September 27, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompts

“This week's prompt is all about favorites. What are some of your favorite witchy web sites? Books? Metaphysical shops? Witchy music? Pagan/Wicca Youtube channels? Go ahead and make your list as broad or specific as you want and list off the witchy things you love and would suggest to others.”
  • “witchy web sites”: Witch’s Vox? i don’t really go to websites anymore.
  • books: my go to book is Scott Cunningham’s Cunningham’s Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs. it’s just been my go to book for a long time and really what helped me really grow as a witch.
  • metaphysical shops: don’t have one. i have not found one i liked.
  • “witchy music”: i don’t do “pagan” music. i don’t have a firm grasp on what it is and what bits i’ve heard, it’s all Celticish and i don’t care for Celtic music.
  • “Pagan/Wicca Youtube channels”: don’t really do Youtube. anyone have any suggestions?
  • Facebook group: Paganism and Wicca. best set of people out there. read and follow the rules and come armed to fight.

September 25, 2013

my return to the DarkShark's

i was bad.
with my work schedule, i was off Tuesday. “yeah!” i thought. “i can watch Agents of SHIELD! oh no! i’m not at the store to get Iron Man 3! no!!!”
Kody had the idea of stay at Colt’s after work for the 4 hours till midnight.
Colt put me in a corner by saying he would let me come over IF i have a card reading for his friend Tom.
stupid me, i agree.
here’s my list of why this is a bad idea:
  • I AM SHY! i don’t do well with meeting new people.
  • i would be shown as the sham i am with my card readings (i don’t have the meanings memorized and use cheat sheets).
  • and i have never done a cold reading before. what could wrong with that? (ha ha ha! *panic*)
work was ok. i torn into the Iron Man 3 shipper. it’s pretty.
and then i made my way to Colt’s, pizza rolls in hand.
and they had pizza there already. bitches.
Tom is ok. he wants to see me drunk.
i did not plan on being a fag hag for 2. i’m not built for this.
so, after card reading (which went well, cold read and all), Colt turn Supernatural back on.
i started writing a note to Nicole about stuff and kinda started crying.  
anyhoots, with Colt cuddling on the sofa, me on the floor like a dog (grr), we “awoke” to make to the store, rightly before midnight, with the beauty of that shipper.
well, it was a bit before midnight and Colt wanted to see the “DarkShark” shirt i was telling about.
and i gave him the DVD copy from the DVD/Blu-ray pack i got.
on a plus note: during the evening, Tom excused himself to go outside to smoke. Colt then excused himself to the bathroom.
the noises i heard were loud, wet, and unhealthy. i picked up my phone and txted Colt, “Feel better?”
i heard the low growl of his phone vibrating and then hysterical laughter from the bathroom.
Tom came back, Colt came from the bathroom, sat on the couch, put a pillow over his head and started laughing hysterically.
Colt was a bit embossed by the ordeal.

