June 30, 2016

5 yr blog, day 998

“What can you live without right now?”




is this supposed to make me think of how i’m supposed to be better off with something, like too much internet or air?
i can live without a lot of stuff, the question is do i want to? no. i like what i have and not giving up anything.
2015: still stand with last year’s answer.
2014: i hate questions like this. it’s not the matter of what i can live without, it’s the matter of why the hell would i want to? how will that make me a better person or some other bullshit?



30 days of pride, *BONUS*

*Bonus* Share a picture of you on June 30th!


i cheated.  i made this pic of me long ago in paint and only just rediscover it.  i think it fits for today.

30 days of pride

30 days of pride, day 30

30. Why are you proud to be LGBTQ?


i feel like a fraud that i consider myself to be part of the LGBTQIA group. to the outside world, i’m straight with my straight boyfriend.
but, the more i’ve done this “30 days of pride” is that yes, i am asexual/demisexual. my boyfriend is bi, my best friend is bi, my other best friend is gay with his gay boyfriend, and my other best friend is pan.
hell, some days i think i am more of gay man trapped in a woman’s body than anything else.
i’m proud to part of the LGBTQIA world because this is where all my friends are, this is where i can be me. i remember before getting into the asexual/demisexual world i was in the queer world: i like my men dressed as women, i like watching naked women dance, and i feel the most feminine when i am dressed the butchest.
this is my world. i might be on the fringe of it, but i’m here.

30 days of pride




late night/early morning update


and so it’s begun, i am slowly getting my music back on my laptop. it is a slow process but i am getting it done.
and my music sound good on this laptop. yeah!
i just do not know why my playlist are not dl on this thing.
and i am still getting use to the feel of this laptop with the typing of it.
working on my new story. i hope to get the first bit done and send it to Colt for his look at it. he’s in it twice so we’ll see how this pans out.
i think my melatonin has kicked in and i’m off to bed now.





June 29, 2016

5 yr blog, day 997

“What are you top songs on your ‘recently played’ list?”



itunes is down and i don’t have any. :’(

2015: top three
  1. “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone
  2. “Interrogation Song” by Ty Burrell, Sam the Eagle and The Muppets
  3. “Heroes” by David Boiwie
2014: top three
  1. “Counting Stars” by OneRepublic
  2. “Invisible” by U2
  3. “White Walls” by Macklemore


30 days of pride, day 29

29. What do you love most about yourself?


my body may not be the greatest but i can do so much with it.

30 days of pride

June 28, 2016

5 yr blog, day 996

“If your mood were a weather forecast, you’d be____.”




lazy.
2015: calm, and then it’s really dark and depressing.
2014: dark, foreboding, overcast, with danger in air.
and windy.



hope for more words



ok, day 2 of getting laptop up and going. trying to get itunes up and running is th worst part. i haz almost all the music and very slow internet so yes, this might take a month.
or a trip to the library next week.
sometime. i have limited days off coming up so, we’ll see what happens.
oh! birthday night at the hotel with the boyfriend and high speed internet! yes!
i am trying to start on my new story idea. i think i need to skip and just start working on the parts i have done in my head.
i’m trying to reread Brave New World for my story. i think i need to read 1984.
and maybe need to read up on the history of Iran.
i’m hoping that July brings more writing and more blogging. i know having my laptop dying, and trying to do 30 days of pride and 5 yr blog was all part of lack of writing.
now for some more words on paper.

30 days of pride, day 28

28. How are YOU going to change the world?


nothing right now but
i have plans. i want to get my witchcraft/crochet store up and running and donate to the LGQTBIA world. i also plan on raising my kids to a hella open to what is out there.

