May 24, 2017


i tried. i did pull out “Adventures of The DarkShark and his Witch” and worked on it some.
and there’s many other things i need to do.
and the sad thing, if i get the one things done, i can do all the things.
and that is scary and excited all at the same time.
this past week i’ve become the old wise woman that everyone comes to to air out their problems and seek out advice.
other than that, there’s not much out there.
so, how the hell do i think i can do a vlog if i can’t write worth a shit?

May 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1323

“What’s your hairstyle?”

2016: hair.
2015: redish.
2014: long.

May 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1323

“When was the last time you had an inspiring conversation?”

words were said when i saw Colt for #GotGVol2weekend. it made me see him in a new light.
2016: i don’t recall.
2015: with Nicole, over Facebook, on the Sunday.
2014: last weekend with Nicole.

May 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1322

“What’s your salary?”

none of your damn business.
2016: none of your damn business.
2015: none of your damn business.
2014: none of your damn business.

May 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1321

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for love?”

i have no words for this, this year. i’ll let my men speak for themselves.
2016: i know i posted it was #Avergerpalzooa and this year we had #CivilWarWeekend but overall, it’s the fact i love and am loved that is the craziest thing of all.
2014: really, what has been the craziest thing? giving him all my money? trying to kiss him while he was asleep?
no, real love is what i got now. and it’s every day that is crazy.

May 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1320

“What’s the most creative thing you’ve done recently?”

nothing right now.
2016: i am doing another #30daysofselfies and i’m almost getting into painting and i need to get back to my crocheting.
2015: #30daysofselfies.
2014: crocheting.

May 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1319

"If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?"

2016: the bumps in the toad of this past year is setting me up for a better time.
this was a big theme last year, if i can recall correctly.
and, yes there are points where it would be nice to go back and “fix” things so i would be “living better”.
but, would i have had #Avergerpalzooa then?
2014: more on this latter.

May 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1318

"Today you got rid of_____"

2016: nothing.
2015: short work day.
2014: Jessica's vacation.

Come a Little Bit Closer

how do i start this? a play by play of the ritual details? the feels of this weekend?
Friday me and Matthew did some running around; dinner was at Aussie Jack's (pineapple juice and coconut rum is the way to go).
Saturday was up and at them and onwards to Springfield!
my three regrets of the weekend were i never got a chance to give Colt a card reading, to stare into his eyes, or to get a feel for his apartment.
and i forgot that jar…
i had to behave, his ‘rents were there. once they were gone the fun started.
i gave him an adult gift: a basket of lavender scented bath goodies, wine, chocolates, and tarot cards. i did see some Power Rangers and Pok√©mon tank tops but, that’s not adult. that’s kids stuff.
his new place is nice, a place i can only hope to have one day.
Colt… i saw him on March 25th and he was different. he was more himself but not? like a new cover on an old and well-loved book.
but this Colt, this weekend was my Colt, a bit older, a bit wiser but still mine.
i am emotional insecure when it comes to him. i can’t be an adult, i can’t say the proper words. i can harass, pick on him, and would cut a bitch if they hurt him.
he cooked (i need to work on my “cookbook” for him) and we ate.
Matthew drove us to the hotel, Colt got us a spot at the movie, me and Mathew checked in, got to the theater, and this all boring details no one want to read about.
the movie, the movie.
i still need to sit down and sort out how this movie ranks with the other MCU movies but here’s my review:


the humor of the movie was rough, kinda jr high boy feels for it. makes me think Nicole Perlman soften up the first one.
the feels, oh my gods the feels. i think Kurt Russell might be the worst of all the villains in the MCU. it just hits you when he says he put that cancer in her.
lots of feels with all the characters. lots of feels and then lots of humor and the music.
the music kick ass. it had songs that i didn’t know i needed and loved so much until i heard them in the movie.
and fucking Zune. freaking Marvel.

