November 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1404

“When was the last time you checked an online social network?”

online 24/7.
2016: online all the time, yo.
2015: I’M ONLINE 24/7!!!
2013: on one now.

i mean, yeah!

day 19

started watching Punisher. it’s what i need right now. i love the plot, i love all the vets with PTSD and how that’s almost as interesting as the main story.
once upon a time Matthew told me about the sliding timeline in Marvel comics. in a way, these stories are almost as timeless as Shakespeare. they fit, all seasons.
i love all the blood and guns. i need this much violence as we get into the dark times for retail workers.
i started back on my vits and i think that is helping. i might be able to tell better as my period stops and i can see how i function then.
one week and i get to see Matthew and just be able to be drunk and relax.
i don’t know if i will hit my 60 posts by the end of the month. i’m still working on my post about Thor.
need to get back to crocheting. i need to start stuffing that body.
oh! did a card reading for ******. was gong go tarot but i’m like, nah, let’s to Flower Speak, they kinda tell it as it is.
freaking gods, they paint that shit out in living color. and now that i’ve added doing an overall card with them, ha! nothing is vague about them.
scared to do a reading about myself with them.

November 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1503

“What is your dream job of the day?”

mother and wife.
2016: mother and wife.
2015: full time witch.
2014: full time witch.
2013: full time witch.

mother. i really want to be a mother to my own child. i don’t really need to be a wife but i want to be a mother.

November 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1502

Which friends(s) did you last speak to?”

2016: Matthew.
2015: Matthew.
2014: Matthew.
2013: Matthew.

99% of my calls are to him. being in a LDR sucks but cell phones make it somewhat better than nothing.

November 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1501

“What are you obsessed with right now?”

2016: getting better.
2015: nothing right now.
2014: crocheting.
2013: Thor and all the Avengers.

you would think in 2016 i would be obsessed with surviving.

i watched
Patton Oswalt: Annihilation and that show helped me to put things into perspective.

ashes and rising and fire

work is an uproar. things are going on and i don’t want to talk about them at this time.
i made a deal with the devil. i will say that.
i need to write. i need to put words on paper and sort things out that are floating around in my head. it’s the stress of work and bullshit and no time that clogs me up and only let’s me blog this small post.
everyone should go watch Patton Oswalt: Annihilation. it’s funny and it made me think on how i’ve been this year.
or, how this year been to me.
i forgot when, but i added tags to my blog for each year. 2013, 2014, 2015, are just tagged their year. 2016 is tagged “we don't talk about it”.
i tagged 2017 as “In the Year of Our Lord Bowie”. i also deemed this year as the year all cats are named after Bowie.
and with theses past few months, it’s all coming out how awful men are in high places, i know what i’m gonna tag 2018: “roar”
i think next year will be the year of woman. maybe the lesbian uprising will happen and we will throw out a good chuck of men out in the fire.
if life is a set of trilogies, 2016 was the year that broke us, 2017 was the year that tried us, 2018 will be our triumph. we will rise and take them all out.
we have to.

November 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1500

“Waking up was ___”

2016: ok.
2015: kinda nice.
2014: short and unfulfilled.
2013: pleasant.

i think this line is mostly filler.

i think a lot of these lines are mostly filler.

day 15

today is a Monday to a 5-day workweek. i will get overtime. fuck all of ya’ll.
i did see the twins last night and man, they are babies and they are coming in their own. Mutt will smile and Jeff has resting bitch face. she is moving and grooving in her bed and is almost rolling over!
i’ve decided to banish myself from McDonald’s for the time being. the food is not helping and the Wi-Fi sucks. it’s put a damper on me talking to Matthew but i hope we can work on this. staying at the store for lunch is, better? i can watch more of my shows and get crochet done.
i still need to write about Thor. the more i am away from that movie the more i can see it.
need to get shit going and head to work. wish me luck.

