this is

Halloween is almost here. i know i will be able to celebrate the good time once i am done with work.

and with Halloween and the end of October, there is that ugly thing called Black Friday and Christmas coming to rear its ugly head at me.

i almost can’t celebrate Halloween fully with that shit hanging over my head.

what breaks me is how i see November anymore. i see it as a time of prayer and reflection. i see it as a time to pause and sort out life before diving into December.

let me try to break it down.

Oktober is about Halloween and my birthday. it’s about it being fall and weather cooling off and leaves falling on the ground and everything is spooky.

after the sex of Halloween, November is my afterglow. it’s full-on fall and it’s just this quite time to be. it’s not the winter of December or the call of Yule and New Year’s, just this peaceful time of November.

December is either the month of getting shit done or plotting out your attack of the new year.

and surviving fucking Christmas while working in retail.

so, i feel the icy grip of death and Christmas on me.

i hope just to have one nice night of Halloween before it all goes to shit.

something

i know lighting 5 sticks of incense and some candles is not witchcraft, but fuck if it didn’t make me feel better.

i’m doing a Deep Fall Clean and it’s been amazing. i feel like i am doing something and getting this better.

what i think i miss out on is the upkeep. i think i need to do 20 every night, just so i don’t have to Deep Clean like this. yeah, it’’s nice to look in all the draws and count all the bottles of soap but, not to this lvl. i don’t want to get this bad, ever.

i have plans for Halloween, small but good. maybe by start of winter, i’ll be doing a bit better with my witchcraft.

i don’t know how in November i’m gonna keep up with the cleaning, blogging, and other things. i don’t know if there will be enough time.

it comes down to stop “wasting” time on activities that do not bring me anything and focus on things that do.

words on paper

days where i can’t write and days where i need to write every day.

and it’s just the need to sit and put words on paper. there is no need to tell a story or to make a memory permanent. it’s just the act of words on paper.

and it was about pen to paper and now it’s more about typing away on my laptop.

i’ve started writing my daily tarot readings and my handwriting and spelling, epp. i don’t think my head can keep up with my brain and i write words mushed together in ways that is not right for humans.

i can’t type, i can’t spell, handwriting is bad, my nails need to be cut to keep using the laptop and my phone, but yet the need for words on paper overrides all that.

need to hurt and rip flesh and want to hug and love him.

i need to go to bed.

cleaning and cartomancy

something shifted in me last week and i don’t know what it really was.

i’m on a mission. every day, a minimum of 20 minutes of cleaning my living space. i started on the far end, trying to make it to the front.

i’ve hit the bathroom. i want to Unfuck Your Habit clean it on Wednesday. right now, it’s just picking up the random shit in there. i want to reorganized it and throw out all the shit i’m not using any more.

along with all that, i’ve really been hitting the studying. after having some decks for months and not doing anything with them, i’ve read up on my Supernatural tarot deck and trying to go down the path of Lenormand. the Lenormand might be trickier then i thought but, i need to start throwing cards if i’m gonna learn to use them.

cleaning and cartomancy, that is what takes up my time nowadays. it’s fall, it’s October, it’s 2 fucking weeks till Halloween. mom turned the heat on for the 1st time today and, i just feel it now.

it’s the Season of the Witch.

off my chest

started a blog last night, never got to finished it. it will get deleted.

long story short, i don’t post everything on my blog.

so, if you’ve been keeping tabs on me by reading my blog, you don’t know everything.

Timehop reminded me of the time of a person, a coworker, posted about their 3-way and got pissed when i told a mutual friend of ours about their 3-way.

see children, if you post it on the internet, i see it as a free grab to talk about, be it a funny TikTok, a clever Twitter, or a thought post on Tumblr. you can’t get pissed about it, you posted.

i need to sit down and write a real post about how things are going. this was just to get some things off my chest.

41

i don’t know where to start with all of this.

i’m 41 now.

i got my nose pierced. it hurt like a bitch but i’m so happy.

i will never do cocaine because me shooting the cleaning spray up my nose twice a day is already being a horrible problem.

i got to see Nicole! she loved the Bowie painting i did. it was not like how i image but i’m so happy with how i turned out.

he would like it.

i brought too many decks this weekend. i’m so behind.

this month, less Age of Mythology and more witchcraft!

saw Venom: Let There Be Carnage. fun fact: when the 1st one came out, my boyfriend was surprised i didn’t want to see it and wanted to see the “girly” movie of A Star is Born.

the movie was a trip and now i need to see Spider-Man, right now!

and need to watch the 3 Toby Maguire’s movies too…

other thing happened. more on that later.

and that was about my birthday weekend.