July 24, 2017
July 23, 2017
July 22, 2017
i want to say it’s been my path. it’s seems to come back and i’m learning things and wanting to do things.
2016: Colt. he’s been the inspiration for the last few years’ worth of writing.
2014: myself. if not me, then Nicole.
July 21, 2017
July 20, 2017
so, how was my Spider-Man weekend?
Matthew came up on Sunday night and we had a nice time. did some running around in Jeff on Monday (and really, with no stores and no freaking book store, the capital of the fucking state don’t have a book store, what’s the point of Jeff anymore?) and then home for a small feast.
and then came Tuesday.
Columbia is our city. the only draw back of the weekend was the fuck up about the hotel, Taco Bell not being at the mall anymore, not finding the earrings i wanted, and it being so fucking hot with no air in the car.
Red Lobster was ok? i felt so white at the place. and i did find something to eat, on the diet menu. this pissed me off.
Wednesday we saw Spider-Man: Homecoming and it was joy.
they did the whole “show a superhero in his underwear” and you got to see Tom Holland’s baby abs.
he still looks like he’s 13.
i like Spider-Man now. can’t wait to see if Sony fucks this all up or if Marvel will just take him and run away.
saw the grandparents, caught some pokys, did go to the new witchcraft shop in town. it was ok.
i’m still going to need to the health food store for herbs.
we did go to Chili’s and our waiter was rocking knots on his head, just like me.
and we went all out to sing the birthday song to Matthew. i had to leave him a hella tip after that.
we went to one pizza place and, never again. Matthew orders us a pizza and then the waitress looks at me, like i’m just want a salad or something.
at lest the air in the hotel room was cool.
overall, it was a good weekend. just so fucking hot.
July 19, 2017
July 18, 2017
July 17, 2017
i want to work on me for a change, and not be helping others.
2016: i ask that question a lot at work. i really don’t care about those people.
i do care about MY people. and often i ask “what do you want me to do?”
2015: ask who i have helped. they all have tags on this blog.
2014: with what? i’m okay with some vague questions and even the stupid ones are cute but this bullshit, it’s gotta stop.
July 16, 2017
July 15, 2017
i want to fix the broken but i can’t seem to fix the broken that is in me.
2016: i want to fix the broken but i can’t seem to fix the broken that is in me.
2015: i want to fix the broken but i can’t seem to fix the broken that is in me.
2014: i want to fix the broken.
July 14, 2017
July 13, 2017
i’m trying to get rid of stuff so right now, it’s all kinds iffy.
2016: things that my friends have given me.
2015: my high school band shirts. i can’t get rid of them, can’t cut them and make a quilt out of them. they just sit there, waiting.
2014: i’ve kept a blog for over 13 years. what am i not sentimental about?
July 12, 2017
July 11, 2017
Miss Piggy did play all the witches from Oz…
2016: still going with the Wicked Witch.
2015: still would be the Wicked Witch. her and Miss Piggy were the biggest influences on me.
2014: Wicked Witch of the West!
July 10, 2017
July 9, 2017
Matthew is here.
2016: new cell phone, tablet, and watch.
2015: there was nothing delightful about today. it marked day 3 of being in shoes. it was hell.
2014: there was nothing delightful about today.
July 8, 2017
want to write but have nothing to say.
it’s the quite before 5 fun filled days of Matthew. it’s his birthday and we are going north and seeing Spider-Man. i keep hearing good things.
fun fact: i had a Batman Birthday Bash for Matthew when The Dark Knight Rises came out and he made me go see The Amazing Spider-Man. i was like “what part of Batman Birthday Bash had fucking Spider-Man in it?”
well, 5 years later and everything is Marvel! i will miss you Batman. maybe one day DC will get it right again and i’ll see you again.
July 7, 2017
i’m looking over tarot books and witchcraft books right now. i don’t know which one is next but it will be something like that.
2015: i have no idea.
2014: i have no idea.
July 6, 2017
July 5, 2017
“That’s my secret Cap. I’m always angry.”
2016: yup, still going with “That’s my secret Cap. I’m always angry.”
2015: still gonna go with last year’s quote.
2014: “That’s my secret Cap. I’m always angry.”
