August preview

i am trying to make my ToDoList for August. i know with the end of

hopefully, meditating.

unless the new Muppet show takes that but that’s on Disney+ so i will have some wiggle room with that show.

being a nerd is hard.

i know that i need to redo my BOS on Word first and then the hard copy.

i want to take Amerwitch Magicks to another lvl and i hope August will give me time to sort it out and work on that.

mind/body/soul, part VI, VII, VIII

well, let’s get real about this year.

i started, the world started, on January 1st, 2020, with hopes and goals and plans.

here we are, 208 days later and i have trashed so many of those.

let’s see what i can do.

Mind

Reading: i am. not as much as i wanted but i am trying to read.

Writing: i got an idea for a new story but it is still just percolating in my head.

Blogging: still doing it.

Body

i just want to try to get the Ab Lounger over here by the end of the year.

Soul

Witchcraft: i’ve only skipped one full moon ritual this year. and i have been reworking my Book of Shadows. the only thing i really want to move upward is getting into medication. i just cannot get into it.

Tarot: that is still going. i got my website up, working on a Patreon and still have other ideas coming along.

Crafting: i am crocheting my own afghan and working on a painting!

overall, i think i am moving forward. am i where i really want to be? no. i am moving inches, and that is all that is important.

4 days

4 fucking days. i have 4 fucking days off in a row and gods bless me if i want to get shit done.

Friday, i am getting 7 inches cut off my hair. i know i don’t want to do this but fuck all. let’s see how this plays out.

and Matthew is coming up for this weekend. let’s see what funs this include.

Saturday Kelly is rolling into town and i have a 2nd cousin’s wedding. we’re only going to the reception, as slackers and black sheep we are.

then Sunday there is nothing listed on the program. Monday, Matthew goes home.

i don’t know if i’ll get “anything” done this weekend. i need to get the trash out.

i have been crocheting! i went to the boxes of yarn, found a collection of purples/variegated purples and throw them together into an afghan. it’s a funky pattern of a circle that turns into a square. i’m going into a set a way of the colors, playing with it, so each square is different. if i ran out of a yarn before the afghan is done? throw in some other yarn!

i’m going for that patchwork that you see in quilts. i’m hoping to get that idea.

and i still have not put words down on my new story. it’s floating around in my head. i think i need to watch It Chapter Two for a reference point.

blar

i had a dream. i was in my basement and this man who was a mix of Tristen/Jacob/and that asshole Tyler A kept telling me about his workout. and Matthew was there and i went and cried on him because i missed Colt so much.

and i really haven’t written about what happened to Colt.

we broke up. i’m saying he actually broke up with me.

i’m non-binary, and this PRIDE i really came out to say that (and that’s a post for another day). and when i mention that to him, that started that.

a week after that, he hadn’t contacted me. i got him off my Netflix and unfriended him. we had words. he said “All Lives Matter” and that was that.

he blocked me, everywhere. that all was June 8ish.

he also went and blocked Matthew and cut ties with Shelby to boot.

so, that all was over 30 days ago. we’ve gone from just being there all the time to him just shutting me out, hardcore.

and part of what’s fucking with me (oh, there’s a lot, let’s dwell on some odd bits of it) is that i’m not polyamorous anymore. i keep listen to break up songs but i still have a boyfriend so it’s an odd place to be.

and par for the course, i had my existential crisis during PRIDE with the whole “YOU ARE JUST A STRAIGHT WOMAN! YOU DO NOT BELONG!”

and with me coming out to Colt, it really made me question a lot of things (that i need to write about).

me, coming out as non-binary, doesn’t change about a damn thing about me! i still use my given name, i still use she/her pronouns, i still use the woman’s restroom. i still dressed the same!

i just have one word that changed on my bio. i went from “German Roman Catholic school girl gone wrong/born again pagan” to “German Roman Catholic non-binary school girl gone wrong/born again pagan” and that’s fucking it! from the fucking outside, it’s just a fucking haircut! i’m still me!

and that fucker, who is a gay man, can not/will not accept the fact there is more than 2 genders and that his girlfriend, is non-binary.

updateish

the blog posted i wanted to write was vetoed down by my cards. i trust them.

i have a few hours left before i go in for another fucking 6 in a row.

but i don’t want to talk about that. 
it’s only day 8 of the month and i got, 75% of my ToDoList done. i think i need to add more to it.

i got out my yarn and i’m trying to crochet a block. so far, the color layout is awesome. i have ideas on how this will play out, can’t wait to see how pretty this will be.

i wanted to write more, but i am tapped out.

maybe next time.

blar

i tried magick last night and i don’t think it worked. work as my stressed out that i don’t think it worked. the cards were confusing. i tried to meditate and that did not go very well.

i think someone is trying to get my attention but i don’t know who. the cards were mixed.

gonna try Monday night to do some guided mediation and sees where that takes me.

i got a list i want to do Monday, and an order on what needs to be done. i just get the one day off and i want to try to get some shit done.

and then Tuesday i can make a new plan!

main character

i know i need to write my Mind/Body/Soul post for this month BUT tomorrow is a full moon and i am in need of some magick, card readings, and i swear, i will meditate! gods hold me to my word if i don’t!

do i miss writing? i think i got lost in June. fuck, i think i lost myself long ago. something was said that we are the main character of our own stories.

and that’s where i’ve been lost. i have spent the last few years (…) being the side character of a story.

well, not anymore.

i’ve dusted myself off and i’m doing it. there’s an idea for a painting (yes bitch, on stretched canvas and everything!) for the past 4 years and i’m putting that down. a random Facebook post inspired me to start off on a whole new story (and the 4 main characters, each one is a different race and sexuality!). and i was going to wait for the fall but fuck it, i’m going to crochet my own fucking afghan!

i got out my bullet journal and redid for this month. i’m going back to a long listed of ToDoList. i can’t seem to remember what i need to do, so we are back to writing that shit down.

and there is no standard i am holding myself to. i’m not trying to get it all done and be perfect. i’m working on it, bit by bit.

i am moving inches!