I didn’t know how this weekend was going to play out. I had visions, hopes, fears, dreams came this morning.
I planned as much as I could. I carefully adored myself in layers of magick: my clothes, my hair, my makeup, my jewelry, I painted my nails, I polished my shoes, and adorned my hoodie with my pride pins.
He picked me up in the hotel parking lot.
We drove around. I didn’t want to look at him. I didn’t smile. My heartburn was killing me.
He acted like nothing had happened.
He smelled the same.
We made our way to the good Taco Bell. We had the same meal.
Fuck Christopher for conditioning me with the written word as the best way to communicate instead of talking.
He had talked, talked the whole time.
He turned sour when I mentioned my gender identity.
He didn’t want to deal with it.
It has to be dealt with. I want to deal with it. I wanted to talk like adults this weekend and deal with it.
I want him back. There has been a dark, shark-shaped hole in my heart for over a year and he’s the only one that can fill that shape. He can not be so heartless not to feel the same way.
Or maybe he is. People can change over a year, during a pandemic.
And I took the gummy from him and ate it.
We went down to the Roubidoux and I found a cool rock. He left me behind while I was trying to find the bird that was talking to me but it turned to be a squirrel.
And that on me being a witch and not being high.
We ended up back at the hotel where I deiced to add vodka to the gummy. Matthew didn’t really notice what was going on, thinking I was just drunk.
And us walking out of the hotel. Matthew in the front, me in the middle, Colt being the caboose, one line, the empowering it felt. Gods, I miss being polyam so fucking much.
Then the movie theater the movie.
WARNING!!! SPOILERS FOR HAWKEYE AND SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
The movie. Both jackasses were implying spoilers they thought they saw on the internets and I was trying very hard not to hurt them because I was trying to be spoiler-free as much as humanly possible.
Highlights of the movie: • Charlie Cox as Daredevil! In the same week as Vincent D’Onofrio’s Kingpin was in Hawkeye? I cried. • All 3 Spider-Men showing up.
Were those the only highlights? That’s what I liked from the movie.
Overall, the movie was good. I don’t know where this will take Spider-Baby to but, only 4 months, 2 weeks, 3 days till Dr. Strange.
We ate at El Jimador. he drove me home, Matthew had to go back to his house.
He wanted to hug me and I said no.
When I got back to the room, I almost just started crying.
Maybe it was the drugs that relaxed me but it almost felt like the olden days. It almost felt that I was loved.
I just don’t know when the adultness will kick in and we talked about that fucking elephant.