July 4, 2017
ok, some backstory. the original plan was for me and Mathew to go to STL and see Nicole and do Pride. i was very much looking forward to going to my first Pride (and really, i haven’t seen a parade in ages and that’s what i really wanted to do).
it didn’t happen. Nicole and Matthew are at a stand still in life about things that has barred Matthew from visiting Nicole.
so, i had the weekend off, $500 saved up and some txting and what not, this is the weekend i got.
i set up the weekend with minor issues. i even gave Colt a way out to the whole things. he never said no and with a txt saying he brought the tickets, away we go.
off i go on a Saturday, south to first get Matthew. he was packed and ready to go. throw everything in the car and off we go.
Matthew burned a CD of movie scores. i had to guess who the composer was.
made it to the hotel. Matthew and me unpack and i start getting dressed, as i was going to dress as a vampire to see Transformers.
and while putting on my makeup, Colt ask if i was wearing a bra because my nipples were out and about.
yes, i was wearing a bra, a real bra, and how amazing are my boobs are if the gay guy takes note?
we eat at Chilies and Colt talks about his IBS.
and somewhere we went to Bass Pro Shop.
we leave and see the movie.
the movie, in 3D IMAX was such a shit storm of stupid.
and instead of yelling and screaming at the movie, i sighed and shoot my hands in anger.
which was too much for colt to deal with and my tone at Chiles and now i’m just this mean bitch (hello, where have you been Colt?) and i need to lighten up and find joy and dear gods have i changed that much to him?
my thoughts on the movie is it is a pile of crap.
and to understand why, here is Lindsay Ellis’s Youtube series on Transformers.
did i mention Colt has a new car that has 3 doors and is orange?
and i asked him, if i had to bring shoes because i’m trying this whole dressing girly thing with flipflops (mens ones with trim i sewed on to make them girly) he said no.
i walked 4 miles in flip flops on Sunday.
Colt picked up us and away we went on Sunday. IHOP for breakfast (grr on many lvls) and then Barns and Noble and then Wal-Mart because reasons, and then i swear back to Colt’s so he could charge his phone.
i passed out while Colt played Fallout and gods know what Matthew did.
i swear it was the fact i had both of my men and the act of trying to make sure they both were happy and not trying to kill each other and me being sick and other things drove me to a nap.
and then we were off to the park to walk the 4 said miles and for me to catch freaking pokys to lvl up by September to raid with Colt but look, they lower the cap so now really i am playing the poky game because Colt plays it and well, i want to be a good girlfriend.
and then we ended up at some local Italian place for dinner and then Colt drop us off.
i didn’t get to hug him.
i didn’t give him a card reading.
the rat bastard never has open his tarot cards. that hurts Colt.
Monday me and Matthew hit the witch store that don’t sell herbs. Matthew found a book from his childhood and i got some charcoal and lilac oil.
and drop Matthew off and i head home.
and then i worked 6 days in a row over this first of the month/“holiday” weekend bullshit.
dollar stores are dangerous.
plans were made to go see Jessica and i was bringing tacos and it was a Tuesday and then i went to the dollar store and it’s all summer and luau stuff and i buy all the things.
i got grass skirts for Ellie and Emily and leis for everyone else.
Jessica’s mom was there….
party was a hit. everybody loves tacos (even Emily!). Jessica told me A LOT of stuff and she needs to start writing it done and make a book of it.
she also showed me that i am lucky to have Matthew.
and Emily is a doll. teeth and walking, and now she’s trying the talking. she knows “puppy” and kept saying “EEEEEEE”. i start in with some vocal warm ups in maybe she would take on another vowel.
it didn’t work.
she also has a horn. she’s got this cowlick curl on the side of her head (and now it looks like she’s got one on the other side too). i showed Mom a pic of her and she said those are her horns of power, don’t cut them off because it takes a long time to get power.
July 3, 2017
July 2, 2017
July 1, 2017
June 30, 2017
there seems to be this thing where “you’re poor, why are you going out to McD’s for lunch instead of staying home and cooking? see, you are rich to afford such a luxury as food!”
so, no, i’m not buying into this idea of “what can you live without?” because it’s i live with what i have because i’ve worked to get here.
2016: is this supposed to make me think of how i’m supposed to be better off with something, like too much internet or air?
i can live without a lot of stuff, the question is do i want to? no. i like what i have and not giving up anything.
