December 31, 2015

5 yr blog, day 817

“What is your most cherished memory of the year?”

eep. it was my adventures that i loved this year.
no, it was anytime i was out and about with my people that i loved the most.
2014: look under “cuz we’re connected” for this year.
2013: nothing pops out at me. :-(


there’s two times a day i really look at myself in the mirror, morning and night.
this is a shout out to Shelby so i can use her tag and in her vain attempts to get higher up on the tag list.
i did it.
the plan was to leave my house by 1 to get to Nicole’s by 4.
editor’s note: i cannot take credit for #Avengerpalzooa.
i’ve been reading Kissing the Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle.
this past week i spent 24 hours in shoes.
dear August, how are you?
where do i start?
i don't know where to start and how to tell this story.
Halloween, what a mix blessing it was.
i need to write.

top movies of 2015

  1. Crimson Peak
  2. Ant-Man
  3. Avengers: Age of Ultron
  4. Exodus: Gods and Kings

December 30, 2015

5 yr blog, day 816

“List what you’ve eaten for the past week.”

food. the answer will always be food.
2014: hey look, same as last year, food!
2013: food.

December 29, 2015

5 yr blog, day 815

“What are your top three wishes?”

2014: i just want out. can i wish for that 3 times?
  1. pay off credit card 
  2. move out 
  3. i don’t know. a pony?

December 28, 2015

5 yr blog, day 814

“Snuggle down or go out and play?”

play, then hardcore snuggle.
very hardcore snuggle.
2014: play, then snuggle, snuggle hardcore.
2013: play, then snuggle, snuggle hardcore.

December 27, 2015

5 yr blog, day 813

“What was the last time you felt at peace?”

i don’t know if it was peace or the fact everything felt right.
it was the night before my birthday. i was good and drunk and had out mathed Jacob.
when it was bed time, i was evil and took off my shirt and bra to sleep topless in Jacob’s bed (i’m assuming i’m the biggest boobs that bed ever saw).
and right before passing out, i grabbed my phone to txt Colt (who was on the other side of the apartment) good night.
2014: May 27, 2014. read about it here, “Part III: Boyfriend Prime”.
2013: 8/16/2013. read about it here, “daylight”.

December 26, 2015

5 yr blog, day 812

“On a scale of one to ten, how spontaneous were you today?”

2014: less then zero.
2013: zero.

December 25, 2015

5 yr blog, day 811

“Write down five words that describe today.”

3 years in a row: long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.
2014: hey look! same as last year!
long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.
2013: long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.

December 24, 2015

5 yr blog, day 810

“Write down a recent transition.”

2014: shit from the store.
2013: i brought lunch for me and Colt.

December 23, 2015

5 yr blog, day 809

“What’s your favorite cereal?”

frosted flakes.
2014: frosted flakes.
2013: frosted flakes.

December 22, 2015

5 yr blog, day 808

“Did you meet someone new recently? If so, who was it?”

i met Jacob this year!
2014: no.
2013: in the past 3 months i did meet Tom.

December 21, 2015

5 yr blog, day 807

“If you could be the best at anything, what would it be?”

be a better woman to my men.
2014: i want to be a better amerwitch.
2013: dudes, i’m the best amerwitch there will ever be. no need to wish for anything else.

December 20, 2015

5 yr blog, day 806

“What is your dream vacation?”

i don’t know if anything will top #Avergerpalzooa.
2014: right now, and i know it will happen: 5th anniversary weekend in Springfield with Matthew, Colt, and Ultron.
2013: Walt Disney World for a week with Mathew.

December 19, 2015

5 yr blog, day 805

“If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?”

i work a full day.
2014: to be done with the Yule time crocheting.
2013: Colt’s gift would be done.

December 18, 2015

5 yr blog, day 804

“What do you like to talk about?”

2014: anything and everything.
2013: anything and everything.

December 17, 2015

5 yr blog, day 803

“If you had to move to a new city, where would you move?”

i need to move. i think it would be best to move closer to work, Rosebudish.
Springfield would be nice but that would not work out long term.
2014: Rosebud.
2015: Rosebud.

December 16, 2015

5 yr blog, day 802

“What so you find irresistible?”

well, i like my men a bit gay and seemingly with over attachment to their furchildgren.
2014: boys with cats.
2013: in what? in life, men, women, cars? this vagueness just ain’t cute anymore.

