December 31, 2013
done with all the bullshit!
my day started off kinda awesome with a RT by Laurell K. Hamilton.
been trying to write an entry about “stuff” and i think i’ve edited it from being in my notebook, my phone, and now on “paper.”
it’s amazing what 69 mins can do to the soul.
so, it’s June now and i keep getting crappier news.
so i haven’t wrote in a month.
i don’t write.
it’s only been in the last few years that November has taken a new feeling.
i don’t know why i have such visions at Colt’s.
it’s only been in the last few years that November has taken a new feeling.
i don’t know why i have such visions at Colt’s.
December 30, 2013
December 29, 2013
December 28, 2013
December 27, 2013
December 26, 2013
December 25, 2013
December 24, 2013
December 23, 2013
December 22, 2013
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December 20, 2013
December 19, 2013
i call myself a witch, a pagan, and a priestess.
you are what you call yourself, but you need to back that up.
when i started, i called myself a Wiccan but i dropped that after while.
my life goal was to be a witch, not a Wiccan. and with learning that more about the term Wiccan, i only use that label if talking to non-pagans about my religion.
but really, i’m a witch.
December 18, 2013
December 17, 2013
December 16, 2013
December 15, 2013
December 14, 2013
December 13, 2013
December 12, 2013
“Today's prompt is a bit of a touchy one...do you think it's right to charge for magickal services? If yes, why? Which services? All of them? If not, why do you feel that way? If you don't believe it's right to charge, how about a barter or a trade of services rather than currency? What defines an equal trade?
i swear i’ve answered this before.
the Joker said in The Dark Knight, if you’re good at something, never do it for free.
i’ve spent time and money to learn my skill set, the same as someone who went to college or a trade school. why would you ask someone to work for free?
i see no problem for asking for money. if one prefers to barter, so be it. i like cash.
December 11, 2013
December 10, 2013
December 9, 2013
December 8, 2013
December 7, 2013
December 6, 2013
December 5, 2013
“Celebrating the holidays can be tough enough, but adding on religious differences can make it even harder. How do you balance your religious path and holidays with those under the same roof as you? If you're not of the same faith(s), do you celebrate all holidays? Do both together on a common ground? Today's prompt is all about respecting each other's religious paths while honoring our holy days and how we do it. Enjoy!”
December 4, 2013
this was written while drunk and in the dark at the DarkShark’s Grotto. bear with me.
i don’t know why i have such visions at Colt’s. it’s probably because it’s neat and i can do magick.
i keep putting our characters together in his story. i image a love like the Black Window and Hawkeye have in Avengers. that’s a love story i can get behind.
sleep and booze are wearing at me. i will try to write!
i haven’t updated my blog in forever.
my Christmas spirit is like my poinsettias in my hair, black. there is no God, Jesus is dead, and the world is going to bleed.
only at Colt’s do i question all my life choices and how they added up to me being here.
December 3, 2013
December 2, 2013
December 1, 2013
November 30, 2013
November 29, 2013
November 28, 2013
November 27, 2013
November 26, 2013
November 25, 2013
November 24, 2013
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November 22, 2013
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November 20, 2013
November 19, 2013
November 18, 2013
November 17, 2013
November 16, 2013
November 15, 2013
November 14, 2013
“In this day and age, weddings come in all shapes and sizes. If you follow a Pagan spirituality, do you feel it's important to incorporate it into your wedding ceremony? Do you plan on having a handfasting? Is it simply enough to honor your deities in your heart and know they are present? How do you plan on incorporating your faith into your wedding?”
i really don’t know how off the wall my weeding will be.
i know it won’t be a hard fast pagan, it will be pagany for sure.
November 13, 2013
November 12, 2013
November 11, 2013
November 10, 2013
November 9, 2013
i got the passion to write, the ideas to write, and nothing is coming out.
pissing matches never end well and i fear tomorrow will be rough at work.
i get confused when i’m around him, even when i tell myself i got things sorted out it’s not all clear.
i’m living all in my head again.
i need to write. and i fear it’s something fresh that needs to be written. :-(
November 8, 2013
so many feels now.
just got back from seeing Thor: The Dark World. man, what a night and what a movie.
i start off by getting all dolled up: the good jeans, black bra, silky underwear, my witch’s shoes, girl socks, i even did my makeup semi normal!
i thought i was leaving the house early when Colt txt about how’s he’s been waiting for so long.