2015: still stand with last year’s answer.
2014: i hate questions like this. it’s not the matter of what i can live without, it’s the matter of why the hell would i want to? how will that make me a better person or some other bullshit?
last year i felt like a phony for doing this. i only just realized i fall on the asexual line of life, the Pulse shooting happen, and i never had sex with a woman. how can i put myself in the same boat as all the “real” gays?
but, i’m not straight. i like looking at naked women and men in drag, i keep watching these Youtube videos about being a lesbian and taking notes, and i’m just this queer little duck in this world.
i’m not the queerest and to the outside world, i am straight but i’m not.
and that’s it, that’s the line. i try to say, out loud, “i’m straight” and what comes out is “i’m not.”
so, why am i proud? if anything, i’m here to fuck with people who think i’m straight, who think what you see is what you get. i’m proud to put questions of all things before all the white, county fools i live with.
i’m here to fuck things up and i’m damn proud of that.
June 29, 2017
working 6 days in a row, it’s all about my vids on Youtube.
- “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone
- “Interrogation Song” by Ty Burrell, Sam the Eagle and The Muppets
- “Heroes” by David Bowie
- “Counting Stars” by OneRepublic
- “Invisible” by U2
- “White Walls” by Macklemore
June 28, 2017
June 27, 2017
June 26, 2017
Nicole and Colt are my inspires.
why? Nicole has been here forever and Colt is the thorn in my side that makes me move.
June 25, 2017
my network is now Colt, Jessica, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby.
2016: i still have my network!
Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby!
2015: i don’t have one, i have a network: Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby.
June 24, 2017
2016: this weekend with Mathew.
2015: i think it’s the date for Matthew’s birthday followed by an Ant-Man birthday weekend.
2014: posting this blog.
it wasn’t till, last year or so i was watching The Color Purple. there’s the part where Whoopi Goldberg has the line: “I'm poor, black, I might even be ugly, but dear God, I'm here. I'm here.”
and i know, i am white and living that privilege life but there are many times when i come back to this blog to write and i write “i’m still here.”
and that’s where i get the line from. it’s my bastard quote from The Color Purple.
and that’s my greatest achievement, i’m still here.
June 23, 2017
2016: i really don’t remember.
2015: i really don’t remember.
i “should” have when Colt and Jacob left, but i didn’t.
2014: it was within the last week. i teared up at the end of watching Phantom.
June 22, 2017
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 with Colt and Matthew.
2016: Me Before You with Matthew.
2015: Avengers: Age of Ultron with my men: Colt, Matthew, and Jacob.
2014: X-Men: Days of Future Past with Colt and Matthew.
i don’t have a pic of all my friends and i don’t feel like posting a slew of pics.
i will name names!
Colt, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby.
June 21, 2017
no one, right now.
2016: Jacob. he is so like no one i imagine having in my life it’s like some kind of experiment having him in my circle.
2015: this past year, i’ve been learning a lot about myself. i think i’m hitting new lvls.
June 20, 2017
after seeing Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, me, Colt, and Matthew went to Taco Bell. Matthew was going off on soothing or another and Colt txt me if he ever shut ups.
i txt Colt back that he doesn’t, and he paces and i love him for it.
June 19, 2017
Colt sent me a book.
June 18, 2017
Colt and Nicole.
Colt because he gets to write. and most of my other projects are related to him.
Nicole, she’s who i want to be when i grow up.
June 17, 2017
none really stick out.
2016: the time i spent with Jessica and Emily.
why? because i got to meet Emily and me and Jessica hashed out things.
2015: not an hour but my time walking was great.
why? fastest mile ever and just feeling great. it’s almost like meditating.
2014: the hour me and Mathew ate out. it was just awesome.
June 16, 2017
2016: so with i’ve been saying.
2015: will go with last year’s answer.
2014: ok, so the definition of “cynical” on my Merriam-Webster Dictionary app is: “believing that people are generally selfish and dishonest.”
working at Wal-Mart and have the customers just lie to you, all day, every day.
June 15, 2017
i don’t know off the top of my head. i will say this. do they wave the rainbow flag during June and then go back to doing nothing the other 11 months of the year? how are they treating their employees? them the question to ask when you want to do looking for positive force.
