December 31, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1546

“What is your most cherished memory of the year?”


niece and nephew!!!
2016: taking a pic with Shelby and Ethen and Shelby saying it was squad goals.
i have my own squad and i am part of another one.
ask 16 yr old me. i would never thought i would be this cool to be part of 2 (or more!) squads.
2015: eep. it was my adventures that i loved this year.
no, it was anytime i was out and about with my people that i loved the most.
2014: look under “cuz we’re connected” for this year.
2013: nothing pops out at me. :-(

the niece and nephew made this crap year ways better.

and i still love all my people. it’s just my niece and nephew are so much cuter!







2017





so, hi 2017.
blar.
i was excited that i was nearing 2,000 post.
the dread of white spaces and an open keyboard.
come hell or high water
“how are the kittys?”
dollar stores are dangerous.
this month, this bloody month.
i survived my weekend with Colt and Matthew.
so, how did my birthday play out?
at one-point i was dreading Halloween.
i failed.










December 30, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1545

“List what you’ve eaten for the past week.”


glitter and rainbows.
2016: food. the answer will always be food.
2015: food. the answer will always be food.
2014: hey look, same as last year, food!
2013: food.

it’s not the matter that this is way filler, it’s the book gives you an inch to write everything and how the fuck am i to write all 21 meals in an inch?




December 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1544

“What are your top three wishes?”



i have a ToDoList to get done, no time for wishes.
2016: GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!!!


2015: out.
2014: i just want out. can i wish for that 3 times?
2013:
  1. pay off credit card
  2. move out
  3. i don’t know. a pony?
i don’t know if i’ve gotten my shit together but there is a loose plan on how to get out. it’s just the matter of doing it, now.


December 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1543

“Snuggle down or go out and play?”


too cold to do either.
2016: cry.
2015: play, then hardcore snuggle.
very hardcore snuggle.
2014: play, then snuggle, snuggle hardcore.
2013: play, then snuggle, snuggle hardcore.

eh.





December 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1542

“What was the last time you felt at peace?”




last May, went to see Colt for Marvel weekend. he took us to a gay bar. we sat in the corner.
it was an Saturday night and it was Disco Night. i had forgotten how much disco i know and how much i love it.
just the Long Island Teas and that loud music and it just seemed so right.
2016: January 10, 2016. i went to bed that night and all was right with the world.
i woke up Monday morning and Nicole called me to tell me Bowie had died.
and it’s been downhill since.
2015: i don’t know if it was peace or the fact everything felt right.
it was the night before my birthday. i was good and drunk and had out mathed Jacob.
when it was bed time, i was evil and took off my shirt and bra to sleep topless in Jacob’s bed (i’m assuming i’m the biggest boobs that bed ever saw).
and right before passing out, i grabbed my phone to txt Colt (who was on the other side of the apartment) good night.
2014: May 27, 2014. read about it here, “Part III: Boyfriend Prime”.
2013: 8/16/2013. read about it here, “daylight”.


most of these ties into Colt.











it's cold enough to freeze your Winnebago


it’s cold. like, arctic air cold. it’s 14 right now. it was 1 when i got up.
do you know what it’s like to have 20 odd cats some up to and complain that’s it’s cold? it’s like they think i’m a goddess and can fix this.
no kitties, i can not.


December 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1541

“On a scale of one to ten, how spontaneous were you today?”


none.
2016: none.
2015: -1.
2014: less then zero
2013: zero.

eh.




December 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1540

“Write down five words that describe today.”


lovely. we stayed home and just ate and drank.
2016: year 4: just like the others only painful this year.
2015: 3 years in a row: long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.
2014: hey look! same as last year!
long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.
2013: long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.

i didn’t wear underwear today.





December 24, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1539

“Write down a recent transition.”

the store.
2016: life.
2015: McDonald's.
2014: shit from the store.
2013: i brought lunch for me and Colt.

i miss lunch dates with Colt.




December 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1538

“What’s your favorite cereal?”

frosted flakes.
2016: frosted flakes.
2015: frosted flakes.
2014: frosted flakes.
2013: frosted flakes.
i like frosted flakes.




the calm before the storm


Christmas has started. spent the day with niece and nephew. had a blast. Michael and Sarah liked the pool. well, Sarah was all about it. she wants palm trees and everything. can’t wait till the dollar store gets its summer stuff and then we can party.
other than that, not much happen.
IT DID SNOW! i woke up and looked out my window and saw snow. the cats were confused and surprised by it as well.
and yes, this is the calm before the storm. tomorrow i go to work and try to make it to 5 pm without killing anyone. of all the years, i usually break down and cry. i haven’t, yet, this year. with all the clusterfucks going on, i am still here and going strong.
it’s only 8 hours….
and then Drunk Christmas.





