April 30, 2016

5 yr blog, day 937

“What are three words to describe your social life?”

lonely.
2015: one word right now: #Avergerpalzooa.
2014: full, nerd, complicated.


April 29, 2016

5 yr blog, day 936

“Who can you make happier? How?”



i am happier when i’m with my men.
2015: i know who i am making happier, this weekend.
2014: not going there.


April 28, 2016

5 yr blog, day 935

“Who would you trade places with for just one day?”


not going to name names. i just wish i was in a diffident, more “normal” spot in my life.
2015: SAME!
2014: Joss Whedon, just to know about Avengers 2!


i only want to see you laughing...






i am a child of the 80’s. when i was born, all four Beatles were alive and Jimmy Carter was president.
i have a soft spot, somewhat nostalgia, for this time period. the music has become it’s on genre, the fashion was horrible, and that shaped who i am today.
i watch movies from the 80’s just to study the fashion and how, that was ok to wear these clothes with that hair. it was ok and it was fashionable.
so, come the 2000’s and i’m in collage, have a bit of pocket money and i find, on VHS because this was a pre-DVD/Blu-ray world, Purple Rain.
i knew of Prince. i graduated high school in 1999 so “1999” was our unofficial class song. i think i recall “Cream” being played and i really liked “7” when they played it at the high school dances.
so i buy the movie and watch it when i can, when i am alone at home.
and i watch it.
and i watch it.
the opening alone was all the 80’s goth i ever wanted. that is what i remember from my childhood, and what i wanted to be when i “grew up”.
did/do i understand the movie? no. not really. all i know is i wanted to see you standing there in the purple rain.
at some point in the middle of, studying, of this movie, Nicole invited me over to watch a different movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back. and she laughed with glee when the joke comes up about Morris Day and the time being the fucking greatest band of all time.
her boyfriend did not get us.
i brought The Very Best of Prince and enjoy the music. i remember when he changed his name to a sign and was mostly call The Artist Formally Known As Prince and thought he was batshit crazy.
he was strange to me, all frilly and things but a man, a straight man. he would sing in this falsetto then then drop down to his tenor and it just worked for him.
Prince was just there, that really odd uncle you have in the family tree you didn't think about until it’s a holiday. i’m not a huge fan of his but i liked his music well enough.
and then came last Thor’sDay afternoon where i kept refreshing the Google page, praying the news was wrong. praying the internet was jumping the gun and that it was someone else and not him, dear gods you cannot take Bowie and Prince from me in the same year!
but it was him.
and i had to go to work and i couldn’t take a shot.
and, it’s not so much Prince’s death that hurts me. if it was just him, it would be sad. but Bowie died also.
or acted weird as fuck, made glorious music, and somehow made me feel like i wasn’t the only odd duck in the world, there was more out there.
there’s safety in finally finding music that speaks to your soul, finding that there more than the 40 songs on the radio, that songs can go over 3 mins, that a chord progression can understand your emotions better than words.
it’s being said that our wired heroes are dying, we need to step to be the new weird heroes for the next generation. and my fluffy ass is saying the next wave of awesome people are being born this year. we just won’t know for some 20 odd years.
i kept seeing Prince quotes on Twitter after the announcement of his death. the one quote i kept thinking was “Party like it’s 1999”. and maybe i do, back to when there was a world with Bowie and Prince.
but now we need to become the heroes. now, we need to take the hands of the younger/lost ones and say: “it’s ok. i got a CD for you.”

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to get through this thing called life, electric word 'life.' It means forever and that's a mighty long time, but I'm here to tell you there's something else: the afterworld. A world of never-ending happiness. You can always see the sun, day or night. So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, you know the one, Dr. Everything'll Be Alright, instead of asking him how much of your time is left ask him how much of your mind, baby. 'Cause in this life things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life, you're on your own. And if the elevator tries to bring you down go crazy, punch a higher floor." 

I only want to see you in the purple rain.


Good night, sweet prince, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
 

April 27, 2016

5 yr blog, day 934

“What ‘type’ of person are you?”


2015: i’m your typical German Roman Catholic school girl one wrong/born again pagan, witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, crocheter, proud nerdgirl, fag hag, and minion.
2014: fuck if i know. can i be jammed into one little box and boom, that’s me?


just a blog post




i force myself to write when i don’t have anything to write so i don’t have a blog of nothing of 5 yr. blogs.
i do need to write about Prince. i really want to paint something with all the shades of purple in the world.
i’m hoping to get some work done with my room tonight.
and then maybe some work on some projects i have on hand.
and i’ve paid my bills for the month and with money left over. i don’t need to pull anything from my Discover account for #CivilWarWeekend. i got enough cash on hand, plus Matthew paying me a bit, i’m good.
and i’m trying to see if the boys will be game to try out a witch store i found. it might be fun just to see if they got tarot cards and letting Colt have a gander at them.
ok. time to get off the computer and get some work done.
even if it’s an inch.

