April 30, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1301

“What are three words to describe your social life?”

full online, empty in real life.
2016: lonely.
2015: one word right now: #Avergerpalzooa.
2014: full, nerd, complicated.

April 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1300

“Who can you make happier? How?”

i will be happy next weekend with Colt and Matthew.
2016: i am happier when i’m with my men.
2015: i know who i am making happier, this weekend.
2014: not going there.

April 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1299

“Who would you trade places with for just one day?”

not going to name names. i just wish i was in a diffident, more “normal” spot in my life.
2016: not going to name names. i just wish i was in a diffident, more “normal” spot in my life.
2015: SAME!
2014: Joss Whedon, just to know about Avengers 2!

April 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1298

“What ‘type’ of person are you?”

i’ve been going over this a lot this year, trying to hone this down.
i am a German Roman Catholic cis school girl gone wrong/born again pagan demisexual witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner/girlfriend, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, hardcore crocheter, proud nerdgirl, sister-in-law, and aunty.
2015: i’m your typical German Roman Catholic school girl one wrong/born again pagan, witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, crocheter, proud nerdgirl, fag hag, and minion.
2014: fuck if i know. can i be jammed into one little box and boom, that’s me?

April 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1297

“How much spare change do you have?”

not much.
2016: almost a full coffee can.
2015: half a coffee can.
2014: too much and not enough.

just fucking write

i remember the first story i write and illustrated. it was about potato chips, how this sour cream and onion one was adopted.
and when i hit high school, it was poetry. more when i hit college and had time to kill and heartache and depression to deal with.
college brought journaling in full forces and blogging. probably one of the few things i did before it was cool to do.
i wrote, and looking back on it now, gods i was a mess of a 20 something.
so, when i went to see Colt (and Guardians of the Galaxy) back in 2014 and didn’t write for the whole month of August, it was a red flag to myself. there was something so deep and dark in me, i couldn’t put words on paper to sort it out.
so, when i tell you you need to write, its because that’s the only way i know how to get the dark out of me, bit by bit. it’s how i can see things, just the words on paper, sorting out the massive lvl of crap in my head.
write, write the bad, write the good.
just fucking write. i wrote it out and posted it on the internet for the world to see.
it’s how i got here.

April 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1296

“Who do you need to call?”

i don’t know.
2016: no one at the moment.
2015: i don’t know.
2014: Nicole.

all work, then all play, maybe

i wanted to write this one night but i was too tired. tired doing it this afternoon and yeah, i need the dark of night to write this.
i have so many days till my Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 adventure starts. there’s so much i got to get down and i’m not working very hard on that.
and, seeing Vol 2 is bringing up the feels from the last movie.
and it ain’t helping that “Stay With Me” has made it way to my playlist.
and, there’s Colt. once upon a time i had this silly thought that i was his one and only and that’s why he couldn’t find a boyfriend. i’m scared to go back to that thought right now.
and, he wants to cook for me and spoil me and i’m his light at the end of the tunnel.

(and if he’s the light at the end of my tunnel, does that mean we are on our way of crashing into each other?)

and it’s not the packing and plotting. it’s the simple fact it’s going to be me and my men, Colt and Matthew, and we will burn the town down with both my hands on each of their inner thighs.
it’s that fucking, it’s that inner 16 yr old that can’t come to grip on all this and she’s throwing her self-doubt all over me.
maybe if i can get the inner 4 yr old out, things will be better.
so much packing, shaving, waxing, dying, plucking, crocheting, magick, driving, and drinking to do to get it all together.
gods help me.

April 24, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1295

“Is life fair? Yes? No? Sometimes? Not today?”

fuck this.
2016: really? you really want to go there with this prompt? fuck you.
2015: fuck this.
2014: ha.

April 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1294

“How would you your parents describe you? (You can call them and ask.)”

fuck this.
2016: fuck this.
2015: no comment.
2014: Mom calls me her devil child. and that i’m rough.

April 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1293

“You wish you could stop ___ from happening.”

2016: time.
2015: bills.
2014: bills.

April 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1292

“What do you want to say when someone ask ‘What do you do?’”

no one ask me that.
2016: no one asks me that.
2015: none of your damn business.
2014: your mother.

April 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1291

“How many times did you curse today?”

not that much.
2016: not that much.
2015: only at the dryer and my worthless father.
2014: fuck if i know.

April 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1290

“What famous person would you like to bring back from the dead to have dinner with?”

