vlarg

ok, so much shit going on at work right now. so many fucking rumors and gods, i don’t even.

what i do know is that this is Halloween/full moon weekend is gonna be filled with much need of magick to be done.

i did make a list of what i need to be gotten for this weekend. what i’m doing for Halloween is a mishmash of magick that is full of purpose and bullshit fluffy stuff.

i need to shower and go to bed.

Dean, Castiel, and David Rose walk into a bar

i am still alive.

everything is still the same. it’s Oktober, i’m still 40, life is still moving, somewhat.

it hit me the week before my birthday. while the rest of the world has been in quarantine and enjoying their stay home, i’m an “essential worker” and still getting up, putting on pants, being sober, and going to work.

but i hadn’t had any trips this year: no Marvel movie in Springfield, no weekend in CoMo, and with this year being 40, no trip to STL to see Nicole, and pierced, tattoo, and all that jazz.

so, i’m still working, the rest of the world is on “vacation” and i have not had any vacations for my own personal mental health.

yeah, that’s it.

so, i am doing Halloween. there will be fire, and booze, and candy, and a pomegranate, and calling out to the dead and i don’t know what all but fuck if it’s not a full moon and i am DOING SOMETHING!!!

i have an idea for a story. i know, i should work on “The 4 Sisters” but this one, i feel for it better.

i rewatched all of Supernatural and did a palate cleanse of rewatching all of Schitt's Creek, all while watching TicToks on how Dean’s bi and this gave me the idea of: Dean, Castiel, and David Rose are all friends and walk into a bar.

i don’t write fanfic (anymore) so i’m like, no, can’t do that. so first, they need new names, and then what about a fantasy world setting, post-apocalyptic world, and now i’m watching Stranger Things so do i set it in the magical world of 1980’s?

i don’t have a plot. i have this happy trio, filled with trauma and so much queerness, and yes, i am in there, and am i doing NaNoMo? no. am writing? i hope to fuck i can, next month.

40

well, i’m 40 now.

the cards, the cards have been most fun at poking at me. there is change coming and i don’t know which way that’s playing. i think it’s for the good. will have to wait and see.

i have gone hard on the ancestor thing. i’m paying for Ancestry.com and have been digging and i have been finding so much stuff.

i need to go back to my book and see what’s the next step. i’m scared to start taking theses German Catholics and seeing how they act to my pagan ass.

my real fear is that i’m too much of a failure for them to want to deal with me.

it’s day 6 of the month and i’ve yet to put effort into my list of to do and there is that feeling of failure.

it’s not helping that Matthew is here. he threw a wrench into my plans and gods if he would just chill when he’s here.