March 31, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1271

“What inventions can you not live without?”

2016: all form of technology. the more people i let into my life, the more i need it to keep hold of them.
2015: very much the same as last year.
it’s the number one way i keep in touch with Colt.
2014: copping out and saying EVERYTHING that goes with smartphones.

March 30, 2017

March 29, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1269

“Write down a few lines from a song or poem that you identify with today.”

“Time may change me
But I can’t trace change.”
2016: 3 songs of been my go to/i had to create a playlist to up me up: “Wake Up” by the Vamps, “Uptown Fuck” by Bruno Mars and “Downtown” by Macklemore.
2015: all the songs on my iTunes have been my friends lately.
2014: "Everyone goes away in the end." line from "Hurt." it's the Johnny Cash version that’s been hitting my bones.

16 years

  • a day ago: it was my day off.
  • a week ago: i had to work on a Wednesday.
  • a month ago: trying to get better.
  • six months ago: i was gearing up for Oktober.
  • a year ago: motherfucker, it was 2016.
  • three years ago: OD had gone belly up but the part that hurts the most is this was the time my DarkShark left me.
  • five years ago: had a horrible shift at work.
  • ten years ago: i thought my ex would give me everything i need…
  • fifteen years ago: Ray kissed me…
  • twenty years ago: my grandma had a few days left before she died.

so 16 year ago i found this website called Open Diary and took my paper journal online.
and here i am, still writing, faithfully, more or less.
only one month did i not write, back in 2014. i had so much in my head i could not get it out.
but here i am, so far from that 20 something girl that started writing.

March 28, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1268

“What do you want to remember about today?”

so, whatever i want to remember, by the next year it’s over.
i don’t want to remember anything.
2016: it’s the boys anniversary tomorrow.
2015: Brett’s birthday is tomorrow.
2014: last lunch with Colt.

March 27, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1267

“When was the last time you felt like you were on top of the world?”

when i saw Captain America: Civil War with Colt and Matthew.
2016: not in a long time.
2015: at the strip club with Nicole and Matthew.
2014: no clue, but the last time i felt really alive was when i went to see The Wolverine with Colt.

March 26, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1266

“Who do you aspire to be like?”

still gonna go with Miss Piggy.
2016: Miss Piggy.
2015: Miss Piggy is still the woman.
2014: Miss Piggy.

March 25, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1265

“____ made you laugh.”

i worked at Saturday, you think it out.
2016: the fact i’m working 6 days in a row.
2015: nothing.
2014: Colt.

March 24, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1264

“What did you daydream about today?”

work takes me to odd places.
2016: lots of things.
2015: nothing.
2014: no clue.

March 23, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1263

“Are you country or rock ‘n’ roll (or hip-hop, emo, folk, punk…)?”

right now, random on my iTunes and instrumental Bowie at night.
2016: Bowie. very much Bowie right now.
2015: still everything.
2014: everything.

March 22, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1262

“Jot down a news story from today.”

London was attacked.
plane is still missing.
2016: Brussels was attacked.
plane still missing.
2015: Wichita State beat Kansas.
PS: still nothing on the airplane.
2014: Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 is still missing.
future self, whatever happen to it?

March 21, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1261

“The first thing you ate today was ___.”

cherry Dr. Pepper.
2016: cherry Dr. Pepper.
2015: i really don’t remember.
2014: fuck if i know.
“Gluten free waffles.”

March 20, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1260

“What was the last book you read?”

i don’t remember.
2016: i don’t remember.
2015: Sex From Scratch by Sarah Mirk.
2014: i have no clue. :’(

March 18, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1259

“In three words, describe your spirituality.”

trying to make a comeback pagan.
2016: horribly lapsed pagan.
2015: horribly lapsed pagan.
2014: has been pagan.

March 17, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1258

“What new activity have you tried?”

oh, wait. that’s not new.
2016: being better.
2015: going to the strip club. ;-)
2014: nothing lately.

March 16, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1257

“What do you want to buy?”

a new car. :-(
2016: new car.
2015: new car.
2014: new car.

March 15, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1256

“What do you not want to talk about?”

2016: work.
2015: money.
2014: everything.

March 14, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1255

“What is true?”

2016: this is one of the stupider questions in this book.
2015: this is like “what color is the dress”. fuck off.
2014: fuck you. give me two lines to write this shit out? this is something that takes books and lifetimes to sort out. no.


i stop on the whole 40 days blogging thing. i was not getting what i want outed of it. i did take time to pause and think but, i’ve had a journal for over 15 years. i don’t have to do much reflection as i just have to go back and read.
it was scary doing my working on my anniversary blog post and seeing what was going on in the past. epp.
i do have plans for a more formal post this week about fashion, or really style. still need to get some kinks out of that one.
my car has temporary died on me. this had but big dent in plans i had for this week.
i have money for a fix, and then i hope next week to get back on track.

March 13, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1254

“If you could add one hour to your day, what would you do with it?”

this is gonna sound sad but i would have built that endcap.
2016: how funny. i lost an hour this weekend.
i want an hour a sleep back.
2015: one more hour with Nicole.
2014: sleeping.

March 12, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1253

“Where do you live?”

same as last year.
2016: i’m homeless. there is a place where my mails comes and i sleep there but it’s not a home to me anymore.
2015: still here.
2014: home.

March 11, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1252

“What was something you wanted today, but couldn’t have?”

2016: time and money.
2015: time and money.
2014: million dollars.

March 10, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1251

“What was the last movie you rented?”

i don’t recall.
2016: Inside Out.
2015: Sylvia.
2014: The Astronaut's Wife.

into every generation an Avenger is born...

