December 31, 2015

5 yr blog, day 817

“What is your most cherished memory of the year?”

eep. it was my adventures that i loved this year.
no, it was anytime i was out and about with my people that i loved the most.
2014: look under “cuz we’re connected” for this year.
2013: nothing pops out at me. :-(


there’s two times a day i really look at myself in the mirror, morning and night.
this is a shout out to Shelby so i can use her tag and in her vain attempts to get higher up on the tag list.
i did it.
the plan was to leave my house by 1 to get to Nicole’s by 4.
editor’s note: i cannot take credit for #Avengerpalzooa.
i’ve been reading Kissing the Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle.
this past week i spent 24 hours in shoes.
dear August, how are you?
where do i start?
i don't know where to start and how to tell this story.
Halloween, what a mix blessing it was.
i need to write.

top movies of 2015

  1. Crimson Peak
  2. Ant-Man
  3. Avengers: Age of Ultron
  4. Exodus: Gods and Kings

December 30, 2015

5 yr blog, day 816

“List what you’ve eaten for the past week.”

food. the answer will always be food.
2014: hey look, same as last year, food!
2013: food.

December 29, 2015

5 yr blog, day 815

“What are your top three wishes?”

2014: i just want out. can i wish for that 3 times?
  1. pay off credit card 
  2. move out 
  3. i don’t know. a pony?

December 28, 2015

5 yr blog, day 814

“Snuggle down or go out and play?”

play, then hardcore snuggle.
very hardcore snuggle.
2014: play, then snuggle, snuggle hardcore.
2013: play, then snuggle, snuggle hardcore.

December 27, 2015

5 yr blog, day 813

“What was the last time you felt at peace?”

i don’t know if it was peace or the fact everything felt right.
it was the night before my birthday. i was good and drunk and had out mathed Jacob.
when it was bed time, i was evil and took off my shirt and bra to sleep topless in Jacob’s bed (i’m assuming i’m the biggest boobs that bed ever saw).
and right before passing out, i grabbed my phone to txt Colt (who was on the other side of the apartment) good night.
2014: May 27, 2014. read about it here, “Part III: Boyfriend Prime”.
2013: 8/16/2013. read about it here, “daylight”.

December 26, 2015

5 yr blog, day 812

“On a scale of one to ten, how spontaneous were you today?”

2014: less then zero.
2013: zero.

December 25, 2015

5 yr blog, day 811

“Write down five words that describe today.”

3 years in a row: long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.
2014: hey look! same as last year!
long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.
2013: long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.

December 24, 2015

5 yr blog, day 810

“Write down a recent transition.”

2014: shit from the store.
2013: i brought lunch for me and Colt.

December 23, 2015

5 yr blog, day 809

“What’s your favorite cereal?”

frosted flakes.
2014: frosted flakes.
2013: frosted flakes.

December 22, 2015

5 yr blog, day 808

“Did you meet someone new recently? If so, who was it?”

i met Jacob this year!
2014: no.
2013: in the past 3 months i did meet Tom.

December 21, 2015

5 yr blog, day 807

“If you could be the best at anything, what would it be?”

be a better woman to my men.
2014: i want to be a better amerwitch.
2013: dudes, i’m the best amerwitch there will ever be. no need to wish for anything else.

December 20, 2015

5 yr blog, day 806

“What is your dream vacation?”

i don’t know if anything will top #Avergerpalzooa.
2014: right now, and i know it will happen: 5th anniversary weekend in Springfield with Matthew, Colt, and Ultron.
2013: Walt Disney World for a week with Mathew.

December 19, 2015

5 yr blog, day 805

“If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?”

i work a full day.
2014: to be done with the Yule time crocheting.
2013: Colt’s gift would be done.

December 18, 2015

5 yr blog, day 804

“What do you like to talk about?”

2014: anything and everything.
2013: anything and everything.

December 17, 2015

5 yr blog, day 803

“If you had to move to a new city, where would you move?”

i need to move. i think it would be best to move closer to work, Rosebudish.
Springfield would be nice but that would not work out long term.
2014: Rosebud.
2015: Rosebud.

December 16, 2015

5 yr blog, day 802

“What so you find irresistible?”

well, i like my men a bit gay and seemingly with over attachment to their furchildgren.
2014: boys with cats.
2013: in what? in life, men, women, cars? this vagueness just ain’t cute anymore.

