i am feeling, it.
i have plans, i want to write things, i want to live next month.
i’m not going to Springfield, i’m not seeing a Marvel movie, i’m not celebrating 14 years with Matthew.
i am going to do things i want on the 1st. i’m going places and doing the things i have not done in a long time.
i hope to find something. i don’t know what i’m looking for but i will know it when i see it.
“Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same” that line is hitting me harder and harder. i know i was changing, i didn’t think i would get to this way.
i am making wild plans and going forward, the best i can.
i am 106% done for the month, 39% done for the year giving me a C+. ta da?
some are up days and some are down days. i need to find a happy middle.
i am nervous about my plans for next week.
i need help. i need to find help.
and i think it’s coming towards me and i really need to work on that harder.
- there’s a cardinal, female, that keeps banging on my window.
- Mom said that Renelda said that’s the dead looking in at you.
- i keep going to my outdoor altar with a deck. i keep asking questions and drawing cards.
- i need to buy Snoop Dogg wine tomorrow.
- this isn’t daily witchcraft. or a part of it…
i’m 106% done for the month, 38% done for the year, giving me a C+ grade!
i need to sit down and write about the things i’m doing in the backyard.
so, where was i?
for the past year i have been trying to be a devotee to Karpo and theses past few weeks, i have felt cut off. i feel that someone is trying to get ahold of me, i don’t know who.
i know i need to read more and be more active in my witchcraft. i know witchcraft and religion can go hand in hand and that one is not the same as the other but i feel lost. i am trying to-
i am trying to live this new life. this life where i am working out, taking care of my body, crocheting, cleaning, being an adult.
being single…
i’m gonna let that hang out there and come back to it later.
i want to get done with the old X-Men cartoon so i can get going with the new.
i miss Colt. i should be seeing him in 3 weeks but i’m not. i won’t see him for 103 days.
i need to go to bed.
i’m 101% done for the month, 37% for a year, giving me a D+ grade.
i’m done for the month so everything i do none is plus.
there is a lot going on right now and i inadvertently told Colt all about it last night.
a lot of stuff that i don’t want to post here, now. i know that is wild, but i think i’m having my own version of a midlife crisis and that’s a lot to take in right now.
for today, i just want to try to do two things off the To-Do-List and live.
walk out into the woods and yell and the wind and pull some tarot cards.
call it witchcraft.
and it’s not getting me answers.
i got my books from the library and started reading them. well, one. my mind when to odd places and i need to reel myself back in.
i need to start me own version of a bullet journal to keep track what the hell i want to do. i make lists in my head or out there and nothing is in one place to get done.
trying to get things together and move forward. trying to get better. trying to become more.
trying.
i am 92% done for the month, 34% for the year, giving me a D- grade.
i got a fire under me to get shit done this month. i hope to keep this power moving forward.
i got my library card and today i got my books! the library wanted to know my gender and i wrote non-binary! let’s add some queerness to this fucking place!
