blog of a German Roman Catholic cis school girl gone wrong/born again pagan, demisexual, witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner/girlfriend, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, hardcore crocheter, proud nerdgirl, sister-in-law, and aunty.
there’s two times a day i really look at myself in the mirror, morning and night.
this is a shout out to Shelby so i can use her tag and in her vain attempts to get higher up on the tag list.
i did it.
the plan was to leave my house by 1 to get to Nicole’s by 4.
editor’s note: i cannot take credit for #Avengerpalzooa.
i’ve been reading Kissing the Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle.
this past week i spent 24 hours in shoes.
dear August, how are you?
where do i start?
i don't know where to start and how to tell this story.
Halloween, what a mix blessing it was.
i need to write.
i need to write. i have ideas for some posts that cover sexuality and marriage and what not. i just need to let them simmer a bit more in my head before i try pen to paper.
i did work on my room yesterday and by gods, i’ll do it again tonight. this past week with the rain (and my mental break down last week) drives me more and more into a darkness that i want to fight out, i just can’t. i can’t will myself to get up and move.
it’s in the simple txt of “Try harder.” that is the kick i need. i am/i will/i is.
it’s just this time of year, it gets to me.
comparing Halloween to Christmas, Christmas has the more pizzazz to it. there’s the songs and movies and it seems the whole world gets together for this day.
and i feel so excluded from it.
i didn’t have a Thanksgiving. no, i did have one. i spent it with my work family and the masses of asswipes for “Black Friday”. it was the best place to be. the other one would be with my family (problem why i’m dreading Christmas).
and there it is, my answer. i dread this time of year because i don’t have a home and i don’t have a family.
i know that’s a sham to say but to me, it’s real. the squalor i live in is not fit for anything, living or dead. and i’m only a discount to my family.
solitude, that’s what i want. i want to be alone. i want my own little apartment and be alone. stay home all day Christmas and not see any family members.
be able to invite my squad: my Nicole, my Colt, my Jacob, my Shelby, my Matthew, over.
and it starts by getting off the laptop and putting in an hour of work.