December 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1537

“Did you meet someone new recently? If so, who was it?”


niece and nephew!!!
2016: Emily!
2015: i met Jacob this year!
2014: no.
2013: in the past 3 months i did meet Tom.

Tom’s not around anymore, to my knowledge. maybe in a different lifetime if Colt stayed in Rosebud.

Jacob, i don’t know what’s going with that.

Emily is still around and is awesome.

and now i have a niece and nephew!




December 21, 2017

last



i want this to be the last.
i this to be the last Sabbat i don’t celebrate.
i want to be able to light my candles and cast my circle and do my thing. i want to get back to my religion. i want to be a witch again.
i don’t even remember the last time i did anything. i don’t do the worship, how do i except to receive the blessings?
i am moving an inch. i have incense and i do light it. it’s not much but it’s a start and a move.
i’m not where i want to be but, i think i am going up. inch by inch, i think i am getting better.





5 yr blog, day 1536

“If you could be the best at anything, what would it be?”


tarot card reader.
2016: human.
2015: be a better woman to my men.
2014: i want to be a better amerwitch.
2013: dudes, i’m the best amerwitch there will ever be. no need to wish for anything else.

this has bounced around in the past 5 years.

and i want 2018 to be the year i get back to my magick roots and expand on them.




December 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1535

“What is your dream vacation?”


me and Mathew and a week at Walt Disney.
2016: warm.
2015: i don’t know if anything will top #Avergerpalzooa.
2014: right now, and i know it will happen: 5th anniversary weekend in Springfield with Matthew, Colt, and Ultron.
2013: Walt Disney World for a week with Mathew.

well, the overlap is kinda the same all 5 years, warm and Matthew.




To my Shark, Darkly

My Dearest DarkShark,

(I don’t know when you will read this. I will tweet/facebook/txt you this at some point. Just know I wrote it tonight.)




I know it’s late, I know you’re weary. I know your plans don’t include me. Still, here we are, both of us in the photo lab not doing a damn thing because fuck this place.
I know I’m not your type. Maybe if I lose a 100 lbs and had an 8-inch dick instead of D cup chest but you would give me a second look but, here I am.
Both of us lonely.
If I could, I would make the pain go away. I can’t. I’m not even close to enough to be there. All I can do is send you love via txt.
I wish I was there, to wipe away your tears or just hand you a bottle of vodka, whichever you need.
I wish I could punch someone in their perfect teeth.
But, I’m here, sending you all the love I can, the way I can, by writing it out and putting it out there, into this cold world.
I know tonight feels like the longest night, but that is tomorrow. Tomorrow is the wheel turns and it is Yule, the first day of winter, the longest night of the year. The longest night gives birth to my sun god and the nights grow shorter and every day there is a breath more of sunlight.
Let this be your darkness, my DarkShark. Let this be your darkness because after this, there will be light. There will be light and love, so help me gods I will make it so. We will celebrate Ostara and I will do my magicks again.
I love you Colt.

Your witch,
Your “Woman!”
amer

December 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1534

“If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?”


nothing. today was ok and i’ll keep it.
2016: i would be warm and the internet worked in my room.
2015: i work a full day.
2014: to be done with the Yule time crocheting.
2013: Colt’s gift would be done.

Christmas is such an odd time of the year. this year i declared no one was getting anything from me and i feel great about it.




*sigh*


*sigh*
this end of the year/gearing up for the new year stuff is a downer. it’s like, i didn’t get anything done this year, why would next year be any different?
i want to start my own tarot card reading but, i’m scared that it won’t work. that somehow i’ll fuck up the tax stuff and lose.
or i can do the whole thing under the table and then get my ass kicked later on…
and there’s always Patreon…
i need an adult.