September 24, 2013

my night at the DarkShark's

i’ve done lots of stupid stuff in my life when it comes to the opposite sex. somehow i came out mostly unscathed, burnt around the edges but still whole.
so why was it such a wonderful idea to go over to Colt’s for a slumber party?
Mother decided she wanted to redo the bathroom, rendering us shower less for a night. a brief trip to Grandma’s would solve this dilemma.
some little voice in the back of my head quietly yelled “stay over at Colt’s!”
and Krazy agreed!
there is no proper term for the relationship i have with this child. it would not surprise me if we had known each other in another life.
Thor’sDay came with Mom and me hitting Jeff so she could get her eyes checked. they didn’t dilate her eyes but whacked them out so she had David Bowie eyes. it was freaky.
came home, napped, cooked tacos, got yelled out for being a horrible child, packed, and headed out to the store to await further instructions from Colt.
after a map, detailed instructions, and last minute items from the store, i head out into the full moon night to a tiny town with a tiny apartment.
i found my way there, unlocked the door and walked it.
he lives like a Buddhist monk, so minimalist it’s borderline scary.
i was touched to see the birthday gift i gave him as art on top of the refrigerator.
it’s a small place, built like a SIMS house (think i have built such house).
i loved it. it was so perfect. i want one.
yes, i did go through all his cabinets and didn’t touch anything. i didn’t go in his room, which would be weird.
he had 3 packs of hotdogs and a crate of popsicle in his freezer.
i took my shower (he has a clear shower curtain, creepy) set up an “altar”, sent Colt a pic of the vodka (“Dinner is ready”), and finished up taco night.
and waited for fireworks.
he came home and was surprised by the lack of mess (i can be neat when i need to).
now, Colt has said his place is haunted. i don’t know if it was the vodka or what but something was pricking my magicks. it was not fun.
we ate. he took his shower. i meditated, for the first time since 2010 (!), and gods why did i?
there is something there. it’s a black cloud in the corner of his bedroom, right above his bed.
right where i was to sleep.
i brought my tarot cards and asked who was here.
this is what i end up with for cards.
doing a stupid reading, the past showed it’s the ghost of Colt’s lovers.
for the present, it’s his control plus me that leads to me giving him some loving.
the future rest freaked me out. i saw me with nightmares, and then it got hazy. the King of Ghost and the Page of Bats. i know i’m the Queen of Bats, i don’t understand how the biggest of Colt’s ghost to a young female me?
(ok, i get it now. me with nightmares, which happen, but it was just a night of dreams, for me and him. this leads to the biggest bad of Colt’s past, which lead to his sorta melt down Friday night and me yelling txt messages to him since he is SO MUCH LIKE ME AT THAT AGE IT FREAKING KILLS ME!!!)
on with our regular scheduled programming.
i asked if the place needed an exorcism, it does. to clarify, binding might work, but for little people? the next card was too much me or him or both but hey, Star, hope! it’s all good!
we talked. i knew it was bad when i didn’t want to tell him what the cards said or that i couldn’t look at him.
i did tell him what the cards said. and then i found out he didn’t even have salt and pepper, basic tools for all things magick, and common seasonings. HE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE SALT AND PEPPER!!!
it came the witching hour. he took the couch, and i took his bed, with the demons of his past over my head.
so his bed. i hung my pentacle on his headboard.
and end up sleeping with my feet at the head part.
my dreams: they were all a muddle of Colt, his place, work, and things of that nature.
next morning went well. Colt had the privilege of me to cooking him breakfast.
made breakfast nachos and while he was doing dishes, i meditated again.
and this is where it gets… fuzzy.
with running water in the background, i called upon the DarkShark and i saw him. when i asked him to go inside the bedroom, he wouldn’t move. i then called upon the DarkFrog and he wouldn’t go in the room either. both of them stayed planted next/in Colt.
so, i called upon Wildpenguin. omg, did not see that coming.
i thought Wildpenguin would be a penguin. no. it was this tribal, naked woman, painted to like a penguin, black arms and white breast. it was strange.
she would go in the room.
so, i called up my inner 4 year old. she went into the room.
both Wildpenguin and the 4 year old went into that room and wanted to fight that thing in there. even when they beckon the DarkShark and the DarkFrog, Colt’s inner animals would not go in there.
he played video games and i took a nap. when i awaken, Colt has sent me a pic txt message. fearing it was me sleeping, it was of TV with Loki.
he had played The Avengers in hopes of awaking me.
he did say i breathed hard when i was sleeping last night and during naptime. he couldn’t sleep last night to my breathing.
and he had odd dreams too. :-/
went to work.
so, that was my night.

September 20, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Mabon is the fall equinox, and is a time to celebrate the changing of the seasons. How do you celebrate this turning of the wheel of the year? Do you practice with a group? On your own? Both? This week's prompt is all about how you celebrate the coming of the fall and the balance of the wheel.”

i didn’t, i don’t, i suck at being a witch.

September 17, 2013

you can make me feel...

i wrote a poem. first time in many a year. i think it’s good.
i’m really pulling teeth, trying to fill this white page. it’s like i’m dead on the inside and have no emotions to write.
funny, it takes Spike singing of letting him rest in peace to make me feel.
i have been taking my vitamins for a week now and really, that’s where the poem came from.
i’m not me. i don’t know what happen, that everything came down on me. is Wal-Mart such a soul sucking job?
i should not be like this. i’m at such a high functioning depression lvl, it’s not fun.