December 15, 2015

5 yr blog, day 801

“Moderation or excess?”

all the time.
2014: both, at the same time.
2013: both. at the same time.

December 14, 2015

5 yr blog, day 800

“Why are you impressive?”

stand by last year’s answers.
2014: i am and i am not. show me a talent i didn’t think you had, that will impress me.
2013: so don’t understand this question at all.

December 13, 2015

5 yr blog, day 799

“What is your biggest regret?”

where the road splits, i took the path i took. and then again and again, gong further or closer to my first path.
so, what do i regret? do i regret working at Wal-Mart that let me met Colt, and put him on the path to meet Jacob?
do i regret not sticking with my loser ex and missing out on Matthew?
i don’t regret getting here.
2014: i said my whole life last year, but the more i think about it, i’m here for a reason, for better or worse.
i have no regrets.
2013: my whole life.

December 12, 2015

5 yr blog, day 798

“What’s on your wish list?”

a REAL penguin.
2014: store brought dress and a pony.
2013: store brought dress and a pony.

December 11, 2015

5 yr blog, day 797

“Where do you find joy?”

nowhere right now.
2014: in the pure and simple.
2013: nowhere right now. nowhere.

December 10, 2015

5 yr blog, day 796

“What surprised you today?”

nothing surprised me.
2014: i did not run into trouble at town.
2015: how much happier i am working over in apparel.

December 9, 2015

5 yr blog, day 795

“What is your most recent act of generosity?”

i don’t punch people who piss me off.
2014: i don’t recall.
2013: i don’t recall.

December 8, 2015

5 yr blog, day 794

“How ambitious do you feel today?”

2014: this is the wrong time of year to ask this question.
2013: none.

December 7, 2015

5 yr blog, day 793

“Where do you see yourself next year?”

better off then what is going on now.
2014: in my own place.
2013: no clue or i don’t want to say.

December 6, 2015

5 yr blog, day 792

“Today you gain___.”

2014: a day off.
2013: weight.

December 5, 2015

5 yr blog, day 791

“What do you miss?”

alone time.
2014: Colt.
2013: right now, my grandmas.

December 4, 2015

5 yr blog, day 790

“Do you want to know how it ends?”

well, i know how Avengers 2 ends now.
2014: like i said last year, what ends?
2013: what ends? the world? my life? Avengers 2

December 3, 2015

5 yr blog, day 789

“On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you?”

pretty good.
2014: low.
2013: right now, 7.

December 2, 2015

5 yr blog, day 788

“What details from today would you like to remember?”

i didn’t do anything today worth remembering.
2014: Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D..
2013: none.

one hour

i need to write. i have ideas for some posts that cover sexuality and marriage and what not. i just need to let them simmer a bit more in my head before i try pen to paper.
i did work on my room yesterday and by gods, i’ll do it again tonight. this past week with the rain (and my mental break down last week) drives me more and more into a darkness that i want to fight out, i just can’t. i can’t will myself to get up and move.
it’s in the simple txt of “Try harder.” that is the kick i need. i am/i will/i is.
it’s just this time of year, it gets to me.
comparing Halloween to Christmas, Christmas has the more pizzazz to it. there’s the songs and movies and it seems the whole world gets together for this day.
and i feel so excluded from it.
i didn’t have a Thanksgiving. no, i did have one. i spent it with my work family and the masses of asswipes for “Black Friday”. it was the best place to be. the other one would be with my family (problem why i’m dreading Christmas).
and there it is, my answer. i dread this time of year because i don’t have a home and i don’t have a family.
i know that’s a sham to say but to me, it’s real. the squalor i live in is not fit for anything, living or dead. and i’m only a discount to my family.
solitude, that’s what i want. i want to be alone. i want my own little apartment and be alone. stay home all day Christmas and not see any family members.
be able to invite my squad: my Nicole, my Colt, my Jacob, my Shelby, my Matthew, over.
and it starts by getting off the laptop and putting in an hour of work.

December 1, 2015

5 yr blog, day 787

“What would you like your epitaph to read?”

wife, girlfriend, and loving mother.
2014: wife and loving mother.
2013: wife and loving mother.

November 30, 2015

5 yr blog, day 786

“Today you almost ___.”

went off on a manager.
2014: did something.
2013: got got. 

November 29, 2015

5 yr blog, day 785

“What five words describe your mood?”

tired, pissed off, blood thirsty, fucked.
2014: tired, good, melancholy, hopeful, lonely.
2013: stressed, stressed, stressed, stressed, stressed.

