December 17, 2017


i need to write and have nothing to say.
i keep looking for journal apps and what not on Google but i don’t find anything i like or what i want/need. i keep looking and maybe something will click.
there’s other things i need to get done, that i wanted done by the end of the year and i don’t know if that will happen. i keep pushing myself and, not much happens.
i think i’m waiting for the new year to start again. i know that’s not the best things in the world, but it’s a start.
there’s lots of things i want to start in the new year, like my tarot card business and maybe a Patreon.
maybe i can get some work done theses next two days. just a bit. knock some things off the ToDoList and get closer to being better.

December 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1531

“What so you find irresistible?”

i love good vodka, gay boys, and the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
2016: i love good vodka, gay boys, and the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
2015: well, i like my men a bit gay and seemingly with over attachment to their furchildgren.
2014: boys with cats.
2013: in what? in life, men, women, cars? this vagueness just ain’t cute anymore.

i came up with that line while talking to Shelby and Ethan. i think that sums me up the best.

December 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1530

“Moderation or excess?”

2016: yes.
2015: all the time.
2014: both, at the same time.
2013: both. at the same time.

some things you cannot get enough of, while others see it as an excess.

blar 2017

we are in the end days, Christmas is a freaking week away and i can assumed that panic will set in and people will be losing their shit everywhere.
i really should get my few gifts done. hmm.
i know tomorrow is gonna be shit but it don’t matter. Sunday i get to see niece and nephew and life will be all right for a few hours.
i got 3 days off and maybe i can get some things done. i don’t know how much but some.
if i can get one tub out of my room, i think i can work on the another lvl. i’m not going to hit my goal of by year’s end but i can try to make it better.
just, gotten get to tomorrow night and the pain and i will be ok for a few days.
i’m going to bed.

December 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1529

“Why are you impressive?”

no comment.
2016: show me something to make me impressed. i’m not going to oh and ah over any common tricks.
2015: stand by last year’s answers.
2014: i am and i am not. show me a talent i didn’t think you had, that will impress me.
2013: so don’t understand this question at all.

i don’t want to be impresses by anyone, anymore.

December 13, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1528

“What is your biggest regret?”

fuck this.
2016: ah yes. where do i start?
i am going to keep with last year’s answer. i am where i’m suppose to be, for better or worse.
2015: where the road splits, i took the path i took. and then again and again, going further or closer to my first path.
so, what do i regret? do i regret working at Wal-Mart that let me met Colt, and put him on the path to meet Jacob?
do i regret not sticking with my loser ex and missing out on Matthew?
i don’t regret getting here.
2014: i said my whole life last year, but the more i think about it, i’m here for a reason, for better or worse.
i have no regrets.
2013: my whole life.

how do i unpack this…
i stand by what i have said in the past few years. i am shit but i’m here. i want to think this is the better for me and that other paths would not have lead me to this “good” of a place.

the shininess that i have is my friends. i would not have the good network that i have without crossing the woods and coming to this place.

i would not be a queer butch cis woman if i had stayed with previous encounters. i don’t know if i would have the Marvel movies like i do now. no, i wouldn’t because Matthew reads the comics and that adds to our relationship.

no, this was/is the right path for me.

December 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1527

“What’s on your wish list?”

newer car.
2016: i don’t know. i really don’t know what would be the top of it now…
2015: penguin.
a REAL penguin.
2014: store brought dress and a pony.
2013: store brought dress and a pony.

i am in a good need of a newer car.

it goes back to money and my lack of it. i got $3,000 saved up and i want more but…

it sounds like everyone hours are gonna be gone once February hits.