December 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1533

“What do you like to talk about?”


niece and nephew!
2016: not a damn thing right now.
2015: everything.
2014: anything and everything.
2013: anything and everything.

gotta say, they take up a lot of my tales.

that, and my cats.




kinda



did i move forward today?
kinda.
i got some things done on my ToDoList and i could have gotten more done. 
i’m moving inches but i can be moving more.
made plans with Matthew about things. i know i need to see Star Wars soon.
i feel like a bit of a fraud. i keep sharing all the cool memes and things i see of Carrier Fisher but i never was a fan. i know of Star Wars and i liked The Force Awakes and i’m keen on thing in it and stuff but, it’s not my childhood. it’s not what defined me as a child of the 80’s and so, it’s not that scared to me. Carrie Fisher is not the holy mother, to me.
but, the more i hear the more i know i came late. better late then never but i feel like a fake doing so.
i offer no prayers in her name but pray to my gods that fell in Year We Do Not Talk About.
if we put the years 2016, 2017, and 2018 into a trilogy of movies, next year, is the year. there was too much lost in 2016, too much fighting to stay alive in 2017, that 2018 is the year we roar. i thought we would be able to have a good year after 2016, but that came crashing on about the 20ish…
my sleep schedule have been off and i took some melatonin and i think that’s kicking in…

December 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1532

“If you had to move to a new city, where would you move?”


away.
2016: out.
2015: i need to move. i think it would be best to move closer to work, Rosebudish.
Springfield would be nice but that would not work out long term.
2014: Rosebud.
2013: Rosebud.

i wanted to be out by the time i got to 5 years.

now, it’s to be out before i’m 40.





stuff



i need to write and have nothing to say.
i keep looking for journal apps and what not on Google but i don’t find anything i like or what i want/need. i keep looking and maybe something will click.
there’s other things i need to get done, that i wanted done by the end of the year and i don’t know if that will happen. i keep pushing myself and, not much happens.
i think i’m waiting for the new year to start again. i know that’s not the best things in the world, but it’s a start.
there’s lots of things i want to start in the new year, like my tarot card business and maybe a Patreon.
maybe i can get some work done theses next two days. just a bit. knock some things off the ToDoList and get closer to being better.





December 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1531

“What so you find irresistible?”

i love good vodka, gay boys, and the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
2016: i love good vodka, gay boys, and the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
2015: well, i like my men a bit gay and seemingly with over attachment to their furchildgren.
2014: boys with cats.
2013: in what? in life, men, women, cars? this vagueness just ain’t cute anymore.

i came up with that line while talking to Shelby and Ethan. i think that sums me up the best.




December 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1530

“Moderation or excess?”


yes.
2016: yes.
2015: all the time.
2014: both, at the same time.
2013: both. at the same time.


some things you cannot get enough of, while others see it as an excess.




blar 2017


we are in the end days, Christmas is a freaking week away and i can assumed that panic will set in and people will be losing their shit everywhere.
i really should get my few gifts done. hmm.
i know tomorrow is gonna be shit but it don’t matter. Sunday i get to see niece and nephew and life will be all right for a few hours.
i got 3 days off and maybe i can get some things done. i don’t know how much but some.
if i can get one tub out of my room, i think i can work on the another lvl. i’m not going to hit my goal of by year’s end but i can try to make it better.
just, gotten get to tomorrow night and the pain and i will be ok for a few days.
i’m going to bed.






December 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1529

“Why are you impressive?”


no comment.
2016: show me something to make me impressed. i’m not going to oh and ah over any common tricks.
2015: stand by last year’s answers.
2014: i am and i am not. show me a talent i didn’t think you had, that will impress me.
2013: so don’t understand this question at all.


i don’t want to be impresses by anyone, anymore.




December 13, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1528

“What is your biggest regret?”

fuck this.
2016: ah yes. where do i start?
i am going to keep with last year’s answer. i am where i’m suppose to be, for better or worse.
2015: where the road splits, i took the path i took. and then again and again, going further or closer to my first path.
so, what do i regret? do i regret working at Wal-Mart that let me met Colt, and put him on the path to meet Jacob?
do i regret not sticking with my loser ex and missing out on Matthew?
i don’t regret getting here.
2014: i said my whole life last year, but the more i think about it, i’m here for a reason, for better or worse.
i have no regrets.
2013: my whole life.

how do i unpack this…
i stand by what i have said in the past few years. i am shit but i’m here. i want to think this is the better for me and that other paths would not have lead me to this “good” of a place.

the shininess that i have is my friends. i would not have the good network that i have without crossing the woods and coming to this place.

i would not be a queer butch cis woman if i had stayed with previous encounters. i don’t know if i would have the Marvel movies like i do now. no, i wouldn’t because Matthew reads the comics and that adds to our relationship.

no, this was/is the right path for me.









