i end the month at 92%, 38% for the year, giving me a D grade.
redoing my goals gave me a setback. i need to work harder to get everything done for the year.
did i really did anything today?
i spent most of the day updating my digital version of my Book of Cartomancy. i want to be able to print it and that’s what i worked on today.
were there other things i could be doing? yes.
can i still do them? it’s after 5. no.
thoughts of what i was doing last year crosses my mind. i got new plans for this new year.
“nothing will prepare you for the truth.” it was a tagline from all the Tweets and post i kept seeing from Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.
and as i got closer to May 6th, thought kept running thought my head.
and they are still running.
and the best way to get them out is to write them down.
i wasn’t stricken by heartburn like i was before Spider-Man. and it was odd, after the edible took effect, how we fell into old patterns.
and this time, it felt like the 16 months we were apart never happen.
i owe a lot to Shelby, for talking and making think on what i want and how to proceeded with Colt.
and some things i am still keeping close to the chest.
i really do want a sit-down dinner date with him and Nicole. that is what i really want for my birthday.
we went to the bar and after a drink, went to the smoke shed. we popped an edible and shared a joint. he was impressed with my inhaling skills, and i even impressed myself with being able to have the smoke flow out my nose.
the music was, bad? i don’t know if the booze, music, or drugs but i kept passing out or blacking out. i had to take one of my uppers.
i think Colt’s drugs, while he was having a good trip, made me want to sleep and made my arms heavy.
at one time i put my arm around him and leaned on him.
he was warm, strong, soft, and i didn’t want to let go of that. i missed that for way too long.
i love him. i can’t tell him that or day the words but i do. even after all the shit, i still love him and don’t want to lose him. he makes me happy.
i gave him all the stuff he sent me. all of his stuff i have is still in a trunk, in my closet. i don’t feel a need to get it out.
when i asked about his necklace, he was still wearing it. my part is put away.
and i don’t feel a need to wear it.
i don’t know if we are #cuzwereconnected. i don’t know if i have a wall up or not about that. i don’t know about #iloveyou3000 because i don’t know if it will last or something will happen, again.
i want to go back for my birthday. i want him to come here and see me.
reading back on older journal posts, i want to stare into his eyes and read his soul again.
i broke the cures i did on him. i knew it was crumbling once i gave him all his stuff back. the baby praying mantis showed me this was the right way.
i love you AssButt.
i am up to 89% done for this month, 37% for the year, giving me a D grade.
i think i am going off track on this list. i don’t think i’m going to hit my goal for this month and that will only put me further behind for the year.
i keep pushing and keep working on making myself better.
i keep on.
Thursday, I got up at 2 or 3; I don't recall. I packed my car, told the cats that showed up for breakfast (it was raining) goodbye, and made my way to work.
It freaking poured all the way to work.
Work was work.
I made my way to Rolla, had Taco Bell, and realized that I only had to spend 30 miles on the interstate and on my way to Waynesville.
Made it to Matthew's. Loaded up the rental car, saw his dad, and onto Springfield.
At some point, Colt texted that he would see Dr. Strange that night.
I really do hate him.
Hit Springfield, got supplies, had a bubble bath, and went to bed.
FRIDAY!!!
It was nice to bum around the city with Matthew.
I get my nose ring changed to a hoop (and even two weeks later, I hate it). Went to the witchcraft store and got another tarot deck that I didn't need (Modern Witch Tarot by Lisa Sterle) (and some rocks), nerd store, and then the main hit, Barns, and Noble.
I was seduced by a blind date book that only had the words "tarot, ghost, non-binary" on it (I'm two of those things). It was All Our Hidden Gifts by Caroline O'Donoghue. I also go The Oracle Creator by Steven Bright.
And I saw Nicole!!!
It was so great to see her. We wonder around a bit, sat and talked a bit, and went outside so she could open her presents.
I went back to the shed the weeks before and brought over the last (I hope) of my stuff. One box was a worksheet from my Adolescent Development class. And who did I interview for that worksheet?
The three of us had a good laugh over that worksheet. It was also an excellent way to kill time till Colt showed up.
And the first things I said when he walked up? "Who has seen my boobs?"
He was the only one who didn't raise their hand.
And that's how Nicole and Colt met.
Colt had a gift for me: a shark Easter basket, a Loki doll, a box of Reese's Pieces, and a six-pack of tiny Dr. Peppers.
Rode with him to the liquor store, where I spent just as much as I did in Barns and Noble (way too much), but I was happy with books and booze.
Back to the hotel to change and then onto my date night with Colt.
Taco Bell, saw his new apartment (his lack of clothing is almost alarming), and then the gay bar!
That place was so dead. It was bad.
McDonald's and park for late-night snacks and then back to the hotel to pass out.
Saturday, Matthew and I had Ihop and then went back to the hotel to relax before the movie!
The Movie, the movie?
First off, Matthew was surprised we saw it in 3-D Imax, like how we always see movies in Springfield. Ever since Guardians of the Galaxy! Don't be surprised by this fact!
(Side note, the fact we saw a trailer for Don't Worry Darling, and I didn't see Harry Styles going down on Florence Pugh in Imax is a fucking shame.)
The movie...
It was a rip. It was not what I thought it was going to be. It did set up some stuff. The big takeaway is the theory that we see how we live in another universe when we dream.
Chiles's for the after-party and I hugged colt goodbye.
Sunday, we made our way to Matthew's, and then I went on an adventure to get back home. I passed over\by the Gasconade River three times getting home.
It's been over two weeks, and I'm still not unpacked.
i’m up to 86% done for the month, 36% for the year, and a D- grade!
i have a workout plan. it is small but it is something.
i am almost done with a secret project that i want to debut for PRIDE.
i’m reading, i’m working on improving myself. i think i’m getting to a better place.
i start off May with 84% done, 35% for the year, a F+ grade of right now…
i need to do a lot of things today, while i’m off, as recovery of my #StrangeWeekend.
and i need to blog about it with all my feels i have.
i did buy a new tarot deck so, that added goals fro the year.
and i did take a goal away. more about that later.
need to work on my #ToDoList today.
there won’t be a weekly update this week.
i’ll be at a gay bar, with Colt, gods willing, when i would be updating my progress.
i had an idea to write a long, heartfelt entry, but i think that will come after my #StrangeWeekend.
there’s a tagline with the Dr. Strange movie that says something about finding the truth/knowing the truth. i’m scared of what truths i will learn this weekend.
me and Colt have a date night planned and i have things laid out. in the wild chance that Colt reads this, no information about hair and makeup will be given till the aftermath.
haven’t done Springfield since Endgame.
i got to finish packing.