next was Taco Bell and then the bar.
the gay bar.
on disco night.
ok, there was a time that i had no religion. i gave up on Catholicism in 97ish and didn’t start the witchcraft till some 7 years later. what filled that void was music.
and during my jr high years i listed to the local oldies channel nonstop. and a lot of it was the disco.
that music washed over me, giving me life. in the dark corner, music blasting, drinks coming to me, Colt on my left, Matthew on my right….
the drinks. Colt tells the bartender how sad he is and what color he wants his drink.
i tried for a martini and that didn’t work.
what did was Long Island Teas.
i am a lush and proud of it.
i out drank Colt. it’s when he brought me a Long Island Tea and he had water i knew i won.
yes, i was drunk, i was White Girl Wasted. it was wonderful and i remember everything from that night.
i did get them both in the hotel room that night.
and i had to use Matthew’s baseball bat as a can to walk from the car to the room.
went to bed about midnight. woke up at 4 AM feeling gods awful. woke up at 8 and felt fine.
no hangover motherfucker! i am a goddess among these mere mortal men!
went to Colt’s to day our goodbyes. he had to do the good son thing for his brother’s graduation.
i love him. i tell him this and i wonder if he fully understands the powers of my heart when it comes to him.
me and Matthew head back to his place and then on Monday i went home.

sad update

still alive, still kicking.
i should be working but, not right now.
still working on my post on my Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 weekend. words are hard to form when it’s about my DarkShark.
work sucks.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is moving to Friday nights so i need to change my work schedule.
and nothing else is really happening until i can get words down on paper about Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

May 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1317

"What was your favorite day this week?"

this is my last Tuesday watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. as it is moving to Fridays this fall.
2016: Tuesdays are Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. day.
2015: well, Tuesday was the season finale of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. so i’m going with that. :-)
2014: Sunday was fun but Tuesday had the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. finale.

May 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1316

"What do you consider to be your biggest achievement?"

i’m still here.
2016: i don’t know anymore. there’s nothing i’m really proud of right now.
2014: that i am loved by my trio of best friends.

May 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1315

"What makes a good enemy?"

2016: backstabbers.
2015: yeah, your best friend.
2014: sometimes, your best friend.

May 13, 2017

5 yr blog,day 1314

"Who loves you today?"

Colt, Matthew, and Nicole.
2016: Colt, Jacob, Matthew, and Nicole.
2015: Colt, Matthew, and Nicole.
2014: Colt, Matthew, and Nicole.

May 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1313

"What are you exploring?"

tarot cards.
2016: being an adult.
2015: being an adult.
2014: starting a new life soon.

May 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1312

"How do you want to be remembered?"

that i was loved and feared by many and often the same people.
2016: that i was loved and feared by many and often the same people.
2015: that i was loved and feared by many and often the same people.
2014: as the most awesome person many have ever known.

May 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1311

"How did you start your day?"

2016: same as last 2 years.
2015: same as last year.
2014: alive.

May 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1310

"What do you want to postpone?"

nothing. i need to fight to make some things happen faster.
2016: nothing. in fact, i’m behind right now.
2015: ?
2014: life?

May 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1309

“Who do you think is cute?”

Colt and Matthew.
2016: Colt, Matthew, Jacob.
2015: Matthew, Colt, and Jacob has his charms.
2014: Matthew and Colt.

May 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1308

“Who would play you in a movie about your life? Is it a good movie?”

fuck yes, it’s a good movie.
still have not had any clue who would play me.
2016: it would be a good movie, no matter what.
i’ve yet have anyone tell me who looks like me to play me in a movie.
2015: i really don’t know who would play me. i’ve yet had an actress, or an actor, suggest to me who i like.
and hell yeah it would be a good movie!
2014: gods know anything.

May 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1307

“What was the last party you went to?”

i'm at a gay bar right now!
2016: last November with Nicole and Matthew.
2015: #Avengerpalzooa was my party weekend.
2014: ?

May 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1306

“Today was hilarious because ___.”

i get to see my men soon.
2016: paying bills and getting cash ready for #CivilWarWeekend.
2015: i went back to work it was ok.
2014: Jessica is going away and i’m going to be in “charge”.

May 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1305

“When was the last time you went swimming?”

last summer in Ellie’s pool.
2016: 2 years ago for Matthew’s birthday.
2015: last year for Matthew’s birthday.
2014: gods if i can i recall.

May 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1304

“If you could have a superpowers just for today, what would it be?”

