i need to sit down and look over my goals and put them in an order of doing them. maybe not all of them but a good chunk of them.
mostly the books to read and the decks to study. by putting them in an order i have a map and can start making some forward progress.
along with that, i can put my other goals into another list.
i keep throwing away my days off and i don’t know how to stop that. i deleted TikTok so maybe that will help…?
i am not. i am not doing all that i should do and i don’t know why i-
what happens if i have that “perfect” life that is always outside my reach? i achieve an order and cleanliness-
if cleanliness is next to godliness, fuck all if that’s not a devotion to my deity…
to shower, to catch up on The Last of Us and hopefully crochet in there.
my mind is moving too fast right now.
i’m 190% for the month, 32% for the year, giving me a A+ grade.
i am just not moving forward.
doing anything seems all lost to fucking Tic Tok.
what makes me not be on Tic Tok is pot.
it’s been a week of me taking a gummy on my nights off (Tuesday and Friday) and let me tell you, it’s been great.
i don’t hurt, i can feel my blood in my veins, time stops working but i can deal with that.
i felt better the whole week. i didn’t feel the need for my plain gummys, i don’t remember the last time i drank. just having a gummy twice a week has improved my well-being.
i got all caught up with my TV. i got a book read/deck studied. hopefully i will crochet while watching The Last of Us.
where do i start?
Matthew came up last week, ate all my food, and over all we had a good time. we saw Grandma and Ant-Man and we went to the weed store and i got a bag of gummys…
yeah, that was its own trip.
i like the store, have recommended it. it was my first one and it was a good experience. the gummys are a variety pack and i tried the a half one of the full power one (i am treating this very carefully and trying to write down what is going on because, SCIENCE!) and it was great! i felt so wonderful and free and it was great.
last night i tired half a gummy of the half power and it was ok. longer to do things and still felt good. still have one more flavor/level to try.
i have rethought of doing workouts as calling it my Dora Milaje training. now, i feel a need to do it and try my best at it. i am aiming for 4 days a week of doing something and so far, so good.
maybe the feel of limbo is still over me but i am working on moving forwards.
well, nothing happened.
after doing that math, i did not move forward this week.
i know what i need to do. i need to sit down and make a list of the ORDER to get the shit done and move forward.
181% for the month, 30% for the year, A+ grade this go around.
well, the papers i thought of on Monday are still unwritten. i didn’t write, didn’t do much of anything this week.
next week Matthew will be here. i how with my 4 days off to get something done.
i can’t even sit down to write this whole post in one.
