sometimes it's not
the story we tell but how we tell it...
“Are you ever going to write about your trip to Springfield?”
“No, I am going to let that weekend rot away into the dark.”
“You had fun. You came home with an opossum.”
“And a snapper.”
“Tell me about it.”
“The snapper?”
“The whole fucking weekend!”
“I was a grown up and booked the hotel room and rented the car all by myself. It was the first steps for this weekend.
“I felt better once I got the car, the 2023 new shiny object named Charlotte.
“I loaded up the car to find out the fucking car has no USB port. It’s all C ports.”
“What the hell?”
“And it didn’t like Google maps and I wasn’t going to subscribe for a few days and I am so fucking tired of everything being a subscription-based life.
“I’m on the road, listening to my podcast, made it all the way to Springfield without crying. I make it to Chili’s and txt Nicole for our lunch date.”
“How adult of you.”
“I know!
“Anyway, we lunch, I get my nose pierced, I buy a tarot deck, and set up an appointment for a tattoo.”
“A tattoo?!?”
“Yeah. We will talk about that later.”
“Much later.”
“I make it back to the hotel and crank the air down to ice and just relax. I have the whole room to myself, and unpack.
“I loved the fact that I will be the only one in this room. That I have full control over where things and how I can keep it neat.
“I lay on the bed, pop out my tablet and keep on my rewatch of Gray’s Anatomy.”
“Was that the only thing you watch?”
“Yes. I started way back in March and I was able to keep going. No time wasting going over all the different streaming services, no time wasted scrolling thought all the shows and movies just to watch the same fucking movie, over and over.”
“Or watching something for an hour and then switching to something else and being told that you are not watching, even thought you had no desire to watch the show and told said person that.”
“None of that fuckery happen.”
“Tell me about Colt.”
“He came over, Nicole came over. Next time, I want a pizza party, an old fashion slumber party type.”
“How is our DarkShark?”
“His ass was giving him problems.”
“He is an ass.”
“It happens.”
“Not the brightest crayon in the box but he’s our favorite color.”
“It was a fun small night. They go home and I am left with a king size bed all to myself.”
“Not just an ass width on the edge?”
“The whole fucking thing.”
“Nice.”
“Wake up, made a Walmart run for breakfast, fucking app is worthless, back to the room and then Nicole comes over and we make our way the Alamo for the movie.”
“Tell me about the movie! Give me all the spoilers!”
“I watched all the X-men cartoons, the new olds, and then a watch/rewatch of all the X-Men movies. I could see where Fox was going with the movies but, they lack heart. They kept throwing in more and more characters that just show up for a movie and then to be never seen again and, why? What’s the point of a one-night stand?”
“Are you just spoiled with having the MCU?”
“Maybe.”
“Did you watch the Deadpool movies?”
“Yes. And the weird thing about those movies, they felt they had heart.”
“Heart? Deadpool?”
“First one was a love story, 2nd was a found family thing. With all the fourth wall breaking and f-bombs, they had heart. They had a story. They made you care. X-Men just felt they forced a story on you, based on the love of the comic and cartoons.”
“It’s hard to care about characters when you don’t have any emotional attachment to them and the movie is banking on some feels from a cartoon show you were supposed to base your childhood on.”
“Fair. What about this movie?”
“Deadpool is about sacrilegious. And they started off with sacrilegious. And the movie went off from there.”
“What was your favorite parts?”
“Well, Chris Evans showed up and right when we thought he was gonna yell ‘Avengers assemble’ he yelled ‘Flame on.’”
“No!”
“And I didn’t think I was going to go so feral when Blade showed up.”
“Blade!”
“Wesley still has it.
“And then, he showed up.”
“Who?!?”
“Channing Tatum as Gambit.”
“Oh, my gods. They went there.”
“They went to a lot of places. One of them had comic book accurate short Wolverine.”
“You thought of him, right there, didn’t you?”
“Yes. I thought of him off and on during the movie.”
