October 31, 2015

5 yr blog, day 756

“Halloween plans? What’s your costume?”

well blog about this later and post link here when it’s up.
EDIT: read about it here "Trick 'r Treat".
2014: nothing.
2013: my plans are to go over to Colt’s for tacos and spook movies and a bit of magick.
i’m basically dressings as "myself”.

can we have November?

this isn’t me being a pagan. this isn’t me being anti-Christmas. this is me being 35 and needing things.
Halloween is on a Saturday this year. school kids started partying Friday. Sunday is the start of the Catholic’s All-Soul’s Day, saints, so Halloween might go on until Tuesday.
Thor’sDay we started taking down the Halloween stuff at the store, putting up the Christmas stuff.
November, anymore, is raped over by Christmas. when i was little, you had 31 days of Oktober to get all the Halloween in. then came November, a nice month that was all fall. by the end of Thanksgiving, it was time for Christmas.
see, back in the day you had 25 days to get all your Christmas in, so you crammed all you could. sing ALL the songs, eat ALL the cookies, watch ALL the movies! and then, from the 26 until the 2nd (when Christmas vacation was over) was this nice afterglow time. it was kinda still Christmas, you still had the pretties and you can still watch the movies and sing the songs, but it was just this cuddle time. then the 2nd hit and back to work we go.
anymore, on the 26, all Christmas is gone and we never talk about it ever again. then around August we drag it out and it’s MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS IN YOUR FACE!!!!
as i’ve gotten older and farther along the pagan path, November is the nice fall month of thinking, reflection, before we hit winter and, MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS.
now, it’s just a speed bump to MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!

October 30, 2015

5 yr blog, day 755

“Are you able to tell when you had enough?”

2014: to drink, yes and no.
2013: enough what?

October 29, 2015

5 yr blog, day 754

“Camping or hotel?”

still game to pop a tent and spend a night in the backyard.
2014: hotel. hotel with a whirlpool, even better.
2013: hotel. willing to try camping. told Matthew it might be fun to sleep in a tent in the backyard one night. 

she keeps my heart from growing older

got an idea for a story, another Mary Sue fan fic set in Colt’s little world. i lost steam with it when Colt and Jacob went outside. sent the unfinished work to Colt. never heard a word from him about it.
and yet, somehow i have written what happens after. i kinda got it down on paper, went to work and while binning and picking, came up with the last part of the scene. instead of me and him kissing and making up, it went in the other direction.
i like it. it’s short and to the point. it feels real.
so real it’s a wonder he’s not worried about me.
it didn’t help that i kinda stopped talking to him for a while. i don’t know how and i don’t know what point i was trying to make. i get this way and i wish i didn’t.
it’s never simple with him. maybe if he didn’t play games with me, i could be more honest and less stupid about him.
and then there’s theses thoughts of Jacob, but that’s for another day.

October 28, 2015

5 yr blog, day 753

“___ is completely ridiculous.”

i really don’t know. nothing seems out there, right now.
2014: till 2019, i got dates with Matthew, Colt, and the MCU.
2013: the fact the inbreed rednecks of Arkansas think we can do what we do with no people and no hours.

October 27, 2015

5 yr blog, day 752

“What was the last goofy thing you did?"

i really don’t remember.
2014: told someone that i did not want to cuddle with their cat.
2013: truly? save a toy kitty from the jackass at the service desk.