April 26, 2016

5 yr blog, day 933

“How much spare change do you have?”

almost a full coffee can.
2015: half a coffee can.
2014: too much and not enough.


over before it started and i need to start



i’m kinda sad that in 2 weeks, my vacation will be over.
it hasn’t even started and i’m already about the fact it will be over.
i need to get going with things. i’m taking slow steps but i am taking steps.
i need to get things done with Colt and Jacob’s gifts. there’s things i need to make.
*evil grin*
i’m also working on their Yule gift. i will have it done before Yule, they will get it, they will use it, they will love it.
i just need to get some more info/help from Matthew and get things going on that.
i also need to get going on Matthew’s gift and maybe something for Nicole.
i just have a lot of things i need to crochet.

April 25, 2016

April 24, 2016

5 yr blog, day 931

“Is life fair? Yes? No? Sometimes? Not today?”



really? you really want to go there with this prompt? fuck you.
2015: fuck this.
2014: ha.


April 23, 2016

5 yr blog, day 930

“How would you your parents describe you? (You can call them and ask.)”


fuck this.
2015: no comment.
2014: Mom calls me her devil child. and that i’m rough.


April 22, 2016

5 yr blog, day 929

“You wish you could stop ___ from happening.”



time.
2015: bills.
2014: bills.


April 21, 2016

5 yr blog, day 928

“What do you want to say when someone ask ‘What do you do?’”


no one asks me that.
2015: none of your damn business.
2014: your mother.


...



i’m trying the budget thing. i got some apps and i’m gonna try to see where the hell all my money goes to and where i can cut back on.
i worked on my room last night, really can’t tell. i don’t know if i’m doing any good or not.
i do know i don’t need any capris or sexy pjs. i have enough of them right now.
i need to buy new charger for my itouch. or 2 so i have a spare on hand.
making yourself sit down and blog when you have nothing to say is rough. and probably way boring for you to read.
fun won’t happen till #CivilWarWeekend. first part is me and Matthew’s anniversary. 6 years, not all of it smooth. LDR suck and i cannot wait till we are together.
and right now the internet is telling me Prince has died.
i need a drink.

April 20, 2016

5 yr blog, day 927

“How many times did you curse today?”


not that much.
2015: only at the dryer and my worthless father.
2014: fuck if i know.


blar



i’ve hit the mile mark with my walking. now it’s just trying to get it quicker.
still have a lot to get done with #CivilWarWeekend coming up. i need to start prepacking and get things going.
i need to rethink things with Colt and Jacob and see what needs to be done on that end. hmm.
do have plans on Matthew’s birthday gift. just need to get on that.
and need to get with my other crochet project.
and work on my room.
get my life together.
the list just keeps going on and on.

April 19, 2016

5 yr blog, day 926

“What famous person would you like to bring back from the dead to have dinner with?”




David Bowie.
2015: still don’t know who i would pick.
2014: eep. i don’t know who i would pick...


up and down. mostly down.



and another week of work over.
i don’t want to go there. i need to keep things on the down low as much as possible.
Colt updated his statuses. he’s running away with someone special (and it’s not me, :’( the bastard) so i don’t have a txt buddy for the day.
txt friend. he’s not my buddy.
need to get my act together and shit done. i keep not doing anything.
well, i did get my walks last week. i was so proud of myself that i ended last week 2,370 calories under for the week.
weighted myself on Monday morning, gaining 3 pounds.
this morning, lost 3.4 pounds.
i’m ready to give up.
i still have not listen to Low. i don’t know why i’m stopping myself.
and i also got an idea for part of the big secret project i’m working on for Colt. it was just going to be for myself but hell, i’ll added to his thing.
#CivilWarWeekend is coming up and i need to get stuff together for that.

April 18, 2016

5 yr blog, day 925

“Write down a problem you solved today.”


i know what earrings i’m wearing for #CivilWarWeekend and how i’m getting them.
2015: i don’t think i had any problems.
2014: Mom is going to deposit my refund check.


April 17, 2016

5 yr blog, day 924

"What do you think is your biggest shortcoming?"

my life.
2015: my lack to do anything.
2014: my room.


April 16, 2016

5 yr blog, day 923

“What’s a political issue that interests you?”

transgender rights and legalizing pot.
2015: gay rights and legalizing pot.
2014: all of them.


April 15, 2016

5 yr blog, day 922

“Which celebrity would you want to interview?”


no one right now.
2015: Stan Lee.
2014: first thought Tom Hiddleston followed by the louder voice of wanting Joss Whendon.


*sigh*


oOo 3 posts in one week? someone is feel upbeat!
anyway, i have a knack at work to make space. i can turn a narly shoe flex space and organize it and tada, i now have 6 extra feet of space.
i wish i was able to take that power and do that with my room.
i wish i had the power to take my “free time” and channel it into work.
i’m going for a walk.




April 14, 2016

5 yr blog, day 921

“If you could acquire a talent (without any extra effort), what would it be?”


to have the motivation to do what i need to do.
2015: to have the motivation to do what i need to do.
2014: to fly.


