September 18, 2017
September 17, 2017
September 16, 2017
September 15, 2017
in alphabetical order: Colt, Jessica, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby.
special shout out to my white girl tribe of Emily and Ellie.
and an extra shout out to Jeff Esther and Mutt Hubert!
2016: i am blessed that i still have all the same peeps that i had from last year: Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby.
shout out to Jessica and my girls Ellie and Emily. if i have to build a white girl tribe, it will be with Ellie and Emily.
2015: i’m putting peeps in alphabetical order: Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby.
2014: Colt, Matthew, Nicole.
September 14, 2017
September 13, 2017
September 12, 2017
i don’t know how to write this. i know that this is gonna get ugly at points because i want to talk about things that i should have mention when i saw Guardians Vol 2 and fucking Transformers.
so, here we go.
got down to Matthew’s on a Friday. i was somehow blessed (?) with 8 days off and knew i had time to work once i got back.
Friday was good. we ate at El Jimador and the food was good. found Hard Cola at the store, went back to the hotel.
Saturday started with a hitch. went back to Matthew’s and he found his cat dead. we delayed going to Springfield to take care of kitty.
and the we were off.
i don’t know where the snafuy happen first. it me and Colt getting into about the times for when the movie was. neither one of us would pick a time, the other was and it was just pissing me off.
NOTE: i had asked him about an itinerary so i knew what to pack for the trip and he’s all, let things flow and see what happens and my gods, YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS COLT!!!
Colt keeps at me that somehow i’m bitter and mean about things. maybe it’s my years in retail that makes me demand a higher standard then him when it come to life. i keep thinking i’m the same charming witch and he makes like i’m changing into something dark.
we talked. we talked about him and Jacob. he told me things [stuff that’s TMI (and that’s saying something with us)]. and that he’s been talking to him and he Snapchated me to send to Jacob and he is going to Florida in October.
we all know that i did the magick i do so well and got them two together. and when it went down with the break-up, i had the notion that by Inhumans, Colt would have a new boyfriend, no, just a boyfriend.
so little did i know it would the one i “blessed” him with so many years ago.
tried to shopped, went to a crappy Halloween store and by then Matthew had arisen.
got him and went to the good Halloween store.
i brought me a set of horns. Colt and Matthew wouldn’t let me wear them.
did mini glow in the dark golf where we all failed.
ate weird pizza.
Colt dropped us off to the hotel.
Matthew called his mom and they think he has a UTI. went to the store to get med, he wanted ice cream, and he ran into an old classmate.
i took a bath and he runs again to Steak ‘n Shake. so yes, i had a burger and a beer while in the warm bath.
Monday, we met up with Colt at Ihop where after we were done eating he just ran out on us.
made it back to Matthew’s and then to my house.
that Wednesday and Thorsday i had the double duty of reading cards for Colt.
it was the relationship spread.
i did mine with my Flower Speak cards. ended up having to pull FOUR cards to see what was up with Colt.
Colt, is there a change with us, with our relationship? there’s the part of me that still deeply loves you and really want to kick your ass. is this just a change for the moment or something else?
do i need to a card reading…
September 11, 2017
well, i’m friend with a 1st grader and right now i would tell her to start working on her own skills.
2016: what do you like/what is your passions? now go, work on that and be the best you can be.
2015: i stick by last year’s answer.
2014: don’t worry about what other people say. you are awesome as you are.
September 10, 2017
baby, you’re queer. learn it, love it, live it!
2016: i… don’t think i am confused by anything right now.
or rather, i am not spending time on things i can logic.
2015: i’m looking over last year’s answers and i’m not confused by it anymore.
this year’s confusion is based on my boyfriend.
2014: that i’m turned on by gay men, drag queens, and nude women.
September 9, 2017
September 8, 2017
i still need to write about my weekend with my men. there’s things, layers, that need to be pealed and handle with kid gloves.
i go back to work after being gone for 8 days. no clue what is happening but we will see how things are.
cunts shouldn’t be there so i’m happy with that small thought.
work, like things to do, have been put on hold for now. i’m hoping with getting a schedule, that will get me going again.
things, ideas, i think i can make happen. i can start an Esty store and try to sell card readings. something that brings in some extra money.
and then there’s the idea of Patreon and making fun videos. i have characters and a setting but no plot. it’s like, damn. i don’t want to be a reviewer but i don’t want to copy other people’s work too much.