2016: David Bowie.
2015: still don’t know who i would pick.
2014: eep. i don’t know who i would pick…


the dread of white spaces and an open keyboard.
the last time i wrote wrote was over a month ago. lots of happen. lots of stuff i’m not ready to post about.
Colt did come visit me. it was short and bittersweet. things were said, i wrote something but i don’t know if it will get posted.
i did get a good review and now can move up and beyond. we will see how that flies.
saw Jessica Monday and the children. Emily is walking and now wants to talk. this child is just never happy.
Max had his kittens on the Sunday before Ostara. he moved them and now they are MIA. i keep telling him to bring them back and he just looks at me.
and yes, i am using he/him pronouns with Max, even after he gave birth to 4 kittens. if this is a world with human men with beards, giving birth and breastfeeding, i can say Max is a he with his kittens.
plans are coming along for Guardians weekend. Colt want to cook for me. i’m kinda scared and turned on at the same time.
and sad. over txt he told me he wants to spoiled me because he has no one else.
and i’m in the middle of being sad about that fact: i’m Colt’s one and only with “hey 16 yr old self, you have two boys wanting to spoil you!”.
i never thought i would have such issues.

April 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1289

“Write down a problem you solved today.”

i had no problems?
2016: i know what earrings i’m wearing for #CivilWarWeekend and how i’m getting them.
2015: i don’t think i had any problems.
2014: Mom is going to deposit my refund check.

April 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1288

"What do you think is your biggest shortcoming?"

all of past year’s answers.
2016: my life.
2015: my lack to do anything.
2014: my room.

April 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1287

“What’s a political issue that interests you?”

2016: transgender rights and legalizing pot.
2015: gay rights and legalizing pot.
2014: all of them.

April 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1286

“Which celebrity would you want to interview?”

2016: no one right now.
2015: Stan Lee.
2014: first thought Tom Hiddleston followed by the louder voice of wanting Joss Whendon.

April 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1285

“If you could acquire a talent (without any extra effort), what would it be?”

to have the motivation to do what i need to do.
2016: to have the motivation to do what i need to do.
2015: to have the motivation to do what i need to do.
2014: to fly.

April 13, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1284

“What is your favorite thing to do on a Sunday morning?”

go home early from work.
2016: i like being the opener for work.
2015: go to work. how ironic.
2014: how ironic it is Sunday today.
i like sleeping in.

April 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1283

“Write down a new fact you learn today.”

13 mins is just the right time to boil eggs for an hex.
2016: Colt has the skill to be a card reader, he just needs to look at the bigger picture.
2015: so more than ready to get the fuck out of here.
2014: did not learn anything today.

April 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1282

“What sound effect are you most like today?”

2016: the theme from Psycho.
2015: Hulk smash.
2014: eastern European swearing.

April 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1281

“A chore you ignored today______.”

i went above the call the duty today.
2016: i worked so i had none.
2015: had none. went to work.
2014: all of them.

April 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1280

“Where do you feel most at home?”

with Colt and Matthew.
2016: nowhere. i don’t feel like i belong to any place, any more.
2015: nowhere.
2014: nowhere.

April 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1279

“What is your secret passion?”

read my blog and then tell me what my passions are.
2016: not saying.
2015: i think my passions are known.
2014: i'm dead on the inside.

April 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1278

“What colors are you wearing?”

i worked.
2016: purple.
2015: black.
2014: i'm nude at the moment.

April 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1277

“What was the last take out meal you ordered?”

too long ago to remember.
2016: long time since i had pizza.
2015: it’s been a long time since i had pizza…
2014: out in the sticks, there is none takeout.

April 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1276

“________was inspiring.”

it’s spring time and it’s getting to me.
2016: i watched a 17 min video about montages via Rocky, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_mImQBUMaA.
2015: Avengers: Age of Ultron.
2014: i just have not felt inspired in a long time.

April 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1275

“If you could wish for one thing to happen today, what would it be?”

i had money for a new car.
2016: that certain persons would just drop dead.
2015: that i open, not closed.
2014: Colt not having to move away.

April 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1274

“Did you have fun today? Because?”

it was a short day at work that let me get hoe before Mom so, kinda.
2016: no. i was at work and in shoes.
2015: no. the storms from last night made me on edge and with the news of yesterday, i feel lost on how to get ahead.
2014: yes. because it's Thor'sDay and i watched Thor. :-)

April 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1273

“Who do you feel closest to?”

no one, right now.
2016: who am i supposed to be the closest to?
2015: Nicole.
2014: no one right now.

April 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1272

“Who are you fooling?”

not saying.
2016: myself.
2015: no one.
2014: everyone.