December 31, 2013

5 yr blog, day 87

“What is your most cherished memory of the year?”

nothing pops out at me. :-(


done with all the bullshit!
my day started off kinda awesome with a RT by Laurell K. Hamilton.
been trying to write an entry about “stuff” and i think i’ve edited it from being in my notebook, my phone, and now on “paper.”
it’s amazing what 69 mins can do to the soul.
so, it’s June now and i keep getting crappier news.
so i haven’t wrote in a month.
i don’t write.
it’s only been in the last few years that November has taken a new feeling.
i don’t know why i have such visions at Colt’s.

December 30, 2013

December 29, 2013

5 yr blog, day 85

“What are your top three wishes?”
  1. pay off credit card
  2. move out
  3. i don’t know. a pony?

December 28, 2013

5 yr blog, day 84

“Snuggle down or go out and play?”

play, then snuggle, snuggle hardcore.

December 27, 2013

5 yr blog, day 83

"What was the last time you felt at peace?"

8/16/2013. read about it here, “daylight”.

December 26, 2013

5 yr blog, day 82

“On a scale of one to ten, how spontaneous were you today?”


December 25, 2013

5 yr blog, day 81

“Write down five words that describe today.”

long, boring, shitty, bad, depressing.

December 24, 2013

5 yr blog, day 80

“Write down a recent transition.”

i brought lunch for me and Colt.

December 23, 2013

December 22, 2013

5 yr blog, day 78

“Did you meet someone new recently? If so, who was it?”
in the past 3 months i did meet Tom.

December 21, 2013

5 yr blog, day 77

“If you could be the best at anything, what would it be?”
dudes, i’m the best amerwitch there will ever be. no need to wish for anything else.

December 20, 2013

5 yr blog, day 76

“What is your dream vacation?”

Walt Disney World for a week with Mathew.

December 19, 2013

5 yr blog, day 75

“If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?"

Colt’s gift would be done.

Pagan Blog Prompts

“In this day and age, we have names for everything. Wicca is no exception to this. What magickal labels do you give yourself? For example, I am an eclectic, Wiccan, Witch. What do your call yourself? A Wiccan? A Witch? Pagan? What makes one a Wiccan and not a Witch? Or in order to truly understand how magick and force of will works...are you automatically a Witch as well, even though you may not cast circles? Where do we draw the lines with the labels? Why have you chosen the labels you claim?”

i call myself a witch, a pagan, and a priestess.
you are what you call yourself, but you need to back that up.
when i started, i called myself a Wiccan but i dropped that after while.
my life goal was to be a witch, not a Wiccan. and with learning that more about the term Wiccan, i only use that label if talking to non-pagans about my religion.
but really, i’m a witch.

December 18, 2013

December 17, 2013

December 16, 2013

5 yr blog, day 72

What so you find irresistible?
in what? in life, men, women, cars? this vagueness just ain’t cute anymore.

December 15, 2013

December 14, 2013

5 yr blog, day 70

Why are you impressive?

so don’t understand this question at all.

December 13, 2013

December 12, 2013

5 yr blog, day 68

What’s on your wish list?

store brought dress and a pony.

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Today's prompt is a bit of a touchy you think it's right to charge for magickal services? If yes, why? Which services? All of them? If not, why do you feel that way? If you don't believe it's right to charge, how about a barter or a trade of services rather than currency? What defines an equal trade?
Enjoy everyone!”

i swear i’ve answered this before.
the Joker said in The Dark Knight, if you’re good at something, never do it for free.
i’ve spent time and money to learn my skill set, the same as someone who went to college or a trade school. why would you ask someone to work for free?
i see no problem for asking for money. if one prefers to barter, so be it. i like cash.

December 11, 2013

December 10, 2013

5 yr blog, day 66

What surprised you today?
how much happier i was working over in apparel.

December 9, 2013

5 yr blog, day 65

What is your most recent act of generosity?
i don’t recall.