September 7, 2017
September 6, 2017
the one that stuck something with me was Lindsay Ellis’s look at The Complex Feels of Guardians of the Galaxy v.2.
2016: i have found much comfort in watching Brows Held High.
2015: i don’t remember.
2014: i think it was “Does American Beauty Still Hold Up?” by the Nostalgia Critic .
September 5, 2017
September 4, 2017
September 3, 2017
i just know, anymore.
2016: still trying to get my spark back.
2015: lately, nowhere. i know they are out there, the gods, i just haven’t felt them, or anything, lately.
2014: March of the Penguins. that’s were i first found it.
September 2, 2017
September 1, 2017
August 31, 2017
August 30, 2017
August 29, 2017
August 28, 2017
August 27, 2017
August 26, 2017
August 25, 2017
August 24, 2017
August 23, 2017
August 22, 2017
i have a blog that dates back for over a decade.
there is nothing i can forget.
2016: so i don’t forget, i have this little black notebook i carry with me at work.
2015: i seem to have the problem of remembering, remembering that i am loved and that i need to take this love in and enjoy it.
2014: i’ve been blogging for over 13 years now. i don’t want to forget.
August 21, 2017
August 20, 2017
August 19, 2017
this new way of having days off. now if you ask for 3, they give you a week.
2016: the way the other managers treated me and my manager.
2015: side note: looking back at last year’s answers, i’m sorta doing better with that.
my lack of wanting to do anything.
2014: if i could write it down, i could tell you.
if i could just sort it OUT!
August 18, 2017
August 17, 2017
crochet and get back to the gods.
and work out like a son of a bitch.
2016: crochet and get back to the gods.
and work out like a son of a bitch.
2015: crochet like a mad-woman.
2014: get really good at my religion.
so, i did a thing today.
i shot some videos of “teh kats” and made a 2 and ½ min movie of them. i edited, did fades and cut scenes and had music and then credits. it didn’t take me very long to do.
i posted for Colt to see and then from there, we will try for bigger.
i think i can do vlogging with Movie Maker. for the free thing it is, i am happy with it. start here and work my way up.
what i’m not happy is that i need a camera. i don’t know what kind but i’m not happy with the vid my phone took. i need something that’s better.
August 16, 2017
August 15, 2017
nothing is really sticking out as a good thing.
just PMS eating and trying to deal with the news of the week.
2016: it didn’t kill me when my period started.
2015: with all my walking, my calves are no longer flabby. i have to try to make them flabby.
2014: it works. i may be big and fat but damn if i cannot get shit done because my body can do it.
it’s this time of year. look back in history, i had a crash in 2014, Furguson happen same year, and now, this.
and it’s odd being on Twitter because there’s the bots i follow, ignoring everything that’s going on, people i follow with their rants and news, and then there’s a handful of people tweeting out cat pics to brighten the day because, shit has beyond hit the fan.
today was a lump day. i couldn’t get going to do anything. i will try tomorrow but i don’t know.
positive things: ice cream date with Colt and Matthew next Sunday, Guardians come out, and there’s the thing with my niece and nephew being born too.
i need to work tomorrow.
and for the rest of the week.
inches man. they are great if done every day.
August 14, 2017
August 13, 2017
August 12, 2017
August 11, 2017
August 10, 2017
i ripped out the pages of my bullet journal and turned the whole notebook into my ToDoList.
it started for just today (my day off) and then it went on about my next two days off and then it turned into for the rest of the month.
i have 97 things written down to do and did 13 today.
am i going to get all 97 done by the end of the month? no, probably not. some are long term goals that i want done by the end of the year. i set myself the goal of getting 60% of my goals done for the month.
and then kinda pad out the list with things i know i will be doing, like blogging and my laundry.
i have written in a notebook and put it on Evernote to boot. i hope this way keeps me on my toes and get shit done.
i think i moved 2 inches today and might move some more to get my bed cleared off before i sleep tonight.