30 days of pride

June 27, 2016

5 yr blog, day 995

“When was the last time you ate pizza? What kind?”


last week Tuesday at Pizza Hut.
2015: Monday. it was buffet at Pizza Hut.
2014: Tuesday. it was buffet at Pizza Hut.


another recap


so much has happen since last i really sat and wrote. let me see if i can give a recap.
my laptop died and i’m writing this from my new one. i got so much going on right now with this machine that is had a 3D webcam… yeah, i went overboard with it.
it all worked out because Matthew came up and we spent the day in COMO, seeing Independence Day: Resurgence (just watch the first one, this one was lacking heart and things). it was a fun day, for the most part.
and i think i got most of my things going with this laptop. i need to work on getting my itunes working on it and then it should be all good.
that, and if i can get my room together, hell, maybe i can start doing more of vlogging in the future.
who knows?





30 days of pride, day 27

27. Treat yourself today, and share a picture of it.



my laptop died last week so i got a new one yesterday.

30 days of pride

June 26, 2016

5 yr blog, day 994

“What is your biggest indulgence?”

food.
2015: food.
2014: air.


30 days of pride, day 26

26. Who in the LGBTQ community (past or present) inspires you?




i’m going to take a stab on who i think is LGBTQ and list some names:

  • David Bowie
  • Divine
  • Nicole



30 days of pride

June 25, 2016

5 yr blog, day 993

“Who is your closest companion?”


i still have my network!
Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby!
2015: i don’t have one, i have a network: Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, and Shelby.
2014: Nicole. 



30 days of pride, day 25

25. Take a selfie! You’re beautiful.


i cheated.  this is from the 6/26.

30 days of pride

June 24, 2016

5 yr blog, day 992

“What’s your next social engagement?”


this weekend with Mathew.
2015: i think it’s the date for Matthew’s birthday followed by an Ant-Man birthday weekend.
2014: posting this blog.


30 days of pride, day 24

24. Share your greatest achievement.


i read what Colt posted and i feel like a straight up failure about my life.
and i feel like it’s a cop out to say this but my greatest achievement is that i am still here. there’s been dark times but i am still here.

30 days of pride

June 23, 2016

5 yr blog, day 991

“When was the last time you cried?”


i really don’t remember.
2015: i really don’t remember.
i “should” have when Colt and Jacob left, but i didn’t.
2014: it was within the last week. i teared up at the end of watching Phantom.



30 days of pride, day 23

23. Share a picture of your family or friends.



theses are my men:  Matthew, me, Colt, and Jacob.

30 days of pride

June 22, 2016

5 yr blog, day 990

“What was the last movie you saw in a theater?”


Me Before You with Matthew.
2015: Avengers: Age of Ultron with my men: Colt, Matthew, and Jacob.
2014: X-Men: Days of Future Past with Colt and Matthew.


30 days of pride, day 22

22. Share a picture of you and your best friend.


me, Matthew, Nicole.

30 days of pride

June 21, 2016

5 yr blog, day 989

“Who do you want to know better?”


Jacob. he is so like no one i imagine having in my life it’s like some kind of experiment having him in my circle.
2015: this past year, i’ve been learning a lot about myself. i think i’m hitting new lvls.
2014: Colt.


30 days of pride, day 21

21. How did you meet your significant other? (Or, are you dating anyone?)


Nicole went to band camp one year and told me about this guy she met. he was a fantastic trumpet player and a flashy dresser.
Linn and Waynesville was playing a soccer game and Nicole told me i had to come over because Matthew was going to be there.
Matthew likes to say he was 16 and i was 21 but we were slighter older than that.
i think.
we met up a few years later at a concerts of Nicole’s. i gave him my phone number and the rest is history.

30 days of pride




June 20, 2016

5 yr blog, day 988

“Write the first sentence of your autobiography.”


Once upon a time…
2015: She was loved by many.
2014: She was a witch.


30 days of pride, day 20

20. Share something you love about your significant other. (Or, why being single is great.)


i love my boyfriend Matthew very much. he is creative, passionate, a nerd, and has a hell of a memory about random things.
he lets me be me. my ex, i don’t think he would understand who i am now because Matthew gives me the safety to be me.

30 days of pride

June 19, 2016

5 yr blog, day 987

“What was the last personal letter you received?”


i get the random letter from Colt and Jacob.
2015: Colt and Shadow sent me a Valentine this year.
2014: like in the mail? 2006.
Colt did write me a goodbye letter before he left.