November 28, 2015

5 yr blog, day 784

“What was the last risk you took?”

i really don’t remember. i know i take them, nothing stands out right now as a “big risk”.
2014: writing down the story: “The Pirate and the Witch.”
2013: changing jobs.

November 26, 2015

5 yr blog, day 782

“What three words describe your family?”

big, tall, mean.
2014: big, tall, mean.
2013: big, tall, mean.


yes i am up late (1 AMish) but i got a long night ahead of me, as it is BLACK FRIDAY!!!
i’m looking forward to it this year. i don’t know why but i got a good feeling about it. i hope to get the art thingy and see what yarn and movies they have.
and maybe a FitBit.
we get to wear jeans. what more do i need?
and, a slumber party with Shelby! at what age does one stop having slumber parties?
she did help me sort out parts i’m looking for to help with Colt’s bday gift. i hope to start that after New Year’s.
i have so many feels and i don’t know who’s side i’m on and Iron Man is the bad guy and i think i’m more excited for this movie then i was for Age of Ultron but i still love you Joss, please come back!
i think i’m just excited because now i have something concrete to put with going down to SF to see Colt and Jacob. i can not wait for that fun to be about.
and that’s my plan on giving them their Yule gifts and Colt his bday gift.
so much work till May.
but first, let me survive this year’s Black Friday.

November 25, 2015

5 yr blog, day 781

“How much water did you drink today?”

not enough.
2014: better than last year but not enough.
2013: not enough.

November 24, 2015

5 yr blog, day 780

“Who have you recently deleted from your contacts/address book?”

no one.
2014: no.
2013: well, i did deleted someone from Facebook awhile back.

Friday the 13th

i’m a writer, been that way since i knew how to put words on paper and make things up. stories come and stories go, but me trying to write about my weekend in STL, this will be a challenge for me. to get the right words in the right order.
here we go.
after much delay from Matthew, we make our way there.
Nicole, she is Nicole. she is her own thing and somehow, the gods put us together and nothing will tear us apart.
she is more than a girlfriend.
and she won’t marry me.
we get dolled up, me and Nicole kiss, and head out to a Himalayan restaurant for a nice meal. back home for shots and then to the strip club.
the girls at the club was lacking. Matthew got a dance (without me picking which girl, grr) and he said it was lackluster.
there was one dancer, Savannah. there was a boy there (look like a local from back home, swear he was 18 but you have to be 21 to enter the club). Savannah took his hat off, put it on her, lift her legs on his shoulders, and dance her pussy all in front of his face.
i told Matthew to go up there and throw money at her. it was worth it so see the face on that plow boy.
Nicole was having a tiff with parts of her poly unit but she got to her birthday spankings.
and then to a bar to close it down.
Friday brought me no tattoos, again. Nicole had to go to work, me and Matthew went to the zoo.
it was nice to have alone time with him. we saw all the big cats, had fun with a giraffe, saw the “polar bear” and then spend good times with the penguins.
we went to the Lakeside café for pure junk food. i felt much better after the chili-cheese fries.
then back to Nicole’s for an hour nap.
she came home, we ready again to go off to a punk dive bar to watch some bands.
after her falling face first into the street, Nicole got a rather lengthy phone call from person of her poly unit. they talked for some time but we managed to get inside the bar.
they were playing Daredevil and had a display of New Kids on the Block dolls.
it was kinda scary nice?
Nicole ran into fans, fell to the floor, and just generally freaked me out (and others). we left after the 2nd band and went home where she passed out with Ben.
i woke up cold (and stayed cold till Columbia). i put on a hell of an outfit of a black maxi skirt with my flannel pj bottoms under. it was kinds chicy bum.
we say our goodbyes and get the hell out of STL.
tacos at Kingdom City, books at Barns and Nobel, Daredevil things at Hot Topic, visit with the grandparents and we hit the Shack in the Woods before dark.

November 23, 2015

5 yr blog, day 779

“What is your favorite brunch food?”

i don’t do brunch.
2014: i don’t do brunch.
2013: really? this is a thing?

November 22, 2015

5 yr blog, day 778

“What are you trying to do?”

2014: better my life.
2013: bleed.

