April 30, 2016
April 29, 2016
April 28, 2016
i am a child of the 80’s. when i was born, all four Beatles were alive and Jimmy Carter was president.
i have a soft spot, somewhat nostalgia, for this time period. the music has become it’s on genre, the fashion was horrible, and that shaped who i am today.
i watch movies from the 80’s just to study the fashion and how, that was ok to wear these clothes with that hair. it was ok and it was fashionable.
so, come the 2000’s and i’m in collage, have a bit of pocket money and i find, on VHS because this was a pre-DVD/Blu-ray world, Purple Rain.
i knew of Prince. i graduated high school in 1999 so “1999” was our unofficial class song. i think i recall “Cream” being played and i really liked “7” when they played it at the high school dances.
so i buy the movie and watch it when i can, when i am alone at home.
and i watch it.
and i watch it.
the opening alone was all the 80’s goth i ever wanted. that is what i remember from my childhood, and what i wanted to be when i “grew up”.
did/do i understand the movie? no. not really. all i know is i wanted to see you standing there in the purple rain.
at some point in the middle of, studying, of this movie, Nicole invited me over to watch a different movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back. and she laughed with glee when the joke comes up about Morris Day and the time being the fucking greatest band of all time.
her boyfriend did not get us.
i brought The Very Best of Prince and enjoy the music. i remember when he changed his name to a sign and was mostly call The Artist Formally Known As Prince and thought he was batshit crazy.
he was strange to me, all frilly and things but a man, a straight man. he would sing in this falsetto then then drop down to his tenor and it just worked for him.
Prince was just there, that really odd uncle you have in the family tree you didn't think about until it’s a holiday. i’m not a huge fan of his but i liked his music well enough.
and then came last Thor’sDay afternoon where i kept refreshing the Google page, praying the news was wrong. praying the internet was jumping the gun and that it was someone else and not him, dear gods you cannot take Bowie and Prince from me in the same year!
but it was him.
and i had to go to work and i couldn’t take a shot.
and, it’s not so much Prince’s death that hurts me. if it was just him, it would be sad. but Bowie died also.
A (very) brief Prince and Bowie thought: we've lost two artists who acted as reminders that there's no one right way to be a man.— Alyssa Rosenberg (@AlyssaRosenberg) April 21, 2016
or acted weird as fuck, made glorious music, and somehow made me feel like i wasn’t the only odd duck in the world, there was more out there.
there’s safety in finally finding music that speaks to your soul, finding that there more than the 40 songs on the radio, that songs can go over 3 mins, that a chord progression can understand your emotions better than words.
it’s being said that our wired heroes are dying, we need to step to be the new weird heroes for the next generation. and my fluffy ass is saying the next wave of awesome people are being born this year. we just won’t know for some 20 odd years.
i kept seeing Prince quotes on Twitter after the announcement of his death. the one quote i kept thinking was “Party like it’s 1999”. and maybe i do, back to when there was a world with Bowie and Prince.
but now we need to become the heroes. now, we need to take the hands of the younger/lost ones and say: “it’s ok. i got a CD for you.”
I only want to see you in the purple rain.
Good night, sweet prince, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
April 27, 2016
well, this year i came out as a butch, asexual cis woman in a polyamorous relationship with two queer cis men.
2015: i’m your typical German Roman Catholic school girl one wrong/born again pagan, witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, crocheter, proud nerdgirl, fag hag, and minion.
2014: fuck if i know. can i be jammed into one little box and boom, that’s me?
i force myself to write when i don’t have anything to write so i don’t have a blog of nothing of 5 yr. blogs.
i do need to write about Prince. i really want to paint something with all the shades of purple in the world.
i’m hoping to get some work done with my room tonight.
and then maybe some work on some projects i have on hand.
and i’ve paid my bills for the month and with money left over. i don’t need to pull anything from my Discover account for #CivilWarWeekend. i got enough cash on hand, plus Matthew paying me a bit, i’m good.
and i’m trying to see if the boys will be game to try out a witch store i found. it might be fun just to see if they got tarot cards and letting Colt have a gander at them.
ok. time to get off the computer and get some work done.
even if it’s an inch.
April 26, 2016
i’m kinda sad that in 2 weeks, my vacation will be over.
it hasn’t even started and i’m already about the fact it will be over.
i need to get going with things. i’m taking slow steps but i am taking steps.
i need to get things done with Colt and Jacob’s gifts. there’s things i need to make.
i’m also working on their Yule gift. i will have it done before Yule, they will get it, they will use it, they will love it.
i just need to get some more info/help from Matthew and get things going on that.
i also need to get going on Matthew’s gift and maybe something for Nicole.
i just have a lot of things i need to crochet.
April 25, 2016
April 24, 2016
April 23, 2016
April 22, 2016
April 21, 2016
i’m trying the budget thing. i got some apps and i’m gonna try to see where the hell all my money goes to and where i can cut back on.
i worked on my room last night, really can’t tell. i don’t know if i’m doing any good or not.
i do know i don’t need any capris or sexy pjs. i have enough of them right now.
i need to buy new charger for my itouch. or 2 so i have a spare on hand.
making yourself sit down and blog when you have nothing to say is rough. and probably way boring for you to read.
fun won’t happen till #CivilWarWeekend. first part is me and Matthew’s anniversary. 6 years, not all of it smooth. LDR suck and i cannot wait till we are together.
and right now the internet is telling me Prince has died.
i need a drink.