I like to look back and find out how did I get here. What course of action did I take to get here, at this point, at this time?
Like, how did I get to be such a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe?
Well, where did it start? Was it when Iron Man was released? Was it the face Marvel had to sell the X-Men to Fox to keep floating? Was it when Stan Lee took over, way back in the day, and changed the face of comic books?
I remember sitting at the family laptop, my TweetDeck up and running. And it started bit, by bit. This Avengers movie going to be made. The only reason this news was in my timeline was due to one name being attached to the project.
Joss Whedon.
I found Joss when I found Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I inhaled that show, Angel, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, Dollhouse, etc. etc.
I found Buffy only a few years after it went off the air. I remember watching season 7, thinking Joss wouldn’t kill her off, again. It was just a hell of a show and a ride and gods, Spike is worth the money alone!
And being a nerdgirl, Buffy is still brought up in the certain circles of the internet. She is a wonder to behold and study. And this week, the question is what is her legacy and where is it?
Well, one of her legacies is Avengers.
Without the success of Buffy, I don’t believe that Joss would have been on any list to be the writer/director of Avengers.
I know, today being the 20th anniversary of Buffy debuting on TV, and the long list of Strong Female Characters are being herald as the legacies of Buffy but I see Avengers as part of that legacy too. The whole time watching the movie the first time, I didn’t laugh. I kept whispering “Joss Whedon joke.” to myself.
And yelled “Fuck you Joss!” when Loki stabbed Coulson.
I cannot wait to share Buffy with the next generation and all things Joss Whedon.

March 9, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1250

“A person you wanted to ignore today ___.”

not really.
2016: my father.
2015: my mother.
2014: everyone.

March 8, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1249

“What’s the last song you listen to?”

Bowie. i play a list of Bowie’s instrumental songs and fall asleep to that.
2016: no clue. i put my iTunes on shuffle at night and then pass out.
2015: something off my itouch last night.
2014: i don’t recall.

March 7, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1248

“It’s not a good idea to experiment with___.”

i’m gonna try to do a lot this year.
2016: hmm. i don’t know this year. i like what i’ve said in year’s past, just thought something new would have happen this year.
2015: people’s emotions.
2014: the truth.

weak blar

i need to keep my blog for up to date then just dumping everything all at once.
i’m behind with everything: work, money, crocheting, writing. somehow i’ve lost the momentum i had a few weeks ago.

March 6, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1247

“Who is your nemesis?”

cunty and asshole managers.
2016: the world?
2015: right now, myself. need to work on that.
2014: The Joker.

March 5, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1246

“What’s your favorite word (right now)?”

none right now.
2016: none right now.
2015: Avengers.
2014: Joss.

March 4, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1245

“What would you like to ask your mother?”

not a damn thing.
2016: nothing.
2015: don’t want to talk to her right now.
2014: why haven’t you killed Dad yet?

March 3, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1244

“Did you sleep alone last night?”

2016: yes.
2015: yes.
2014: yes.

March 2, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1243

“Salty or sweet?”

Tom Hiddleston.
2016: yes, Tom Hiddleston.
2015: i still stand by my 2014 statement: Tom Hiddleston.
2014: Tom Hiddleston.

2,000 post

i was excited that i was nearing 2,000 post. i know most were due to blog prompts but still, i was near 2,000 posts!
and then i saw that i had 8 years of my life, right here for the world to see.
back in my Open Diary days, i would take down past years and only have 5 years at a time up? i don’t remember anymore.
so last night i decide to delete all of 2010. banks keep records for the past 7 years and that’s why i deiced to delete 2010 and only keep the past 7 years up on my blog.
it cut down on some of my tags and put me at under 1,900 post. so much for hitting the big 2,000.
and it felt odd delated them last night but it felt like i had to. i feel like i’m sloughing something that’s not me anymore and emerging a bit better. not a butterfly but a shiner me.

March 1, 2017

5 yr blog, day 1242

“How could today been better?”

2016: nothing could have better.
if only i had more of my people at Shelby’s house.
2015: warmer, car not be in a ditch, father dead.
2014: it could have been warmer.


A.           lose weight
a.   i’ve down 6.6 lbs. now, not as good as i wanted to be but still down for the year.
b.   my walking sucks eggs and i need to get off my ass and WALK!
c.    my steps are good, but not at the 8,000 mark.
                                                 i.    grade:  F for weight lost, big F for walks, A for steps, D over all. 
B.           get my shit together.
a.   i have made strides in this area.  i’ve been moving inches but it feels like feet.  i “fixed” something yesterday and have plans to get more done today and tomorrow.
                                                 i.    grade:  i’m going with a D+.  still needs work but i’ve improved so much from the 1st of February.
C.           write
a.   my story has stalled.  i’m still putting down words, just lost the spark for it, for now.
b.   blogging is good.  i’m almost to 2,000 post and my 40 Days is almost over.  still have ideas for big blog post, just can’t get the words down for them.
                                                 i.    F for the story, A for the blog, C over all.
D.          become a better witch.
a.   nothing happening here.
                                                 i.    grade:  F.
E.           money
a.   student loans will be paid off this year.  tax return should cover it.
b.   credit card is still bad.
                                                 i.    D.
F.           crochet
a.   got Colt’s project done!  and my tarot card bag.  added some projects.  backburner some projects.
                                                 i.    F, but i have plans and am working on projects!

January was a F+, February was a D- and now at the start of March i have a D+.

yes, this looks bad but, i am moving forward.  i am taking my steps, i am crocheting my rows, i am working on getting the hell out.  this is a yearlong process, and we are only in March.  i am going up, just small steps at a time.