November 21, 2015

5 yr blog, day 777

“What are your favorite shoes?”

i wear shoes. i have, 2 pair right now so, i’m not a woman of many shoes.
2014: still don’t have a pair. i have shoes, i wear them when i need to.
2013: don’t have a pair.

November 20, 2015

5 yr blog, day 776

“What do you have to get done?”

still, my room.
2014: my room. :-(
2013: my room.

November 19, 2015

5 yr blog, day 775

“When was the last time you checked an online social network?”

I’M ONLINE 24/7!!!
2013: on one now.

November 18, 2015

5 yr blog, day 774

“What is your dream job of the day?”

full time witch.
2014: full time witch.
2013: full time witch.

November 17, 2015

5 yr blog, day 773

“Which friends(s) did you last speak to?”

2014: Matthew.
2013: Matthew.

November 16, 2015

5 yr blog, day 772

“What are you obsessed with right now?”

nothing right now.
2014: crocheting.
2013: Thor and all the Avengers.

November 15, 2015

5 yr blog, day 771

“Waking up was ___”

kinda nice.
2014: short and unfulfilled.
2013: pleasant.

November 14, 2015

5 yr blog, day 770

“What do you need to vent about?”

2014: work.
2013: work.

November 13, 2015

5 yr blog, day 769

“What song could be your self-portrait?”

still have not found one.
2014: still have not found a song that would be me.
as for a theme song for the now, i don’t have one. went kinda dark where the songs of Buffy and Muppet’s Most Wanted got to me.
2013: i’m more about my theme song for the now. never thought of a self-portrait.
i really don’t know what would be a good self-portrait for me. any ideas?

November 12, 2015

5 yr blog, day 768

Is there anything missing in your life?”

lots of things.
2014: Colt.
2013: loaded question. don’t know if i want to air them here.

November 11, 2015

5 yr blog, day 767

“What do you always avoid?”

2014: i don’t know. it changes so often that i can’t keep up.
2013: creepers at work, ass mangers Chris. 


i have been writing; blogs, letters, stories. words are coming and flowing.
i did hit a bit of a bump the other night. i think too much and just need to dig to the heart and let it bleed.
waiting on Colt to read the new story before sending the updated version to Shelby.
should send a copy to Nicole, too.
with the words coming, i need to come to a stopping point and work on me. it’s gonna be hard to do in the middle of working 6 days in a row but i want to get something done before then.
i have been having success with writing a to do list. i pledge to myself to do 10% on every day off, 20% on my “weekends”. it’s been working and i am making some progress.
speaking of strippers, i hope by this time next week, i have seen penguins, strippers (female strippers!) and maybe a tattoo. going to STL to see Nicole. this is a much needed mini vacation.
actually, all my “vacations” are mini. i take 3 days and stay, mostly, in state. i haven’t been on a wild adventure since the last time i went to Florida. that was over 10 years ago.

November 10, 2015

5 yr blog, day 766

“Where do you find pleasure?”

still with my men, now that i have 3: Colt, Jacob, and Matthew.
2014: with my men.
2013: everywhere.

November 9, 2015

5 yr blog, day 765

“Did you leave work on time?”

2014: off today.
2013: was off today.

November 8, 2015

5 yr blog, day 764

“What topic are you bored talking about?”

same as last year.
2014: sometimes when Matthew goes on about Star Trek too much.
2013: nothing.

November 7, 2015

5 yr blog, day 763

“Who is your hero?”

2014: i don’t feel i have any heroes right now. ask me again next year.
2013: THOR!!!

November 6, 2015

5 yr blog, day 762

“What time did go to bed last night?”

2014: about same time as the last few days.
2013: way too late.

November 5, 2015

well, that ended well enough...

writer’s block sucks.
i’ve been on a roll with writing, banging out my Mary Sue fanfic of Colt’s world. the last one i sent him, he said it was dark.
didn’t end it on a Joss Whedon joke. that’s why.
trying to write the next chapter and i’ve hit a brick of a wall.
it’s the dialog. i know, this is not really me and him but it is.
i can write the witch part. she’s part me. that’s fairly simple.
it’s writing the DarkShark/Colt part. i’m putting myself into that corner. i think i hit the nail on the head when i wrote “The Pirate and the Witch”. i was so hemming and hawing it that i said fuck it and wrote it.
i can’t get to that point with this story. i kept writing and writing and not throwing anything out so i got this kinda choose your own adventure paragraphs at the bottom of the page.
[some time later]
well, i wrote it and emailed it to Colt. we’ll see what daylight brings.