Colt is equally dolled up in that preppy way i don’t like but works on him: jeans, red t-shirt, white dress shirt over the t-shirt, hell, he even had on his class ring.
i might have to step up my game.
he toys me with wanting to go to Columbia to see the drag show and i’m all i’m not dressed for a drag show and we are seeing THOR!
grr on that boy.
we hit Hobby Lobby first (?) to get the wrong book for his mother (and where Colt said i looked presentable and when the hell is my low self-esteem issues come to a bloody end! i’m not in high school anymore; i’m freaking 33 years old and a badass!). next was tickets, coz i was afraid they would sell out.
then Chili’s. food was good, service sucked and i left a crap tip.
then THOR! SPOILERS!!!
they do not wait till with the Loki. that man with that hair, yes please.
and i knew when it was Joss’s scene. i guessed it and then knew it when it had a trademark of his (no, not the random killing).
the movie… it’s hard to pin it down. too much yucks at the end to really make it dark and matter, kinda too sci-fi for me and IT MADE ME CRY WHEN THEY KILL LOKI!!!
i had tears. the last time i cried at the movie was Alfred’s speech before he left Bruce Wayne in The Dark Knight Rises.
over all, i liked it and it was a good continuation of Thor’s story. not a great movie but a strong ok.
and it starts to set up Avengers 2!!!
END OF SPOILERS
while walking out of the theater, i saw a poster for Captain America 2 and started on this mini rant about seeing that movie, coz if i want to be in the know for Avengers 2, got to see it. this lead to why i was on this date and it’s all Joss Whedon’s fault.
damn it Joss.
i hit the head; coz i needed to powered my nose like a racehorse about 10 mins into the movie but I WAS NOT GOING TO MISS A THING, and like a doll, Colt had the truck out front.
we rode home with music.
the child seems to had copy stuff from a roommate of long ago and had no real random on his mp3 player. nor had he really listen to all his songs.
when we got back to the truck after Hobby Lobby, it was playing “Paradises by Dashboard Light” by MeatLoaf.
and Colt learned what the song was and i showed him i can sing. *evil smile*
so on the way back we rocked it out a bit. he played “Some Nights” by fun. and that and the movie and being with Krazy brought up all sorts of feels that i don’t know. didn’t have much time to think due to Krazy and ADHD with a mp3 player.
two songs of note of the night was “True Love” by Pink, which is now, officially, me and Colt’s song. i really like the line “At the same time, I wanna hug you/I wanna wrap my hands around your neck” and then the odd duet of “Any Man of Mine” by Shania Twain.
How do you interpret the Sabbats of the Wheel of the Year and make it fit the modern world around us?”
this seems to be a loaded question, due to this semi subject coming up in PaW.
i do take in the fact of the seasonal meaning of the Sabbats. i still live in the sticks so i do feel for the agricultural meaning of them.
i also enjoy the more modem meanings (What did you harvest this Mabon? What are you planting this Ostra?). i gives my religion a sense that while rooted in a “past” it’s adapting for the now and for the future.
November 7, 2013
November 6, 2013
November 5, 2013
November 4, 2013
November 3, 2013
November 2, 2013
it’s only been in the last few years that November has taken a new feeling.
Dr. Grey explained to me that i get the post-holiday blues after Halloween. Amanda told me i need to get married after in November so i have something to look forward to after Halloween.
fall is my time. from Mabon to Halloween, i feel charged. sun in in Libra, October starts, my birthday, fall weather, and then it all peeks when Halloween drops.
and then it’s November.
November/Thanksgiving anymore is just a hiccup, the annoy ads before the movie, till you get to MOHTERFUCKINGCHRISTMAS!!! (MFC! for short). anymore it’s an annoyance and it’s slowing creeping into October, making Halloween another bump till MFC!.
once upon a time i read that the ancient Egyptians came up with a 2 week holiday so their calendar was in tune, sorta like we have Leap Day (this was long ago, i may be wrong).
November feels like that. it feels that from the 1st to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is all fake, for lack of a better word. it’s not a real month; it’s just a time, to keep the colander in tune, a time for oneself.
and right when i feel to need to go deep into the woods, deer season happens and i don’t want to get shot.
so, i’m in between time and right now and i’m working towards something. it’s come in such short burst but i’m going somewhere. i have this sluggish motivation but i am moving.
