August 31, 2015
August 30, 2015
August 29, 2015
August 28, 2015
August 27, 2015
i know, posting 2 days in the row, what the hell?
well, somehow i manage to roll up into a bit of data so i’m tethering the laptop. i feel all badass doing this.
crocheting has been on my mind of late. i’m doing it. a bit at a time but i am crocheting! i think i can get a doll done in a week, and then start the fun of making clothes! after that, 2 more dolls to work on.
what will be fun about the newer dolls is BUYING NEW YARN!!! yes, i do have a problem, don’t judge me.
i got Jacob’s gift done. off to the mail and everything will be ok.
it’s the crocheting (yes, back to yarn talk) and i’m just, doing it. i’m taking the time and working on my craft. i’m getting things done and i got plans for A LOT of stuff and i’m slowly getting it done. i’m excited.
i’m excited. i love how the yarn is making the items that much cooler then i thought they would (working with variegated yarn will do that to you). and how the colors i’m picking, and the colors names, are all just falling into something perfect.
and all these things i’m working on, none for me.
i don’t think i’ve ever made something for myself. it’s always for someone else, birthday, Yule.
maybe next summer i’ll crank out something for me.
i think i have the yarn for it…
August 26, 2015
whipping boy: a person who is blamed or punished for the faults or incompetence of others.
or someone you beat up, as in my case.
i forgot how Colt was mine, back in the days we were both in electronics hell.
and now, he still is.
i don’t know what it is about him that brings out the need to try, and try, to push him away. to get him to leave so i can be this alone and miserable person.
he’s the only one i do it with. not with Nicole and not with Matthew.
and you think, as much as i believe i need that boy to be happy, i would want to keep him.
something is wrong. this is more than the fact of moving and living in the world of Jolt. something…
i went on a walk and it was an anger walk. i was remind of Buffy and the quote from episode “Passions”. while passion may be the drive of most, it’s anger with me.
i need to sit down and write the changing of passion to anger, from one form of Joss to another form.
because, really, ain’t Joss the one with all the answers?
but Buffy never had to deal with Angel and Spike both loving her at the same time.
and the question is, who the hell is Jacob then? Andrew?
i’m sorry Colt, for the shit i’ve been slinging. this goes back eons, wanting male love and then fighting tooth and nail to drive them away.
i should be in theory, i should be on drugs. maybe one day.
right now, i have friends. i’m crocheting. i’m witchcrafting again. i need to lean on what makes me happy and not sling the slime.
That’s not easy to do.”
August 25, 2015
August 24, 2015
August 23, 2015
August 22, 2015
i seem to have the problem of remembering, remembering that i am loved and that i need to take this love in and enjoy it.
2014: i’ve been blogging for over 13 years now. i don’t want to forget.
i feel like i’m living dangerously by having my laptop tethered to my phone right now.
work has been work, life has been life. it’s not great, i’m not on fire. i’m in this middle ground of nothing.
i am getting better about some stuff. i am trying to slow down/quit playing Age of Mythology. it worked yesterday and i crocheted.
i also got my TV up and going and am back on the Netflix plan.
Netflix and crocheting, that is my plan.
still having issues with getting yarn for Nicole’s afghan. once the colors are picked, i’m on it.
i hope to have it done for her 30th bday.
i’ve almost kept up with Lose It for the week. if i can add doing Morning Pages, i’ll be winning.
it’s just hard to get your shit together. slowly trying to add all the layers to become a human. Age of Mythology sucked most of my life.
and i deleted apps off my phone that were doing the something, along with Facebook groups. trying to cut off what is not helping me and moving towards life.
foot at a time, if not an inch.
i’ll take an inch a day over not doing a damn thing at all.
August 21, 2015
August 20, 2015
August 19, 2015
side note: looking back at last year’s answers, i’m sorta doing better with that.
my lack of wanting to do anything. if i could write it down, i could tell you.
2014: if i could just sort it OUT!
*looks at what will be asked for 5 yr. blog. recalls what was going on a year ago.*
ok, are we better than we were last year?
we love Colt. we need Colt. we are truly polyamorous.
so, what is our problem this year?
well, being “homeless” but having a pair of boyfriends (we really need to deal with that too) down south who all but have my name on the lease, willing and wanting me to move in with them, yeah, that’s our problem.
so now what?
well, you wasted today. what ever happen to that freaking to-do-list you wrote out and with your plans on it?
you’ll blow it off then too.
i probably need to see a therapist and get med to fix me.
like we’re gonna do that. buck up buttercup.
so why can’t i move then? what is really holding me back? is it really fear and all that?
i see the visons you have about the Spring of Field with Jolt. you swing from it being heaven and being damned. and the damning part ain’t gonna happen. they love you too much to be that big of pricks.
i know, like my fear i had when i first stayed the night at Colt’s. stupid but still there.
so, what are you gonna do about this? are you going to get better or just stay with the mold and lack of respect?
i got to get out.
you ain’t gonna be out by 35, but before Civil War?
spring is rebirth.
you is pagan.
we can do this.
yes, we can.
August 18, 2015
August 17, 2015
August 16, 2015
August 15, 2015
with all my walking, my calves are no longer flabby. i have to try to make them flabby.
2014: it works. i may be big and fat but damn if i cannot get shit done because my body can do it.
August 14, 2015
August 13, 2015
August 12, 2015
August 11, 2015
how are you? i know i didn’t write last year but we both know you were a bit rough to me.
so, a year later and let’s look on how things are different. i’m writing. that’s a good sign. i’m also working on my room and getting back into being a witch.
also, Colt has a boyfriend now, Jacob. it’s a boyfriend that i like too.
Matthew, Matthew is Matthew.
Nicole is still awesome.
Shelby is another short, odd, girl that has joined the merry band.
gay boys and short blonde girls, that is my type.
but this is about me, because i’m all self-center like that.
i am getting better. i realized that what my downfall is and am working on bettering that.
my room is actually getting cleaner. it’s all a foot at a time but my gods, it’s a foot!
and, i’m always getting back into being a witch. once the room is done (doner) then i can really bust out the frogs and caldrons and get cracking.
also, i’m trying to look out for my own betterment. i think it’s due to the fact that Colt is being taken care of.
this lead to the idea of moving out on my own. i don’t think it’s gonna happen on the timeline i want but i am working on it.
and then there is the “krazyier” idea of me moving to Springfield with Jolt. there’s a shrine to me and a fish named after me down there.
“Stay With Me” with take a whole new meaning then.
and odder things, first time since Avengers came out, i didn’t see the new Marvel movie. me and Matthew had plans on seeing Fantastic 4 but it pretty much bombed (while Ant-Man did well and still kicking ass). it’s to a point where everyone is telling Fox “give them back!”
i’m back into crocheting! it’s been so good to get hook and yarn back and working on things. Yule is coming and i must ready myself.
i’m also walking, and drinking tea. i’m ok with my green tea with honey, lemon, and ginseng concoction. it’s been fun playing with all that. I’m hoping to try the pumpkin spice ones that come out.
i also want to try peppermint schnapps with Dr. Pepper.
it’s past 4. i need to do my walk for the day. i hope to come back to you more, August, and write to you more this year.
August 10, 2015
August 9, 2015
August 8, 2015
August 7, 2015
August 6, 2015
2014: you leave an inch of space to write down “who are you?” fuck this. i can’t write it down in just an inch. if anything, just read this whole fucking blog, this is who i am.
and here’s the kicker, i’m changing. so, you need to read this every day, and look to see what is being changed.