5 yr blog, day 761

“What should remind as-is?”

nothing. i am in a major need of a reboot.
2014: nothing.
i need a change.
2013: nothing.

November 4, 2015

5 yr blog, day 760

“Today you made___.”

2014: a choice.
2013: an endcap.

"he keeps my heart from being broken"

Sunday night i’m hiding in my room, scrolling on Facebook on my phone. i came upon a post i had to stop and let it sink in.
“Colt is in a relationship with Jacob.”
i had to txt Colt to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating it.
he said fuck it and posted it. i was so happy i was crying.
my dear Krazy, my dear DarkShark, i love you so much. i am so proud of you right now.

Trick ‘r Treat

Halloween, what a mix blessing it was.
i work on Friday, and after a change of clothes, i’m off to Rolla to see Matthew.
we meet up, need to go to Wal-Mart (grr) and then back to the hotel so i can hardcore de-bunny.
on a whim, i brought some electric tea candles. 4 on each night stand and it was pretty groovy.
and we enjoyed the night.
and watched Trick ‘r Treat.
the next day it was gray and overcast and wonderfully dreary.
i dressed in my best and off we go to Colton’s for food.
and to the comic book store!
i brought my first comic books. i got Angela Queen of Hel and The New Avengers.
i’ve read them. i’m a real nerd now.
and that was my Halloween. nothing grand or awesome but still sweet.

November 3, 2015

5 yr blog, day 759

“When did you last hold a baby?”

way long ago when Ellie was one.
2014: longer ago when Ellie was one.
2013: long ago when Ellie was one.

November 2, 2015

5 yr blog, day 758

“What’s your biggest expense right now?”

still, my credit card.
3 years in a row, this has to stop.
2014: still, my credit card. :-/
2013: my credit card.

November 1, 2015

5 yr blog, day 757

“What was something you couldn’t do today?”

all my work.
2014: hide.
2013: relax.

October 31, 2015

5 yr blog, day 756

“Halloween plans? What’s your costume?”

well blog about this later and post link here when it’s up.
EDIT: read about it here "Trick 'r Treat".
2014: nothing.
2013: my plans are to go over to Colt’s for tacos and spook movies and a bit of magick.
i’m basically dressings as "myself”.

can we have November?

this isn’t me being a pagan. this isn’t me being anti-Christmas. this is me being 35 and needing things.
Halloween is on a Saturday this year. school kids started partying Friday. Sunday is the start of the Catholic’s All-Soul’s Day, saints, so Halloween might go on until Tuesday.
Thor’sDay we started taking down the Halloween stuff at the store, putting up the Christmas stuff.
November, anymore, is raped over by Christmas. when i was little, you had 31 days of Oktober to get all the Halloween in. then came November, a nice month that was all fall. by the end of Thanksgiving, it was time for Christmas.
see, back in the day you had 25 days to get all your Christmas in, so you crammed all you could. sing ALL the songs, eat ALL the cookies, watch ALL the movies! and then, from the 26 until the 2nd (when Christmas vacation was over) was this nice afterglow time. it was kinda still Christmas, you still had the pretties and you can still watch the movies and sing the songs, but it was just this cuddle time. then the 2nd hit and back to work we go.
anymore, on the 26, all Christmas is gone and we never talk about it ever again. then around August we drag it out and it’s MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS IN YOUR FACE!!!!
as i’ve gotten older and farther along the pagan path, November is the nice fall month of thinking, reflection, before we hit winter and, MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS.
now, it’s just a speed bump to MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!

October 30, 2015

5 yr blog, day 755

“Are you able to tell when you had enough?”

2014: to drink, yes and no.
2013: enough what?

October 29, 2015

5 yr blog, day 754

“Camping or hotel?”

still game to pop a tent and spend a night in the backyard.
2014: hotel. hotel with a whirlpool, even better.
2013: hotel. willing to try camping. told Matthew it might be fun to sleep in a tent in the backyard one night. 

she keeps my heart from growing older

got an idea for a story, another Mary Sue fan fic set in Colt’s little world. i lost steam with it when Colt and Jacob went outside. sent the unfinished work to Colt. never heard a word from him about it.
and yet, somehow i have written what happens after. i kinda got it down on paper, went to work and while binning and picking, came up with the last part of the scene. instead of me and him kissing and making up, it went in the other direction.
i like it. it’s short and to the point. it feels real.
so real it’s a wonder he’s not worried about me.
it didn’t help that i kinda stopped talking to him for a while. i don’t know how and i don’t know what point i was trying to make. i get this way and i wish i didn’t.
it’s never simple with him. maybe if he didn’t play games with me, i could be more honest and less stupid about him.
and then there’s theses thoughts of Jacob, but that’s for another day.