November 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1499

“What do you need to vent about?”

where have you been?
2016: *uncontrollably laughing about what all has been going on in the political year*
2015: nothing.
2014: work.
2013: work.

let’s focus on the very little good i have right now, during this time.

day 14

don’t want to write, need to write, if just for the numbers.
have yarn for new project. other project is going ok. we will see.
Punisher is coming out Friday. i am excited for that, if just to escape from this world, for a bit.
i need to start moving inches. i’m not even moving inches. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. going to go back to my vits and see if that improves life.
something, there’s something else i need to mark down but i don’t know what it is…

November 13, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1498

“What song could be your self-portrait?”

“Heroes” by Our Lord and Savior Bowie. it is the song i keep going back to, whenever i need help.
2016: “Heroes” by David Bowie?
2015: still have not found one.
2014: still have not found a song that would be me.
as for a theme song for the now, i don’t have one. went kinda dark where the songs of Buffy and Muppet’s Most Wanted got to me.
2013: i’m more about my theme song for the now. never thought of a self-portrait.
i really don’t know what would be a good self-portrait for me. any ideas?

i didn’t have a favorite Bowie song until he died. i kept going back to “Heroes” over and over. i must have missed the boat when it was declared that “Space Oddity” was THE Bowie song of his life.

to me, it’s the perfect love song. the lines “And you, you can be mean/And I, I'll drink all the time” and “I, I will be king/And you, you will be queen” i quote to my people all the time.

November 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1497

“Is there anything missing in your life?”

2016: i am working on that.
2015: lots of things.
2014: Colt.
2013: loaded question. don’t know if i want to air them here.

ya know what? i am going to focus on what i have and make that better then this sad shit of bemoaning what i don’t have.

day 12

work sucks. it sucks and the customers know this to.
shithead in etron needs to just go.
i want to make this the only post this month about the store. gods help me with that.
i need to go back to a ToDoList. i may not hit goals but i know what i had to do.
Matthew saw Thor so now i have someone to talk to about the movie!
i have a lot to do on my days off if i want to get to the point i want to be at. lots of work that i pray can get done.
i need to find my vits and start up with them again. is it a cure? no, but it’s inches in the right direction
i am crocheting. i gave up on my tarot bag and am trying a poncho. i have a pattern and am going off scrip with it and we will see how that plays out.

November 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1496

“What do you always avoid?”

i don’t know right now.
2016: work.
2015: life.
2014: i don’t know. it changes so often that i can’t keep up.
2013: creepers at work, ass mangers Chris.

work, life, things. it’s mostly work that’s bringing me down right now.

day 11, part 2

i did get dressed and i did eat. i did not light a candle and i did not worked.
i don’t know what i need to do to get out of this blar and move on.
i’m gonna get back on my vitamins. maybe that’s what i’m missing right now.
i can’t keep blaming work on this or the season.
and by season, i don’t mean the winter and the dark. that don’t bother me. it’s the fucking Christmas season and all the bullshit: Black Friday and what not.
it’s not gonna get better till spring.

day 11

last two days have not been bad, just hard.
it’s, work. work is not pleasant right now. i know me and Matthew had a come to Jesus moment about my stress and he was supportive to me last night on how i needed a day off.
maybe this work 2 days off a day won’t be so bad, right now. short shots of work and then a day away.
my two days off will be with Matthew in a large fluffy bed with high speed internet because that’s what turns me on, high speed internet.
i know i am behind on my NoJoMo 2017. i know i need to write about Thor 3 but words are not coming.
i need to get dressed, eat, light a candle, and go to work on bettering myself.

November 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1495

“Where do you find pleasure?”

nowhere, right now.
2016: in the simpleness of my friends.
2015: still with my men, now that i have 3: Colt, Jacob, and Matthew.
2014: with my men.
2013: everywhere.

this year has been rough with just staying good with friends and good with myself.

November 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1494

“Did you leave work on time?”

hair late.
2016: yes.
2015: yes.
2014: off today.
2013: was off to day.

work sucks.

November 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1493

“What topic are you bored talking about?”

