August 31, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1424

“What was the last wedding you attended?”


my brother’s.
2016: my brother’s.
2015: my brother’s.
2014: cousin’s from last year.



August 30, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1423

“What’s your simplest pleasure?”


i don’t know.
2016: no comment.
2015: i don’t know if i have any, anymore. it feel like they are all small and nothing really fills me.
2014: Cherry Dr. Pepper.



August 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1422

“What did you have for dinner?”

food.
2016: food.
2015: food.
2014: food.



a bug's life

And on the Twenty-First Day, the MidDay Sun turned Black, with Totality, and the Night Creatures came to me and said:

“You are an aunt.”

Jeff Esther and Mutt Hubert were born.

I am now Aunt Amer!

August 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1421

How would you describe your victory dance?”

i don’t have one.
yet.
2016: i don’t have one.
2015: no, i don’t have one.
2014: i don’t think i have one.




August 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1420

“When was the last time you worked out?”

1/18/2017.
2016: 8/5/2016.
2015: 8/26/2015.
2014: June 25th, 2014.



August 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1419

“What’s the best part about your life right now?”


the twins.
2016: i’m still here.
2015: i’m crocheting.
2014: my friends: Matthew, Nicole, and Colt.



August 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1418

“What would you like to tell your father?”


are you still mad that i lived and the car didn’t?
2016: fuck off and die.
2015: i tell him this all the time, fuck off and die.
2014: fuck off and die.



August 24, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1417

“Write your recipe for creativity:”

it happens.
2016: it happens.
2015: yeah, there is none. it’s just random ideas coming to me. i sleep on it till it happens.
2014: there is no recipe. it’s just there.



August 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1416

“Yes or no: everyone should have a backup plan.”


the more the better.
2016: the more the better.
2015: very much everyone needs a backup plan, if not more then one.
2014: oh hell yes.



August 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1415

“What can’t you forget?”





i have a blog that dates back for over a decade.
there is nothing i can forget.
2016: so i don’t forget, i have this little black notebook i carry with me at work.
2015: i seem to have the problem of remembering, remembering that i am loved and that i need to take this love in and enjoy it.
2014: i’ve been blogging for over 13 years now. i don’t want to forget.




August 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1414

“In 140 characters or fewer, summarize your day.”

the sky went black at midday and i became an aunt.
2016: we are not on Twitter, i can write as much as i want.
2015: we are not on Twitter, i can write as much as i like.
2014: we are not on Twitter.



August 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1413

“Whose team are you on?”

i want to know who’s on my team.
2016: i don’t think i’m on anyone’s team.
i like to know who’s on my team.
2015: Team Jolt.
2014: Buffy.




August 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1412

“___ really bothered you today.”


this new way of having days off. now if you ask for 3, they give you a week.
2016: the way the other managers treated me and my manager.
2015: side note: looking back at last year’s answers, i’m sorta doing better with that.
my lack of wanting to do anything.
2014: if i could write it down, i could tell you.
if i could just sort it OUT!





August 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1411

“What’s your favorite piece of clothing?”

it changes per day and season.
2016: it still changes with the seasons and the years.
2015: it changes with the season and the years.
2014: don’t really have one, per say.



August 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1410

“If you had so spend five years in prison, what would you finally have the chance to do?”


crochet and get back to the gods.
and work out like a son of a bitch.
2016: crochet and get back to the gods.
and work out like a son of a bitch.
2015: crochet like a mad-woman.
2014: get really good at my religion.





a thing


so, i did a thing today.
i shot some videos of “teh kats” and made a 2 and ½ min movie of them. i edited, did fades and cut scenes and had music and then credits. it didn’t take me very long to do.
i posted for Colt to see and then from there, we will try for bigger.
i think i can do vlogging with Movie Maker. for the free thing it is, i am happy with it. start here and work my way up.
what i’m not happy is that i need a camera. i don’t know what kind but i’m not happy with the vid my phone took. i need something that’s better.




August 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1409

“What question (or questions) do you love to answer?”


ask me anything
2016: ask me anything
2015: i don’t know anymore.
2014: about me!