December 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1527

“What’s on your wish list?”

newer car.
2016: i don’t know. i really don’t know what would be the top of it now…
2015: penguin.
a REAL penguin.
2014: store brought dress and a pony.
2013: store brought dress and a pony.

i am in a good need of a newer car.

it goes back to money and my lack of it. i got $3,000 saved up and i want more but…

it sounds like everyone hours are gonna be gone once February hits.






December 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1526

“Where do you find joy?”

i am looking.
2016: my crocheting.
2015: nowhere right now.
2014: in the pure and simple.
2013: nowhere right now. nowhere.

there’s self-care, and then there’s the thought that everything i do is self-care but i don’t need it because i don’t have “The Problems” like other people have. i need to suck it up and go.

but, on some lvl, i know that i’m not right and i need something to fix this. every time i think i hit a new bottom, the floor caves and i fall again. how far down do i get till rock bottom? do i need to work my way up to rock bottom?




not good

i failed. i didn’t want to start this month with that statement, nor did i want to “wait” till the 11th to start this month but, here we are.
i failed NoJoMo. i set the goal of 60 post and only made it to 49, 82%, B-. good try but just a hair above average.
see, the fact that i work in retail and this happens in November just don’t be good for me.
*sigh*
and December is starting to track with being crap too.
Larry died. it ought i should make mention of that, at least.
the Sunday before that, i hit a deer with my car.
the next Sunday my car died along the side of the road. hopefully it’s just the alternator.
this has brought up talks with Matthew of him not having a job and i cannot, will not, foot the bill for all these trips anymore. i cannot afford it.
out of all this shit, there is one thing, no, make it two things.
the niece and the nephew. spent 6 hours with them last Saturday. I HAS THE POWER TO MAKE JEFF EASTER SMILE!!! i use my paging voice and it brings out the biggest smiles ever! i tell her that voice comes from a very deep and dark part of my soul and she loves it. i hope to use that power next Sunday when we see Santa.
all have is hope and wasted hours. i really don’t know what to do to get things better.
i’m lost and i don’t want to start 2018 that way.

December 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1525

“What surprised you today?”


i didn’t have to cashier that much.
2016: being told that hours needed to be cut.
2015: nothing surprised me.
2014: i did not run into trouble at town.
2013: how much happier i am working over in apparel.

so much of this is about work…




December 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1524

“What is your most recent act of generosity?”


i gave my niece and nephew all the love today.
2016: i’ve been giving out candy canes.
2015: i don’t punch people who piss me off.
2014: i don’t recall.
2013: i don’t recall.

as much of a shit week and life it’s been, them niece and nephew are what’s the silver lining.




December 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1523

“How ambitious do you feel today?”

none.
2016: none.
2015: none.
2014: this is the wrong time of year to ask this question.
2013: none.

hi. i work in fucking retail and it’s the high time of Christmas fuckery. there is no hope for any of us. we are all trying to get to the end of the day with our jobs and not killing anyone.




December 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1522

“Where do you see yourself next year?”

fuck…
2016: i don’t know anymore.
2015: better off then what is going on now.
2014: in my own place.
2013: no clue or i don’t want to say.

i should sit down and really blog about this…




December 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1521

“Today you gain___.”

$80.
2016: a day off.
2015: stress.
2014: a day off.
2013: weight.

eh.




December 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1520

“What do you miss?”

Colt.
2016: my room.
2015: alone time.
2014: Colt.
2013: right now, my grandmas.

me and Colt both have been missing each other.

i really miss having a friend at work. even when i switch departments, he was just across the way for me to yell at and there was always the break room and sleep overs at his house.

i really miss having sleep overs at his house. too much booze and movies.




December 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1519

“Do you want to know how it ends?”


now i’m worried about Avengers 3
2016: no.
2015: well, i know how Avengers 2 ends now.
2014: like i said last year, what ends?
2013: what ends? the world? my life? Avengers 2?

well, yeah, Avengers 3.

when the trailer dropped, part of me was thinking that i should be this excited for a movie. there is other things in this world that should take more of my time, body, and soul then a movie franchise. i mean, look how the real world is!

but, that’s it. the real world is a crap place right now and here, here is a spot in this bloody universe where things are good. here is a small place where i can come together with others and for 2 to 3 hours, life is on the big screen and that’s all we have to worry about.