2016: the election.
2015: same as last year.
2014: sometimes when Matthew goes on about Star Trek too much.
2013: nothing.

i just don’t want to talk about it now.

day 8

i know i need to write but i’m a blank on what to write.
i’ve been making sigils. it’s kinda fun. mine all look very geometric. i think i got one hashed out for Mutt and Jeff. and Colt. and other things.
i still need to write about Thor. i keep seeing other people’s view on it and it’s making me think more on my view of it. i loved the movie (need to rank it with the other MCUs) and it has all my fav Avengers in it: Thor, Loki, and my Hulk.
i’m hoping on my next day off to have a change to get this all written down.

November 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1492

“Who is your hero?”

it’s been a year and i’m thinking whose hero I can be.
2016: i hope my new hero will be Dr. Strange.
2015: Colt.
2014: i don’t feel i have any heroes right now. ask me again next year.
2013: THOR!!!

you can tell what new Marvel movie came out.

but really, with me hanging with Ellie and Emily and now that i have Mutt and Jeff, i want to be their hero.

day 7

i need to sit and write about Thor properly. i keep seeing people with their hot takes and i need to add my own to the world.
but, with each hot take i see, i am understanding my feeling about the movie.
need to get some work done. my new work schedule is work 2 days off 1 day so i don’t get a weekend for a few weeks.
i really need to cut my nails.
ain’t NoJoMo so much fun?!?

November 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1491

“What time did go to bed last night?”

about an hour later then i wanted to.
2016: kinda later then i wanted to.
2015: eh.
2014: about same time as the last few days.
2013: way too late.

some days these prompts are just so filler.

making magick

so, when i got to McDonald's at 6 in the morning, i thought trying my hand at sigil would be a great an idea.
it’s November and it’s gonna be a long winter. so, the witchcraft (hopefully) will be coming along a lot more.
so using this and that, i went to make one for me.
i tried with my full name and then tried it with just Amerwitch and the Amerwitch one turned out so pretty!
and then i tried to make one for Colt, using DarkShark.
kept playing around with it and then it hit me and it turned out looking like a shark.
now i just need to send him a copy of it.
and now i got another idea for a spell…

November 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1490

“What should remind as-is?”

not a damn thing.
2016: nothing. i’m hoping that i am at a start of a reboot.
2015: nothing. i am in a major need of a reboot.
2014: nothing.
i need a change.
2013: nothing.

i got nothing because i am nothing.


Let’s talk music.
We are to believe that the soundtracks to the GotG movies are the mixtapes Star Lord’s mother gave him.
We are so wrong.
Let’s look at the 1st Mixtape’s listings.

"Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede 
"Go All the Way" by Raspberries 
"Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum 
"Moonage Daydream" by David Bowie 
"Fooled Around and Fell in Love" by Elvin Bishop 
"I'm Not in Love" by 10cc 
"I Want You Back" by The Jackson 5 
"Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone 
"Cherry Bomb by The Runaways 
"Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes 
"O-o-h Child" by Five Stairsteps 
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

First off, we can get rid of “Sprite in the Sky” as it never appears in the movie.
Secondly, we can get rid of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" because that’s on the 2nd Mixtape.
I don’t know about "I Want You Back". It’s played after Mixtape 2 so I think it was found on Mixtape 2.
So, the listings for Mixtape 1 is then:

"Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede 
"Go All the Way" by Raspberries 
"Moonage Daydream" by David Bowie 
"Fooled Around and Fell in Love" by Elvin Bishop 
"I'm Not in Love" by 10cc 
"Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone 
"Cherry Bomb by The Runaways 
"Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes 
"O-o-h Child" by Five Stairsteps

Onto Mixtape 2!

"Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra 
"Fox on the Run" by Sweet 
"Lake Shore Drive" by Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah 
"The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac 
"Bring It On Home to Me" by Sam Cooke 
"Southern Nights" by Glen Campbell 
"My Sweet Lord" by George Harrison 
"Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass 
"Come a Little Bit Closer" by Jay and the Americans 
"Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang" by Silver 
"Surrender" by Cheap Trick 
"Father and Son" by Cat Stevens 
"Flash Light" by Parliament 
“Guardians Inferno" by The Sneepers ft. David Hasselhoff

Ok, right off the bat we can get rid of “Fox on the Run” and “Guardians Inferno”. “Fox on the Run” wasn’t in the movie and “Guardians Inferno” was made for the movie.
I believe "Come a Little Bit Closer" is on Mixtape 1. In GotG 2, Rocket asked Kraglin if they had any clones of Star Lord’s music. Mixtape 2 was never opened on the Ravager’s ship, ergo “Come a Little Bit Closer” has to be on Mixtape 1.
“Father and Son” are on the Zune.
“Surrender” and “Flash Light” are in the credits so, I don’t know. Let’s say they are on the Zune.

So, then Mixtape 1 is:

"Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede 
"Go All the Way" by Raspberries 
"Moonage Daydream" by David Bowie 
"Fooled Around and Fell in Love" by Elvin Bishop 
"I'm Not in Love" by 10cc 
"Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone 
"Cherry Bomb by The Runaways 
"Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes 
"O-o-h Child" by Five Stairsteps 
"Come a Little Bit Closer" by Jay and the Americans

Mixtape 2 is:

"Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra 
"Lake Shore Drive" by Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah 
"The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac 
"Bring It On Home to Me" by Sam Cooke 
"Southern Nights" by Glen Campbell 
"My Sweet Lord" by George Harrison 
"Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass 
"Come a Little Bit Closer" by Jay and the Americans 
"Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang" by Silver

Then Zune has on it “Father and Son”, “Surrender” and “Flash Light”.

Thor 3/Loki 4

how was my Saturday night? let’s talk about it!
after lots of problems, me, Ethan, and Anthony are off to CoMo for fun! first stop is a store for Anthony to get something and then we finally make it to Chili’s!
i get to meet Nathan. i think i like him.
we eat, we get to the show and Anthony is freaking out there won’t be no seat and we walk in and there’s like 3 people there and that’s it.
it fills up and we hop in and out of seats as we hit the bathrooms and get treats.
at one-point i come back and Ethan, Anthony, and Nathan are all sitting together. and i mention it to them, that in high school i couldn’t get a guy to look at me and 20 years later i have 3 guys waiting for me.
kinda hard to believe about it.
the only preview that matter with the movie was Black Panther. it was the newest one and i’ve only seen it on my phone and tablet but to see it on the big screen, in all its glory, I CAN NOT WAIT!!!. it’s gonna be on the chain!
hello Black History Month!
and now for the movie!
it’s funny without it trying to be funny. it kinda poke at itself. there’s call backs to other movies. after the 1st 15 mins of the movie, with all the feels, it’s like damn, i still got the whole movie to get though.
it’s wonderful, it’s beautiful. i don’t know if it’s the best Marvel movie, or the best Thor movie but it’s there. it’s new and fresh look within Thor and in Marvel as a whole.
someone give Taika Waititi money and let him loose.
still a lot to think about with this movie.
well, at the end of the movie we had to part ways and we all got home safe.
but that movie…

November 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1489

“Today you made___.”

will blog later!
2016: nothing.
2015: nothing.
2014: a choice.
2013: an endcap.

hit and miss on this day but i hit it this year!

November 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1488

“When did you last hold a baby?”

10/27/2017, it was my nephew Mutt Hubert.
2016: Halloween, 2016!
2015: way long ago when Ellie was one.
2014: longer ago when Ellie was one.
2013: long ago when Ellie was one.

i need to have my own kids.