June 14, 2017
the baby shower was Sunday.
we made 500 pigs in a blankets.
we made too many.
Mom laid out all her wares and she had easily some $1000 in quilts.
and Sarah really don’t care.
she turned down baby clothes from her sisters because she didn’t want anything outdated.
she is turning into a fucking uppity snob about shit.
her sisters don’t know where this is coming from. i can only think she is trying to live this picture-perfect life and that’s gonna crash down on her when the twins get here.
i’m hoping to see Jessica next week to talk shit out.
and find things out.
June 13, 2017
June 12, 2017
i need to get back to moving. i’m not right now and it’s starting to bring me down.
2016: it’s my room but i am moving, one slow step at a time.
2015: i am moving, one foot at a time.
2014: if there is, it’s me.
hmm. i had to look at last year’s to see how i answered it.
there’s Willow from Buffy
there’s Hedwig from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
there’s Tim Curry’s Dr. Frank-N-Furter from Rocky Horror.
and i’m gonna say Bowie.
before you fight me over Bowie, that man had a lot of personas. and no matter what, he was a queer duck out there in the world. he may have been straight, but he, he, him, HIM, is a beacon for all us odd ducks to flock to. and i’ll put money that he’s got a bit more of the LGBTQA peeps then some other singers.
June 11, 2017
see, you are thinking that i work some Monday-Friday job and have this thing called a weekend.
i don’t. i work. Friday is usually my Tuesday so go sort that out.
2016: what i like to do every day, just relax before i have to go to bed.
June 10, 2017
i could go stereotypical and say it’s when i saw Phantom for the first time.
i have been to the strip club on fetish night and saw some lesbians go at it.
and i went to the gay bar with Colt and Matthew last month.
i really haven’t been to any “real” events.
June 9, 2017
June 8, 2017
the fight between Matthew and Nicole and how it seems to not
2016: the situation that i am currently in.
2015: being owned money and not having be paid back.
2014: 6 days in a row.
June 7, 2017
i had the day off.
2016: Matthew will be here and my room is slightly better.
2015: i’m not going to be at work the next two days, the same days that Jessica is gone.
2014: it’s summer.
“how are the kittys?” it’s a question that is asked often.
Matthew ask how my cats are. it’s early, last week Tuesday. i’m at the store, looking for makeup for Pride.
and then he tells me the next thing that changes everything for the worse.
Shiner died. ** ***** *** ******* ** ** *** *****.
and then everything goes so weird.
i met him twice, i think and he had soul piercing blue eyes and a rawness to him.
but he’s Matthews’s good friend and Matthew talked about him all the time and…
and i tried to go on my day of shopping with Mom.
Matthew calls me the next day and we talked and i tell him i can make it to the funeral tomorrow and then i call him back and tell him i’ll be there today.
and i throw together outfits for the vitiation and the funeral and something to wear there and get Kelly’s old car, with $60 Mom gave me, and make my way there.
i check into the hotel room. i find Star Trek and mute it while i watched The Handmaiden’s Tale on my tablet.
Matthew shows up and he’s a mess.
it pours down rain while we drive to Lebanon. we get lost but find the funeral parlor.
i hated the place. it was way to city for me and made me miss Morton’s.
i couldn’t look at him in that coffin. i couldn’t bring myself to let that be the last memory of him, laying in that box.
i sat in a corner and Matthew talked to everyone. the whole time i was down there, he kept rattle off names of classmates, wanting to get in touch with them to make sure they knew Shiner had died.
get back to the hotel room and we sleep.
wake up, check out, i demanded to be fed before the funeral, and back to Lebanon.
the first preacher was fine. the 2nd one was Matthew’s old baseball coach and i hated it. too much on the ideal of a happy afterlife, not enough about the life we are missing.
