the world is a vampire

well, we are here.

the cleaning is coming along. i was able to knock some shit as done because i had cleaned so hard last month.

and the laundry, that sits for a week? it took me 9 mins to get it put away.

i can do shit, if i put myself to it.

on a dark note, i think i have hit a midlife crisis. songs of my youth are coming back and hitting me harder with their meanings. The Wallflowers with “One Headlight” hit like a brick last year and keeps coming towards me. Smashing Pumpkins “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” is screaming at me, right now.

and over all this, there is the sense that i am a lost child in this world. by my research, i am a Gen-Xer. i don’t feel it. i also don’t feel like a Millennial. things that people my age cry as hallmarks of childhood just never hit me. i don’t know if it’s because i was raised out in the sticks and slightly poor.

i know i had a crisis right before i hit 30 and my 40th birthday was marred by the pandemic, so, here we are now.

a memory came up the other day. my history professor said that as women get older, they get more religious. at the time, i was a 20 something women witch and i thought, not my ass.

well, my 40 something non-binary ass is trying to write down what my path is and trying to get more into a daily practice.

can’t fight that AFAB life path.

threw the cards for this week. we will see what happens next.