November 30, 2015

5 yr blog, day 786

“Today you almost ___.”

went off on a manager.
2014: did something.
2013: got got. 

November 29, 2015

5 yr blog, day 785

“What five words describe your mood?”

tired, pissed off, blood thirsty, fucked.
2014: tired, good, melancholy, hopeful, lonely.
2013: stressed, stressed, stressed, stressed, stressed.

November 28, 2015

5 yr blog, day 784

“What was the last risk you took?”

i really don’t remember. i know i take them, nothing stands out right now as a “big risk”.
2014: writing down the story: “The Pirate and the Witch.”
2013: changing jobs.

November 26, 2015

5 yr blog, day 782

“What three words describe your family?”

big, tall, mean.
2014: big, tall, mean.
2013: big, tall, mean.


yes i am up late (1 AMish) but i got a long night ahead of me, as it is BLACK FRIDAY!!!
i’m looking forward to it this year. i don’t know why but i got a good feeling about it. i hope to get the art thingy and see what yarn and movies they have.
and maybe a FitBit.
we get to wear jeans. what more do i need?
and, a slumber party with Shelby! at what age does one stop having slumber parties?
she did help me sort out parts i’m looking for to help with Colt’s bday gift. i hope to start that after New Year’s.
i have so many feels and i don’t know who’s side i’m on and Iron Man is the bad guy and i think i’m more excited for this movie then i was for Age of Ultron but i still love you Joss, please come back!
i think i’m just excited because now i have something concrete to put with going down to SF to see Colt and Jacob. i can not wait for that fun to be about.
and that’s my plan on giving them their Yule gifts and Colt his bday gift.
so much work till May.
but first, let me survive this year’s Black Friday.

November 25, 2015

5 yr blog, day 781

“How much water did you drink today?”

not enough.
2014: better than last year but not enough.
2013: not enough.

November 24, 2015

5 yr blog, day 780

“Who have you recently deleted from your contacts/address book?”

no one.
2014: no.
2013: well, i did deleted someone from Facebook awhile back.

Friday the 13th

i’m a writer, been that way since i knew how to put words on paper and make things up. stories come and stories go, but me trying to write about my weekend in STL, this will be a challenge for me. to get the right words in the right order.
here we go.
after much delay from Matthew, we make our way there.
Nicole, she is Nicole. she is her own thing and somehow, the gods put us together and nothing will tear us apart.
she is more than a girlfriend.
and she won’t marry me.
we get dolled up, me and Nicole kiss, and head out to a Himalayan restaurant for a nice meal. back home for shots and then to the strip club.
the girls at the club was lacking. Matthew got a dance (without me picking which girl, grr) and he said it was lackluster.
there was one dancer, Savannah. there was a boy there (look like a local from back home, swear he was 18 but you have to be 21 to enter the club). Savannah took his hat off, put it on her, lift her legs on his shoulders, and dance her pussy all in front of his face.
i told Matthew to go up there and throw money at her. it was worth it so see the face on that plow boy.
Nicole was having a tiff with parts of her poly unit but she got to her birthday spankings.
and then to a bar to close it down.
Friday brought me no tattoos, again. Nicole had to go to work, me and Matthew went to the zoo.
it was nice to have alone time with him. we saw all the big cats, had fun with a giraffe, saw the “polar bear” and then spend good times with the penguins.
we went to the Lakeside café for pure junk food. i felt much better after the chili-cheese fries.
then back to Nicole’s for an hour nap.
she came home, we ready again to go off to a punk dive bar to watch some bands.
after her falling face first into the street, Nicole got a rather lengthy phone call from person of her poly unit. they talked for some time but we managed to get inside the bar.
they were playing Daredevil and had a display of New Kids on the Block dolls.
it was kinda scary nice?
Nicole ran into fans, fell to the floor, and just generally freaked me out (and others). we left after the 2nd band and went home where she passed out with Ben.
i woke up cold (and stayed cold till Columbia). i put on a hell of an outfit of a black maxi skirt with my flannel pj bottoms under. it was kinds chicy bum.
we say our goodbyes and get the hell out of STL.
tacos at Kingdom City, books at Barns and Nobel, Daredevil things at Hot Topic, visit with the grandparents and we hit the Shack in the Woods before dark.

November 23, 2015

5 yr blog, day 779

“What is your favorite brunch food?”

i don’t do brunch.
2014: i don’t do brunch.
2013: really? this is a thing?

November 22, 2015

5 yr blog, day 778

“What are you trying to do?”

2014: better my life.
2013: bleed.

November 21, 2015

5 yr blog, day 777

“What are your favorite shoes?”

i wear shoes. i have, 2 pair right now so, i’m not a woman of many shoes.
2014: still don’t have a pair. i have shoes, i wear them when i need to.
2013: don’t have a pair.

November 20, 2015

5 yr blog, day 776

“What do you have to get done?”

still, my room.
2014: my room. :-(
2013: my room.

November 19, 2015

5 yr blog, day 775

“When was the last time you checked an online social network?”

I’M ONLINE 24/7!!!
2013: on one now.

November 18, 2015

5 yr blog, day 774

“What is your dream job of the day?”

full time witch.
2014: full time witch.
2013: full time witch.

November 17, 2015

5 yr blog, day 773

“Which friends(s) did you last speak to?”

2014: Matthew.
2013: Matthew.

November 16, 2015

5 yr blog, day 772

“What are you obsessed with right now?”

nothing right now.
2014: crocheting.
2013: Thor and all the Avengers.

