never going to happen

i wrote in my notebook and no, i don’t want to put it here.

i am failing. i am failing at doing anything right now. i am not moving forward, i am in such a huge stalling place that it is making me sink.

“I am going to do something today!” nope, it don’t happen. that’s ok. i’ll get to it

never. it’s never going to happen. nothing is making me better, i am just sinking deeper and deeper.

and here’s a kicker:

it was once feeding the cats at night and once in the morning this week, i felt it. i felt that nip in the air that is fall. my Lady Autumn has sent her harbingers of praying mantis are popping up and i know, She is coming.

and i can not will myself to prepare my empty halls to echo with grand self-mythology. i can do that tomorrow.

there is no tomorrow but a long row of days of fucking nothing.