i have plans

i have plans.

plans to see Spider-Man. plans to see it with Izzy. plans for a slumber party. plans that include, and i quote: “…then all night I have you to myself.”

i wasn’t ready for this last year. i wasn’t ready for this at Halloween. it’s a toss up about if i was ready at PRIDE but i know i am now.

the last two years, so much has changed about me and how i view the world. i sit here, in my own house (THE DEED HAS MY FUCKING NAME ON IT, IT’S MINE!!!) with a car from this millennium, a job that wants to reward me for my hard work, and a partner that sees me as a whole person.

i am living my best life.

i keep saying this but, i am going to start being better. Lammas is coming up and so is fall and i am in the 100 days before Halloween.

i know August is a do-nothing month but, not this year. i want to back into the swing of The Work, of being that bitch trying to overcome her bullshit.

i have overcome, i don’t have that over my head and i am in this box of fear of taking the next step, the next lvl of being better.

Bless me Mother-

“Bless me Mother-”

“Where the fuck have you been? I thought you been killed or even worse!”

“Are you quoting Jeff Foxworthy to me?”

“If you want my blessing, you better start talking.”

“Bless me Mother for I am not doing good.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I have a job that I like and treat me fair. Last Sunday was a shit show but it was still better then that other fucking place. I have a new car now. It’s from this millennium so it’s all new and shiny to me. And I have a partner that sees me as a whole person.”

“You got your dreams Baby Opossum. You need to reach for the next level.”

“This is almost like when I moved into the basement. I thought with space I would be free from my depression. No, moved that with me.

“So now that I have the better things, car, job, partner, why do I feel so down?”

“You’re not use to being happy. You were starting to feel that last year but you had that sword over year head. That sword is gone. All the things that were holding you back are gone now. You are free.”

“Am I just not moving forward out of fear?”

“Could be.”

“Plus, if that other thing happens…”

“You’ll be living your life like a bitch about to get accused of witchcraft in Salem?"

“I won?”

“Baby, you are winning. Get out there and cut a motherfucker down.”

“Thank you Mother.”

Witchcraft XXIII

Which texts/quotes best describe my current path?

 

For this year I wrote some lyrics on my bathroom wall and I am going to post them here.

They are from “Everyone Scream” by Florence and the Machine.

 The witchcraft, the medicine, the spells and the injections
The harvest, the needle, protect me from evil
The magic and the misery, madness and the mystery
Oh what has it done to me
Everybody scream

Witchcraft Prompts

am i still alive?

am i still alive?

i know i am not living.

this past week has been stressed plus. work was just stressing with a F.O.R. and big wigs showing up. on the day of, i was the only blue shirt there and i was on side 1 for breakfast. i hold power and must use it wisely.

home is stressful too. Monday, the people will be here to put in the new floor and new shower and MY shower will get fixed (leaks like it’s on). ALL the things had to be to moved out of the rooms and we are done to just the bare necessities.

i have this thought that if the floor Grandma put in lasted 50 years, maybe we can get 50 years out of this floor. Jehoshaphat will be 52 and maybe a grandma in her own right.

i’ll be 96, gods willing.

i cleaned the hell out of my bathroom today.

i made hell of progress today. i just need to move. i want to try to do 20 mins a day this week, just to keep things going forward.

May is coming up and i didn’t get one last year. it was robbed from me. but i am so much better then i was an year ago that i refuse to let shit bog down on me anymore. i have one stressor in my life, and the more i think of cursing him, the more he falters, without me throwing the curse.

i am taking a shower that should clean my soul. tomorrow is the start of my work week and there is work to be done.