like i say, nothing goes to plan. this time, things worked out better.
plan to piss a Friday afternoon then a late night adventure with Shelby and Brent out in the greater STL area.
instead, i got the whole Friday off, leaving me with a 3 day weekend, OVER A REAL WEEKEND! like, oh my gods!
i make my way over to Shelby’s, aka the Kitsune Cave. we had lots of free time till we had to venture out to the greater STL area.
Shelby loved her post Colt got her (and i picked out). it was the quote from Dr. Who “People assume that time is a straight progression of cause to effect but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.” on the background of blue and the Tardis and she think written in some other language of Who people.
she gave me my birthday gifts: lots of soaps she made, a calming eye bag, and a witch sock monkey. i gave her a fox calendar.
i showed her the art i’ve been doing.
and then we were off!
i rode all the way to STL, in the backseat of Brent’s car, next to his underwear.
we got the tickets and make our way to the McCormick & Schmick's Seafood & Steaks.
now, i’s county. i know that. i try to act all citified when in the city and not like the backwoods hick i am, first generation to have indoor plumbing their whole life an all.
i’m so glad i wore all women’s clothes to this fancy of a place.
we dine. we get dessert. i get cinnamon ice cream, served in a square bowl, on a round plant.
it was a religious experience with this ice cream. this was the flavor of November.
it was awesome.
i paid for the meal. the next few birthdays with Shelby will be at Taco Bell.
i didn’t show Shelby the bill, i did show her the $20 i tipped that was a hair under 205 of the $125 bill.
yes Shelby, the meal cost $125.
when off to see Tom Hiddleston’s ass!
and why the hell was the movie theater switch out their pumpkin flavor for lemon? nothing screams fall like lemon!
the movie, Crimson Peak, it was different.
it was a bit slow in the beginning but once Mia Wasikowska got over to England, it picked up.
it was a movie with spooks in it, not a spook movie. reminded me of The Woman In Black.
and, you get to see Tom Hiddleston’s ass.
which he did for feminism. we need more of this. more asses for feminism, more of sweet, sweet Tom Hiddleston’s Loki white ass.
and then we came home.
Brent passed out, me and Shelby started drinking. she made me a French martini and it was quite nice.
we started watching Fury Road but passed out.
when we all woke up (Brent left before Shelby woke up) Shelby made me eggs. last person who made me eggs was Colt.
these were way better.
i really like the layout of her rent’s house. i love the fact their garage opens to the laundry/mud room, which leads to the master bedroom’s bathroom. you can come home, drop your clothes in the wash, take a shower, and emerge from the bedroom dressed.
so we head back to the Kitsune Cave to watch Fury Road.
and then i came home.
then end.

October 26, 2015

5 yr blog, day 751

“How do you feel about your body?”

my feet are burning, due to new shoes and them getting worked on this weekend.
other than that, i’m okish.
2013: today, ok. fat and a bit gooy.

October 25, 2015

5 yr blog, day 750

“What is the most honest thing you’ve said today?”

i think it was just a day of white lies, just to look like i’m nice and happy.
2014: i don’t recall. been keeping things to myself.
2013: whatever it was i know it was to Colt. i’m almost overly honest with him.

October 24, 2015

5 yr blog, day 749

“How are you? Write it in a rhyming couplet (two lines of verse that rhymes and have the same rhyme).”

i’m off today
2014: work sucked
everything fucked.
2013: today was the same old, some old
and now in my room, it grows cold and cold

October 23, 2015

5 yr blog, day 748

“Who is the last person on your missed calls?”

2014: Matthew.
2013: Matthew.

October 22, 2015

5 yr blog, day 747

“Write a haiku about your day.”

off on a payday,
fucking up my days of the week
day off, day on: bad.

2014: two days off, in row,
fix me and my car, free time
inventory, morrow.

2013: Wal-Mart I went to,
not mine, another i go,
Krazy, again, broke.

October 21, 2015

5 yr blog, day 746

“What new word have you learned?”

from a while ago but i’ve learned polyamorus and metamour.
2014: really have not learn any new worlds lately.
2013: fag hag.

October 20, 2015

5 yr blog, day 745

“Who do you count on?”

Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, Shelby.
2014: Colt, Matthew, Nicole. 
2013: Colt, Matthew, Nicole.

October 19, 2015

5 yr blog, day 744

“What was your last credit card purchase?”

crap from the store.
2014: soap and vitamins at the store.
2013: Much Ado About Nothing, on blu-ray. 

October 18, 2015

5 yr blog, day 743

“What famous living famous person would you want to meet for drinks?”

my first thought was Tom Hiddleson.
but Joss is still boss.
2014: still Joss.
2013: Joss.

October 17, 2015

5 yr blog, day 742

“What’s the most valuable thing you own?”

i don’t own my friends or my men but that’s what i count as most valuable.
2014: my friends.
2013: money wise or what i prize?
my laptop. i think.

