February 28, 2014

5 yr blog, day 146

“When was the last time you were sick?”

i really don’t remember.

February 27, 2014

5 yr blog, day 145

“Are you the original or the remix?

motherfuckers, i am the original. no questions and no answers to your “Why?”.

February 26, 2014

February 25, 2014

5 yr blog, day 143

“What’s the last dream you remember?”

i have no clue where this dream came from but this is what i remember (and really, it’s more like a hazy memory of this dream then of a dream):
it was Will Wheaton and Jerry O'Connell talking about being in the movie Stand by Me.
i can understand Will Wheaton being in my dreams but all this, i have no fucking clue.

dear 16 year old younger self, part II

dear 16 year old younger self,
you will go visit your boyfriend on a Sunday and spend the night with him. you will txt another boy while in bed with your boyfriend, watching a movie. this boy will ask if you are going to spend the night at his house, the next night.
choose carefully.

February 23, 2014

5 yr blog, day 141

“What’s the most embarrassing purchase on a recent credit card statement?”

there is none.

February 22, 2014

5 yr blog, day 140

“What was your prevailing emotion of the day?”

i was a cunt to my friend, for no damn reason then my own stupidity.

February 20, 2014

5 yr blog, day 138

“What word did you overuse today?”

i don’t think i overused a word today.

February 19, 2014

5 yr blog, day 137

“Who is the craziest person in your life?”


dear 16 year old younger self

dear 16 year old younger self,

hi. how are you? how was Valentine’s Day? did you send a band flower to yourself? hated all them bitches who got their dozen roses?
let me tell you, it gets so much fucking better.
you will get a boyfriend that will send you a dozen roses and you will hate it. you will get in a fight and things will pop and then things will be better.
this all happens the week before Valentine’s Day. and this is where it gets, interesting.
the Sunday before Valentine’s Day, you will make tacos and head over to Colt’s house for a night of said tacos, movies, vodka. and Colt’s (and yours) friend will come over for more fun.
Colt is not your boyfriend. Tom isn’t either.
Matthew is your boyfriend. later that week, on Valentine’s Day, you will enjoy the day with your boyfriend, Matthew, with dinner and a sleepover at a hotel.
yes my dear, your Valentine’s Day week will start with a sleepover at another guy’s house. you will have been forced to meet Tom while back and he’s new friend too!
and it gets better! why are you over at Colt’s for tacos? because he texted you, demanding your tacos!
(ok, texting is when you send a “email” from your cell phone to another cell phone.)
it’s a long and complex story, and i really don’t understand it so i doubt you will. it’s ok. it gets better.
in a complex arrangements, you will grocery shop with Mom Sunday AM, drive to Waynesville that PM to see Matthew, stay the night, get up Monday morning to drive home before you drive over to Colt to wait for Thor 2 comes out.
(what’s Thor 2? well, you kinda know of Buffy right? it’s a longer story but it all comes together.)
so, in one day you will have spent time with 2 different guys, both who you love and they love you back and oh my gods can you believe how fucking cool you become?!?
did i mention the fact that the Sunday after your Valentine’s Day weekend, Colt shows up on your lunch hour to show off his latest?
(you will never be able to get rid of him.)
so you see, young 16 year old self, high school sucks. do you think those bitches have to deal with this many guys? this many guys who love and adore you?
fuck them. live your life and i’ll see you in 17 years,
PS: it’s our nickname, it’s who we become.
PPS: we will be awesome.

February 18, 2014

5 yr blog, day 136

“What’s the most expensive thing you’re wearing now?”

my pj’s.

February 17, 2014

5 yr blog, day 135

“If you could changes something about today, what would it be?”

not go to work.

February 16, 2014

5 yr blog, day 134

“What was the last performance or concert you went to?”

July 30, 2010 to see Charlie Daniels.

February 15, 2014

February 14, 2014

February 13, 2014

5 yr blog, day 131

“What’s your favorite question to ask people?”

i rather not talk to people.