August 9, 2017
August 8, 2017
*uncontrollable laughter leading to tears and then heavy drinking*
2016: *uncontrollable laughter leading to tears and then heavy drinking*
2015: *uncontrollable laughter leading to tears and then heavy drinking*
2014: *uncontrollable laughter leading to tears and then heavy drinking*
i have been having some problems with my identity, of the late. i know i wrote about being more queer then demi but there was something else nagging at me.
it’s this whole “i’m not really butch but calling myself a lipstick butch seems fake” thoughts that keep going back and forth in my head.
and then last night it all became clear.
i am a collage educated woman and at the same time i can break out the Appalachian accent and be the redneck i was raised to be. i can drink Long Island Ice Teas at the gay bar all night or a single, strong martini at a retirement party and still be the same person.
i am many layers and i am of the one. why femininity can be that way too, from butch to lipstick, in a week, a day, an hour.
i don’t have to be the one thing to be all the things. i can be me and let others sort this out.
August 7, 2017
August 6, 2017
German Roman Catholic cis school girl gone wrong/born again pagan, queer witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner/girlfriend, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, hardcore crocheter, proud nerdgirl, sister-in-law, and aunty.
2016: German Roman Catholic school girl gone wrong/born again pagan, witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, hardcore crocheter, proud nerdgirl, and sister-in-law.
2014: you leave an inch of space to write down “who are you?” fuck this. i can’t write it down in just an inch. if anything, just read this whole fucking blog, this is who i am.
and here’s the kicker, i’m changing. so, you need to read this every day, and look to see what is being changed.
August 5, 2017
August 4, 2017
August 3, 2017
August 2, 2017
sometime last year i learned about the word asexual and demisexual. and the more i looked into it, the more i felt that, this is me, i am part of the asexuals, i am demisexual.
and if i wasn’t straight, then i could have sex with a woman.
and that thought open a whole new world to me.
but in the last few months, i’ve began to question all that, the whole demisexual label (along with a whole lot of other labels). and i keep thinking things over and over.
there’s two parts with identity your sexual orientation, what gender you are and what gender/s you are attractive to.
i’m a woman. there’s no other way i want to identify but as she/her woman. there’s some other issues going on (for another blog post) but i’m a woman, hear me roar.
and, who turns me on?
and that’s where things get, fuzzy.
identifying as demisexual means i am not sexual attractive to anyone until i get a deep and close bond to them. and i don’t think that’s me.
i’m not going start hopping in bed with anyone and throwing cares out the window. i’m still me, a bit uptight about sex but when it’s just me and my boyfriend, passion.
so, if i’m not demi, what am i? well, who am i attractive to?
i’ve always had a “thing” for men in makeup/drag queens. there’s something about them that makes them so pretty. i also ten to be drawn to butch women.
the final kick in the pants for me was finding and inhaling about all of the videos that ContraPoints have on their YouTube channel. i saw beauty and grace and that body in them dresses with that voice, and she can play piano and sing and she can play the harmonica, and her style of videos, and then she dressed more masculine and she’s genderqueer…
and with her saying she’s genderqueer, i had to stop and think about me for a minute.
see, when i came to terms about being demi, i also came to terms that i am a butch, cis woman.
this past summer, i thought it would be fun to be more “girly” and when it came to my three days weekends with my boyfriend, i wore maxi skirts the whole time (kinda proud i have that many in my wardrobe). i even went as far as to try to buy girl flip flops (i have size mens 11 feet) and ended up sewing some flair on mens flipflops to make then girly.
and what i took from that is, i fuck with people when i present as more traditional feminine. i’m still butch, i just like to do it in skirts too.
but watching Arielle Scarcella videos, i have learned that there’s lvls to being butch. and maybe i’m more of a lipstick butch then anything.
ok, if i’m not a demi butch cis woman, and i’m still ok with being called a lipstick butch cis woman, what am i?
bisexual? no, not really.
queer? and this is my own issue be.
i like the idea of calling myself queer. it goes along with the idea of me liking men in makeup and butch women. but, there’s a bit of “no” in my mind about calling myself that.
to the outside world, i’m straight. i have a boyfriend and the fact is, i’ve only had sex with cis men. i feel like “you are straight, you have no right to use that term”.
queer, to me, is this umbrella term that all the weirdos can come and sit and be. and this would be my place.
but, to the outside world i look straight.
and i forgotten the polyamorous plot point to this mess.
so, what am i? how do i identify so the outside world can understand me?
well, i don’t care about the outside world understanding me. really, have i in the past 20 odd years?
let them see a straight woman.
hi. my name is Amerwitch. i am a queer, cis, lipstick butch woman.