2016: i want to know how to fight.
2015: after watching Avengers: Age of Ultron i really want to be able to fly.
2014: speed.

come hell or high water

it rained, for a week or so. it rained all along the Gasconade River.
and the water came. and if it wasn’t for the water HERE, it was the water from yonder that came too.
of the top 10 historic crest (according to the National Weather Service) i’ve been alive to see 8, not including what went on this past week.
tell me this is normal. i’ve lost count how many 500 year floods and 100 year floods i’ve seen. the last time it was this bad was only 17 months ago. we can’t go 2 years without rain coming and taking out everything.
the rain came and things were saw and said. i didn’t go to work on Monday because i didn’t want to get stuck on the other side of the river.
this weekend, i cannot wait.

May 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1303

“Are you hesitating?”

i don’t know.
2016: i don’t know anymore.
2015: very badly.
2014: badly.

May 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1302

“Messy or neat?”

trying to get better.
2016: *even more insane laughter*
2015: *more insane laughter*
2014: *insane laughter*

April 30, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1301

“What are three words to describe your social life?”

full online, empty in real life.
2016: lonely.
2015: one word right now: #Avergerpalzooa.
2014: full, nerd, complicated.

April 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1300

“Who can you make happier? How?”

i will be happy next weekend with Colt and Matthew.
2016: i am happier when i’m with my men.
2015: i know who i am making happier, this weekend.
2014: not going there.

April 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1299

“Who would you trade places with for just one day?”

not going to name names. i just wish i was in a diffident, more “normal” spot in my life.
2016: not going to name names. i just wish i was in a diffident, more “normal” spot in my life.
2015: SAME!
2014: Joss Whedon, just to know about Avengers 2!

April 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1298

“What ‘type’ of person are you?”

i’ve been going over this a lot this year, trying to hone this down.
i am a German Roman Catholic cis school girl gone wrong/born again pagan demisexual witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner/girlfriend, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, hardcore crocheter, proud nerdgirl, sister-in-law, and aunty.
2015: i’m your typical German Roman Catholic school girl one wrong/born again pagan, witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, crocheter, proud nerdgirl, fag hag, and minion.
2014: fuck if i know. can i be jammed into one little box and boom, that’s me?

April 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1297

“How much spare change do you have?”

not much.
2016: almost a full coffee can.
2015: half a coffee can.
2014: too much and not enough.

just fucking write

i remember the first story i write and illustrated. it was about potato chips, how this sour cream and onion one was adopted.
and when i hit high school, it was poetry. more when i hit college and had time to kill and heartache and depression to deal with.
college brought journaling in full forces and blogging. probably one of the few things i did before it was cool to do.
i wrote, and looking back on it now, gods i was a mess of a 20 something.
so, when i went to see Colt (and Guardians of the Galaxy) back in 2014 and didn’t write for the whole month of August, it was a red flag to myself. there was something so deep and dark in me, i couldn’t put words on paper to sort it out.
so, when i tell you you need to write, its because that’s the only way i know how to get the dark out of me, bit by bit. it’s how i can see things, just the words on paper, sorting out the massive lvl of crap in my head.
write, write the bad, write the good.
just fucking write. i wrote it out and posted it on the internet for the world to see.
it’s how i got here.

April 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1296

“Who do you need to call?”

i don’t know.
2016: no one at the moment.
2015: i don’t know.
2014: Nicole.

all work, then all play, maybe

i wanted to write this one night but i was too tired. tired doing it this afternoon and yeah, i need the dark of night to write this.
i have so many days till my Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 adventure starts. there’s so much i got to get down and i’m not working very hard on that.
and, seeing Vol 2 is bringing up the feels from the last movie.
and it ain’t helping that “Stay With Me” has made it way to my playlist.
and, there’s Colt. once upon a time i had this silly thought that i was his one and only and that’s why he couldn’t find a boyfriend. i’m scared to go back to that thought right now.
and, he wants to cook for me and spoil me and i’m his light at the end of the tunnel.

(and if he’s the light at the end of my tunnel, does that mean we are on our way of crashing into each other?)

and it’s not the packing and plotting. it’s the simple fact it’s going to be me and my men, Colt and Matthew, and we will burn the town down with both my hands on each of their inner thighs.
it’s that fucking, it’s that inner 16 yr old that can’t come to grip on all this and she’s throwing her self-doubt all over me.
maybe if i can get the inner 4 yr old out, things will be better.
so much packing, shaving, waxing, dying, plucking, crocheting, magick, driving, and drinking to do to get it all together.
gods help me.