August 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1408

“What do you like about your body today?”


nothing is really sticking out as a good thing.
just PMS eating and trying to deal with the news of the week.
2016: it didn’t kill me when my period started.
2015: with all my walking, my calves are no longer flabby. i have to try to make them flabby.
they’re toned.
2014: it works. i may be big and fat but damn if i cannot get shit done because my body can do it.





blar, eh?



so, yeah.
it’s this time of year. look back in history, i had a crash in 2014, Furguson happen same year, and now, this.
and it’s odd being on Twitter because there’s the bots i follow, ignoring everything that’s going on, people i follow with their rants and news, and then there’s a handful of people tweeting out cat pics to brighten the day because, shit has beyond hit the fan.
today was a lump day. i couldn’t get going to do anything. i will try tomorrow but i don’t know.
positive things: ice cream date with Colt and Matthew next Sunday, Guardians come out, and there’s the thing with my niece and nephew being born too.
i need to work tomorrow.
and for the rest of the week.
inches man. they are great if done every day.







August 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1407

“Did you complete your to-do list for the day?”

hmm.
2016: no.
2015: no.
2014: fuck you.



August 13, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1406

“What is your favorite thing to do on a Saturday morning?”


i don’t know.
2016: i don’t know anymore.
2015: work.
2014: freight, EPC, find all the stolen stuff in the blue jeans and underwear.



August 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1405

“What is your resolution for tomorrow?”


get to bed at a hopefully good time.
2016: just, get to 5 o’clock.
2015: get shit done.
2014: get shit done.



August 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1404

“How many stamps are in your passport?”


i don’t have a passport.
2016: i don’t have a passport.
2015: i don’t have a passport.
2014: don’t have one.



August 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1403

“What are you running from at this moment?”


nothing…
2016: a better life.
2015: happiness with Colt and Jacob.
2014: my own reality.



ToDoList




i ripped out the pages of my bullet journal and turned the whole notebook into my ToDoList.
it started for just today (my day off) and then it went on about my next two days off and then it turned into for the rest of the month.
i have 97 things written down to do and did 13 today.
am i going to get all 97 done by the end of the month? no, probably not. some are long term goals that i want done by the end of the year. i set myself the goal of getting 60% of my goals done for the month.
and then kinda pad out the list with things i know i will be doing, like blogging and my laundry.
i have written in a notebook and put it on Evernote to boot. i hope this way keeps me on my toes and get shit done.
i think i moved 2 inches today and might move some more to get my bed cleared off before i sleep tonight.

August 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1402

“Write down your last sent text message.”

Grr.
2016: *hug*
2015: “The hammer is my penis.”
2014: way too private for here.



August 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1401

“Do you make enough money?”


*uncontrollable laughter leading to tears and then heavy drinking*
2016: *uncontrollable laughter leading to tears and then heavy drinking*
2015: *uncontrollable laughter leading to tears and then heavy drinking*
2014: *uncontrollable laughter leading to tears and then heavy drinking*



i am many layers and i am of the one


i have been having some problems with my identity, of the late. i know i wrote about being more queer then demi but there was something else nagging at me.
it’s this whole “i’m not really butch but calling myself a lipstick butch seems fake” thoughts that keep going back and forth in my head.
and then last night it all became clear.
i am a collage educated woman and at the same time i can break out the Appalachian accent and be the redneck i was raised to be. i can drink Long Island Ice Teas at the gay bar all night or a single, strong martini at a retirement party and still be the same person.
i am many layers and i am of the one. why femininity can be that way too, from butch to lipstick, in a week, a day, an hour.
i don’t have to be the one thing to be all the things. i can be me and let others sort this out.





August 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1400

“What was your last great meal?”

i don’t recall.
2016: don’t remember.
2015: i really don’t recall.
2014: pizza from the pizza place.



August 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1399

“Who are you?”


German Roman Catholic cis school girl gone wrong/born again pagan, queer witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner/girlfriend, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, hardcore crocheter, proud nerdgirl, sister-in-law, and aunty.
2016: German Roman Catholic school girl gone wrong/born again pagan, witch, reader, writer, heterosexual life partner, ordained minister, girlfriend, lover, hardcore crocheter, proud nerdgirl, and sister-in-law.
2015: amerwitch.
2014: you leave an inch of space to write down “who are you?” fuck this. i can’t write it down in just an inch. if anything, just read this whole fucking blog, this is who i am.
and here’s the kicker, i’m changing. so, you need to read this every day, and look to see what is being changed.