December 7, 2013

5 yr blog, day 63

Where do you see yourself next year?
no clue or i don’t want to say.

December 5, 2013

5 yr blog, day 61

What do you miss?
right now, my grandmas.

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Celebrating the holidays can be tough enough, but adding on religious differences can make it even harder. How do you balance your religious path and holidays with those under the same roof as you? If you're not of the same faith(s), do you celebrate all holidays? Do both together on a common ground? Today's prompt is all about respecting each other's religious paths while honoring our holy days and how we do it. Enjoy!”


December 4, 2013

5 yr blog, day 60

Do you want to know how it ends?
what ends? the world? my life? Avengers 2?

thoughts from the grotto

this was written while drunk and in the dark at the DarkShark’s Grotto. bear with me.

i don’t know why i have such visions at Colt’s. it’s probably because it’s neat and i can do magick.
i keep putting our characters together in his story. i image a love like the Black Window and Hawkeye have in Avengers. that’s a love story i can get behind.
sleep and booze are wearing at me. i will try to write!
i haven’t updated my blog in forever.
my Christmas spirit is like my poinsettias in my hair, black. there is no God, Jesus is dead, and the world is going to bleed.
only at Colt’s do i question all my life choices and how they added up to me being here.

December 3, 2013

5 yr blog, day 59

On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you?
right now, 7.

December 2, 2013

5 yr blog, day 58

What details from today would you like to remember?

December 1, 2013

5 yr blog, day 57

What would you like your epitaph to read?
wife and loving mother.

November 29, 2013

5 yr blog, day 55

What five words describe your mood?

stressed, stressed, stressed, stressed, stressed.

November 26, 2013

November 25, 2013

November 24, 2013

5 yr blog, day 50

Who have you recently deleted from your contacts/address book?
well, i did deleted someone from Facebook awhile back.

November 23, 2013

November 21, 2013

5 yr blog, day 47

What are your favorite shoes?
don’t have a pair.

Pagan Blog Prompts

yeah, so from what i gather this is a vid prompt for the week about altars.
i don’t do vids and i’m not proud of my altar right now.

November 19, 2013

5 yr blog, day 45

When was the last time you checked an online social network?

on one now.

November 17, 2013

November 16, 2013

November 14, 2013

5 yr blog, day 40

What do you need to vent about?


Pagan Blog Prompts

“In this day and age, weddings come in all shapes and sizes. If you follow a Pagan spirituality, do you feel it's important to incorporate it into your wedding ceremony? Do you plan on having a handfasting? Is it simply enough to honor your deities in your heart and know they are present? How do you plan on incorporating your faith into your wedding?”

i really don’t know how off the wall my weeding will be.
i know it won’t be a hard fast pagan, it will be pagany for sure.

November 13, 2013

5 yr blog, day 39

What song could be your self-portrait?

i’m more about my theme song for the now. never thought of a self-portrait.
i really don’t know what would be a good self-portrait for me. any ideas?

November 12, 2013

5 yr blog, day 38

Is there anything missing in your life?

loaded question. don’t know if i want to air them here.

November 11, 2013

November 9, 2013

5 yr blog, day 35

Did you leave work on time?

was off today.


i got the passion to write, the ideas to write, and nothing is coming out.
pissing matches never end well and i fear tomorrow will be rough at work.
i get confused when i’m around him, even when i tell myself i got things sorted out it’s not all clear.
i’m living all in my head again.
i need to write. and i fear it’s something fresh that needs to be written. :-(

November 8, 2013

5 yr blog, day 34

What topic are you bored talking about?


