May 31, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1332

“How much cash do you have in your wallet? In your bank account?”

i did find a new banking app for my phone and i think i can stop using my itouch.
2016: looks at my banking app. yep.
2015: none of your damn business.
2014: not saying a word.

May 30, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1331

“What’s the best thing you read today?”

i reread Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman.
2016: didn’t read today.
2015: Kissing the Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle.
2014: i don’t think i did read today.

May 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1330

“If you didn’t have any responsibilities for the day, what would you do?”

2016: the same as the last 2 years, not a damn thing.
2015: again, not a damn thing.
2014: not a damn thing.

May 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1329

"East Coast or West Coast? In between?"

i’m the OC!
2016: no body rawer then the south side of Linn.
2015: still don’t know what you are talking about.
2014: no clue what you're talking about.

May 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1328

"What gives you comfort right now?"

not a damn thing.
2016: nothing right now.
2015: the love i have from my guys.
2014: the fact i sat on the floor crocheting, Matthew on my left, Colt on my right, watching a Joss Whedon movie.

May 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1327

“List the things that nagged you today.”

it was the start of a holiday weekend that looks like it’s gonna be long and ugly.
2016: i couldn’t do what i wanted for someone’s birthday so i did the best i could.
2015: nothing, really.
i celebrated today; a Tuesday, a birthday.
2014: my men.

May 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1326

“If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would you go?”

i want my people to come here, for a change.
2016: i don’t know.
i know Florida will be a destination, soon.
2015: Springfield.
2014: i’m going there, Springfield Mo.

May 24, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1325

“What motivated you today?”

not a damn thing.
2016: not a damn thing.
2015: work.
2014: #thedarkbday


i tried. i did pull out “Adventures of The DarkShark and his Witch” and worked on it some.
and there’s many other things i need to do.
and the sad thing, if i get the one things done, i can do all the things.
and that is scary and excited all at the same time.
this past week i’ve become the old wise woman that everyone comes to to air out their problems and seek out advice.
other than that, there’s not much out there.
so, how the hell do i think i can do a vlog if i can’t write worth a shit?

May 23, 2017

May 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1323

“When was the last time you had an inspiring conversation?”

words were said when i saw Colt for #GotGVol2weekend. it made me see him in a new light.
2016: i don’t recall.
2015: with Nicole, over Facebook, on the Sunday.
2014: last weekend with Nicole.

May 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1322

“What’s your salary?”

none of your damn business.
2016: none of your damn business.
2015: none of your damn business.
2014: none of your damn business.

May 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1321

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for love?”

i have no words for this, this year. i’ll let my men speak for themselves.
2016: i know i posted it was #Avergerpalzooa and this year we had #CivilWarWeekend but overall, it’s the fact i love and am loved that is the craziest thing of all.
2014: really, what has been the craziest thing? giving him all my money? trying to kiss him while he was asleep?
no, real love is what i got now. and it’s every day that is crazy.

May 19, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1320

“What’s the most creative thing you’ve done recently?”

nothing right now.
2016: i am doing another #30daysofselfies and i’m almost getting into painting and i need to get back to my crocheting.
2015: #30daysofselfies.
2014: crocheting.

May 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1319

"If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?"

2016: the bumps in the toad of this past year is setting me up for a better time.
this was a big theme last year, if i can recall correctly.
and, yes there are points where it would be nice to go back and “fix” things so i would be “living better”.
but, would i have had #Avergerpalzooa then?
2014: more on this latter.

May 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1318

"Today you got rid of_____"

2016: nothing.
2015: short work day.
2014: Jessica's vacation.

Come a Little Bit Closer

how do i start this? a play by play of the ritual details? the feels of this weekend?
Friday me and Matthew did some running around; dinner was at Aussie Jack's (pineapple juice and coconut rum is the way to go).
Saturday was up and at them and onwards to Springfield!
my three regrets of the weekend were i never got a chance to give Colt a card reading, to stare into his eyes, or to get a feel for his apartment.
and i forgot that jar…
i had to behave, his ‘rents were there. once they were gone the fun started.
i gave him an adult gift: a basket of lavender scented bath goodies, wine, chocolates, and tarot cards. i did see some Power Rangers and Pok√©mon tank tops but, that’s not adult. that’s kids stuff.
his new place is nice, a place i can only hope to have one day.
Colt… i saw him on March 25th and he was different. he was more himself but not? like a new cover on an old and well-loved book.
but this Colt, this weekend was my Colt, a bit older, a bit wiser but still mine.
i am emotional insecure when it comes to him. i can’t be an adult, i can’t say the proper words. i can harass, pick on him, and would cut a bitch if they hurt him.
he cooked (i need to work on my “cookbook” for him) and we ate.
Matthew drove us to the hotel, Colt got us a spot at the movie, me and Mathew checked in, got to the theater, and this all boring details no one want to read about.
the movie, the movie.
i still need to sit down and sort out how this movie ranks with the other MCU movies but here’s my review:


the humor of the movie was rough, kinda jr high boy feels for it. makes me think Nicole Perlman soften up the first one.
the feels, oh my gods the feels. i think Kurt Russell might be the worst of all the villains in the MCU. it just hits you when he says he put that cancer in her.
lots of feels with all the characters. lots of feels and then lots of humor and the music.
the music kick ass. it had songs that i didn’t know i needed and loved so much until i heard them in the movie.
and fucking Zune. freaking Marvel.

