i got the hotel room for the wrong dates. i need to call them back and get it fixed.
i don’t think i need to go to the pot store in July. i think i can skip it. i think the first place i’m gong to hit in Springfield will be Bass Pro. i need an opossum.
my own opossum.
i did fix up my one shelf or put all my card boxes on it. it is already too little.
i can stop at any time!
i saw Mae (and the other two). she is awesome and almost walking.
i need to start shaving my legs. i don’t remember the last time i did but i want to for Colt. i hope he appreciate that.
by the math, i am done for the month, 54% done for the year, giving me a C+ grade.
go me.
i am moving forward and trying very hard to do things.
i received signs after warding the house. i think things are flowing towards me, higher powers and what not.
i need to get with crocheting some deck bags.
i need to get some work with other things….
i did get the hotel room booked!
i am 94% done for the month, 52% for the year, giving me a C.
i am working, just in circles it feels like.
i aim for a goal a week, something that will move me forward. it’s slow but forward moving.
Every year I try to pick a theme, a goal, a life style to hold on.
Last year was King based on a song by Florence and the Machine. It was the lyric “I am no mother, I am no bride, I am king” that really hit me.
Late last year, I thought my song of the year was going to be “Delilah” by Florence and the Machine. It was one lunch hour, listening to random music videos on YouTube, when the voice of Jakob Dylan pulled me out of a fog with the line “This place is always such a mess/Sometimes I think I’d like to watch it burn”
I lifted the lyrics from “One Headlight” as my anthem for the year. Hell, I wrote the lyrics on my bathroom wall:
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
And in the last line, “Man, I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same” that is hitting me.
I have changed and I am the same.
This shit with Matthew, I have had a relationship for the past 20 odd years, rarely single, living that dream that 4-year-old wanted of having a boyfriend.
And I threw it all away….
I didn’t throw it away. I woke up. I snapped that day in late February and telling my truth, I am no mother, I am no bride, I am King.”
“I want things Marty.” and I do and he was giving me anything, only taking.
Taking so much…
The past three months of being free from him, I have changed and stayed the same. I feel like a more refine Amer, a purer form of myself.
I know this has translated in my witchcraft and my spiritually. I can focus on me and I am seeing improvements.
I am getting to be the person I wanted to be.
That 4-year-old may be disappointed in the boyfriend department but she would be thrilled by the witchcraft.
Happy Pride!
i am 90% done for the month, 49% done for the year, giving me a C-.
i have changed so many different goals the past few weeks. i am seeing clearer and wanting to get to a certain place.
i need to WRITE. i know i need to pen to paper, and tailor it to a letter to NiColt.
right now, i want to clean.
