February 28, 2014
February 27, 2014
February 26, 2014
February 25, 2014
i have no clue where this dream came from but this is what i remember (and really, it’s more like a hazy memory of this dream then of a dream):
it was Will Wheaton and Jerry O'Connell talking about being in the movie Stand by Me.
i can understand Will Wheaton being in my dreams but all this, i have no fucking clue.
dear 16 year old younger self,
you will go visit your boyfriend on a Sunday and spend the night with him. you will txt another boy while in bed with your boyfriend, watching a movie. this boy will ask if you are going to spend the night at his house, the next night.
February 24, 2014
February 23, 2014
February 22, 2014
February 21, 2014
February 20, 2014
February 19, 2014
dear 16 year old younger self,
hi. how are you? how was Valentine’s Day? did you send a band flower to yourself? hated all them bitches who got their dozen roses?
let me tell you, it gets so much fucking better.
you will get a boyfriend that will send you a dozen roses and you will hate it. you will get in a fight and things will pop and then things will be better.
this all happens the week before Valentine’s Day. and this is where it gets, interesting.
the Sunday before Valentine’s Day, you will make tacos and head over to Colt’s house for a night of said tacos, movies, vodka. and Colt’s (and yours) friend will come over for more fun.
Colt is not your boyfriend. Tom isn’t either.
Matthew is your boyfriend. later that week, on Valentine’s Day, you will enjoy the day with your boyfriend, Matthew, with dinner and a sleepover at a hotel.
yes my dear, your Valentine’s Day week will start with a sleepover at another guy’s house. you will have been forced to meet Tom while back and he’s new friend too!
and it gets better! why are you over at Colt’s for tacos? because he texted you, demanding your tacos!
(ok, texting is when you send a “email” from your cell phone to another cell phone.)
it’s a long and complex story, and i really don’t understand it so i doubt you will. it’s ok. it gets better.
in a complex arrangements, you will grocery shop with Mom Sunday AM, drive to Waynesville that PM to see Matthew, stay the night, get up Monday morning to drive home before you drive over to Colt to wait for Thor 2 comes out.
(what’s Thor 2? well, you kinda know of Buffy right? it’s a longer story but it all comes together.)
so, in one day you will have spent time with 2 different guys, both who you love and they love you back and oh my gods can you believe how fucking cool you become?!?
did i mention the fact that the Sunday after your Valentine’s Day weekend, Colt shows up on your lunch hour to show off his latest?
(you will never be able to get rid of him.)
so you see, young 16 year old self, high school sucks. do you think those bitches have to deal with this many guys? this many guys who love and adore you?
fuck them. live your life and i’ll see you in 17 years,
PS: it’s our nickname, it’s who we become.
PPS: we will be awesome.
February 18, 2014
February 17, 2014
February 16, 2014
February 15, 2014
February 14, 2014
February 13, 2014
February 12, 2014
February 11, 2014
well, that was odd all over.
went over to Colt’s, after a short notice demand of taco night.
anyway, brought the good over to Colt’s, saw his bouch (don’t ask), and watch Colt try to make tacos.
and the major problem was he was confused by what i brought, thinking it was Imitation Chicken Enchiladas and not tacos.
so Tom was supposed to come by at 4ish, and he did ‘round 7.
need to buy the boy a watch.
anyway, Colt likes my tacos (wink) and after watching The Silver Surfer (oh my gods, pre-MCU movies!) i made the boys watch Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
WHY THE HELL I BRING GAY MOVIES FOR THE GAY BOYS AND THEY DON’T LIKE IT???
i swear, i’m a better gay man then they are.
Tom went home, Colt showed me gay porn, pictures of his cats, and then made me go to bed.
and every time i’m over, i sleep somewhere new. this time, it was Colt’s top mattress on the floor of my room.
yes, i now have a room at The Grotto. i just can’t leave anything there.
the next morning was an adventurer. Colt made me breakfast. he tried to make scrambled eggs. he needs help but it was ok. he did burn the sausages.
he’s the first guy to ever cook me breakfast. i kinda like it.
work was work. we need more people on Mondays.
and if this is stress, i’ll take it over any “good” day back in the other place.
PS: i didn’t meditated or card read this time. it was weird.
February 10, 2014
February 9, 2014
February 8, 2014
February 7, 2014
want to write, want to crochet, want to get up and do something.
and i’m trapped here, coz i don’t want to.
it’s worser then writer’s block, i have all these ideas i can see in my head, wonderful scenes, and nothing.
i just can’t seem to sit down and work.
and i’m drinking. and when i am, it’s to get drunk to feel better.
i shouldn’t be in such a state. i got out electronics and i realized last night that when i leave, i’m tried. i’m not tired, worn out, and pissed off. i’m in such a better place.
then why is everything such shit?
February 6, 2014
February 5, 2014
February 4, 2014
i’m over this weather. snow and the roads covered. i want spring and green and be warm.
vodka is the only thing that keeps my feet warm.
Colt didn’t get his job. to sound self-center, i don’t know what else to do to help him.
i prayed for a sign. this could go either way.
or, as i’m watching season 6 of Supernatural, it will be there. Buffy had some answers for me, back in the day.
i’m going to work on my crochet today. need to put squares together.
need to put feed in the birdfeeder. it’s empty right now and bird watching would be fun today.
really need to get Colt’s Yule gift done.
i suck as a fake girlfriend.