December 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1518

“On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you?”


no.
2016: eh.
2015: pretty good.
2014: low.
2013: right now, 7.


this is not the time of year to ask that question.




December 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1517

“What details from today would you like to remember?”


none, really.
2016: nothing, really.
2015: i didn’t do anything today worth remembering.
2014: Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D..
2013: none.

Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. was on last night and it was wonderful.




December 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1516

“What would you like your epitaph to read?”



loved by few, feared by many.
2016: wife, girlfriend, and loving mother.
2015: wife, girlfriend, and loving mother.
2014: wife and loving mother.
2013: wife and loving mother.


i don’t even know if i’ll have a tombstone.

i want to get married and i want kids. as much as i live on the outer limits of what is society, i want those two “normal” titles apply to me. i’ll be off the wall with them but i will be them.

as for girlfriend, i hope to be someone’s girlfriend, always.




November 30, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1515

“Today you almost ___.”

spent $500.
2016: no, i did something today.
i got a “new” car.
2015: went off on a manager.
2014: did something.
2013: got got.

i had a new car...





November 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1514

“What five words describe your mood?”



stressed, overworked, underpaid, leery, pissed off.
2016: drunk, fearful, pissed off, depressed, sad.
2015: tired, pissed off, blood thirsty, fucked.
2014: tired, good, melancholy, hopeful, lonely.
2013: stressed, stressed, stressed, stressed, stressed.


this job will be the death of me.




November 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1513

“What was the last risk you took?”


i really don’t remember. i know i take them, nothing stands out right now as a “big risk”.
2016: i really don’t remember. i know i take them, nothing stands out right now as a “big risk”.
2015: i really don’t remember. i know i take them, nothing stands out right now as a “big risk”.
2014: writing down the story: “The Pirate and the Witch.”
2013: changing jobs.

clocking in is a big enough risk, every day.




MARVALous Prayers




Thor: Ragnarok came out a few weeks ago and there have been many think pieces/hot takes posted about the movie. most of what i have seen have been about its looks on colonialism and immigrants and POC and many other things. i’ve read some and i agree with them. i didn’t see that when i saw the film, blame it on my white privilege, but i did see something else that no one (that i know) has written about.
i came late to the Marvel Cinematic Universe with watching Avengers in theater, because it was a Joss Whedon movie and i was deeply in love with Buffy. i watched all the “prequels” movies on DVD before seeing Avengers and thought: “Joss Whedon movie! Yeah!”
the only time that any of these movies had ping on my small radar was someone bitching about the first Thor movie in my pagan Facebook group. other then that, i didn’t care about them. my boyfriend was all about Batman, i was ok with Batman, so it was a lot of The Dark Knight on Blu-ray for us.
but, that all changed with Avengers, Avengers and it’s toys. particularly a Hulk doll that when you pressed his stomach he would say:
Hulk smash!
Hulk smash more!
Let’s go smash!
Hulk ready for fight!
that would be my mantra to get thought my day, working in retail, in electricians and toys during the Christmas season.
then it came upon a day that i purchase a Playschool doll of the Hulk, small to fit in my pocket. it started as i carry him at work and tell people i pray to the Hulk. now, i carry him everywhere.
and with that statements, here’s where Thor: Ragnarok hit me the hardest and where it hasn’t hit anyone else, that i know of.
it was somewhere in the middle of the movie, before Thor got away from Sakaar that it hit me, i am seeing my mythology unfurl right before me.
there’s a lapsesness to my religion that the MCU have filled in. it gave me gods (Iron Man, Hulk, Caption America, Thor), it gave me myths (the movies) it gave me feels, it gave me a place in this world. i have missed all the boats of the “cool kid’s stuff” but with the MCU, i’m in. i’m here and it’s a darling of the nerd world and i can talk about this with all my nerd coworkers, and be on the Twitter and the Tumblr and see all the memes and live tweet Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. and just be part of something and not be alone.
so, when just a teaser of a teaser for Avengers 3 dropped today, it hit me with feels.
i don’t follow DC and them so, i don’t know how it plays over there. i know Marvel has have had the PR to make the simple things seems like an earth changing event. and maybe we, the fans, are being played and we are just eating out of Marvel’s hands, but have you seen the abs in all them Marvel movies?
i’ve only been in this fandom for 5ish years, but it has taken a large part of my soul. so while most will see Thor: Ragnarok and think shiny and watch the Avengers 3 trailer and think neat, these are my gospels to my everchanging religion. when the Hulk flew off at the end of Age of Ultron that wasn’t a character flying off, that was the deity that has given me strength for the past 3 years going away.
tomorrow, we will get a glimpse of the next Avengers movie, the next glimpse of what is happening to my gods.
my body is not ready.