Matthew was a pallbearer. he kept saying it was the lest he could do.
and then we drove out to buttfuck to bury him. turned off the paved road onto the gravel road, that’s how far out we got.
back to Lebanon for Taco Bell before we drove back to my car and i drove back home.
i was there for a bit over 24 hours.
and i’m still crying over this lost, this life that was not a part of mine but part of someone i love.
and i’m mad.
i’m mad that he won’t be in my wedding party.
i’m mad there’s no further where he’s there, playing with my children.
i’m mad at the idea of his mother, standing in his apartment, wondering what to do with his dirty socks and leftovers in his fridge.
i’m made that i sat in the corner of and cried so much that Matthew’s parents asked me if i was ok.
i’m made that i’m the one that’s here to take care of Matthew. i have to deal with a broken boyfriend and he’s just fucking dead.
i’m mad that i keep playing this out only with Colt in the coffin and how i want to go first because i don’t want to live in a world without the loves of my life.
i’m just mad it was such a stupid way to die and such a waste and what the hell is the point of anything anymore?
June 6, 2017
myself. i feel this is a cheat but;
i felt like a prude when i would talk about sex with Colt. he could do anybody and i just felt cold all over at the idea.
and then i found the word for it: demisexual. i’m not broke, i am me. and when i realized that, it was a coming out to me by me to finalized who i am.
June 5, 2017
June 4, 2017
it was the neighborhood who was 3 years older then me.
i was 4 at the time so, i think it was the fact he was the first guy my age that did anything for me.
June 3, 2017
i am more or less came out in a blog post. i think i told those near and dear to me before the post, if not shortly after.
my experience has been more or less positive. it’s mostly me explaining what demisexual is and how is it different from “normal” sexuality.
June 2, 2017
last year was when i realized that i was demisexual, part of the asexual world, at age 36.
looking back, man it all makes sense. it was never about getting to the sex, it was just having a boyfriend.
but i like my men in dresses and makeup and my women a bit butch, i kinda leery about using the label queer.
June 1, 2017
2016: working on getting lighter again. want to get down to 269 by the time Dr. Strange comes out.
2015: lighter than last year, plan on getting lighter.
2014: fuck you.
hi. my name is AmerWitch and i’m 37 and i’m a cis woman demisexual.
May 31, 2017
i did find a new banking app for my phone and i think i can stop using my itouch.
2016: looks at my banking app. yep.
2015: none of your damn business.
2014: not saying a word.
May 30, 2017
May 29, 2017
NOT A DAMN THING, CAN YOU NOT GET THAT THOUGH YOUR THICK SKULL?!?
2016: the same as the last 2 years, not a damn thing.
2015: again, not a damn thing.
2014: not a damn thing.
May 28, 2017
May 27, 2017
not a damn thing.
2016: nothing right now.
2015: the love i have from my guys.
2014: the fact i sat on the floor crocheting, Matthew on my left, Colt on my right, watching a Joss Whedon movie.
May 26, 2017
it was the start of a holiday weekend that looks like it’s gonna be long and ugly.
2016: i couldn’t do what i wanted for someone’s birthday so i did the best i could.
2015: nothing, really.
i celebrated today; a Tuesday, a birthday.
2014: my men.
May 25, 2017
i want my people to come here, for a change.
2016: i don’t know.
i know Florida will be a destination, soon.
2014: i’m going there, Springfield Mo.
May 24, 2017
i tried. i did pull out “Adventures of The DarkShark and his Witch” and worked on it some.
and there’s many other things i need to do.
and the sad thing, if i get the one things done, i can do all the things.
and that is scary and excited all at the same time.
this past week i’ve become the old wise woman that everyone comes to to air out their problems and seek out advice.
other than that, there’s not much out there.
so, how the hell do i think i can do a vlog if i can’t write worth a shit?
May 23, 2017
May 22, 2017
words were said when i saw Colt for #GotGVol2weekend. it made me see him in a new light.
2016: i don’t recall.
2015: with Nicole, over Facebook, on the Sunday.
2014: last weekend with Nicole.
May 21, 2017
May 20, 2017
i have no words for this, this year. i’ll let my men speak for themselves.
2014: really, what has been the craziest thing? giving him all my money? trying to kiss him while he was asleep?
no, real love is what i got now. and it’s every day that is crazy.
May 19, 2017
nothing right now.
2016: i am doing another #30daysofselfies and i’m almost getting into painting and i need to get back to my crocheting.
May 18, 2017
2016: the bumps in the toad of this past year is setting me up for a better time.
this was a big theme last year, if i can recall correctly.
and, yes there are points where it would be nice to go back and “fix” things so i would be “living better”.
but, would i have had #Avergerpalzooa then?
2014: more on this latter.