December 15, 2015

5 yr blog, day 801

“Moderation or excess?”

all the time.
2014: both, at the same time.
2013: both. at the same time.

December 14, 2015

5 yr blog, day 800

“Why are you impressive?”

stand by last year’s answers.
2014: i am and i am not. show me a talent i didn’t think you had, that will impress me.
2013: so don’t understand this question at all.

December 13, 2015

5 yr blog, day 799

“What is your biggest regret?”

where the road splits, i took the path i took. and then again and again, gong further or closer to my first path.
so, what do i regret? do i regret working at Wal-Mart that let me met Colt, and put him on the path to meet Jacob?
do i regret not sticking with my loser ex and missing out on Matthew?
i don’t regret getting here.
2014: i said my whole life last year, but the more i think about it, i’m here for a reason, for better or worse.
i have no regrets.
2013: my whole life.

December 12, 2015

5 yr blog, day 798

“What’s on your wish list?”

a REAL penguin.
2014: store brought dress and a pony.
2013: store brought dress and a pony.

December 11, 2015

5 yr blog, day 797

“Where do you find joy?”

nowhere right now.
2014: in the pure and simple.
2013: nowhere right now. nowhere.

December 10, 2015

5 yr blog, day 796

“What surprised you today?”

nothing surprised me.
2014: i did not run into trouble at town.
2015: how much happier i am working over in apparel.

December 9, 2015

5 yr blog, day 795

“What is your most recent act of generosity?”

i don’t punch people who piss me off.
2014: i don’t recall.
2013: i don’t recall.

December 8, 2015

5 yr blog, day 794

“How ambitious do you feel today?”

2014: this is the wrong time of year to ask this question.
2013: none.

December 7, 2015

5 yr blog, day 793

“Where do you see yourself next year?”

better off then what is going on now.
2014: in my own place.
2013: no clue or i don’t want to say.

December 6, 2015

5 yr blog, day 792

“Today you gain___.”

2014: a day off.
2013: weight.

December 5, 2015

5 yr blog, day 791

“What do you miss?”

alone time.
2014: Colt.
2013: right now, my grandmas.

December 4, 2015

5 yr blog, day 790

“Do you want to know how it ends?”

well, i know how Avengers 2 ends now.
2014: like i said last year, what ends?
2013: what ends? the world? my life? Avengers 2

December 3, 2015

5 yr blog, day 789

“On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you?”

pretty good.
2014: low.
2013: right now, 7.

December 2, 2015

5 yr blog, day 788

“What details from today would you like to remember?”

i didn’t do anything today worth remembering.
2014: Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D..
2013: none.

one hour

i need to write. i have ideas for some posts that cover sexuality and marriage and what not. i just need to let them simmer a bit more in my head before i try pen to paper.
i did work on my room yesterday and by gods, i’ll do it again tonight. this past week with the rain (and my mental break down last week) drives me more and more into a darkness that i want to fight out, i just can’t. i can’t will myself to get up and move.
it’s in the simple txt of “Try harder.” that is the kick i need. i am/i will/i is.
it’s just this time of year, it gets to me.
comparing Halloween to Christmas, Christmas has the more pizzazz to it. there’s the songs and movies and it seems the whole world gets together for this day.
and i feel so excluded from it.
i didn’t have a Thanksgiving. no, i did have one. i spent it with my work family and the masses of asswipes for “Black Friday”. it was the best place to be. the other one would be with my family (problem why i’m dreading Christmas).
and there it is, my answer. i dread this time of year because i don’t have a home and i don’t have a family.
i know that’s a sham to say but to me, it’s real. the squalor i live in is not fit for anything, living or dead. and i’m only a discount to my family.
solitude, that’s what i want. i want to be alone. i want my own little apartment and be alone. stay home all day Christmas and not see any family members.
be able to invite my squad: my Nicole, my Colt, my Jacob, my Shelby, my Matthew, over.
and it starts by getting off the laptop and putting in an hour of work.

December 1, 2015

5 yr blog, day 787

“What would you like your epitaph to read?”

wife, girlfriend, and loving mother.
2014: wife and loving mother.
2013: wife and loving mother.