August 1, 2017
this month, this bloody month.
i don’t have words. all i know is that i need to write.
and no, this will not be an update.
i know i do not put out the original content that i should. i don’t blog, i don’t post wit on Twitter, i really don’t use Tumblr, and i just found out i’ve had a WordPress from 2009.
just need to find video editing software. that, i am clueless about.
other things are clicking, more on that later.
things, are good. not the best but somewhat better.
i can do this.
July 31, 2017
July 30, 2017
July 29, 2017
Matthew’s bday trip to CoMo.
July 28, 2017
July 27, 2017
July 26, 2017
July 25, 2017
July 24, 2017
July 23, 2017
July 22, 2017
i want to say it’s been my path. it’s seems to come back and i’m learning things and wanting to do things.
2016: Colt. he’s been the inspiration for the last few years’ worth of writing.
2014: myself. if not me, then Nicole.
July 21, 2017
July 20, 2017
so, how was my Spider-Man weekend?
Matthew came up on Sunday night and we had a nice time. did some running around in Jeff on Monday (and really, with no stores and no freaking book store, the capital of the fucking state don’t have a book store, what’s the point of Jeff anymore?) and then home for a small feast.
and then came Tuesday.
Columbia is our city. the only draw back of the weekend was the fuck up about the hotel, Taco Bell not being at the mall anymore, not finding the earrings i wanted, and it being so fucking hot with no air in the car.
Red Lobster was ok? i felt so white at the place. and i did find something to eat, on the diet menu. this pissed me off.
Wednesday we saw Spider-Man: Homecoming and it was joy.
they did the whole “show a superhero in his underwear” and you got to see Tom Holland’s baby abs.
he still looks like he’s 13.
i like Spider-Man now. can’t wait to see if Sony fucks this all up or if Marvel will just take him and run away.
saw the grandparents, caught some pokys, did go to the new witchcraft shop in town. it was ok.
i’m still going to need to the health food store for herbs.
we did go to Chili’s and our waiter was rocking knots on his head, just like me.
and we went all out to sing the birthday song to Matthew. i had to leave him a hella tip after that.
we went to one pizza place and, never again. Matthew orders us a pizza and then the waitress looks at me, like i’m just want a salad or something.
at lest the air in the hotel room was cool.
overall, it was a good weekend. just so fucking hot.
July 19, 2017
July 18, 2017
July 17, 2017
i want to work on me for a change, and not be helping others.
2016: i ask that question a lot at work. i really don’t care about those people.
i do care about MY people. and often i ask “what do you want me to do?”
2015: ask who i have helped. they all have tags on this blog.
2014: with what? i’m okay with some vague questions and even the stupid ones are cute but this bullshit, it’s gotta stop.
July 16, 2017
July 15, 2017
i want to fix the broken but i can’t seem to fix the broken that is in me.
2016: i want to fix the broken but i can’t seem to fix the broken that is in me.
2015: i want to fix the broken but i can’t seem to fix the broken that is in me.
2014: i want to fix the broken.
July 14, 2017
July 13, 2017
i’m trying to get rid of stuff so right now, it’s all kinds iffy.
2016: things that my friends have given me.
2015: my high school band shirts. i can’t get rid of them, can’t cut them and make a quilt out of them. they just sit there, waiting.
2014: i’ve kept a blog for over 13 years. what am i not sentimental about?
July 12, 2017
July 11, 2017
Miss Piggy did play all the witches from Oz…
2016: still going with the Wicked Witch.
2015: still would be the Wicked Witch. her and Miss Piggy were the biggest influences on me.
2014: Wicked Witch of the West!
