it’s time to bring the A game.
DID SOMETHING STUPID AND NOW HE HASN’T TEXT BACK YET AND OH MY GODS!!!
Colt, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I was such a bitch to you on Halloween or why I have been a bitch in general to you.
I still worry about you, love you, and pray for you.
I don’t feel #ILoveYou3000 or #CuzWereConnected is as strong as it was.
I know I have changed, and that I am still changing. With the changes, I know I still want you in my life.
I am sorry.
last few years i have gotten a Halloween ritual that i love and feels right.
the biggest part of it is watching The VVitch. and this year, it hit me on why i love this movie so much.
i have always wanted to be a witch. it wasn’t just a Halloween costume, it was a goal, to be witch, to be like the Wicked Witch of the West, she was the end goal, green and monkeys if need be. that’s who i wanted to be when i grew up.
but witches weren’t real, only in the books and movies and all pure fantasy.
and then when i was 8, i found out about the Salem Witch Trials.
i don’t remember the book 100%. it was from my town’s library, it was from the children’s section, and problem written in the 70s or 80s, so the info wasn’t the best but it was there.
what i remember is the realization of witches are real and this happen here, where i live.
it would be another 20 years, or so, before i got bored and started reading all the books that same library had on the trials. i found them on the shelf and just started with the first on and went down the shelf.
and The VVitch is all that. it was this Halloween, in bed with Izzy, that i thought, little Amer would love this movie.
hello November.
driving home this morning, the sun was right and the leaves were colorful. the crows were out and i saw 2 deer.
it felt right.
and it was nice after the Halloween night i had.
after a brief pit-stop at a Taco Bell parking lot, near a roundabout, for the only magic i was doing that night, i was off to pick up Izzy and start the festivities.
there was pizza and pumpkin pie and ice cream and The VVitch and classic IT.
i had awoke at 6 Halloween morning and stayed up till midnight! whoot!
they are wonderful. i feel seen as a whole person.
and they are a whole person.
and i just need to stop being shy about things so things can go forward.
and i got other things going on in my head too.
November is going to be busy.