November 15, 2015

5 yr blog, day 771

“Waking up was ___”

kinda nice.
2014: short and unfulfilled.
2013: pleasant.

November 14, 2015

5 yr blog, day 770

“What do you need to vent about?”

2014: work.
2013: work.

November 13, 2015

5 yr blog, day 769

“What song could be your self-portrait?”

still have not found one.
2014: still have not found a song that would be me.
as for a theme song for the now, i don’t have one. went kinda dark where the songs of Buffy and Muppet’s Most Wanted got to me.
2013: i’m more about my theme song for the now. never thought of a self-portrait.
i really don’t know what would be a good self-portrait for me. any ideas?

November 12, 2015

5 yr blog, day 768

Is there anything missing in your life?”

lots of things.
2014: Colt.
2013: loaded question. don’t know if i want to air them here.

November 11, 2015

5 yr blog, day 767

“What do you always avoid?”

2014: i don’t know. it changes so often that i can’t keep up.
2013: creepers at work, ass mangers Chris. 


i have been writing; blogs, letters, stories. words are coming and flowing.
i did hit a bit of a bump the other night. i think too much and just need to dig to the heart and let it bleed.
waiting on Colt to read the new story before sending the updated version to Shelby.
should send a copy to Nicole, too.
with the words coming, i need to come to a stopping point and work on me. it’s gonna be hard to do in the middle of working 6 days in a row but i want to get something done before then.
i have been having success with writing a to do list. i pledge to myself to do 10% on every day off, 20% on my “weekends”. it’s been working and i am making some progress.
speaking of strippers, i hope by this time next week, i have seen penguins, strippers (female strippers!) and maybe a tattoo. going to STL to see Nicole. this is a much needed mini vacation.
actually, all my “vacations” are mini. i take 3 days and stay, mostly, in state. i haven’t been on a wild adventure since the last time i went to Florida. that was over 10 years ago.

November 10, 2015

5 yr blog, day 766

“Where do you find pleasure?”

still with my men, now that i have 3: Colt, Jacob, and Matthew.
2014: with my men.
2013: everywhere.

November 9, 2015

5 yr blog, day 765

“Did you leave work on time?”

2014: off today.
2013: was off today.

November 8, 2015

5 yr blog, day 764

“What topic are you bored talking about?”

same as last year.
2014: sometimes when Matthew goes on about Star Trek too much.
2013: nothing.

November 7, 2015

5 yr blog, day 763

“Who is your hero?”

2014: i don’t feel i have any heroes right now. ask me again next year.
2013: THOR!!!

November 6, 2015

5 yr blog, day 762

“What time did go to bed last night?”

2014: about same time as the last few days.
2013: way too late.

November 5, 2015

well, that ended well enough...

writer’s block sucks.
i’ve been on a roll with writing, banging out my Mary Sue fanfic of Colt’s world. the last one i sent him, he said it was dark.
didn’t end it on a Joss Whedon joke. that’s why.
trying to write the next chapter and i’ve hit a brick of a wall.
it’s the dialog. i know, this is not really me and him but it is.
i can write the witch part. she’s part me. that’s fairly simple.
it’s writing the DarkShark/Colt part. i’m putting myself into that corner. i think i hit the nail on the head when i wrote “The Pirate and the Witch”. i was so hemming and hawing it that i said fuck it and wrote it.
i can’t get to that point with this story. i kept writing and writing and not throwing anything out so i got this kinda choose your own adventure paragraphs at the bottom of the page.
[some time later]
well, i wrote it and emailed it to Colt. we’ll see what daylight brings.

5 yr blog, day 761

“What should remind as-is?”

nothing. i am in a major need of a reboot.
2014: nothing.
i need a change.
2013: nothing.

November 4, 2015

5 yr blog, day 760

“Today you made___.”

2014: a choice.
2013: an endcap.

"he keeps my heart from being broken"

Sunday night i’m hiding in my room, scrolling on Facebook on my phone. i came upon a post i had to stop and let it sink in.
“Colt is in a relationship with Jacob.”
i had to txt Colt to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating it.
he said fuck it and posted it. i was so happy i was crying.
my dear Krazy, my dear DarkShark, i love you so much. i am so proud of you right now.

Trick ‘r Treat

Halloween, what a mix blessing it was.
i work on Friday, and after a change of clothes, i’m off to Rolla to see Matthew.
we meet up, need to go to Wal-Mart (grr) and then back to the hotel so i can hardcore de-bunny.
on a whim, i brought some electric tea candles. 4 on each night stand and it was pretty groovy.
and we enjoyed the night.
and watched Trick ‘r Treat.
the next day it was gray and overcast and wonderfully dreary.
i dressed in my best and off we go to Colton’s for food.
and to the comic book store!
i brought my first comic books. i got Angela Queen of Hel and The New Avengers.
i’ve read them. i’m a real nerd now.
and that was my Halloween. nothing grand or awesome but still sweet.

November 3, 2015

5 yr blog, day 759

“When did you last hold a baby?”

way long ago when Ellie was one.
2014: longer ago when Ellie was one.
2013: long ago when Ellie was one.

November 2, 2015

5 yr blog, day 758

“What’s your biggest expense right now?”

still, my credit card.
3 years in a row, this has to stop.
2014: still, my credit card. :-/
2013: my credit card.

November 1, 2015

5 yr blog, day 757

“What was something you couldn’t do today?”

all my work.
2014: hide.
2013: relax.