February 12, 2014

February 11, 2014

5 yr blog, day 129

“How did you get to work today?”


taco night at The Grotto

well, that was odd all over.
went over to Colt’s, after a short notice demand of taco night.
anyway, brought the good over to Colt’s, saw his bouch (don’t ask), and watch Colt try to make tacos.
and the major problem was he was confused by what i brought, thinking it was Imitation Chicken Enchiladas and not tacos.
oh boy.
so Tom was supposed to come by at 4ish, and he did ‘round 7.
need to buy the boy a watch.
anyway, Colt likes my tacos (wink) and after watching The Silver Surfer (oh my gods, pre-MCU movies!) i made the boys watch Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
i swear, i’m a better gay man then they are.
Tom went home, Colt showed me gay porn, pictures of his cats, and then made me go to bed.
and every time i’m over, i sleep somewhere new. this time, it was Colt’s top mattress on the floor of my room.
yes, i now have a room at The Grotto. i just can’t leave anything there.
the next morning was an adventurer. Colt made me breakfast. he tried to make scrambled eggs. he needs help but it was ok. he did burn the sausages.
he’s the first guy to ever cook me breakfast. i kinda like it.
work was work. we need more people on Mondays.
and if this is stress, i’ll take it over any “good” day back in the other place.
PS:  i didn’t meditated or card read this time.  it was weird.

February 10, 2014

5 yr blog, day 128

“If this day was an animal, which animal would it be?”

at times, a headless chicken.

February 9, 2014

5 yr blog, day 127

“How late did you sleep?”

i woke up early to go grocery shopping with Mom.

February 7, 2014

5 yr blog, day 125

“What are three things you have to buy?”

for tomorrow:
  1. gas
  2. lunch
and really what all i have planned to buy tomorrow.


want to write, want to crochet, want to get up and do something.
and i’m trapped here, coz i don’t want to.
it’s worser then writer’s block, i have all these ideas i can see in my head, wonderful scenes, and nothing.
i just can’t seem to sit down and work.
and i’m drinking. and when i am, it’s to get drunk to feel better.
i shouldn’t be in such a state. i got out electronics and i realized last night that when i leave, i’m tried. i’m not tired, worn out, and pissed off. i’m in such a better place.
then why is everything such shit?

February 6, 2014

5 yr blog, day 124

“Are you seeking contentment or excitement?”

i want to feel alive.

February 5, 2014

February 4, 2014

5 yr blog, day 122

"Outside, the weather is ___"


snow day blah

i’m over this weather. snow and the roads covered. i want spring and green and be warm.
vodka is the only thing that keeps my feet warm.
Colt didn’t get his job. to sound self-center, i don’t know what else to do to help him.
i prayed for a sign. this could go either way.
or, as i’m watching season 6 of Supernatural, it will be there. Buffy had some answers for me, back in the day.
i’m going to work on my crochet today. need to put squares together.
need to put feed in the birdfeeder. it’s empty right now and bird watching would be fun today.
really need to get Colt’s Yule gift done.
i suck as a fake girlfriend.

February 3, 2014

5 yr blog, day 121

“On a scale of one to ten, how sad are you? Why?”

5, Colt didn’t get his job.
4, if i really think about all the Krazyness.
(i should say the lower the number, the sadder i am.)

February 1, 2014

5 yr blog, day 119

“What is your resolution for tomorrow?”
relax and enjoy.

work that ass

today a tag will be used that has not been used in a long time: “work that ass.”
i walked Wednesday. up and down and around my drive way for 20 odd mins. i felt like shit till i got 15 in and then i felt fucking awesome afterwards.
i have this Nike running app on my phone and it’s cool to see it trace my path on the GPS.
and like many, i shared it on Facebook. Matthew didn’t understand and then left a bunch of American Psycho quotes.
i’ve lost 5 lbs this year. after 2 years of pure gaining, this is a huge victory for me.
i may get to that 30 lbs goal after all.
and really, it’s the technology that’s getting me to move.
i have the Nike app and it's really making what to get up and go. the other app is on my itouch “Lose It”. it counts calories. i told it i wanted to lose 30 lbs and it gave me a calorie count.
i don’t use the term “diet”. i hate how that word feels. i use “eating plan”. sound closer to what i am doing anyway.
next step, get the ab lounger out and start that.
tighter and slimmer down; that’s the overall goal.