October 28, 2015

5 yr blog, day 753

“___ is completely ridiculous.”

i really don’t know. nothing seems out there, right now.
2014: till 2019, i got dates with Matthew, Colt, and the MCU.
2013: the fact the inbreed rednecks of Arkansas think we can do what we do with no people and no hours.

October 27, 2015

5 yr blog, day 752

“What was the last goofy thing you did?"

i really don’t remember.
2014: told someone that i did not want to cuddle with their cat.
2013: truly? save a toy kitty from the jackass at the service desk.


like i say, nothing goes to plan. this time, things worked out better.
plan to piss a Friday afternoon then a late night adventure with Shelby and Brent out in the greater STL area.
instead, i got the whole Friday off, leaving me with a 3 day weekend, OVER A REAL WEEKEND! like, oh my gods!
i make my way over to Shelby’s, aka the Kitsune Cave. we had lots of free time till we had to venture out to the greater STL area.
Shelby loved her post Colt got her (and i picked out). it was the quote from Dr. Who “People assume that time is a straight progression of cause to effect but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.” on the background of blue and the Tardis and she think written in some other language of Who people.
she gave me my birthday gifts: lots of soaps she made, a calming eye bag, and a witch sock monkey. i gave her a fox calendar.
i showed her the art i’ve been doing.
and then we were off!
i rode all the way to STL, in the backseat of Brent’s car, next to his underwear.
we got the tickets and make our way to the McCormick & Schmick's Seafood & Steaks.
now, i’s county. i know that. i try to act all citified when in the city and not like the backwoods hick i am, first generation to have indoor plumbing their whole life an all.
i’m so glad i wore all women’s clothes to this fancy of a place.
we dine. we get dessert. i get cinnamon ice cream, served in a square bowl, on a round plant.
it was a religious experience with this ice cream. this was the flavor of November.
it was awesome.
i paid for the meal. the next few birthdays with Shelby will be at Taco Bell.
i didn’t show Shelby the bill, i did show her the $20 i tipped that was a hair under 205 of the $125 bill.
yes Shelby, the meal cost $125.
when off to see Tom Hiddleston’s ass!
and why the hell was the movie theater switch out their pumpkin flavor for lemon? nothing screams fall like lemon!
the movie, Crimson Peak, it was different.
it was a bit slow in the beginning but once Mia Wasikowska got over to England, it picked up.
it was a movie with spooks in it, not a spook movie. reminded me of The Woman In Black.
and, you get to see Tom Hiddleston’s ass.
which he did for feminism. we need more of this. more asses for feminism, more of sweet, sweet Tom Hiddleston’s Loki white ass.
and then we came home.
Brent passed out, me and Shelby started drinking. she made me a French martini and it was quite nice.
we started watching Fury Road but passed out.
when we all woke up (Brent left before Shelby woke up) Shelby made me eggs. last person who made me eggs was Colt.
these were way better.
i really like the layout of her rent’s house. i love the fact their garage opens to the laundry/mud room, which leads to the master bedroom’s bathroom. you can come home, drop your clothes in the wash, take a shower, and emerge from the bedroom dressed.
so we head back to the Kitsune Cave to watch Fury Road.
and then i came home.
then end.

October 26, 2015

5 yr blog, day 751

“How do you feel about your body?”

my feet are burning, due to new shoes and them getting worked on this weekend.
other than that, i’m okish.
2013: today, ok. fat and a bit gooy.

October 25, 2015

5 yr blog, day 750

“What is the most honest thing you’ve said today?”

i think it was just a day of white lies, just to look like i’m nice and happy.
2014: i don’t recall. been keeping things to myself.
2013: whatever it was i know it was to Colt. i’m almost overly honest with him.

October 24, 2015

5 yr blog, day 749

“How are you? Write it in a rhyming couplet (two lines of verse that rhymes and have the same rhyme).”

i’m off today
2014: work sucked
everything fucked.
2013: today was the same old, some old
and now in my room, it grows cold and cold

October 23, 2015

5 yr blog, day 748

“Who is the last person on your missed calls?”

