weekend and i want it to be neater than it is now.

Halloween was good. my store brought firewood worked really well and i want to do it again with Matthew this weekend. i don’t know if he’s built to be outside in the cold, around a fire, but we will see with that.

let’s see how this month plays out.