October 16, 2015

5 yr blog, day 741

“You woke up at ___.”

bit before 9 AM.
2014: quarter to 8 AM.
2013: quarter to 9 AM.


things rarely goes as plan. while days off for my bday was a bust, i got days for Shelby’s shindig.
i need to sit and crochet. Nicole’s visits is coming up and i’m not done.
i need to start with Colt’s birthday gifts. i have it all planned in my head but i am scared to start.
and also, i want this posted, here in my in blog for me to remember. i posted this is my pagan vent group on my birthday. it’s not so much a raging vent as it’s just something that pisses me off.
It's my birthday and I will vent.
Went to Springfield to see Colt and Jacob. They moved in and have been happy together for last 8 odd weeks.
I love their new place. It is gorgeous.
For Jacob's birthday I made his star chart. It's in his closet, in his room.
And that's where this turns into a vent. My boys need to keep the look of 2 guys living together, not of a couple. Colt's parents don't agree with his "lifestyle".
As much shit Colt's been through, there was such a calm to him. The domestic life suits him.
I don't think his parents will ever see it.
and it’s true. there is such a calmness to Colt it’s almost scary. but everything i saw theses few hours, i saw love and a home.
something i’m trying to achieve myself.

October 15, 2015

5 yr blog, day 740

“How much time do you spend commuting?”

same as the last 2 year’s answers.
2014: same as last year’s answers. what i have learn is that there’s this space/time thing. the slower i go from Belle to Owensville, the faster i get to the store.
2013: takes about 45 mins to get to work, an hour to get back.

October 14, 2015

5 yr blog, day 739

“What expression do you overuse?”

none right now.
2014: “My show’s on.”
2013: ask the DarkShark.

October 13, 2015

5 yr blog, day 738

“You have no patience for___”.

i really don’t know anymore. i think i’ve given up on a “normal” life so i’m just coasting till death.
2014: lack of myself.
2013: myself.


i don't know where to start and how to tell this story. if my two die-hard fans still read this blog as a bedtime story, this ain't it.
i was able to get the 4th and 5th off for my birthday, after working 1-10 on Saturday, i get up to get going, making my way to Waynesville.
Matthew got me Practical Magic, the book. i tried reading long ago but failed at it. now i want to read it by Halloween.
onward to Springfield to see the boys.
we find their new place, find Colt with Maggie.
in another life i would have hugged him and started crying.
but no. i hit him because of the tricked he played when he was in Colorado.
and i hit him because this is who i present to the world.
went inside (their place is so nice, something i'll never gonna afford). Jacob was in the corner doing some sort of pretest/quiz/study guide math thing. i went to a small collage that didn't have all this rigmarole.
i open my gift in a beautiful box with my name missed spelled.   
the wrapping was truly the best example of who i have: Age of Ultron paper with left over VD day tissue paper.
i got:
  • a shot glass with my name and a shark on it
  • a penguin base sex toy that if i was a guy would help me learn to masturbate
  • vampire blood in a cat case
  • a magnet that says “You annoy me enough that I think we’d probably have a very passionate love affair.”
  • and a tiny glass penguin
the shot glass i put to good use. i can only assume that when i have all three guys together that i get some sort of social anxiety. even with knowing Jacob now and him being quite in the corner, it was overwhelming.
i took a shot calm my nerves.

i know Colt and Matthew will never be best friends but they seem to get along better each visit. 

my Spike, my Angel.