Halloween 2017

my Halloween was nice.
saw Jessica and Ellie and Emily. Emily is the cutest damn child i’ve ever seen. i swear she flirts with you. she has a grin that will melt hearts and make mothers worry.
Ellie was an angel and Emily was a devil. again, the short child was too freakin’ cute.
i did green, oh my gods have not done that in ages. i even painted my ears.
and a hat. it was one of them tiny hats on a headband but i worked it.
green and a hat. i did the Wicked Witch proud.
after chili dogs (i swear i am a glorified babysitter when i’m over there and i don’t care at this point) and costumes, we went off Trick or Treating!
and here’s the kicker: me and Jessica hand a hand on Emily. Emily was ready to go. we almost ran over Ellie cuz she was gong slow.
and every time we crossed the street, Emily yelled. it was great.
Emily and Jessica made it around the block and then me and Ellie were off on our own!
me and a 7 yr old in the backstreets of a town i do not know, at dark. good times!
Ellie got cold so i warped my cape around her and called her a nun.
we made it home and Ellie wanted to give out candy.
i got to “give” Emily a bath (odd child) and see how she gets a second wind at night.
the kicker: i carried the chili and stuff in a milkcrate. well, Emily commandeered it and was chillaxing in front of the tv. i was able to get it back because i thought Mom would be pissed if i didn’t bring it home.
well, Mom said if the baby needed it i should have left it there for her. so guess what Emily is getting for Christmas!

day 3

day 3 and going strong.
i will get dressed and post card reading after i post this. i swears.
last night i pulled out two stories i haven’t been working on and starting adding words to them. no, it’s not all NaNoWriMo but if the whole point is to get people to WRITE, then i am winning right now.
and tomorrow i get to see Thor with Shelby and Ethan! so excited!
ok, time to get off my ass and get shit done.

November 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1487

“What’s your biggest expense right now?”

credit card.
2016: student loans.
whoot for it not being my credit card this year!!!
2015: still, my credit card.
3 years in a row, this has to stop.
2014: still, my credit card. :-/
2013: my credit card.

i did get my student loans paid off this year. that was a hell of a feat to get done.
my credit card, that’s my one spot i am working on so hard. i am trying to budget and save and work but it’s just hard. i don’t bring in the money that i need just to be able to get by.

still, still, still

yeah, day 2 and i’m writing!
i have too much crap and i need to get rid of everything. this will take all of winter but hopefully by spring i have gotten rid of all clothes i don’t need/wear.
all i need is my work clothes. i don’t go anywhere or do anything that warrens me needing anything “nice” or “fancy”.
i did write and send that way short for Colt last night. go me with that.
i still need to send off card reading for the month. i don’t know what’s stopping me with that.
still need to write about Halloween.
still, still, still.

November 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1486

“What was something you couldn’t do today?”

2016: start.
2015: all my work.
2014: hide.
2013: relax.



at one-point i was dreading Halloween. it was for the fact that once it was over, it would be MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS, in your face, 24/7, till you want to puke.

i know need to write about Halloween but not tonight. hopefully tomorrow night will get it down.
i have the rough plan of writing everyday this month. i want to, we will have to wait and see if that’s possible. i’m not going to back date crap. if i don’t post, then there’s no post.

let’s see 60 posts for November!

and, while i have a few days, i want to get some work done. i hope tomorrow will being some heat to get work done.

sent Colt another short. i can’t tell him things to his face, only under the cover of words and stories can i share my soul with him. i don’t know why i can’t be more direct with him.

i don’t think i’m gonna make a ToDoList for this month. i still have a list of things to do, so maybe keeping it more loose and open, i’ll get more done.

here’s to hope.

October 31, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1485

“Halloween plans? What’s your costume?”

always a witch and always having fun!
2016: will blog about this day, later.
2015: will blog about this later and post link here when it’s up.
2014: nothing.
2013: my plans are to go over to Colt’s for tacos and spook movies and a bit of magick.
i’m basically dressings as "myself”.

always a witch, always up to some nighttime magick.

October 30, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1484

“Are you able to tell when you had enough?”

2016: i don’t know anymore.
2015: no.
2014: to drink, yes and no.
2013: enough what?


October 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1483

“Camping or hotel?”

still game to pop a tent and spend a night in the backyard.
2016: still game to pop a tent and spend a night in the backyard.
2015: still game to pop a tent and spend a night in the backyard.
2014: hotel. hotel with a whirlpool, even better.
2013: hotel. willing to try camping. told Matthew it might be fun to sleep in a tent in the backyard one night.

hotel. i’ll do the tent in the backyard for fun but i’m for hotels until i get my own giant bed and high speed internet.

