it fucking cooled off.
last week the heat index was 117. today it was 78. only a 40 degree dropped but my gods, i felt that i could breathe when i was outside today.
work is just getting bad because inventory is in 11 days. trying to move summer out to get winter in and my gods! nothing is going according to plan and fuck this shit. why have all the years of knowledge if nothing to going to be the same? fuck, the clothes that came in today say they are from the 1st quarter of 2025! did i time jump or something?
i am almost done with studying my Mabon deck. i wasn’t too thrilled with my first glance of it but now, i think this is going to be a good deck to work with.
i hope She likes it.
i was stuck with an idea for a story. i’m taking in Good Omens, Supernatural, and my own thoughts with being raised Catholic and trying my own angel and demon story.
so, there’s that going on for me.
small steps equal some progress.
i’m 99% done for the month, 66% done for the year giving me a B- grade.
i’m still needing some get up and go with my life. i am moving inches but i want to move more.
but i am moving more. i am trying dancing as a moving mediation. i’m blasting Florance and the Machine and feel like i’m praying.
so i do have some things going better then i thought. that’s why i write, to keep track of shit.
time to get up and move.
how we doing?
i am ok. i don’t know if last week was PMS or what but i feel like things are going forward. i am moving inches and it feels great.
and there is a strong call of meditate yelling at me. i am going to try some moving mediation by cranking the music and just dancing. i think it’s a step and maybe i’ll get some thoughts going.
i do need to work on the list i made and did not do on Wednesday. i will chalk that up to period pain and move forward on Saturday.
i want things to be better by Fall and, that may not happen but i know i can get it better. i have plans and idea and i see the bigger picture.
it’s a matter of working on a small corner to get to the bigger picture.
really have not moved since last update.
i am trying. i am, well i didn’t move today but over all i feel like i am moving at least an inch.
like, lighting pumpkin candle and watching Americana Horror Story Coven isn’t witchcraft but it is something.
and i am making some plans and working towards something and man that is suck bullshit pouring out an onto this keyboard.
i’m going to try to fix my website.
i wrote in my notebook and no, i don’t want to put it here.
i am failing. i am failing at doing anything right now. i am not moving forward, i am in such a huge stalling place that it is making me sink.
“I am going to do something today!” nope, it don’t happen. that’s ok. i’ll get to it
never. it’s never going to happen. nothing is making me better, i am just sinking deeper and deeper.
and here’s a kicker:
it was once feeding the cats at night and once in the morning this week, i felt it. i felt that nip in the air that is fall. my Lady Autumn has sent her harbingers of praying mantis are popping up and i know, She is coming.
and i can not will myself to prepare my empty halls to echo with grand self-mythology. i can do that tomorrow.
there is no tomorrow but a long row of days of fucking nothing.
where have i been?
i don’t know.
i think things went off the rails back in May and i have not mentally bounce back from it.
fuck, the memory of the Springfield trip that involved me seeing the 1st Guardians of the Galaxy and how it fucked with me just came back.
i need Jesus.
or Karpo. i have even fallen off that path of being a devotee to a deity.
no matter how much planning and list and notebooks and books i get/do, the fact i do not do anything to move forward is the main problem.
i need to made some moves and go an inch. even an inch a day will get me 30 inches forward by the end of the month. it’s a not a yard but i will be getting somewhere.
part is also the “do a bit on all my projects and just quarter ass the whole list” is not working for me.
i need focus.
