May 17, 2016


my #CivilWarWeekend started on Friday night with dying my hair. it turned out not what i wanted but sexy anyway.
Saturday i woke up late and tried to get going. cooked Imitation Chicken Enchiladas, wrapped Colt and Jacob’s gifts, and packed.
tried to pack light. i don’t know if it worked or not.
made my way to the greater St. Robert/Waynesville area. met up with Matthew and then it was off to the Holiday Inn Express.
side trip to Wal-Mart to led me to buy Marvel pjs for myself!
back to hotel to change and then to Aussie Jack's Steaks for alligator. hell, i even had steak and shrimp, living it up!
back to the hotel for an evening of Daredevil (making a truly Marvel weekend).
Sunday morning I woke up and at them.
i was going to see my boys today.
dragged Matthew out of bed, got to ride in our stolen car that had a CD player and a spot to hook my itouch.
i love Matthew but his taste of music, dear gods. it’s either soft rock or gangster rap. nothing to jam to.
via txt, we met up with Colt and Jacob at the mall.

A) i don’t do malls.
B) i haven’t been to this mall in 18 years.
so it was a game of cat and mouse via txt that was pissing me off till we met up in the sex toy section of Spencer’s.
back to their place where i have them their MARVELous gifts (expect the body scrubs went wonky while it was sitting in the car trunk for so long. :-/)
i got gifts of a penguin, a “Hey AssButt” bracelet, and a Labyrinth t-shirt.
only because i knew i was with the 3 men that love and adore me did i take off my tank top in front of them to try on my shirt. and it’s weird because in my world, i’m not the Bowie fan, that’s Nicole. but with them, i am the Bowie fan. but it was too hot for a t-shirt and i switch back to my tank top.
Colt mostly played on his video game with his Poky People. he did put on Deadpool (the movie lives up to its rep; for a non-Marvel Marvel movie, it was ok).
finally it was 3, 4 hours till the movie and we had to get ready. the boys put on their new shirts i brought for them except they were slim fit and didn’t fit.

nerdgirl rant: last year i got the boys shirts and this year i got them shirts. 6 shirts all together. these shirts were still cheaper than the one fucking tank top i brought last year!

we ran about a pit, the park, Bass Pro, Arby's and then to the movie theater!
now the part about Colt being an ass: originally the shirt was just for Matthew. it had Daredevil in the fount and center and had a whole slew of the Marvel heroes on it. i got an idea and asked Colt if he and Jacob would be ok with wearing the same shirts for the movie. he was ok with it.
Colt spent the whole time before the movie (beside downloading Grindr and looking for guys) bemoaning the face he wasn’t wearing his Iron Man shirt and showing his support for Team Iron Man.
i had mix feels about who to root for and wasn’t on anyone’s ream (well, Team Hulk, Team Thor, Team Loki, Team Joss) so i was neutral. Matthew didn’t say anything about the shirts because he loves and Jacob is too polite to complain.
Colt was an ass. apparently i have forgot so much of an ass he his (thanks for Jacob for reminding me) but he made me feel like the biggest fool for getting them shirts in the first place. i was already on the edge and he wasn’t helping me.
then the movie; SPOILERS!
i loved the movie. it was really played with me as i’m Team Avengers and this was Avenger v Avenger.
who was right, who was wrong? both sides?
and look, we have Spider-Man in the MCU. i really don’t care.
the ending the ending. i was hoping for something Dr. Strange but no, it was Spider-Man.
i am intrigue on how this will play out for Infinity Wars.
back to Colt/Jacob’s. so many feel all at once made me feel like PMS was attacking me to the point my insides started hurting and i had dreams that my period started.
Monday came with finals for Jacob and a side trip to a witchcraft store for me, Colt, and Matthew.
the sore was the right amount of fluffy (no herbs). if i ever get my shit together, i like to go back.
back to the apartment, pack up and left a jar of Imitation Chicken Enchiladas, Colt hugged early due to bathroom need, and then there was Jacob.
Jacob, he was readying himself for a run, rolling on the floor to get the knots out of his shoulder. beside the size small t-shirt, i am amazed that the gods have granted me this soul in my life. Jacob is a collation of things i can’t stand but in him, i like him. i don’t know if i’ll ever be his friend if he wasn’t Colt’s boyfriend. i kissed him goodbye and headed up north.
Matthew was bad and booked us a room for one more night together in Rolla. we talked about stuff, a lot of stuff.
6 years together and it’s still the same LDR, seeing each other once a month.
i don’t have a home. i have a place with a bed, a landline to reach me, and a mailing address but it’s not a home.
i can't/don't sleep at night. i take melatonin to help and say goodbye to Matthew on the phone and i am surrounded by the sheer loneliness. all my friends are hour plus away and living their own life. i am so stuck in this deep, rut of depression and i don’t see a way out of it.
and that was my #CivilWarWeekend.

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