October 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1482

“___ is completely ridiculous.”

the last year.
2016: the store.
2015: i really don’t know. nothing seems out there, right now.
2014: till 2019, i got dates with Matthew, Colt, and the MCU.
2013: the fact the inbreed rednecks of Arkansas think we can do what we do with no people and no hours.

the store keeps getting worser and worser. it’s going to be awesome to see rock bottom hit.
but the MCU keeps going and keeps winning and i get to see

THOR this weekend without Colt and Matthew!

October 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1481

“What was the last goofy thing you did?"

don’t remember.
2016: don’t remember.
2015: i really don’t remember.
2014: told someone that i did not want to cuddle with their cat.
2013: truly? save a toy kitty from the jackass at the service desk.


October 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1480

“How do you feel about your body?”

2016: no.
2015: my feet are burning, due to new shoes and them getting worked on this weekend.
other than that, i’m okish.
2014: fine.
2013: today, ok. fat and a bit gooy.

i need to work on getting smaller.

October 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1479

“What is the most honest thing you’ve said today?”

telling everyone about my brother and my niece.
2016: eh.
2015: i think it was just a day of white lies, just to look like i’m nice and happy.
2014: i don’t recall. been keeping things to myself.
2013: whatever it was i know it was to Colt. i’m almost overly honest with him.

need to write ‘bout the twins…

October 24, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1478

“How are you? Write it in a rhyming couplet (two lines of verse that rhymes and have the same rhyme).”

i feel like shit because the card reading i did for Colt last night, i can’t read it.
2016: I worked.
I hurt.
2015: i’m off today
2014: work sucked
everything fucked.
2013: today was the same old, some old
and now in my room, it grows cold and cold

so this year’s didn’t rhyme and i really don’t care.

crap reading

i’ve been reading tarot cards for almost 20 years. it’s to the point i want to open up my own Esty store and sell readings.
and, i think i’m good. there’s been time when people are just like, “witchcraft!” and i’m like yes, i am a witch, i do the witchcraft and this is what the fucking cards are telling you to do!
and i love Colt. i’ve been doing readings for him forever. i use my Flower Speak deck because they seem to cut though the shit and tell it how it is.

(and to toot my own horn, that deck sells for from $175 to $500 on Amazon.)

it was always the same cards in different spots and forever a shift in his dance.
anyhoots, did a reading for him last night and i got nothing.
i sat, i thought, i looked up their tarot meanings, and it didn’t make sense. at all.
i put my faith that these cards are the right cards and one-day i will look back on them and it will all make sense to me. it’s just right now they are speaking gibberish.
need to think more about this.

October 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1477

“Who is the last person on your missed calls?”

2016: Matthew.
2015: Matthew.
2014: Matthew.
2013: Matthew.

he calls a lot.
and i don’t answer…


i should be in bed but there’s something on my heart.
long ago, i had an angel. he was perfect. i wouldn’t say he completed me but, he was an answer to a lot of questions.
when he broke up with me, it nearly destroyed me. i made it to the other side and found, a guy i would waste nearly 5 years of my life with.
and then i got together with Matthew.
looking back on them dark days in 2005, i couldn’t foresee the love i would have now with the men i have.
12 years is a long time to find happiness. maybe it’s me being older and wiserish, but, love is out there for you Colt. he’s looking for you as much as you are looking for him.

October 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1476

“Write a haiku about your day.” 

call in, took a 7 hour nap, still feel like shit, oh, this is not a haiku? well fuck you! 
2016: Not a good work day. 
I felt like shit all day long 
Not know what was wrong 
2015: off on a payday, 
fucking up my days of the week day off, 
day on: bad. 
2014: two days off, in row, 
fix me and my car, free time 
inventory, morrow. 
2013: Wal-Mart I went to, 
not mine, another i go, 
Krazy, again, broke. 

so, it’s just this every year i feel like shit. i blame it mostly on fucking inventory, as it gets worser and worser every year. 
and my Krazy, my DarkShark, my Colt. i know i am not want you want but i am here.