April 24, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1295

“Is life fair? Yes? No? Sometimes? Not today?”

fuck this.
2016: really? you really want to go there with this prompt? fuck you.
2015: fuck this.
2014: ha.

April 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1294

“How would you your parents describe you? (You can call them and ask.)”

fuck this.
2016: fuck this.
2015: no comment.
2014: Mom calls me her devil child. and that i’m rough.

April 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1293

“You wish you could stop ___ from happening.”

2016: time.
2015: bills.
2014: bills.

April 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1292

“What do you want to say when someone ask ‘What do you do?’”

no one ask me that.
2016: no one asks me that.
2015: none of your damn business.
2014: your mother.

April 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1291

“How many times did you curse today?”

not that much.
2016: not that much.
2015: only at the dryer and my worthless father.
2014: fuck if i know.

April 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1290

“What famous person would you like to bring back from the dead to have dinner with?”

2016: David Bowie.
2015: still don’t know who i would pick.
2014: eep. i don’t know who i would pick…


the dread of white spaces and an open keyboard.
the last time i wrote wrote was over a month ago. lots of happen. lots of stuff i’m not ready to post about.
Colt did come visit me. it was short and bittersweet. things were said, i wrote something but i don’t know if it will get posted.
i did get a good review and now can move up and beyond. we will see how that flies.
saw Jessica Monday and the children. Emily is walking and now wants to talk. this child is just never happy.
Max had his kittens on the Sunday before Ostara. he moved them and now they are MIA. i keep telling him to bring them back and he just looks at me.
and yes, i am using he/him pronouns with Max, even after he gave birth to 4 kittens. if this is a world with human men with beards, giving birth and breastfeeding, i can say Max is a he with his kittens.
plans are coming along for Guardians weekend. Colt want to cook for me. i’m kinda scared and turned on at the same time.
and sad. over txt he told me he wants to spoiled me because he has no one else.
and i’m in the middle of being sad about that fact: i’m Colt’s one and only with “hey 16 yr old self, you have two boys wanting to spoil you!”.
i never thought i would have such issues.

April 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1289

“Write down a problem you solved today.”

i had no problems?
2016: i know what earrings i’m wearing for #CivilWarWeekend and how i’m getting them.
2015: i don’t think i had any problems.
2014: Mom is going to deposit my refund check.

April 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1288

"What do you think is your biggest shortcoming?"

all of past year’s answers.
2016: my life.
2015: my lack to do anything.
2014: my room.

April 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1287

“What’s a political issue that interests you?”

2016: transgender rights and legalizing pot.
2015: gay rights and legalizing pot.
2014: all of them.

April 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1286

“Which celebrity would you want to interview?”

2016: no one right now.
2015: Stan Lee.
2014: first thought Tom Hiddleston followed by the louder voice of wanting Joss Whendon.

April 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1285

“If you could acquire a talent (without any extra effort), what would it be?”

to have the motivation to do what i need to do.
2016: to have the motivation to do what i need to do.
2015: to have the motivation to do what i need to do.
2014: to fly.

April 13, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1284

“What is your favorite thing to do on a Sunday morning?”

go home early from work.
2016: i like being the opener for work.
2015: go to work. how ironic.
2014: how ironic it is Sunday today.
i like sleeping in.

April 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1283

“Write down a new fact you learn today.”

13 mins is just the right time to boil eggs for an hex.
2016: Colt has the skill to be a card reader, he just needs to look at the bigger picture.
2015: so more than ready to get the fuck out of here.
2014: did not learn anything today.

April 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1282

“What sound effect are you most like today?”

2016: the theme from Psycho.
2015: Hulk smash.
2014: eastern European swearing.

April 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1281

“A chore you ignored today______.”

i went above the call the duty today.
2016: i worked so i had none.
2015: had none. went to work.
2014: all of them.

April 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1280

“Where do you feel most at home?”

with Colt and Matthew.
2016: nowhere. i don’t feel like i belong to any place, any more.
2015: nowhere.
2014: nowhere.