2014: Matthew.
2013: Matthew.

October 22, 2015

5 yr blog, day 747

“Write a haiku about your day.”

off on a payday,
fucking up my days of the week
day off, day on: bad.

2014: two days off, in row,
fix me and my car, free time
inventory, morrow.

2013: Wal-Mart I went to,
not mine, another i go,
Krazy, again, broke.

October 21, 2015

5 yr blog, day 746

“What new word have you learned?”

from a while ago but i’ve learned polyamorus and metamour.
2014: really have not learn any new worlds lately.
2013: fag hag.

October 20, 2015

5 yr blog, day 745

“Who do you count on?”

Colt, Jacob, Matthew, Nicole, Shelby.
2014: Colt, Matthew, Nicole. 
2013: Colt, Matthew, Nicole.

October 19, 2015

5 yr blog, day 744

“What was your last credit card purchase?”

crap from the store.
2014: soap and vitamins at the store.
2013: Much Ado About Nothing, on blu-ray. 

October 18, 2015

5 yr blog, day 743

“What famous living famous person would you want to meet for drinks?”

my first thought was Tom Hiddleson.
but Joss is still boss.
2014: still Joss.
2013: Joss.

October 17, 2015

5 yr blog, day 742

“What’s the most valuable thing you own?”

i don’t own my friends or my men but that’s what i count as most valuable.
2014: my friends.
2013: money wise or what i prize?
my laptop. i think.

October 16, 2015

5 yr blog, day 741

“You woke up at ___.”

bit before 9 AM.
2014: quarter to 8 AM.
2013: quarter to 9 AM.


things rarely goes as plan. while days off for my bday was a bust, i got days for Shelby’s shindig.
i need to sit and crochet. Nicole’s visits is coming up and i’m not done.
i need to start with Colt’s birthday gifts. i have it all planned in my head but i am scared to start.
and also, i want this posted, here in my in blog for me to remember. i posted this is my pagan vent group on my birthday. it’s not so much a raging vent as it’s just something that pisses me off.
It's my birthday and I will vent.
Went to Springfield to see Colt and Jacob. They moved in and have been happy together for last 8 odd weeks.
I love their new place. It is gorgeous.
For Jacob's birthday I made his star chart. It's in his closet, in his room.
And that's where this turns into a vent. My boys need to keep the look of 2 guys living together, not of a couple. Colt's parents don't agree with his "lifestyle".
As much shit Colt's been through, there was such a calm to him. The domestic life suits him.
I don't think his parents will ever see it.
and it’s true. there is such a calmness to Colt it’s almost scary. but everything i saw theses few hours, i saw love and a home.
something i’m trying to achieve myself.

October 15, 2015

5 yr blog, day 740

“How much time do you spend commuting?”

same as the last 2 year’s answers.
2014: same as last year’s answers. what i have learn is that there’s this space/time thing. the slower i go from Belle to Owensville, the faster i get to the store.
2013: takes about 45 mins to get to work, an hour to get back.

October 14, 2015

5 yr blog, day 739

“What expression do you overuse?”

none right now.
2014: “My show’s on.”
2013: ask the DarkShark.

October 13, 2015

5 yr blog, day 738

“You have no patience for___”.

i really don’t know anymore. i think i’ve given up on a “normal” life so i’m just coasting till death.
2014: lack of myself.
2013: myself.


i don't know where to start and how to tell this story. if my two die-hard fans still read this blog as a bedtime story, this ain't it.
i was able to get the 4th and 5th off for my birthday, after working 1-10 on Saturday, i get up to get going, making my way to Waynesville.
Matthew got me Practical Magic, the book. i tried reading long ago but failed at it. now i want to read it by Halloween.
onward to Springfield to see the boys.
we find their new place, find Colt with Maggie.
in another life i would have hugged him and started crying.
but no. i hit him because of the tricked he played when he was in Colorado.
and i hit him because this is who i present to the world.
went inside (their place is so nice, something i'll never gonna afford). Jacob was in the corner doing some sort of pretest/quiz/study guide math thing. i went to a small collage that didn't have all this rigmarole.
i open my gift in a beautiful box with my name missed spelled.   
the wrapping was truly the best example of who i have: Age of Ultron paper with left over VD day tissue paper.
i got:
  • a shot glass with my name and a shark on it
  • a penguin base sex toy that if i was a guy would help me learn to masturbate
  • vampire blood in a cat case
  • a magnet that says “You annoy me enough that I think we’d probably have a very passionate love affair.”
  • and a tiny glass penguin
the shot glass i put to good use. i can only assume that when i have all three guys together that i get some sort of social anxiety. even with knowing Jacob now and him being quite in the corner, it was overwhelming.
i took a shot calm my nerves.