April 20, 2016
i’ve hit the mile mark with my walking. now it’s just trying to get it quicker.
still have a lot to get done with #CivilWarWeekend coming up. i need to start prepacking and get things going.
i need to rethink things with Colt and Jacob and see what needs to be done on that end. hmm.
do have plans on Matthew’s birthday gift. just need to get on that.
and need to get with my other crochet project.
and work on my room.
get my life together.
the list just keeps going on and on.
April 19, 2016
and another week of work over.
i don’t want to go there. i need to keep things on the down low as much as possible.
Colt updated his statuses. he’s running away with someone special (and it’s not me, :’( the bastard) so i don’t have a txt buddy for the day.
txt friend. he’s not my buddy.
need to get my act together and shit done. i keep not doing anything.
well, i did get my walks last week. i was so proud of myself that i ended last week 2,370 calories under for the week.
weighted myself on Monday morning, gaining 3 pounds.
this morning, lost 3.4 pounds.
i’m ready to give up.
i still have not listen to Low. i don’t know why i’m stopping myself.
and i also got an idea for part of the big secret project i’m working on for Colt. it was just going to be for myself but hell, i’ll added to his thing.
#CivilWarWeekend is coming up and i need to get stuff together for that.
April 18, 2016
April 17, 2016
April 16, 2016
April 15, 2016
oOo 3 posts in one week? someone is feel upbeat!
anyway, i have a knack at work to make space. i can turn a narly shoe flex space and organize it and tada, i now have 6 extra feet of space.
i wish i was able to take that power and do that with my room.
i wish i had the power to take my “free time” and channel it into work.
i’m going for a walk.
April 14, 2016
April 13, 2016
like an idiot, i kinda forget what my year card is; the Hermit; solitary search for truth.
and man i have been doing that.
and it’s kinda funny if you go along with Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development i should be fucked up. age 35 and just now getting it sorted out?
but, at the time i did have my identity sorted out. now that i know there is more options out there, i can refine who i am.
in the card reading Colt did for me last night, i need to be aware of danger from the opposite sex. so who is the opposite of butch?
i almost want to get him a real tarot deck, but what kind? picking a deck for him will be like picking out a boyfriend for him.
i really need to work on the gift i want to give him. need to get ahold of Shelby for help.
April 12, 2016
Colt has the skill to be a card reader, he just needs to look at the bigger picture.
2015: so more than ready to get the fuck out of here.
2014: did not learn anything today.
so, how is life right now?
i was given some advice and talking to people and i am at a life changing point. there is still much i must do before i can start with this “big change” and hell yes i am being vague about thing because fuck you. i will keep this close until i can make (hopefully) a great announcement.
Matthew has been great. he watched a music video and it changed his life. he’s now wants to move forward, more than ever. it’s scary but in a good way.
we are 26 days till Civil War. i miss Colt and Jacob and can’t wait to see them.
i need to get it together with their gifts and get my act together for Colt’s birthday gift. i hope Colt likes it. :-/
there was some fall out with my last blog post. i still stand by what i said. i refer ya’ll to Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love.
other than that, last week was ok. i’m going up, an inch at a time but it’s up.
April 11, 2016
April 10, 2016
April 9, 2016
April 8, 2016
April 7, 2016
April 6, 2016
April 5, 2016
i watched a 17 min video about montages via Rocky, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_mImQBUMaA.
2015: Avengers: Age of Ultron.
2014: i just have not felt inspired in a long time.
about a year ago i joined Fetlife.com (i’m the sexy bitch into weird shit, look me up). i joined some poly groups and i’m having feels about things.
i identify as polyamorous. i love Colt and Matthew very much. they both know and understand this.
but, reading the post in the poly groups, i feel like a fake about it.
in my trio, i’m the hinge. Matthew and Colt act civil to each other, what more can a girl ask for?
what makes me feel fake about being poly is that i don’t have sex with Colt. we have a strange and wonderful relationship (i won’t go into details) but sex has never crossed our path.
i still call him my boyfriend. and i call Matthew my boyfriend.
and now let’s move on to dear, sweet Jacob.
Jacob is Colt’s boyfriend, my metamour. and here lives a problem.
last night Jacob posted on Facebook about how wonderful Colt is and how Colt “is not available to be shared either!”.
but Colt is being shared.
i don’t think Jacob understand how i see things. i call him and Colt “the boys” and use the hashtag #itakecareofmymen, how together, they are MINE!, and speak to Jacob about how we need to take care of our boy, Colt.
Colt is both me and Jacobs’ boyfriend. Jacob has entered into a poly trio, making it a poly quad. it’s not so much we go on double dates and much we all go on a date.
this is not the blog post i wanted to write. i wanted to write about feel like i’m a fake poly but screw that. i know how i feel about the men in my life. i love them all, they are all mine, and i am poly.
April 4, 2016
April 3, 2016
no. i was at work and in shoes.
2015: no. the storms from last night made me on edge and with the news of yesterday, i feel lost on how to get ahead.
2014: yes. because it's Thor'sDay and i watched Thor. :-)