“He’s not coming back.”
“It’s a matter of I am not taking him back. Back to the movie!
“Overall, that movie had heart. It was a buddy flick of found familyness?”
“Did they kiss?”
“The Internet has deemed the fight scene in the van as them fucking.”
“Nice.”
“After the movie, we made our way to Bass Pro Shop to find an opossum. I did not think it would be so fucking hard to find an opossum at freaking Bass Pro Shop. Tons of penguins to buy.
“Nicole found an opossum, right after I found a snapping turtle. My budget was $50, both were $20 and both came home.
“We decide in the parking lot that Nicole would stay home and me and Colt would hit the bar that night.
“Colt took a nap.”
“You haven’t napped since the Reagan administration.”
“Damn right.
“I woke his ass up, we went to Taco Bell, and then the bar,”
“And the drinking and gummies?”
“Yes.”
“Do anything fun?”
“Well, I’m Tinder now.”
“How’s that going?”
“I gave Colt my phone and he is going on Tinder and I am like ‘No!!!!’ and he is SWIPEING RIGHT!
“Then we are chatting with a guy and I don’t know what I am doing and Colt just unmatched me with him because Colt said something (I am drunk, it is loud, and it’s been a few days since this happen) about how this guy isn’t respecting me and that Colt respects me.
“And then the other morning it hits me hard: Colt kept asking me if I was ok, all night long. If Matthew was there, he would be asking me what he was doing wrong.
“Colt was asking about me. Because he cares about me. To make sure I was ok while taking in all the alcohol and pot and the vibes of the places.
“Colt is the better boyfriend. He sees me as a whole person. I am more than just parts to fuck; I am a whole human to him.
“OH! And then the witchcraft stuff I discover!”
“At the bar?”
“Yes!
“I am at the bar. I am drunk. I am high. The music. The lights. It hits me.
“This is how my ancestors use to do it. They would eat the mushroom, and with the firelights in the caves and the drums beating, this is how they did it, this is how I am doing it now. Eons have pasted and this is the same thread.”
“What about the other things?”
“So, it hits me before seeing Dr. Strange a few years back that if crystals can store energy, and crystals are just fancy rocks, then the rocks from back yard can store energy and I can store the energy from the bar into a rock and take it home. And I did it.
“So, while at the bar this time, I just let everything in me.”
“That’s what she said.”
“ANYWAY, I don’t know if it’s because I work retail or just the way I am, I feel that I am always shielding so hard, nothing can get in or out.
“So, when I went to the backyard to do some praying a few days after I came back, I hit me.
“While in the bar, I was taking in the energy, vibes. It was in me. I woke up the next day needing a cheeseburger because I wasn’t grounded.
“If rocks can store energy and our bones are stones, then all those vibes of the bar are in me, it’s stored in my bones. I carry that with me, at all times. I don’t need a rock or that.”
“Oh wow.”
“I know.
“Sunday was spent visiting my people. It was good quality time. Sunday night was a whole pizza for myself and TV time.
“Monday, I left, driving out of the city in a way that would make Colt proud of me.”
“That’s scary to think about.”
“I made it home.”
“You had a good time.”
“I had a wonderful time. It’s been a month and I am going back 36 odd days.”
“For your birthday?”
“Yes.”
“Gonna party like it’s 1999?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“Let’s fucking go then.”
let’s look back on what i was doing 10 years ago. oh wait, there’s nothing there. i went to Springfield, saw a Marvel movie that was a changed from the previous ones i’ve seen, and realized i was in love with two men.
well, some things never changed and some things change big time.
i still need to write about that trip…
well, i was feel poorly of late. i see the signs of fall coming, but i can’t feel them. i don’t feel my Lady Autumn. i should. it’s time, or maybe too early but still, fuck.
and then i chatted with Colt’s mom and things just changed in me.
i know it’s August. i know that i have written off this month. it’s a time that doesn’t exist. and i need to make some forward progress.
i need to sit down and really write some shit out.