What's It All About?

i am still here. i only wanted to take January “off” and kick off February and then life happens.

i have been slacking. i tried playing Sims 4 and i just don’t care for the game. off chance i went to look to see if they had Sims 2 and they did. all of them for $30.

and down that hole i went, bad.

i am failing with doing The Work and that needs to stop, now. i am not moving forward and that is someone i don’t want to be.

the basement is getting cleaner, i have a job i like that is 1,000 times less stressful, i have a Bear in Rolla that likes me and wants me, i have my wonderful friends in Springfield, i have the fucking best niblings in the world, too many things are positive in my life for me to turn into mush.

so, tonight is the last night of goofing off. i need to buckle up and get to The Work. i need to step up my reading and studying. i need to get going with the cleaning.

is this all going to happen overnight? no. will i have setbacks, in this month alone? yes? can i read one page a day? fuck yes, i can do at least that.

let’s get going.

weekly update

i am 97% done for the month, 9% done for the year, giving me a F.

but i got the crafting shelf organized! fuck yes!

and i got projects unearthed that i need to work on.

and i got an idea what i want to paint. i have small canvas i can try things out on before i get out the big one.

next week i need to work on getting the crafting table cleaned off and then the living room and the altars.

the next step i need to work on is stop the scrolling in bed and start reading more. at minimum, i need to work on that Halloween poem book and the Sylvia Plath book.

and to get on with the working out and meditating.

i am moving forward, in more then one way.

weekly update

i am 75% done for the month, 7% done for the year, giving me a F.

i am making forward progress on my weekends. i am cleaning and getting stuff done. what i am not doing is stuff during the week. i need to start doing something there.

i need to stop with the “doom scrolling” at night and just start reading in bed. i have too many books (just got 3 this week) and am not reading them. i saw a post where someone had a room floor covered with books they have not read, a foot or more deep.

i don’t want to be that person.

it also means i’m not going to the library for a while.

i also need to get on with working out and meditating.

and working towards the next level of my daily practice.

i did a post on Tumblr today that made me pause. it was about worshiping the Norse deities and said that start with what feels familiar/makes sense to you. after that, “Let your worship change as you develop a stronger interpersonal relationship with (and deeper understanding of) the deity you're venerating. You have complete freedom.”

i have fallen off the worshiping of Karpo that i don’t feel anything anymore. and last year made me rethink of how i ward my home and the adding of the seasonal oracle decks of Seasons of the Witch, i do have a lot of things in my head that i need to sit and work on.

but first, i need to clean this lair of mine.

maybe for Imbolc i can get the witchcraft rolling.

weekly update

i am 53% done with my January goals, 5% done for the year, giving me a F!

and we are only 3 days into this year!

i got my bedroom redone and i love it. there is more space. is it perfect? no but it will get tweaked as the year goes on.

i started on my vanity drawers. gods smack me if i buy another handkerchief.

after i wash them all, put them back into the vanity, i want to clean out the rest of that area. i know there are things i just need to toss and recognize what i have.

my plan is to start on one end of the basement and work my way towards the front. maybe by the end of the month i’ll be done? it would be nice.

i want everything to have a place, and not just a pile. i want to remember where i put things so they are not lost.

i think other parts of my life are in order that i feel the need to get my lair in order. a prim and proper order, and not this pile is the jean pile.

place

no more goals being added to the 2026 list. the cards said so.

one goal was added right before the call of stopping was called out. a goal i hope Izzy can help me with.

i got my crafting table more or less cleaned off and all my notebooks situated.

i was going to go after the crafting shelves and no, i need to work on my bedroom. i need to clean it out, move my bed, and organized the shelves.

see what is under my bed…

i need to put everything in a place. i just have books and stuff everywhere with no real purpose.

same with the crafting shelves. i need to organized it so everything has a place.

i have a place and i want my things to have a place.

update

i’m still doing the cleaning. the last move is the crafting table and getting my new desk up and running.

i did get a new altar out of all of this. it’s stupid, with a Funko Pop of Sylvie and Loki (hey, god and goddess, am i right?) but it’s a place to burn a candle and some incense.

still coming up with more goals for 2026. i am working on them now, so it’s not like i’m just sitting here.

everything is fine. i have no need to come here and vent and moan and try to get my head right.

hell, i stopped morning papers because there was nothing in my head that needed to get out.

have i worked out all my issues? what is hidden so deep in me that it was not come out yet?

maybe i can start writing that new story in my head and work on that other project.

i am not being optimist about next year. i am being real and making small plans for everything. keep focusing on making myself better, not giving myself to anyone or anything, that will not serve me better.

well, it’s December

well, it’s December.