April 13, 2016

5 yr blog, day 920

“What is your favorite thing to do on a Sunday morning?”


i like being the opener for work.
2015: go to work. how ironic.
2014: how ironic it is Sunday today.
i like sleeping in. 



hermit





like an idiot, i kinda forget what my year card is; the Hermit; solitary search for truth.
and man i have been doing that.
coming to terms with who i am on so many lvls.
and it’s kinda funny if you go along with Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development i should be fucked up. age 35 and just now getting it sorted out?
but, at the time i did have my identity sorted out. now that i know there is more options out there, i can refine who i am.
in the card reading Colt did for me last night, i need to be aware of danger from the opposite sex. so who is the opposite of butch?
i almost want to get him a real tarot deck, but what kind? picking a deck for him will be like picking out a boyfriend for him.
i really need to work on the gift i want to give him. need to get ahold of Shelby for help.

April 12, 2016

5 yr blog, day 919

“Write down a new fact you learn today.”


Colt has the skill to be a card reader, he just needs to look at the bigger picture.
2015: so more than ready to get the fuck out of here.
2014: did not learn anything today. 


update



so, how is life right now?
i was given some advice and talking to people and i am at a life changing point. there is still much i must do before i can start with this “big change” and hell yes i am being vague about thing because fuck you. i will keep this close until i can make (hopefully) a great announcement.
Matthew has been great. he watched a music video and it changed his life. he’s now wants to move forward, more than ever. it’s scary but in a good way.
we are 26 days till Civil War. i miss Colt and Jacob and can’t wait to see them.
i need to get it together with their gifts and get my act together for Colt’s birthday gift. i hope Colt likes it. :-/
there was some fall out with my last blog post. i still stand by what i said. i refer ya’ll to Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love.
other than that, last week was ok. i’m going up, an inch at a time but it’s up.

April 11, 2016

5 yr blog, day 918

“What sound effect are you most like today?”

the theme from Psycho.
2015: Hulk smash.
2014: eastern European swearing.


April 10, 2016

5 yr blog, day 917

“A chore you ignored today______.”

i worked so i had none.
2015: had none. went to work.
2014: all of them.


April 9, 2016

5 yr blog, day 916

“Where do you feel most at home?”

nowhere. i don’t feel like i belong to any place, any more.
2015: nowhere.
2014: nowhere.


April 8, 2016

5 yr blog, day 915

“What is your secret passion?”

not saying.
2015: i think my passions are known.
2014: i'm dead on the inside.


April 7, 2016

5 yr blog, day 914

“What colors are you wearing?”

purple.
2015: black.
2014: i'm nude at the moment.


April 6, 2016

5 yr blog, day 913, HALF WAY DONE!!!

“What was the last take out meal you ordered?”


long time since i had pizza.
2015: it’s been a long time since i had pizza…
2014: out in the sticks, there is none takeout.


April 5, 2016

5 yr blog, day 912

“________was inspiring.”


i watched a 17 min video about montages via Rocky, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_mImQBUMaA.
2015: Avengers: Age of Ultron.
2014: i just have not felt inspired in a long time.


the poly life



about a year ago i joined Fetlife.com (i’m the sexy bitch into weird shit, look me up). i joined some poly groups and i’m having feels about things.
i identify as polyamorous. i love Colt and Matthew very much. they both know and understand this.
but, reading the post in the poly groups, i feel like a fake about it.
in my trio, i’m the hinge. Matthew and Colt act civil to each other, what more can a girl ask for?
what makes me feel fake about being poly is that i don’t have sex with Colt. we have a strange and wonderful relationship (i won’t go into details) but sex has never crossed our path.
i still call him my boyfriend. and i call Matthew my boyfriend.
and now let’s move on to dear, sweet Jacob.
Jacob is Colt’s boyfriend, my metamour. and here lives a problem.
last night Jacob posted on Facebook about how wonderful Colt is and how Colt “is not available to be shared either!”.
but Colt is being shared.
i don’t think Jacob understand how i see things. i call him and Colt “the boys” and use the hashtag #itakecareofmymen, how together, they are MINE!, and speak to Jacob about how we need to take care of our boy, Colt.
Colt is both me and Jacobs’ boyfriend. Jacob has entered into a poly trio, making it a poly quad. it’s not so much we go on double dates and much we all go on a date.
this is not the blog post i wanted to write. i wanted to write about feel like i’m a fake poly but screw that. i know how i feel about the men in my life. i love them all, they are all mine, and i am poly.

April 4, 2016

5 yr blog, day 911

“If you could wish for one thing to happen today, what would it be?”



that certain persons would just drop dead.
2015: that i open, not closed.
2014: Colt not having to move away.


April 3, 2016

5 yr blog, day 910

“Did you have fun today? Because?”


no. i was at work and in shoes.
2015: no. the storms from last night made me on edge and with the news of yesterday, i feel lost on how to get ahead.
2014: yes. because it's Thor'sDay and i watched Thor. :-)


April 2, 2016

5 yr blog, day 909

“Who do you feel closest to?”

who am i supposed to be the closest to?
2015: Nicole.
2014: no one right now.


April 1, 2016