30 days of pride, day 19

19. Share your favorite memory.


i’ve been keeping a journal for over 10 years, you want me just to pick one?
my first thought is the first time i saw The Phantom of the Opera. Phantom was my obsession when i was in high school and when i finally got to see it at the start of my senior year, it was life changing.

30 days of pride

June 18, 2016

5 yr blog, day 986

“What was the last meal someone cooked for you?”

Mom.
2015: Mom made supper last night.
2014: Mom, today.


30 days of pride, day 18

18. Name someone you know who inspires you. Why?


someone i know…
i’m going to go with Nicole. she’s always been this force/presnt in my life. i think she is a large part me finding out who i am.

30 days of pride

June 17, 2016

5 yr blog, day 985

“The best hour of today was___. Why?”


the time i spent with Jessica and Emily.
why? because i got to meet Emily and me and Jessica hashed out things.
2015: not an hour but my time walking was great.
why? fastest mile ever and just feeling great. it’s almost like meditating.
2014: the hour me and Mathew ate out. it was just awesome.




30 days of pride, day 17

17. Share something you’d like to improve about yourself.


i need to work out more and get moving with life.

30 days of pride

June 16, 2016

5 yr blog, day 984

“What makes you cynical?”




so with i’ve been saying.
2015: will go with last year’s answer.
2014: ok, so the definition of “cynical” on my Merriam-Webster Dictionary app is: “believing that people are generally selfish and dishonest.”
working at Wal-Mart and have the customers just lie to you, all day, every day.



30 days of pride, day 16

16. Name one of your best qualities.


epp. i don’t know. all i can think is of all the bad things about me.
oh, only 1, i can do this.
i’m creative: words, music, drawing, and crocheting.

30 days of pride


June 15, 2016

5 yr blog, day 983

“What’s your favorite gadget?”

HAMMER!!!
2015: hammer!
2014: hammer.


30 days of pride, day 15

15. Name a company that is positive force of change for the LGBTQ community.


Target doesn’t care where you pee and with Sims 4, anyone can wear anything with the latest update.

30 days of pride

June 14, 2016

5 yr blog, day 982

“Did you exercise today?”

no.
went shopping with Mom, in the heat. that’s my workout.
2015: no.
2014: not really. i went shopping with Mom and that has walking so i will say i did ½.



30 days of pride, day 14

14. Tag your insta-crush.

i don’t have one.
i do follow Best of Grindr and The Gaily Grind.

30 days of pride

June 13, 2016

5 yr blog, day 981

“Something that made you worry today ___.”


Orlando.
and my boys.
2015: general worries about Colt.
2014: i had no worries today.



just the points

  • Matthew came up last week and we saw Me Before You. it was ok movie, just not my cup of tea. i was more fascinated by Emilia Clarke’s eyebrows.
  • Sunday, Orlando… few weeks ago Colt and Jacob were in Florida. this week i got drunk txts from Colt when he went to the gay bar in town. i have worries about them but this is just taking it to a whole new lvl.
  • here’s my view on guns: i like guns. i’ve shot handgun, riffles and shoguns. i plan to buy my own one day. that being said, fuck this shit. there is no need for a civilian to have an assault gun. cops and the army, yes. me? no. just no.
  • i know i’m doing 30 days of pride but i feel like such a fraud right now for it. until i saw some Tweets from Diamanda Hagan. i am asexual/demisexual, i’m not straight. my letter may not always be included (LGBQTA, i’m the “A”) but damn if i’m not lest queer.
  • all my friends fall on the queerer side of the rainbow. ALL MY FRIENDS, INCLUDING ME. i didn’t realize it till yesterday.
  • i got nothing. i love my people and that’s all i can do today.

30 days of pride, day 13

13. Are you religious? Why or why not?




yes i am religious. maybe not the way you think.
i’m a witch/pagan. for the past few years i have fallen off the path and right now trying to get back into practicing again.


30 days of pride

June 12, 2016

5 yr blog, day 980

“Is something in your way? Can you move it?”




it’s my room but i am moving, one slow step at a time.
2015: i am moving, one foot at a time.
2014: if there is, it’s me. 