off to the bedroom to see all my pretties put to good use. the apartment reads adult until you hit the bedroom. bedroom reads 13 yr old boy. it's all Iron Man and Marvel.
and anything fish related goes to the bathroom.
and all eyes fell off the shark and frog. and Colt's dog took an arm off the Iron Man doll. why do i even bother?
Colt was freaking out because he couldn't find a credit card in all his wallets (he has more cards and wallets then me) which is funny due to how neat and organize he is.
(it was a flair of the Krazy i use to know.)
i refused to talk about work. 
his bed is death trap. it's memory foam. with my weight mostly in my ass, i sink and i get stuck.
we play Lego Marvel Super Heroes and i discover that Daredevil is the coolest one to play (as of now).
we eat funky white chili that Jacob found on Pinterest. started watching the first two eps of The Muppets. during that, i gave Colt a card reading.
i need to get better at this. i feel like a sham.
something is up with Colt. it's not a shift in his dance but a change. Pomegranate showed up in his spread. it is that time of year. i told him he should eat one.
he made me watch Once Upon a Time.
and then Age of Ultron!
the movie got sidetracked by Jacob and his math. by this time, i'm good and fuzzy. i was on the barstool with my notebook (told Matthew he would have to help off the stool because i wouldn't be able to).
and even with being that drunk, i made a conscience effort to behave. i brought new pjs that were cute and comfortable and covered me, and kept all my undergarments on.
i don’t think Jacob will ever be ready for braless amerwitch.
and with all the vodka, and recalling math i haven't done since the last MILLENNIUM, i was out mathing Jacob.
i never felt so smart and proud of myself then i did that night.
Mr. Leddy would be so proud.
we all retire to opposite ends and sleep for the night.
i may have frightened Jacob's bed as i sleep topless. i doubt it never seen boobs like mine.
i wake up with my head filled with dreams. i tried to go back to sleep but gave up and went and sat on the couch (couch privileges be damn).
tried sleeping sitting up but never took. tried to write, didn't work.
Colt eventually woke up and we finished Avengers.
of the times i've seen this movie, 100% were in Springfield and 67% with Colt.
but i didn’t just sit and watch it. if anything, i was studying it as a Joss Whedon pieces. i study it as a spiritual work. these are my gods, this is my path, this is where i find strength.
and the Hulk is MIA.
and i am lost.
Matthew wakes, we dress and shower (poor Jacob’s bathroom) and off we go into the world.
we squeeze into Colt’s truck (Rebel), to get to Jacob’s car (funny where they work is next to the movie theater we saw Days of Future Past) to go and run some reruns!
i swear we’ll end up grocery shopping for Civil War. grr.
we end up at Chili’s to dine. Colt shows me to trailer for the new Poky-People game that i fear will get him hit by a car and we feast.
see, a few weeks back i drop my shields and wrote Jacob a heartfull letter and i sorta got my heart broke because of it. now, i like Jacob, and i love Colt and Jacob together, but at Chile’s, it was just the three of us and it felt right. Jacob will never make it to boyfriend lvl but he is a damn good metamour.
we shop, Colt got Shelby something (!)…
he took me to Wal-Mart. that sick, twisted, son-of-a-bitch. on my birthday too.
back to his work to get Rebel and a tenseful ride back to Casa de Jolt.
me and Matthew pack up. i don’t think i’ll see my DarkShark till May. i’m saddened but it gives me time to work on him and Jacob’s dolls.
back to Waynesville, back to the O.C.
i left on a Sunday, return on a Monday. glad no one did the dishes while i was gone and i had to do them.
but in the last, every last min of my 34th year, someone sent me a topless pic of themselves.
you know who are. if i ever get back on Grindr, that will be my profile pic.
and in one afterthought, Colt has arms now.
and i am confused by that.
let’s see if i make it to 36.

October 12, 2015

October 11, 2015

5 yr blog, day 736

“What makes you feel wonderful?”

right now, Oktober.
2014: not having to work tomorrow.
2013: today, the fact i got Much Ado About Nothing

October 10, 2015

5 yr blog, day 735

“Write down the name of someone you had a good conversation with recently.”

i talk to everyone.
2014: no one.
2013: fucking Colt. :-(

October 9, 2015

October 8, 2015

5 yr blog, day 733

“What is your biggest dream?”

moving out.
2014: moving out.
2013: children. having them, pregnancy, birth.

October 7, 2015

5 yr blog, day 732

“Are you happy with your choices today?”

2014: no.
2013: sorta. should have gone to bed earlier than 5 AM. need to work on my room and diet. did get money sorted out.

October 6, 2015

5 yr blog, day 731

“Do you have any new friends?”

yes i do! his name is Jacob.
2014: Shelby.
2013:Colt. in fact, he’s part of my 3.
Tom might rank up here one day.

October 5, 2015

5 yr blog, day 730

“What questions makes you anxious?”

“When are you gonna have kids?”
2014: “Do you work here?”

October 4, 2015

5 yr blog, day 729

“In three words, describe your love life.”

i can’t. the love i have makes it so that i’m in a love compound. there is too many people to just sum it up in 3 words.
2014: Matthew, Colt, Nicole.

October 3, 2015

5 yr blog, day 728

”What was the last bad movie you watched?”

still Transformers: Age of Extinction.
2014: Transformers: Age of Extinction.

October 2, 2015

5 yr blog, day 727

“What do you crave?”

my days off and to see my men together.
2014: life.

October 1, 2015

5 yr blog, day 726

“What are you a geek about?”

yes, first off it’s nerd.
the biggest is, of course, Joss. Joss will always be first.
and with Joss, that lead to the MCU.
2014: first, it’s nerd.
second, i’m all about Joss Whedon, the MCU, and Doug Walker.