September 16, 2013

a short visit from a short visit boyfreind

in other news, Matthew came up for a short visit. i couldn’t get my days off so it wasn’t much of a visit.
we did get my Blu-ray player up and watched Star Teck Into Darkness.
i will say this: THE MOVIE SUCKS, MAKES ME NERDRAGE, but Benedict Cumberbatch is a sexy as hell in it. he should get an Oscar nom.
and with J.J. not doing Star Trek 3 WHO’S GOING TO SAVE THE WHALES NOW?!?
anyhoots, we went to my 2nd cousin wedding, the shortest Catholic wedding i ever went to in my life. it wasn’t even a freaking Mass! the church was pretty.
the d├ęcor and color scheme was not my thing and gods; everyone uses freaking mason jars now-a-days! i’m glad i’m not on Pinterest. my wedding will be that classy 4 year old with a Halloween fetish and an Oriental Trading Company catalog.

my knight in shiny armor

so Friday the 13th turned out to be a grand night.
FOUND THE MOTHERFUCKING MONKEYS!!! they were missing for a week. had to redo 3 shelves but it’s ok. we have the monkeys.
so, onto the good part!
Colt has been making fun of Destinee, that she’s pregnant (since she’s doing it 5 times a day). Destinee said she would be probably be like me when she gets pregnant.
now i was standing in Colt’s “corner”, and they were down by the gray cabinets. Colt knew shit was going to hit when he saw me slowly lift my head up and slowly turned to her and said “are you calling me fat?”
it ALL went downhill from there.
Destinee kept digging a hole to bury herself in. Colt was over dramatic about all of it (and i love him for it).
by the end of the night, Destinee had also mention that i didn’t like to be happy, i like being angry all the time, i’m like the Hulk (“so i’m a big freak of nature?”), among other things.
it was like “The Misery Chick” from Daria
i hugged Colt, and thanked him for a great night. he kept egging Destinee on and when i got back to the store on Sunday, he had told everyone.

September 13, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Today's prompt is about time management. In the busy world we live, how do you find time for your spiritual self? How do you maintain your spiritual growth and nurture your inner connection to deity in between meetings, phone calls, traffic jams, family, friends and everything else you do?
Post your thoughts, tips and tricks and as always, blessed be.”

i don’t.

September 8, 2013


i keep kicking around the idea of my own internet web series.
i keep watching my reviewers at and they make it look so effortless.
i don’t know if i have it to be a reviewer. i don’t know how they slice all the clips into their review, or how to get slips onto the laptop to slice with a review. without it looking all ghetto as hell.
and with a limited crew of one, can’t do much of a show like The Guild.
there is the idea of vlogging but… eh. i rarely write at time so vlogging… eh.
a show would let me play a character.
oh hell, i’m just scared of internet bullying and what all happens when you put yourself on the internet. plus, being all female, the sexual harassment and “fake geek girl”.
stumbled upon a geek girl Tumbler (do i need one?) and one post was hot it’s always when the girl shows up, good chuck of the story time (movie or book) is her defending herself that yes i have boobs but also i am a top notch spy/car mechanic/fighter pilot/PERSON!
you know why i like Buffy? she’s a human. you strip all the fancy and sci fi and it’s a high school drama. she struggles in school, wants the cute boy to ask her out, her mom don’t understand her, etc. etc. etc.
everything comes back to Joss, doesn’t it?
ok, so i need to buck up, find out what i want my show to be, and get my ass in gear.

September 6, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompets

“There are many people this day and age that are searching for teachers. If you browse any Wiccan or Pagan forum, you'll find people searching. So the questions I am asking today is...What makes someone qualified to teach their spiritual path? In the case of Wicca, what would you look for? Years of study and practice? Initiation into a tradition? Teaching experience? What makes someone qualified, in your opinion, to teach another? At what point does a "student" become a "teacher"?
Blessed be.”

oh boy.
recently, i became a teacher of sorts. had a friend that wanted to try this path.
am i qualified? to teach her, yes. to teach others, i doubt it.
my fault is that i’m not at the best place to be a teacher/role model for anyone wanting to join the pagan path.
i have come to a stopping point in my path. i haven’t done a ritual in over 3 years. i haven’t done much of anything in the past three years.
what would i look for, in a teacher? what their path is, who they worship, how long they have been pagan, their hobbies, what kind of job they have, who they read. i’m looking at the whole person, not just their knowledge of what goes bump in the night.