i know Colt and Matthew will never be best friends but they seem to get along better each visit. 

my Spike, my Angel.

off to the bedroom to see all my pretties put to good use. the apartment reads adult until you hit the bedroom. bedroom reads 13 yr old boy. it's all Iron Man and Marvel.
and anything fish related goes to the bathroom.
and all eyes fell off the shark and frog. and Colt's dog took an arm off the Iron Man doll. why do i even bother?
Colt was freaking out because he couldn't find a credit card in all his wallets (he has more cards and wallets then me) which is funny due to how neat and organize he is.
(it was a flair of the Krazy i use to know.)
i refused to talk about work. 
his bed is death trap. it's memory foam. with my weight mostly in my ass, i sink and i get stuck.
we play Lego Marvel Super Heroes and i discover that Daredevil is the coolest one to play (as of now).
we eat funky white chili that Jacob found on Pinterest. started watching the first two eps of The Muppets. during that, i gave Colt a card reading.
i need to get better at this. i feel like a sham.
something is up with Colt. it's not a shift in his dance but a change. Pomegranate showed up in his spread. it is that time of year. i told him he should eat one.
he made me watch Once Upon a Time.
and then Age of Ultron!
the movie got sidetracked by Jacob and his math. by this time, i'm good and fuzzy. i was on the barstool with my notebook (told Matthew he would have to help off the stool because i wouldn't be able to).
and even with being that drunk, i made a conscience effort to behave. i brought new pjs that were cute and comfortable and covered me, and kept all my undergarments on.
i don’t think Jacob will ever be ready for braless amerwitch.
and with all the vodka, and recalling math i haven't done since the last MILLENNIUM, i was out mathing Jacob.
i never felt so smart and proud of myself then i did that night.
Mr. Leddy would be so proud.
we all retire to opposite ends and sleep for the night.
i may have frightened Jacob's bed as i sleep topless. i doubt it never seen boobs like mine.
i wake up with my head filled with dreams. i tried to go back to sleep but gave up and went and sat on the couch (couch privileges be damn).
tried sleeping sitting up but never took. tried to write, didn't work.
Colt eventually woke up and we finished Avengers.
of the times i've seen this movie, 100% were in Springfield and 67% with Colt.
but i didn’t just sit and watch it. if anything, i was studying it as a Joss Whedon pieces. i study it as a spiritual work. these are my gods, this is my path, this is where i find strength.
and the Hulk is MIA.
and i am lost.
Matthew wakes, we dress and shower (poor Jacob’s bathroom) and off we go into the world.
we squeeze into Colt’s truck (Rebel), to get to Jacob’s car (funny where they work is next to the movie theater we saw Days of Future Past) to go and run some reruns!
i swear we’ll end up grocery shopping for Civil War. grr.
we end up at Chili’s to dine. Colt shows me to trailer for the new Poky-People game that i fear will get him hit by a car and we feast.
see, a few weeks back i drop my shields and wrote Jacob a heartfull letter and i sorta got my heart broke because of it. now, i like Jacob, and i love Colt and Jacob together, but at Chile’s, it was just the three of us and it felt right. Jacob will never make it to boyfriend lvl but he is a damn good metamour.
we shop, Colt got Shelby something (!)…
he took me to Wal-Mart. that sick, twisted, son-of-a-bitch. on my birthday too.
back to his work to get Rebel and a tenseful ride back to Casa de Jolt.
me and Matthew pack up. i don’t think i’ll see my DarkShark till May. i’m saddened but it gives me time to work on him and Jacob’s dolls.
back to Waynesville, back to the O.C.
i left on a Sunday, return on a Monday. glad no one did the dishes while i was gone and i had to do them.
but in the last, every last min of my 34th year, someone sent me a topless pic of themselves.
you know who are. if i ever get back on Grindr, that will be my profile pic.
and in one afterthought, Colt has arms now.
and i am confused by that.
let’s see if i make it to 36.

October 12, 2015