November 1, 2013
October 31, 2013
after work, i’m going over to Colt’s for tacos and bad movies.
and maybe some magick.
tomorrow, after hitting the day after sales, i’m hitting the graveyards to visit my grandmothers.
October 30, 2013
October 29, 2013
it’s the day before Halloween. it’s a magickal pre-time. and the weather today is also awesome today. it’s a really bright gray day and raining. it’s still warm out, just get weather for Trick-or-Treating.
(yeah i know it’s not the day before, but i believe in celebrating the day before, day of, and the day after so bite me.)
i got so much to do tomorrow to get shit done for my Halloween night with Colt.
still have no clue on what magick to work with him tomorrow night. i got 4 candles and a plate. need to think, need to think.
need to work on my room today also.
Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a rerun. grr (arg).
speaking of such, there seems to be some haters out there on the show. my complaint is right now it’s too monster of the week for me. with a full season order, i’m hoping that we can get into more of a seasonal arc.
on another note: Sunday came with a fair share of drama, and all of it before i got out of bed.
so Colt is sick. i woke up Sunday and right before i txted him, it pops up on Twitter he was going to the E.R. i txt him back asking what is wrong.
and then this happen.
I’M NOT EVEN OUT OF BED AND I WAS CRYING. THAT’S HOW MY DAY, MY WEEK STARTED. I LOVE YOU COLT BUT MY GODS, THE DRAMA YOU CAN CAUSE!!!
he’s better. he’s ok. we are still having Halloween.
October 28, 2013
October 27, 2013
October 26, 2013
October 25, 2013
October 24, 2013
Today's prompt is all about magickal names and the meaning behind them. Enjoy!”
i did start off with a self-dedication ritual and declared the name Black Opal MoonSong as my magickal name. gods i was a bit fluffy back then. i have only shared that name to show how fluffy i was, back in the day.
currently, if i had to have a magical name, it’s amerwitch. amer is my nickname, my acronym actually. and witch, well, duh.
October 23, 2013
October 22, 2013
October 21, 2013
fun filled week at work. with one sick, one on vacation, one out on bereavement, we were so short it wasn’t even funny.
i did get extra hours this week and next. whoot!
i worked in toys Saturday, world be damned. i build 2 end caps and filled one, world be dammed. and binned a pallet of toys wrongly, just to have it binned, world be dammed.
and i have a god for the toys. i have a Playskool Hulk doll that fits right in my pocket. just having him Saturday was a boost.
i have plans on making my own BOSish for toys, with pic of my Hulks on the cover, with the great words of Tony Stark, “We have a Hulk.”
gods know we need one for this upcoming Christmas.
(i do have a Thor doll. don’t know if i will need him too or not.)
Christmas is coming like an ungodly plague upon us with only death as a certainly.
BTW: i’ve been watching Much Ado About Nothing sorta nonstop and it’s getting to the point i AM going to talk like i’m in a Shakespeare play. twill be funs to watch and play that pony out.
i have plans for Halloween, a small of gathering at Chateau DarkShark. we’ll see what all happens there.
October 20, 2013
October 19, 2013
i’ve had tarot card readings done, but i wouldn’t call that going to a psychic or a medium.
i don’t recall much about the card reading, rather they were true or not. i know that they made me feel better afterwards.
i don’t think i’m a medium. i have had dealings with things, but i’m not putting that title on my résumé.
October 18, 2013
October 17, 2013
October 16, 2013
October 15, 2013
October 14, 2013
October 13, 2013
October 12, 2013
October 11, 2013
October 10, 2013
i made my way to Waynesville to see the boyfriend. i get there, load up his van and away we go.
somehow last week, me and Colt go on the topic of how cool it would be if we could change the “ringtone” for each person that txt us. i found out how to do it, ended up sending him a screenshot to show him how to do it, and now my phone whistles when Colt txt’s me.
his is supposed to say “i’m Batman.” when i txt him.
ok, my birthday.
we get to Springfield and check into our hotel. it’s so swanky that it don’t even have a microwave or minifridge in the room. grr.
free Wi-Fi was awesome.
we then dress and head out to Nakato. it was cool. i was dressed nicely and i had to take off my shoes, and sorta crawl to my seat in my short skirt and fishnets.
the food was good. the party of “5” year olds was a bit too much.
back to the room. i find a shirtless Tom Hiddleston doing Shakespeare and what more does a girl need then that?