Loki 3

so many feels now.
just got back from seeing Thor: The Dark World. man, what a night and what a movie.
i start off by getting all dolled up: the good jeans, black bra, silky underwear, my witch’s shoes, girl socks, i even did my makeup semi normal!
i thought i was leaving the house early when Colt txt about how’s he’s been waiting for so long.
one day…
Colt is equally dolled up in that preppy way i don’t like but works on him: jeans, red t-shirt, white dress shirt over the t-shirt, hell, he even had on his class ring.
i might have to step up my game.
he toys me with wanting to go to Columbia to see the drag show and i’m all i’m not dressed for a drag show and we are seeing THOR!
grr on that boy.
we hit Hobby Lobby first (?) to get the wrong book for his mother (and where Colt said i looked presentable and when the hell is my low self-esteem issues come to a bloody end! i’m not in high school anymore; i’m freaking 33 years old and a badass!). next was tickets, coz i was afraid they would sell out.
then Chili’s. food was good, service sucked and i left a crap tip.
they do not wait till with the Loki. that man with that hair, yes please.
and i knew when it was Joss’s scene. i guessed it and then knew it when it had a trademark of his (no, not the random killing).
the movie… it’s hard to pin it down. too much yucks at the end to really make it dark and matter, kinda too sci-fi for me and IT MADE ME CRY WHEN THEY KILL LOKI!!!
i had tears. the last time i cried at the movie was Alfred’s speech before he left Bruce Wayne in The Dark Knight Rises.
over all, i liked it and it was a good continuation of Thor’s story. not a great movie but a strong ok.  
and it starts to set up Avengers 2!!!
while walking out of the theater, i saw a poster for Captain America 2 and started on this mini rant about seeing that movie, coz if i want to be in the know for Avengers 2, got to see it. this lead to why i was on this date and it’s all Joss Whedon’s fault.
damn it Joss.
i hit the head; coz i needed to powered my nose like a racehorse about 10 mins into the movie but I WAS NOT GOING TO MISS A THING, and like a doll, Colt had the truck out front.
we rode home with music.
the child seems to had copy stuff from a roommate of long ago and had no real random on his mp3 player. nor had he really listen to all his songs.
when we got back to the truck after Hobby Lobby, it was playing “Paradises by Dashboard Light” by MeatLoaf.
and Colt learned what the song was and i showed him i can sing. *evil smile*
so on the way back we rocked it out a bit. he played “Some Nights” by fun. and that and the movie and being with Krazy brought up all sorts of feels that i don’t know. didn’t have much time to think due to Krazy and ADHD with a mp3 player.
two songs of note of the night was “True Love” by Pink, which is now, officially, me and Colt’s song. i really like the line “At the same time, I wanna hug you/I wanna wrap my hands around your neck” and then the odd duet of “Any Man of Mine” by Shania Twain.

Pagan Blog Prompt

“When celebrating the Wheel of the Year, you can interpret it many ways. You can see it as symbolic, agricultural, astrological, etc. You could even do a combination. How do you find significance of each holiday in the modern world we live in? For example, during the fall season, the holidays relate strongly to the harvest. In this day and age, most of us don't live on a farm harvesting grain and ensuring the following year's crops. How do you stay in touch with the roots of the holy days we observe when some times we are so far placed from them?
How do you interpret the Sabbats of the Wheel of the Year and make it fit the modern world around us?”

this seems to be a loaded question, due to this semi subject coming up in PaW.
i do take in the fact of the seasonal meaning of the Sabbats. i still live in the sticks so i do feel for the agricultural meaning of them.
i also enjoy the more modem meanings (What did you harvest this Mabon? What are you planting this Ostra?). i gives my religion a sense that while rooted in a “past” it’s adapting for the now and for the future.