July 10, 2017
July 9, 2017
Matthew is here.
2016: new cell phone, tablet, and watch.
2015: there was nothing delightful about today. it marked day 3 of being in shoes. it was hell.
2014: there was nothing delightful about today.
July 8, 2017
want to write but have nothing to say.
it’s the quite before 5 fun filled days of Matthew. it’s his birthday and we are going north and seeing Spider-Man. i keep hearing good things.
fun fact: i had a Batman Birthday Bash for Matthew when The Dark Knight Rises came out and he made me go see The Amazing Spider-Man. i was like “what part of Batman Birthday Bash had fucking Spider-Man in it?”
well, 5 years later and everything is Marvel! i will miss you Batman. maybe one day DC will get it right again and i’ll see you again.
July 7, 2017
i’m looking over tarot books and witchcraft books right now. i don’t know which one is next but it will be something like that.
2015: i have no idea.
2014: i have no idea.
July 6, 2017
July 5, 2017
“That’s my secret Cap. I’m always angry.”
2016: yup, still going with “That’s my secret Cap. I’m always angry.”
2015: still gonna go with last year’s quote.
2014: “That’s my secret Cap. I’m always angry.”
July 4, 2017
ok, some backstory. the original plan was for me and Mathew to go to STL and see Nicole and do Pride. i was very much looking forward to going to my first Pride (and really, i haven’t seen a parade in ages and that’s what i really wanted to do).
it didn’t happen. Nicole and Matthew are at a stand still in life about things that has barred Matthew from visiting Nicole.
so, i had the weekend off, $500 saved up and some txting and what not, this is the weekend i got.
i set up the weekend with minor issues. i even gave Colt a way out to the whole things. he never said no and with a txt saying he brought the tickets, away we go.
off i go on a Saturday, south to first get Matthew. he was packed and ready to go. throw everything in the car and off we go.
Matthew burned a CD of movie scores. i had to guess who the composer was.
made it to the hotel. Matthew and me unpack and i start getting dressed, as i was going to dress as a vampire to see Transformers.
and while putting on my makeup, Colt ask if i was wearing a bra because my nipples were out and about.
yes, i was wearing a bra, a real bra, and how amazing are my boobs are if the gay guy takes note?
we eat at Chilies and Colt talks about his IBS.
and somewhere we went to Bass Pro Shop.
we leave and see the movie.
the movie, in 3D IMAX was such a shit storm of stupid.
and instead of yelling and screaming at the movie, i sighed and shoot my hands in anger.
which was too much for colt to deal with and my tone at Chiles and now i’m just this mean bitch (hello, where have you been Colt?) and i need to lighten up and find joy and dear gods have i changed that much to him?
my thoughts on the movie is it is a pile of crap.
and to understand why, here is Lindsay Ellis’s Youtube series on Transformers.
did i mention Colt has a new car that has 3 doors and is orange?
and i asked him, if i had to bring shoes because i’m trying this whole dressing girly thing with flipflops (mens ones with trim i sewed on to make them girly) he said no.
i walked 4 miles in flip flops on Sunday.
Colt picked up us and away we went on Sunday. IHOP for breakfast (grr on many lvls) and then Barns and Noble and then Wal-Mart because reasons, and then i swear back to Colt’s so he could charge his phone.
i passed out while Colt played Fallout and gods know what Matthew did.
i swear it was the fact i had both of my men and the act of trying to make sure they both were happy and not trying to kill each other and me being sick and other things drove me to a nap.
and then we were off to the park to walk the 4 said miles and for me to catch freaking pokys to lvl up by September to raid with Colt but look, they lower the cap so now really i am playing the poky game because Colt plays it and well, i want to be a good girlfriend.
and then we ended up at some local Italian place for dinner and then Colt drop us off.
i didn’t get to hug him.
i didn’t give him a card reading.
the rat bastard never has open his tarot cards. that hurts Colt.
Monday me and Matthew hit the witch store that don’t sell herbs. Matthew found a book from his childhood and i got some charcoal and lilac oil.
and drop Matthew off and i head home.
and then i worked 6 days in a row over this first of the month/“holiday” weekend bullshit.