i started a list of what i want to get done in 2023. is it early? will I get some of them done before this year? time will tell.
i did get the 1st of the birthday gifts! i got the Labyrinth tarot deck and Earth, Air, Fire and Water by Scott Cunningham! so excited!
what the fuck is wrong with me?
i really would like to know.
i am in an unending cycle: i hit a bottom, i make plans on getting better, i do the plans for a bit, stop, hit bottom, make plans on getting better, i do the plans for a bit, stop, hit bottom, etc. etc. etc.
why can’t i break out of it, once and for good? why can’t i be a fully functioning adult? for fuck’s sakes, i’m going to be 42 next week!
i have identify the problem. now i need to work on this shit. i need to drag myself out of this circle, into a new shape.
do i put the answer on a book i will buy and not read for year? another tarot deck? some flaky ideal posted on Tumblr? shadowwork?
is this a letdown of Autumn starting? is this me reacting to all the retrogrades (that i don’t believe in)? the new moon? my impending birthday?
i’m on a step but i don’t know which one.
i am going to have to claw my way out of this pit, once and for all.
i can do it. i can claw my way out.
there is no way for me to go but up.
i end this month at 119% done, 90% for the year, with an A+ grade.
this weekend starts the last quarter of the year. i think i am going to start making a ToDoList for next year.
i still don’t know what theme i want for next year. this year’s theme of “A Witch’s Journey” did not go as i planned (and with 3 moths still left, who knows where i will end up).
i need to do a real blog.
i make plans. i am doing the plans.
is this progress?
and is it too early to start working on goals for 2023?
i still need to sit down and plan out things for my birthday weekend. i need things done, i need to buy things, just lost to do before i can just sleep on the 4th.
i’m 119% done for the month, 89% done for the year, giving me a A+ grade!
i might get all this done this year!
and i’m crazy to start plotting out next year.
i just felt another snap in me.
i really wanted a clean space for Oktober and i feel that may not happen.
what i am doing is cleaning more.
i am aiming for 20 mins of cleaning up on Sunday, Monday, and Thursday nights. i have hope this cut down on how much cleaning i need to do on my days off. i did get my kitchen area done so Wednesday plans is the living room. my 20 mins a night will focus on my crafting table.
i know what i need to do. with what i wrote yesterday and some tarot prompts i’m working on, i see that plan i need to make and set and do.
i know this is gonna be a bitch but, i deserve nice things. i deserve my day off to be a day off and to work on my and not my living space.
i know this will be work. i know this is going against the nature that i have built for myself. i know that this is not my fault but i am fucking fixing it now.
maybe this isn’t a generational curse but this feels like a huge shift for me.
i now have a better goal in mind for the last half of this month.
i want it so when i come home from my birthday weekend, this place is clean and i can go full hog witch in it.
i need to get the work done. i can not just sit and not do anything. i rest too much and not work enough.
i’m tired of my making excuses and all this shit. i don’t’ keep up because i just slack off on my days off.
i don’t know if this is because i don’t get 2 days off in a row (a “weekend”) or me being “lazy”.
and it’s not just work. last night i wanted to sit down and have a beer and relax. i just sat on my laptop and rage quite video games.
how bad is it that i make plans for relaxation and can’t even follow on with that?
i need help.
i’m 111% for the month, 83 for the year, giving me a A grade.
and here’s the kicker, there is a way i might get “everything” done by the end of the year.
and everything i mean that 30 is the number of goals i set and i will hit that number, maybe not getting everything done but still hitting that number
my birthday weekend is taking up most of my mind, as i am plotting and planning and praying it works out well.
i also have a wicked head cold right now.
and i started a new spiritual thing, for lack of a better words. i think it is going fine and i have high hopes for it.
need to clean up my living space.
had an awesome idea and posted it out there in the world:
Hear me out.
Take your typical crappy Hallmark Christmas romance movie, with a heavy bout of finding out the true meaning of love and Christmas. Got that movie in your head?
Make it about Halloween.
Same freaking plot just make it about Halloween. No “Is he the real Santa or not?” but a neighborhood witch lady. No cutting down a Christmas tree but looking for that perfect pumpkin.
And now, we make it queer. No one is cis/het. Everyone is some rainbow flavor person. Everyone is visible queer in this movie.
Gods, what a movie this would be.
i also saw a 7-foot skeleton at the store but it’s $100 while his 5-foot brother is $35 so, i don’t get that math at all.
will he be there on November 1st?
i have a rough idea of a #ToDoList for this month. i should be doing is putting down a timetable for this shit.
this time, next month, i will be in Springfield, with my people, living my best life.
i am so ready for that.
i just got to plot out the money for the whole trip.
yeah, gonna take my shower before i get too depressed.
well, i am 109 for the month (and only on day 2), 80% done for the year, giving me an A grade.
holy fucking shit.
well, where do i go from here?
my plans for this month are for me to get to autumn and do my witchy/tarot stuff along the way. vague, right?
i do have things cooking but i do not want to go public with them as of right now.
what i am doing is plotting hard on my birthday celebration. i don’t know how dinner will be but, it will be.
part of my goals for this year was to write a 146 post. if i want to hit that goal, i need to write 3 times a week till the end of the year.
and here we are.
my birthday is the next big-ticket item on my list and that’s where are my thoughts are going to. i am plotting and planning and gods, i want to do things but i don’t know how well the money will take of it.
i’m watching Sandman and between that and having read American Gods and Good Omens i reread Neil Gaiman’s wiki page. he was raised a mix of Jewish and Scientology and fuck, that makes pagan? like Sandman is ticking off boxes i didn’t know i needed ticked off.
on the flips side of that, i’m reading Small Gods by Terry Pratchett and man, i get it.
i need to go to bed.