day 28



i got done watching The Punisher. it’s everything. i loved it. it goes places you would never think.
he drinks pink wine. and he’s still a badass.
i’m trying to watch Runaways but it’s so slow. it has James Marsters as this evil, dick Tony Stark and i know he’s 55 and not the beauty of being Spike right now but, damn. i still love him.
i need to make moves on improving my life. 25% day is coming and i got plans and no ways to use them.
i have a count down and i want it to be a surprise for Matthew.
i need to make moves. this month, has not been kind to me. it’s a circle, my room brings me down and i don’t want to make it better but if it was better i would be better.
i need a box and get rid of shit.
i need to go to work tonight.







November 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1512

Who inspires you?”



lots of things. i can’t just pinpoint it right now.
2016: i was just inspired to draw today.
2015: Nicole.
and Colt.
2014: Colt.
2013: Colt.


right now, there’s a need for magick because i feel that i’ve hit something. something that can take me to the next lvl…





November 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1511

“What three words describe your family?”

big, tall, mean.
2016: big, tall, mean.
2015: big, tall, mean.
2014: big, tall, mean.
2013: big, tall, mean.

the twins aren’t there yet but soon…




November 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1510

“How much water did you drink today?”




i’m getting close to drinking it all in a day.
2016: not enough.
2015: not enough.
2014: better than last year but not enough.
2013: not enough.


i am drinking a lot more water lately…

pain hurt


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November 24, 2017

5 yr blog,day 1509

“Who have you recently deleted from your contacts/address book?”


deleted a coworker from Facebook.
2016: no one.
2015: no one.
2014: no.
2013: well, i did deleted someone from Facebook awhile back.

bleg.




November 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1508

“What is your favorite brunch food?”


i don’t do brunch.
2016: i don’t do bunch.
2015: i don’t do brunch.
2014: i don’t do brunch.
2013: really? this is a thing?

the best breakfasts i use to get was a foot-long chili dog from Sonic on a Sunday morning.

fuck brunch.




November 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1507

“What are you trying to do?”

inches.
2016: better my life.
2015: move.
2014: better my life.
2013: bleed.

i was 33 when i started this project and thought i would be father along then what i am now, 5 years later.

i keep saying this but i got to get going and it has to be in 2018.




November 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1506

“What are your favorite shoes?”


i have work shoes, and that is about it. that’s what i wear. i have just the one pair.
2016: just look back on previous year’s answers.
2015: i wear shoes. i have, 2 pair right now so, i’m not a woman of many shoes.
2014: still don’t have a pair. i have shoes, i wear them when i need to.
2013: don’t have a pair.

i have work shoes, and that is about it. that’s what i wear. i have just the one pair.




day 21




today was the weirdly calm before the storm.
it just hit me, it was just calm. there was no uproar or shit, just calmness.
but i knew, it was coming. it was coming and there is nothing i can do to stop it.
it’s like looking at the radar and seeing the hurricane approaching you. you hope and pray that you won’t wash away and think that it won’t be so bad but, who’s to know?
Colt did a card reading for me last night and my change is The Towers. fuck all.
i should go to bed. i should do Colt’s card reading. i should do a lot of things instead of the wasting that i am doing.
i can survive this Black Thanksgiving.
i really just need to go to bed.

November 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1505

“What do you have to get done?”

a lot.
2016: my life.
2015: still, my room.
2014: my room.
2013: :-( my room.

i have not come very far in the last 5 years…




day 20


need to write, have to write.
i don’t know when i will have a day off that i can stay home and do stuff.
i was able to get my bras, socks, and underwear washed for the week along with making my lunches for the week. Thor’sDay i need to get up earlyish and make all my quesadillas for lunch.
i am pulling teeth to write to get at lest 60 post by the end of this bloody month.



November 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1504

“When was the last time you checked an online social network?”



online 24/7.
2016: online all the time, yo.
2015: I’M ONLINE 24/7!!!
2014: I’M ALWAYS ON, ALL THE TIME!!!
2013: on one now.


i mean, yeah!