November 6, 2013

November 3, 2013

November 2, 2013

5 yr blog, day 28

What’s your biggest expense right now?

my credit card.

this is November

it’s only been in the last few years that November has taken a new feeling.
Dr. Grey explained to me that i get the post-holiday blues after Halloween. Amanda told me i need to get married after in November so i have something to look forward to after Halloween.
fall is my time. from Mabon to Halloween, i feel charged. sun in in Libra, October starts, my birthday, fall weather, and then it all peeks when Halloween drops.
and then it’s November.
November/Thanksgiving anymore is just a hiccup, the annoy ads before the movie, till you get to MOHTERFUCKINGCHRISTMAS!!! (MFC! for short). anymore it’s an annoyance and it’s slowing creeping into October, making Halloween another bump till MFC!.
once upon a time i read that the ancient Egyptians came up with a 2 week holiday so their calendar was in tune, sorta like we have Leap Day (this was long ago, i may be wrong).
November feels like that. it feels that from the 1st to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is all fake, for lack of a better word. it’s not a real month; it’s just a time, to keep the colander in tune, a time for oneself.
and right when i feel to need to go deep into the woods, deer season happens and i don’t want to get shot.
so, i’m in between time and right now and i’m working towards something. it’s come in such short burst but i’m going somewhere. i have this sluggish motivation but i am moving.

November 1, 2013

October 31, 2013

5 yr blog, day 26

Halloween plans?
What’s your costume?

my plans are to go over to Colt’s for tacos and spook movies and a bit of magick.
i’m basically dressings as "myself”.

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Samhain is here! Known to many as "The Witch's New Year" it can be celebrated in many ways. How do you celebrate this day of the dead? Are you practicing with a group? What are your plans? Enjoy, and have a blessed Samhain.”

after work, i’m going over to Colt’s for tacos and bad movies.
and maybe some magick.
tomorrow, after hitting the day after sales, i’m hitting the graveyards to visit my grandmothers.

October 30, 2013

October 29, 2013

5 yr blog, day 24

Camping or hotel?

hotel. willing to try camping. told Matthew it might be fun to sleep in a tent in the backyard one night.

pre-Halloween update

it’s the day before Halloween. it’s a magickal pre-time. and the weather today is also awesome today. it’s a really bright gray day and raining. it’s still warm out, just get weather for Trick-or-Treating.
(yeah i know it’s not the day before, but i believe in celebrating the day before, day of, and the day after so bite me.)
i got so much to do tomorrow to get shit done for my Halloween night with Colt.
still have no clue on what magick to work with him tomorrow night. i got 4 candles and a plate. need to think, need to think.
need to work on my room today also.
Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a rerun. grr (arg).
speaking of such, there seems to be some haters out there on the show. my complaint is right now it’s too monster of the week for me. with a full season order, i’m hoping that we can get into more of a seasonal arc.
on another note: Sunday came with a fair share of drama, and all of it before i got out of bed.
so Colt is sick. i woke up Sunday and right before i txted him, it pops up on Twitter he was going to the E.R. i txt him back asking what is wrong.
and then this happen.
i got all teary eye and crying with the fact he called me a best friend and then he told me he loved me.
he’s better. he’s ok. we are still having Halloween.

October 28, 2013

5 yr blog, day 23

___ is completely ridiculous.

the fact the inbreed rednecks of Arkansas think we can do what we do with no people and no hours.

October 27, 2013

5 yr blog, day 22

What was the last goofy thing you did?

truly? save a toy kitty from the jackass at the service desk.

October 26, 2013

5 yr blog, day 21

How do you feel about your body?

today, ok. fat and a bit gooy.

October 25, 2013

5 yr blog, day 20

What is the most honest thing you’ve said today?

whatever it was i know it was to Colt. i’m almost overly honest with him.

October 24, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Choosing a magickal name is something many Wiccans do. Selecting one is a way of identifying yourself in a personal way to the God and Goddess. Many Wiccans feel it is important to only share your full magickal name with your deities, as sharing it with someone else could allow them to influence you. Do you have a magickal name? Do you share it with others? Maybe only with your coven sisters/brothers? With the God and Goddess only? How did you choose it? Did it "choose you"?
Today's prompt is all about magickal names and the meaning behind them. Enjoy!”

i did start off with a self-dedication ritual and declared the name Black Opal MoonSong as my magickal name. gods i was a bit fluffy back then. i have only shared that name to show how fluffy i was, back in the day.
currently, if i had to have a magical name, it’s amerwitch. amer is my nickname, my acronym actually. and witch, well, duh.