Matthew passed out. i set up my laptop on the swanky desk, start sucking up the free WiFi and burning though videos from the nerds http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/ on my phone. it was a great night.
Saturday morning came with fall weather and rain and gray. hell of good weather, and there’s no sarcasm there folks.
Taco Bell, then it was Barns and Nobel. i was eyeing the 75th annaivery Wizard of Oz Monopoly set. the tokens were kick ass but when you landed on a railroad, you learned a special power to help play the game. what special power do you need for Monopoly? gack on that!
Matthew did buy me this 5 year notebook journal thing. every day there’s a new prompt you answer. you then see how your answers changes over the 5 years. follow all that fun with the tag, 5 yr blog.
we hit Best Buy, coz the bf wanted to and then we hit the crème de la crème of Springfield, Bass Pro Shop!
(after i got us lost, we made it there.)
we walked in and Matthew wanted to take me to see the alligator and i just grabbed him and took him to a post and told him to just look around!
just in the lobby was all beautiful. waterfalls, fake trees, dead elk, gods i forgot how county i am at times! there’s something about all this rustic aesthetic that really hits me.
we did go around and look at everything. Matthew didn’t want to go slow and take it all end (he’s there more than me). did get some killer pics of a alligator gar fish.
i did say i should be taking pics of everything but i didn’t. i wanted to take it all in and live it, not just behind a camera. or cell phone.
and i got an otter. my bf is weird like that.
we make it back to his house for some PIZZA.
Sunday i went home.
i did get three gifts this weekend. the first 2 makes you question how old the person is. the third, you’ll see.
first off Matt’s Jessica made me this awesome ass braided up bracelet with a penguin on it and my name! it’s so pretty!
second, Matthew brought me The Wizard of Oz on blu-ray.
and the third, Matthew brought me a bottle of vodka, Stoli.
and that’s my 33rd birthday.
October 9, 2013
October 8, 2013
October 7, 2013
October 6, 2013
October 5, 2013
i’m sitting here, in a lovely hotel room, bf passed out in the bed. i brought my laptop and am sucking up the fast and free Wi-Fi.
i’m awesome with my phone on Blip, watching my nerds from http://thatguywiththeglasses.com.
again, i keep thinking of getting vlogging. i need to work on my edit.
i did a “movie”, using my phone camera. it’s, ok? i think it’s two minutes long and i’m still working on what the hell my editing software can do.
and maybe watching some real vlogs.
and setting up a YouTube channel and maybe getting on Goggle +.
still need to think and sorta stuff out.
and if i had fast internet, i would go insane with power.
so, hoping to get it up and running one day, YouTube and all.
and yeah, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! WHERE’S MY FUCKING PRESENTS?!?
October 4, 2013
“Have you ever seen a ghost? Been in a haunted house? What is your opinion on otherworldly beings? Do they exist? Tell us your favorite ghost experiences and your thoughts on the supernatural.”
no, i have not seen any ghost.
i have been to a haunted prison.
otherworldly beings, they are out there. who they are, i don’t know. i know they are there and i’m ok with that.
my fav experience is when i went to the prison. just lots of funky feeling out and about.
my other experience i wrote about 2/6/2001.
last Friday (2/2/01) i’m sitting in the lobby of Richardson doing nothing waiting for my 9 o’clock. behind my right shoulder i smelled the perfume Windsong. a little while later i smell it again. that’s the perfume my grandmother use to wear. she has been dead for four years.
October 1, 2013
times have changed.
i look at my phone. the lock screen is this awesome pic of Tom Hiddleston as Loki, looking kinda Jesusy. to unlock my phone you type in 5654, which spells LOKI.
watching The Lone Ranger this summer, i went back and looked at Johnny Depp’s IMDB page to see when was the last time i saw a Johnny Depp movie that inspired me; Alice in Wonderland in 2010.
i remember the movie that sealed the deal of my nerd love for Johnny Depp, it’s was the first Pirates movie. i was floored and amazed by him.
as a person who shunned all this poplar and cool, i rode that Pirates ship long and hard. it was awesome.
but with The Lone Ranger and Dark Shadows, Johnny Depp is not cutting it anymore. he’s still my fav actor of all times, and many of his older films are my go to fav movies to watch, and he’s part of the Holy Trinity with Tim Burton and Danny Elfman but there is a new love in my life.
and i am a mewling quim.