April 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1279

“What is your secret passion?”

read my blog and then tell me what my passions are.
2016: not saying.
2015: i think my passions are known.
2014: i'm dead on the inside.

April 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1278

“What colors are you wearing?”

i worked.
2016: purple.
2015: black.
2014: i'm nude at the moment.

April 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1277

“What was the last take out meal you ordered?”

too long ago to remember.
2016: long time since i had pizza.
2015: it’s been a long time since i had pizza…
2014: out in the sticks, there is none takeout.

April 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1276

“________was inspiring.”

it’s spring time and it’s getting to me.
2016: i watched a 17 min video about montages via Rocky,
2015: Avengers: Age of Ultron.
2014: i just have not felt inspired in a long time.

April 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1275

“If you could wish for one thing to happen today, what would it be?”

i had money for a new car.
2016: that certain persons would just drop dead.
2015: that i open, not closed.
2014: Colt not having to move away.

April 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1274

“Did you have fun today? Because?”

it was a short day at work that let me get hoe before Mom so, kinda.
2016: no. i was at work and in shoes.
2015: no. the storms from last night made me on edge and with the news of yesterday, i feel lost on how to get ahead.
2014: yes. because it's Thor'sDay and i watched Thor. :-)

April 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1273

“Who do you feel closest to?”

no one, right now.
2016: who am i supposed to be the closest to?
2015: Nicole.
2014: no one right now.

April 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1272

“Who are you fooling?”

not saying.
2016: myself.
2015: no one.
2014: everyone.

March 31, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1271

“What inventions can you not live without?”

2016: all form of technology. the more people i let into my life, the more i need it to keep hold of them.
2015: very much the same as last year.
it’s the number one way i keep in touch with Colt.
2014: copping out and saying EVERYTHING that goes with smartphones.

March 30, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1270

“Pick a color for today.”

2016: black.
2015: sunlight.
2014: black.

March 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1269

“Write down a few lines from a song or poem that you identify with today.”

“Time may change me
But I can’t trace change.”
2016: 3 songs of been my go to/i had to create a playlist to up me up: “Wake Up” by the Vamps, “Uptown Fuck” by Bruno Mars and “Downtown” by Macklemore.
2015: all the songs on my iTunes have been my friends lately.
2014: "Everyone goes away in the end." line from "Hurt." it's the Johnny Cash version that’s been hitting my bones.

16 years

  • a day ago: it was my day off.
  • a week ago: i had to work on a Wednesday.
  • a month ago: trying to get better.
  • six months ago: i was gearing up for Oktober.
  • a year ago: motherfucker, it was 2016.
  • three years ago: OD had gone belly up but the part that hurts the most is this was the time my DarkShark left me.
  • five years ago: had a horrible shift at work.
  • ten years ago: i thought my ex would give me everything i need…
  • fifteen years ago: Ray kissed me…
  • twenty years ago: my grandma had a few days left before she died.

so 16 year ago i found this website called Open Diary and took my paper journal online.
and here i am, still writing, faithfully, more or less.
only one month did i not write, back in 2014. i had so much in my head i could not get it out.
but here i am, so far from that 20 something girl that started writing.

March 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1268

“What do you want to remember about today?”

so, whatever i want to remember, by the next year it’s over.
i don’t want to remember anything.
2016: it’s the boys anniversary tomorrow.
2015: Brett’s birthday is tomorrow.
2014: last lunch with Colt.

March 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1267

“When was the last time you felt like you were on top of the world?”

when i saw Captain America: Civil War with Colt and Matthew.
2016: not in a long time.
2015: at the strip club with Nicole and Matthew.
2014: no clue, but the last time i felt really alive was when i went to see The Wolverine with Colt.

March 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1266

“Who do you aspire to be like?”

still gonna go with Miss Piggy.
2016: Miss Piggy.
2015: Miss Piggy is still the woman.
2014: Miss Piggy.

March 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1265

“____ made you laugh.”

i worked at Saturday, you think it out.
2016: the fact i’m working 6 days in a row.
2015: nothing.
2014: Colt.

March 24, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1264

“What did you daydream about today?”

work takes me to odd places.
2016: lots of things.
2015: nothing.
2014: no clue.

