BLAR!

i make list, i make plans. i put things all down to math. i still feel that i am not getting anywhere.

there is also the horrible realization of by not doing any of the goals i will still be a failure and ain’t that what i am?

am i just scared of not having anything left on this list? am i scared that i will have time to do more things that are better for me (reading, walking, meditating, writing)?

as much as i want to push Matthew, i need to be pushing myself.

i need to forget about bringing others up to my lvl and start raising mine.

the plans i make i need to follow them thought.

i need to stop being scared of things. i need to dig my hands into the good earth and start planting what i want to harvest by fall.

i want Halloween to be a blow out and that shit starts now.