and there is nothing Christmasy in my life right now. it is great.

i have been off the last week or so and today i tried to fixed it.

i got up and started cleaning. i’ve started on the far end and am working towards the front.

got all the laundry put away, switch out my socks and jeans, and started working on an unfinished project from summer. i am trying to get things organized, each box with its own set of things.

my 2026 goals keep adding up and i am ever hopeful that i will get everything done. so far i am 17% done with January, so i got a start.

day 24

i got my three-day weekend coming up and i am going to clean and cure myself.

day 23

somehow i still got burnt out, all right before Thanksgiving.

maybe i can chalk this up to my mind not feeling it but my body feeling it.

i really need to clean. i gotten into the cycle of “it’s bad/it makes me depressed/if i clean i’ll feel better/i’m too depressed to clean/it’s bad/it makes me depressed/if i clean i’ll feel better…”

i’m hoping that i get a 3-day weekend for Thanksgiving and can make a dent.

i need to go to bed.

day 13

time to shower and get high.

day 11

i am cashing in my Fetch points early (not waiting for $50) to get Everybody Scream by Florence and the Machine. i hope to get it by next week.

i’m thinking that maybe i won’t make it to 30 days with my mind/body/soul. i’m so use to doing this meditation that that i am not getting into as much as i should. i’m going to try for 2 weeks and then see where i am from there. tonight makes it day 6 so, half way there.

i keep thinking of things for my new story while at work. maybe this weekend i will get a chance to put some stuff on paper.

and i really need to clean. trash is bad and i want to put all my laundry away and try to tidy up some things before the New Year.

weekly update

i am 103% done for the year, 75% done for the year, giving me a B+.

i got my bathroom clean, including scrubbing off The Wallflower’s lyric. i have a new lyric i want to put up but that will wait for Autumn to start to do that.

i have found my female artiest to base my witchcraft on, and it’s not Stevie Nicks.

it’s Florence and the Machine. that’s my witchcraft and i want to go full force into it.

Autumn is coming and i need to get ready. i hope to hit the Sprite Halloween this week. i need to go over my witchcraft stash and see what i need to buy and hit up the health food store.

i need to make up some pumpkin pie spice. i need to make a pie in 2 weeks.

i need to go to witchcraft in my backyard.

weekly update

i am 88% done with June’s goals, 48% done for the year, giving me a D+.

i got so much cleaning done this month that i am able to work on other projects now!

and PRIDE starts tomorrow!

i am moving forward and upward and only getting better. May was a month to reset and my ass ran with it.

today's thought

it hit me today.

for the past few years, i had the goal of gutting my Grandma’s record chest player. never had the time or space to do it.

and then it all came together, i have the space to do it. time may not be do abundance right now but i on my days off, i can start working on it.

i tried looking up info on the model and no luck. i tried looking up how other people redid such things and, erp on all of them.

first step will be unscrewing the back and seeing what all is there. and then we will go from there.

i did it

i put in my first day of work. some things don’t change and some things are way different.

i was sent home early because of labor. i know i am low man on the food chain but, i kept up with bread during breakfast and didn’t freak out during our rush.

i call it a win.

i came home and sat down, did some piddling and thought i should be doing something!

there is nothing to do…

there is stuff to do, but cleaning had always bogged me down. there was just, always some thing that i needed to catch up, to do. and not right now.

June will start a new month and a new list of things, but in this last few days, nope. i have done it all.

the basement, it is clean.

my fucking closet is organized.

i am living my best life.

optimist

let’s focus on the good things.

i saw Colt and Nicole. i saw the Marvel movie. i had a good time.

i am switching jobs. i am no long at The Store but going somewhere else. don’t know what to call this place yet, name will come to me later.

i had the month off and just got, so much done. the basement is clean. i almost got my closet under order.

i have been talking to a guy for over a month now. i think i am starting to like him. it is so odd and weird and i have Colt to thank for setting me straight about things.

i am in therapy now. we will see how that plays out.

i am optimist. i have a job. i will have money coming in. i am hoping for full time. it’s about $2 less then the other place but, i don’t think that will hurt.

i am hoping being away from that other fucking place will not bear down on my soul so much.