August 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1398

“Today you destroyed___”

nothing.
2016: the Coinstar machine.
2015: time.
2014: my soul.



August 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1397

“When was the last time you were on an airplane?”


never flown.
2016: never have flown.
2015: never have flown.
2014: never have. never flown.



August 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1396

“What do you lie about?”

lots of things.
2016: lots of things.
2015: ha!
2014: everything.



August 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1395

“Describe the room you are in right now.”


see previous answers.
2016: moldy.
2015: worthless.
2014: mine.



"One, my real name is Amerwitch. Two, I'm not straight."



sometime last year i learned about the word asexual and demisexual. and the more i looked into it, the more i felt that, this is me, i am part of the asexuals, i am demisexual.
and if i wasn’t straight, then i could have sex with a woman.
and that thought open a whole new world to me.
but in the last few months, i’ve began to question all that, the whole demisexual label (along with a whole lot of other labels). and i keep thinking things over and over.
there’s two parts with identity your sexual orientation, what gender you are and what gender/s you are attractive to.
i’m a woman. there’s no other way i want to identify but as she/her woman. there’s some other issues going on (for another blog post) but i’m a woman, hear me roar.
and, who turns me on?
and that’s where things get, fuzzy.
identifying as demisexual means i am not sexual attractive to anyone until i get a deep and close bond to them. and i don’t think that’s me.
i’m not going start hopping in bed with anyone and throwing cares out the window. i’m still me, a bit uptight about sex but when it’s just me and my boyfriend, passion.
so, if i’m not demi, what am i? well, who am i attractive to?
i’ve always had a “thing” for men in makeup/drag queens. there’s something about them that makes them so pretty. i also ten to be drawn to butch women.
the final kick in the pants for me was finding and inhaling about all of the videos that ContraPoints have on their YouTube channel. i saw beauty and grace and that body in them dresses with that voice, and she can play piano and sing and she can play the harmonica, and her style of videos, and then she dressed more masculine and she’s genderqueer…
and with her saying she’s genderqueer, i had to stop and think about me for a minute.
see, when i came to terms about being demi, i also came to terms that i am a butch, cis woman.
this past summer, i thought it would be fun to be more “girly” and when it came to my three days weekends with my boyfriend, i wore maxi skirts the whole time (kinda proud i have that many in my wardrobe). i even went as far as to try to buy girl flip flops (i have size mens 11 feet) and ended up sewing some flair on mens flipflops to make then girly.
and what i took from that is, i fuck with people when i present as more traditional feminine. i’m still butch, i just like to do it in skirts too.
but watching Arielle Scarcella videos, i have learned that there’s lvls to being butch. and maybe i’m more of a lipstick butch then anything.
ok, if i’m not a demi butch cis woman, and i’m still ok with being called a lipstick butch cis woman, what am i?
bisexual? no, not really.
pansexual? maybe?
queer? and this is my own issue be.
i like the idea of calling myself queer. it goes along with the idea of me liking men in makeup and butch women. but, there’s a bit of “no” in my mind about calling myself that.
to the outside world, i’m straight. i have a boyfriend and the fact is, i’ve only had sex with cis men. i feel like “you are straight, you have no right to use that term”.
queer, to me, is this umbrella term that all the weirdos can come and sit and be. and this would be my place.
but, to the outside world i look straight.
and i forgotten the polyamorous plot point to this mess.
so, what am i? how do i identify so the outside world can understand me?
well, i don’t care about the outside world understanding me. really, have i in the past 20 odd years?
let them see a straight woman.
hi. my name is Amerwitch. i am a queer, cis, lipstick butch woman.

August 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1394

“Do you need a cold shower?”

not really.
2016: no.
2015: no. not tonight.
2014: i have been enjoying them.



something




this month, this bloody month.
i don’t have words. all i know is that i need to write.
and no, this will not be an update.
i know i do not put out the original content that i should. i don’t blog, i don’t post wit on Twitter, i really don’t use Tumblr, and i just found out i’ve had a WordPress from 2009.
and now i have this stirring to make vlogs. i’ve been watching too much of Thomas Sanders and now of ContraPoints. and with those (and seeing some of the weird stuff out there that CountraPoints showed in their videos), why not me? i have some ideas and things that could work.
just need to find video editing software. that, i am clueless about.
other things are clicking, more on that later.
things, are good. not the best but somewhat better.
i can do this.