30 days of pride, day 12

12. Name your favorite fictional LGBTQ character.


epp, this one made me think.
but who’s always been there? Joss and Buffy.
Willow and Tara are my favs.

30 days of pride


June 11, 2016

5 yr blog, day 979

“What is your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?”



what i like to do every day, just relax before i have to go to bed.
2015: eh.
2014: eh.


30 days of pride, day 11

11. When was the first time you fell in love? Who was it with?


the first time i fell in love was with Christopher. i was in my early 20’s.

30 days of pride

June 10, 2016

5 yr blog, day 978

“How many cups of coffee did you drink today?”



still don’t drink coffee.
2015: still don’t drink coffee.
2014: i don’t drink coffee.


30 days of pride, day 10

10. What’s the most influential LGBTQ event you’ve attended?


i’ve never been to anything at is LGBTQ. i hope to make it to STL Pride next year.

30 days of pride

June 9, 2016

5 yr blog, day 977

“What makes a good friend?”



Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, Shelby.
2015: Colt, Matthew, Nicole.
2014: i’m not going there.


30 days of pride, day 9

9. Do you identify with a certain ‘tribe’? Which one?


the straight one?
in my hearts of hearts, i feel that i’m a gay drag queen tapped in a woman’s body.

30 days of pride

June 8, 2016

5 yr blog, day 976

“What makes you miserable?”



the situation that i am currently in.
2015: being owned money and not having be paid back.
2014: 6 days in a row.


30 days of pride

8. Who is your greatest supporter?


Nicole. she’s been hear the longest, she’s been though the most, she knows me the best.

30 days of pride

June 7, 2016

5 yr blog, day 975

“What do you feel grateful for today?”




Matthew will be here and my room is slightly better.
2015: i’m not going to be at work the next two days, the same days that Jessica is gone.
2014: it’s summer.


30 days of pride, day 7

7. Share something about your family.


i really don’t care about my blood family.

30 days of pride

June 6, 2016

5 yr blog, day 974

“Which family member are you the closest to?”



none of them.
2015: i’m trying to get away from them.
2014: i’m not close to any of them.


30 days of pride, day 6

6. Who was the first person you came out to?




i really don’t know. i think it was the fat that i read about asexuality that it was me, first, and then Nicole.


30 days of pride

June 5, 2016

5 yr blog, day 973

“What was the last fruit you ate?”



watermelon in dipping sauce.
2015: do not recall.
2014: do not recall.


30 days of pride, day 5

5. Are you out? How did you come out?


i posted about me being asexual (and things) on this blog. so there’s that.
and with that post, i did tell my friends.
or just sent them the link.

30 days of pride


June 4, 2016

5 yr blog, day 972

“Today you wore___.”


work clothes.
2015: clothes.
2014: purple and jean capris.


30 days of pride, day 4

4. Who was your first celebrity crush?


Eric Braeden of Young and the Restless. i didn’t know what sexy was but i knew he was it.

30 days of pride

June 3, 2016

5 yr blog, day 971

“Who do you miss the most right now?”


no one right now.
huh.
2015: Nicole.
2014: do i need to say his name?



30 days of pride, day 3

3. Who was your first (real-life) crush?


my first crush was on the neighbor boy. i was 4ish and he was about 5 years older than me.

30 days of pride

June 2, 2016

5 yr blog, day 970

“Should you trust your instincts?”


very so.
2015: hell yes.
2014: yes.


30 days of pride, day 2

2. How old were you when you first discovered you were LGBTQ?


it’s basically this year that i realized that i’m not a prude, that i’m asexual (demisexual).

30 days of pride

June 1, 2016

5 yr blog, day 969

“On a scale of one to ten, how healthy are you?”


working on getting lighter again. want to get down to 269 by the time Dr. Strange comes out.
2015: lighter than last year, plan on getting lighter.
2014: fuck you.


30 days of pride, day 1

Share your name, age, and identity. Share a picture of yourself.




my name is Amerwitch. i’m 35 and i’m asexual (demisexual).





30 days of pride