Tom Hiddleston, mostly his Loki, no, Loki, has taken over me.
Tom Hiddelson’s Loki didn’t strike me muchly in Thor, shirtless Chris Hemsworth hit me hard. it wasn’t until Avengers that i was awestruck.
no, it was all the internet memes and they keep coming (and Colt keeps showing me).
but going over Avengers, i asked Matthew, “is it just his longer hair that makes him that much, more, then what he was in Thor?”
and then i saw the first preview of Thor: The Dark World. i thought “so, longer hair on Loki makes him sexier in Avengers, they are trying that with Thor and it ain’t working. OH MY GODS!!!”
the preview ends with Loki, sitting in his cell with longer, more flowy hair.
and his nickname, The Hair, was born.
and the video of Tom Hiddleston from Comic Con, the way he kept saying “Say my name!” made me want to get on my knees.
it was when Colt sent me that Jesusy Loki pic, and i put it on my phone, that i realized, Johnny, there’s a new guy in town.
September 27, 2013
“This week's prompt is all about favorites. What are some of your favorite witchy web sites? Books? Metaphysical shops? Witchy music? Pagan/Wicca Youtube channels? Go ahead and make your list as broad or specific as you want and list off the witchy things you love and would suggest to others.”
- “witchy web sites”: Witch’s Vox? i don’t really go to websites anymore.
- books: my go to book is Scott Cunningham’s Cunningham’s Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs. it’s just been my go to book for a long time and really what helped me really grow as a witch.
- metaphysical shops: don’t have one. i have not found one i liked.
- “witchy music”: i don’t do “pagan” music. i don’t have a firm grasp on what it is and what bits i’ve heard, it’s all Celticish and i don’t care for Celtic music.
- “Pagan/Wicca Youtube channels”: don’t really do Youtube. anyone have any suggestions?
- Facebook group: Paganism and Wicca. best set of people out there. read and follow the rules and come armed to fight.
September 25, 2013
i was bad.
with my work schedule, i was off Tuesday. “yeah!” i thought. “i can watch Agents of SHIELD! oh no! i’m not at the store to get Iron Man 3! no!!!”
Kody had the idea of stay at Colt’s after work for the 4 hours till midnight.
Colt put me in a corner by saying he would let me come over IF i have a card reading for his friend Tom.
stupid me, i agree.
here’s my list of why this is a bad idea:
- I AM SHY! i don’t do well with meeting new people.
- i would be shown as the sham i am with my card readings (i don’t have the meanings memorized and use cheat sheets).
- and i have never done a cold reading before. what could wrong with that? (ha ha ha! *panic*)
work was ok. i torn into the Iron Man 3 shipper. it’s pretty.
and then i made my way to Colt’s, pizza rolls in hand.
and they had pizza there already. bitches.
Tom is ok. he wants to see me drunk.
i did not plan on being a fag hag for 2. i’m not built for this.
so, after card reading (which went well, cold read and all), Colt turn Supernatural back on.
i started writing a note to Nicole about stuff and kinda started crying.
anyhoots, with Colt cuddling on the sofa, me on the floor like a dog (grr), we “awoke” to make to the store, rightly before midnight, with the beauty of that shipper.
well, it was a bit before midnight and Colt wanted to see the “DarkShark” shirt i was telling about.
and i gave him the DVD copy from the DVD/Blu-ray pack i got.
on a plus note: during the evening, Tom excused himself to go outside to smoke. Colt then excused himself to the bathroom.
the noises i heard were loud, wet, and unhealthy. i picked up my phone and txted Colt, “Feel better?”
i heard the low growl of his phone vibrating and then hysterical laughter from the bathroom.
Tom came back, Colt came from the bathroom, sat on the couch, put a pillow over his head and started laughing hysterically.
Colt was a bit embossed by the ordeal.
September 24, 2013
i’ve done lots of stupid stuff in my life when it comes to the opposite sex. somehow i came out mostly unscathed, burnt around the edges but still whole.