March 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1263

“Are you country or rock ‘n’ roll (or hip-hop, emo, folk, punk…)?”

right now, random on my iTunes and instrumental Bowie at night.
2016: Bowie. very much Bowie right now.
2015: still everything.
2014: everything.

March 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1262

“Jot down a news story from today.”

London was attacked.
plane is still missing.
2016: Brussels was attacked.
plane still missing.
2015: Wichita State beat Kansas.
PS: still nothing on the airplane.
2014: Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 is still missing.
future self, whatever happen to it?

March 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1261

“The first thing you ate today was ___.”

cherry Dr. Pepper.
2016: cherry Dr. Pepper.
2015: i really don’t remember.
2014: fuck if i know.
“Gluten free waffles.”

March 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1260

“What was the last book you read?”

i don’t remember.
2016: i don’t remember.
2015: Sex From Scratch by Sarah Mirk.
2014: i have no clue. :’(

March 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1259

“In three words, describe your spirituality.”

trying to make a comeback pagan.
2016: horribly lapsed pagan.
2015: horribly lapsed pagan.
2014: has been pagan.

March 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1258

“What new activity have you tried?”

oh, wait. that’s not new.
2016: being better.
2015: going to the strip club. ;-)
2014: nothing lately.

March 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1257

“What do you want to buy?”

a new car. :-(
2016: new car.
2015: new car.
2014: new car.

March 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1256

“What do you not want to talk about?”

2016: work.
2015: money.
2014: everything.

March 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1255

“What is true?”

2016: this is one of the stupider questions in this book.
2015: this is like “what color is the dress”. fuck off.
2014: fuck you. give me two lines to write this shit out? this is something that takes books and lifetimes to sort out. no.


i stop on the whole 40 days blogging thing. i was not getting what i want outed of it. i did take time to pause and think but, i’ve had a journal for over 15 years. i don’t have to do much reflection as i just have to go back and read.
it was scary doing my working on my anniversary blog post and seeing what was going on in the past. epp.
i do have plans for a more formal post this week about fashion, or really style. still need to get some kinks out of that one.
my car has temporary died on me. this had but big dent in plans i had for this week.
i have money for a fix, and then i hope next week to get back on track.

March 13, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1254

“If you could add one hour to your day, what would you do with it?”

this is gonna sound sad but i would have built that endcap.
2016: how funny. i lost an hour this weekend.
i want an hour a sleep back.
2015: one more hour with Nicole.
2014: sleeping.

March 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1253

“Where do you live?”

same as last year.
2016: i’m homeless. there is a place where my mails comes and i sleep there but it’s not a home to me anymore.
2015: still here.
2014: home.

March 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1252

“What was something you wanted today, but couldn’t have?”

2016: time and money.
2015: time and money.
2014: million dollars.

March 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1251

“What was the last movie you rented?”

i don’t recall.
2016: Inside Out.
2015: Sylvia.
2014: The Astronaut's Wife.

into every generation an Avenger is born...

I like to look back and find out how did I get here. What course of action did I take to get here, at this point, at this time?
Like, how did I get to be such a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe?
Well, where did it start? Was it when Iron Man was released? Was it the face Marvel had to sell the X-Men to Fox to keep floating? Was it when Stan Lee took over, way back in the day, and changed the face of comic books?
I remember sitting at the family laptop, my TweetDeck up and running. And it started bit, by bit. This Avengers movie going to be made. The only reason this news was in my timeline was due to one name being attached to the project.
Joss Whedon.
I found Joss when I found Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I inhaled that show, Angel, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, Dollhouse, etc. etc.
I found Buffy only a few years after it went off the air. I remember watching season 7, thinking Joss wouldn’t kill her off, again. It was just a hell of a show and a ride and gods, Spike is worth the money alone!
And being a nerdgirl, Buffy is still brought up in the certain circles of the internet. She is a wonder to behold and study. And this week, the question is what is her legacy and where is it?
Well, one of her legacies is Avengers.
Without the success of Buffy, I don’t believe that Joss would have been on any list to be the writer/director of Avengers.
I know, today being the 20th anniversary of Buffy debuting on TV, and the long list of Strong Female Characters are being herald as the legacies of Buffy but I see Avengers as part of that legacy too. The whole time watching the movie the first time, I didn’t laugh. I kept whispering “Joss Whedon joke.” to myself.
And yelled “Fuck you Joss!” when Loki stabbed Coulson.
I cannot wait to share Buffy with the next generation and all things Joss Whedon.