next was Taco Bell and then the bar.
the gay bar.
on disco night.
ok, there was a time that i had no religion. i gave up on Catholicism in 97ish and didn’t start the witchcraft till some 7 years later. what filled that void was music.
and during my jr high years i listed to the local oldies channel nonstop. and a lot of it was the disco.
that music washed over me, giving me life. in the dark corner, music blasting, drinks coming to me, Colt on my left, Matthew on my right….
the drinks. Colt tells the bartender how sad he is and what color he wants his drink.
i tried for a martini and that didn’t work.
what did was Long Island Teas.
i am a lush and proud of it.
i out drank Colt. it’s when he brought me a Long Island Tea and he had water i knew i won.
yes, i was drunk, i was White Girl Wasted. it was wonderful and i remember everything from that night.
i did get them both in the hotel room that night.
and i had to use Matthew’s baseball bat as a can to walk from the car to the room.
went to bed about midnight. woke up at 4 AM feeling gods awful. woke up at 8 and felt fine.
no hangover motherfucker! i am a goddess among these mere mortal men!
went to Colt’s to day our goodbyes. he had to do the good son thing for his brother’s graduation.
i love him. i tell him this and i wonder if he fully understands the powers of my heart when it comes to him.
me and Matthew head back to his place and then on Monday i went home.

sad update

still alive, still kicking.
i should be working but, not right now.
still working on my post on my Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 weekend. words are hard to form when it’s about my DarkShark.
work sucks.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is moving to Friday nights so i need to change my work schedule.
and nothing else is really happening until i can get words down on paper about Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

May 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1317

"What was your favorite day this week?"

this is my last Tuesday watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. as it is moving to Fridays this fall.
2016: Tuesdays are Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. day.
2015: well, Tuesday was the season finale of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. so i’m going with that. :-)
2014: Sunday was fun but Tuesday had the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. finale.

May 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1316

"What do you consider to be your biggest achievement?"

i’m still here.
2016: i don’t know anymore. there’s nothing i’m really proud of right now.
2014: that i am loved by my trio of best friends.

May 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1315

"What makes a good enemy?"

2016: backstabbers.
2015: yeah, your best friend.
2014: sometimes, your best friend.

May 13, 2017

5 yr blog,day 1314

"Who loves you today?"

Colt, Matthew, and Nicole.
2016: Colt, Jacob, Matthew, and Nicole.
2015: Colt, Matthew, and Nicole.
2014: Colt, Matthew, and Nicole.

May 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1313

"What are you exploring?"

tarot cards.
2016: being an adult.
2015: being an adult.
2014: starting a new life soon.

May 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1312

"How do you want to be remembered?"

that i was loved and feared by many and often the same people.
2016: that i was loved and feared by many and often the same people.
2015: that i was loved and feared by many and often the same people.
2014: as the most awesome person many have ever known.

May 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1311

"How did you start your day?"

2016: same as last 2 years.
2015: same as last year.
2014: alive.

May 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1310

"What do you want to postpone?"

nothing. i need to fight to make some things happen faster.
2016: nothing. in fact, i’m behind right now.
2015: ?
2014: life?

May 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1309

“Who do you think is cute?”

Colt and Matthew.
2016: Colt, Matthew, Jacob.
2015: Matthew, Colt, and Jacob has his charms.
2014: Matthew and Colt.

May 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1308

“Who would play you in a movie about your life? Is it a good movie?”

fuck yes, it’s a good movie.
still have not had any clue who would play me.
2016: it would be a good movie, no matter what.
i’ve yet have anyone tell me who looks like me to play me in a movie.
2015: i really don’t know who would play me. i’ve yet had an actress, or an actor, suggest to me who i like.
and hell yeah it would be a good movie!
2014: gods know anything.

May 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1307

“What was the last party you went to?”

i'm at a gay bar right now!
2016: last November with Nicole and Matthew.
2015: #Avengerpalzooa was my party weekend.
2014: ?

May 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1306

“Today was hilarious because ___.”

i get to see my men soon.
2016: paying bills and getting cash ready for #CivilWarWeekend.
2015: i went back to work it was ok.
2014: Jessica is going away and i’m going to be in “charge”.

May 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1305

“When was the last time you went swimming?”

last summer in Ellie’s pool.
2016: 2 years ago for Matthew’s birthday.
2015: last year for Matthew’s birthday.
2014: gods if i can i recall.

May 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1304

“If you could have a superpowers just for today, what would it be?”

2016: i want to know how to fight.
2015: after watching Avengers: Age of Ultron i really want to be able to fly.
2014: speed.

come hell or high water

it rained, for a week or so. it rained all along the Gasconade River.
and the water came. and if it wasn’t for the water HERE, it was the water from yonder that came too.
of the top 10 historic crest (according to the National Weather Service) i’ve been alive to see 8, not including what went on this past week.
tell me this is normal. i’ve lost count how many 500 year floods and 100 year floods i’ve seen. the last time it was this bad was only 17 months ago. we can’t go 2 years without rain coming and taking out everything.
the rain came and things were saw and said. i didn’t go to work on Monday because i didn’t want to get stuck on the other side of the river.
this weekend, i cannot wait.

May 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1303

“Are you hesitating?”

i don’t know.
2016: i don’t know anymore.
2015: very badly.
2014: badly.

May 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1302

“Messy or neat?”

trying to get better.
2016: *even more insane laughter*
2015: *more insane laughter*
2014: *insane laughter*