September 20, 2013
“Mabon is the fall equinox, and is a time to celebrate the changing of the seasons. How do you celebrate this turning of the wheel of the year? Do you practice with a group? On your own? Both? This week's prompt is all about how you celebrate the coming of the fall and the balance of the wheel.”
i didn’t, i don’t, i suck at being a witch.
September 17, 2013
i wrote a poem. first time in many a year. i think it’s good.
i’m really pulling teeth, trying to fill this white page. it’s like i’m dead on the inside and have no emotions to write.
funny, it takes Spike singing of letting him rest in peace to make me feel.
i have been taking my vitamins for a week now and really, that’s where the poem came from.
i’m not me. i don’t know what happen, that everything came down on me. is Wal-Mart such a soul sucking job?
i should not be like this. i’m at such a high functioning depression lvl, it’s not fun.
September 16, 2013
in other news, Matthew came up for a short visit. i couldn’t get my days off so it wasn’t much of a visit.
we did get my Blu-ray player up and watched Star Teck Into Darkness.
i will say this: THE MOVIE SUCKS, MAKES ME NERDRAGE, but Benedict Cumberbatch is a sexy as hell in it. he should get an Oscar nom.
and with J.J. not doing Star Trek 3 WHO’S GOING TO SAVE THE WHALES NOW?!?
anyhoots, we went to my 2nd cousin wedding, the shortest Catholic wedding i ever went to in my life. it wasn’t even a freaking Mass! the church was pretty.
the décor and color scheme was not my thing and gods; everyone uses freaking mason jars now-a-days! i’m glad i’m not on Pinterest. my wedding will be that classy 4 year old with a Halloween fetish and an Oriental Trading Company catalog.
so Friday the 13th turned out to be a grand night.
FOUND THE MOTHERFUCKING MONKEYS!!! they were missing for a week. had to redo 3 shelves but it’s ok. we have the monkeys.
so, onto the good part!
Colt has been making fun of Destinee, that she’s pregnant (since she’s doing it 5 times a day). Destinee said she would be probably be like me when she gets pregnant.
now i was standing in Colt’s “corner”, and they were down by the gray cabinets. Colt knew shit was going to hit when he saw me slowly lift my head up and slowly turned to her and said “are you calling me fat?”
it ALL went downhill from there.
Destinee kept digging a hole to bury herself in. Colt was over dramatic about all of it (and i love him for it).
by the end of the night, Destinee had also mention that i didn’t like to be happy, i like being angry all the time, i’m like the Hulk (“so i’m a big freak of nature?”), among other things.
it was like “The Misery Chick” from Daria.
i hugged Colt, and thanked him for a great night. he kept egging Destinee on and when i got back to the store on Sunday, he had told everyone.
September 13, 2013
“Today's prompt is about time management. In the busy world we live, how do you find time for your spiritual self? How do you maintain your spiritual growth and nurture your inner connection to deity in between meetings, phone calls, traffic jams, family, friends and everything else you do?
Post your thoughts, tips and tricks and as always, blessed be.”
September 8, 2013
i keep kicking around the idea of my own internet web series.
i keep watching my reviewers at http://thatguywiththeglasses.com and they make it look so effortless.
i don’t know if i have it to be a reviewer. i don’t know how they slice all the clips into their review, or how to get slips onto the laptop to slice with a review. without it looking all ghetto as hell.
and with a limited crew of one, can’t do much of a show like The Guild.
there is the idea of vlogging but… eh. i rarely write at time so vlogging… eh.
a show would let me play a character.
oh hell, i’m just scared of internet bullying and what all happens when you put yourself on the internet. plus, being all female, the sexual harassment and “fake geek girl”.
stumbled upon a geek girl Tumbler (do i need one?) and one post was hot it’s always when the girl shows up, good chuck of the story time (movie or book) is her defending herself that yes i have boobs but also i am a top notch spy/car mechanic/fighter pilot/PERSON!
you know why i like Buffy? she’s a human. you strip all the fancy and sci fi and it’s a high school drama. she struggles in school, wants the cute boy to ask her out, her mom don’t understand her, etc. etc. etc.
everything comes back to Joss, doesn’t it?
ok, so i need to buck up, find out what i want my show to be, and get my ass in gear.