March 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1250

“A person you wanted to ignore today ___.”

not really.
2016: my father.
2015: my mother.
2014: everyone.

March 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1249

“What’s the last song you listen to?”

Bowie. i play a list of Bowie’s instrumental songs and fall asleep to that.
2016: no clue. i put my iTunes on shuffle at night and then pass out.
2015: something off my itouch last night.
2014: i don’t recall.

March 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1248

“It’s not a good idea to experiment with___.”

i’m gonna try to do a lot this year.
2016: hmm. i don’t know this year. i like what i’ve said in year’s past, just thought something new would have happen this year.
2015: people’s emotions.
2014: the truth.

weak blar

i need to keep my blog for up to date then just dumping everything all at once.
i’m behind with everything: work, money, crocheting, writing. somehow i’ve lost the momentum i had a few weeks ago.

March 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1247

“Who is your nemesis?”

cunty and asshole managers.
2016: the world?
2015: right now, myself. need to work on that.
2014: The Joker.

March 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1246

“What’s your favorite word (right now)?”

none right now.
2016: none right now.
2015: Avengers.
2014: Joss.

March 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1245

“What would you like to ask your mother?”

not a damn thing.
2016: nothing.
2015: don’t want to talk to her right now.
2014: why haven’t you killed Dad yet?

March 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1244

“Did you sleep alone last night?”

2016: yes.
2015: yes.
2014: yes.

March 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1243

“Salty or sweet?”

Tom Hiddleston.
2016: yes, Tom Hiddleston.
2015: i still stand by my 2014 statement: Tom Hiddleston.
2014: Tom Hiddleston.

2,000 post

i was excited that i was nearing 2,000 post. i know most were due to blog prompts but still, i was near 2,000 posts!
and then i saw that i had 8 years of my life, right here for the world to see.
back in my Open Diary days, i would take down past years and only have 5 years at a time up? i don’t remember anymore.
so last night i decide to delete all of 2010. banks keep records for the past 7 years and that’s why i deiced to delete 2010 and only keep the past 7 years up on my blog.
it cut down on some of my tags and put me at under 1,900 post. so much for hitting the big 2,000.
and it felt odd delated them last night but it felt like i had to. i feel like i’m sloughing something that’s not me anymore and emerging a bit better. not a butterfly but a shiner me.

March 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1242

“How could today been better?”

2016: nothing could have better.
if only i had more of my people at Shelby’s house.
2015: warmer, car not be in a ditch, father dead.
2014: it could have been warmer.


A.           lose weight
a.   i’ve down 6.6 lbs. now, not as good as i wanted to be but still down for the year.
b.   my walking sucks eggs and i need to get off my ass and WALK!
c.    my steps are good, but not at the 8,000 mark.
                                                 i.    grade:  F for weight lost, big F for walks, A for steps, D over all. 
B.           get my shit together.
a.   i have made strides in this area.  i’ve been moving inches but it feels like feet.  i “fixed” something yesterday and have plans to get more done today and tomorrow.
                                                 i.    grade:  i’m going with a D+.  still needs work but i’ve improved so much from the 1st of February.
C.           write
a.   my story has stalled.  i’m still putting down words, just lost the spark for it, for now.
b.   blogging is good.  i’m almost to 2,000 post and my 40 Days is almost over.  still have ideas for big blog post, just can’t get the words down for them.
                                                 i.    F for the story, A for the blog, C over all.
D.          become a better witch.
a.   nothing happening here.
                                                 i.    grade:  F.
E.           money
a.   student loans will be paid off this year.  tax return should cover it.
b.   credit card is still bad.
                                                 i.    D.
F.           crochet
a.   got Colt’s project done!  and my tarot card bag.  added some projects.  backburner some projects.
                                                 i.    F, but i have plans and am working on projects!

January was a F+, February was a D- and now at the start of March i have a D+.

yes, this looks bad but, i am moving forward.  i am taking my steps, i am crocheting my rows, i am working on getting the hell out.  this is a yearlong process, and we are only in March.  i am going up, just small steps at a time.