October 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1475

“What new word have you learned?”

it’s not that i learned the word “queer” this year but i’ve learned how to use it.
2016: asexual and demisexual.
2015: from a while ago but i’ve learned polyamorus and metamour.
2014: really have not learn any new worlds lately.
2013: fag hag.

and 99% of all this has to deal with Colt. 

it’s been, interesting, to learn about my sexuality. 
and part of me still thinks i am nothing but a straight girl and i’m just putting on airs about shit. 
but, i know i am not straight. there’s too many flavors in me to just roll as a straight girl.

October 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1474

“Who do you count on?”

Colt, Ethan, Jessica, Matthew, Nicole, Shelby.
2016: Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, Shelby.
2015: Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, Shelby.
2014: Colt, Matthew, Nicole.
2013: Colt, Matthew, Nicole.

i’m glad this list has grown in the past 5 years.

October 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1473

“What was your last credit card purchase?”

beeswax and penguin pjs.
2016: no clue and i’m not looking it up.
2015: crap from the store.
2014: soap and vitamins at the store.
2013: Much Ado About Nothing, on blu-ray.

i have to get my credit card under control. i know if i can pay it off and not use it, i can start saving money a whole lot faster.


my thoughts turn to Florida and to my DarkShark and to memories that have come to the light of day.
once upon a time i had an Angel. he lived in Arizona.
he came and visit me.
one night, after many years, we had a hardcore talk. we decided that i would graduate and move to Arizona to be with him.
and 30 days later he had a girlfriend.
he came and visit me one more time, still having the same girlfriend.
and i am looking up my old journal to remember things.
and he left me and i never really have heard from him.
that was 12 years ago.
and the other year at Nicole’s, i started crying over losing him. i am so happy with Matthew (and you Colt) but i was there in her kitchen crying over losing him some 11 years ago.
this post did not turn out the way i planed.
my thoughts are on those October nights 12 years ago and with my DarkShark as he’s in Florida.
i pray he finds what he needs and not what he wants. sometimes we get what we need and it’s not what we want.
i tell Matthew he’s everything i ever needed and nothing that i wanted. and i’m happy with him. more so then with any other guy.
i’m praying and rooting for you DarkShark.

October 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1472

“What famous living famous person would you want to meet for drinks?”

Tom Hiddleson.
2016: Joss. just Joss and some martinis.
2015: my first thought was Tom Hiddleson.
but Joss is still boss.
2014: still Joss.
2013: Joss.

once upon a time, the tag “fangirl” use to be “Joss Whedon influenced this blog”. and then news came out that Joss may not be that great of a role model.
for over 10 years i’ve sung the praise of his works and he is the ONLY reason i got into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. and the MCU has taken over a greater part of my life. and even has influenced
greater parts of my life.

and i didn’t want to get rid of that tag. that tag meant a lot to me. i renamed fangirl for now.
so, for living “heroes” i now have Tom Hiddleson.

October 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1471

“What’s the most valuable thing you own?”

my people.
2016: i don’t own my friends or my men but that’s what i count as most valuable.
2015: i don’t own my friends or my men but that’s what i count as most valuable.
2014: my friends.
2013: money wise or what i prize?
my laptop.

when i started this in 2013 all i had was Matthew and Nicole. now look at my tags. look at who all i’ve gain!
i haz friends!

October 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1470

You woke up at ___.”
way too damn early.
2016: i don’t remember but i know i took a pic of the full moon at 4:33 AM.
2015: bit before 9 AM.
2014: quarter to 8 AM.
2013: quarter to 9 AM.

i kinda get up around the same time.

October 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1469

“How much time do you spend commuting?”

2016: same.
2015: same as the last 2 year’s answers.
2014: same as last year’s answers. what i have learn is that there’s this space/time thing. the slower i go from Belle to Owensville, the faster i get to the store.
2013: takes about 45 mins to get to work, an hour to get back. the store

i had hopes that i would be living closer to work by now.