5 yr blog, day 19

How are you? Write it in a rhyming couplet (two lines of verse that rhymes and have the same rhyme).

today was the same old, some old 
and now in my room, it grows cold and cold

October 23, 2013

October 22, 2013

5 yr blog, day 17

Write a haiku about your day.

Wal-Mart I went to,

not mine, another i go,
Krazy, again, broke.

October 21, 2013

5 yr blog, day 16

What new word have you learned?

fag hag.

oktober update

fun filled week at work. with one sick, one on vacation, one out on bereavement, we were so short it wasn’t even funny.
i did get extra hours this week and next. whoot!
i worked in toys Saturday, world be damned. i build 2 end caps and filled one, world be dammed. and binned a pallet of toys wrongly, just to have it binned, world be dammed.
and i have a god for the toys. i have a Playskool Hulk doll that fits right in my pocket. just having him Saturday was a boost.
i have plans on making my own BOSish for toys, with pic of my Hulks on the cover, with the great words of Tony Stark, “We have a Hulk.”
gods know we need one for this upcoming Christmas.
(i do have a Thor doll. don’t know if i will need him too or not.)
Christmas is coming like an ungodly plague upon us with only death as a certainly.
BTW: i’ve been watching Much Ado About Nothing sorta nonstop and it’s getting to the point i AM going to talk like i’m in a Shakespeare play. twill be funs to watch and play that pony out.
i have plans for Halloween, a small of gathering at Chateau DarkShark. we’ll see what all happens there.

October 19, 2013

5 yr blog, day 14

What was your last credit card purchase?

Much Ado About Nothing, on blu-ray.

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Today's topic is about psychics and mediums. Have you ever been to one? What was your reaction? Are you a medium yourself? If you are, how did you know you had a gift? Feel free to take this prompt in any direction you'd like.”

i’ve had tarot card readings done, but i wouldn’t call that going to a psychic or a medium.
i don’t recall much about the card reading, rather they were true or not. i know that they made me feel better afterwards.
i don’t think i’m a medium. i have had dealings with things, but i’m not putting that title on my résumé.

October 18, 2013

5 yr blog, day 13

What famous living famous person would you want to meet for drinks?


October 17, 2013

5 yr blog, day 12

What’s the most valuable thing you own?

money wise or what i prize?
my laptop. i think.

October 15, 2013

5 yr blog, day 10

How much time do you spend commuting?

takes about 45 mind to get to work, an hour to get back.

October 12, 2013

5 yr blog, day 7

One word for today.


Pagan Blog Prompts

“Have you ever had to take a leap of faith in your spiritual path? This prompt can be interpreted as loosely or specifically as wanted. Enjoy!”

i don’t think i had. i had a time that i questions my powers but never had a leap.

October 11, 2013

5 yr blog, day 6

What makes you feel wonderful?

today, the fact i got Much Ado About Nothing.

October 10, 2013

5 yr blog, day 5

Write down the name of someone you had a good conversation with recently.

fucking Colt. :-(

my birthday weekend

i made my way to Waynesville to see the boyfriend. i get there, load up his van and away we go.
somehow last week, me and Colt go on the topic of how cool it would be if we could change the “ringtone” for each person that txt us. i found out how to do it, ended up sending him a screenshot to show him how to do it, and now my phone whistles when Colt txt’s me.
his is supposed to say “i’m Batman.” when i txt him.
ok, my birthday.
we get to Springfield and check into our hotel. it’s so swanky that it don’t even have a microwave or minifridge in the room. grr.
free Wi-Fi was awesome.
we then dress and head out to Nakato. it was cool. i was dressed nicely and i had to take off my shoes, and sorta crawl to my seat in my short skirt and fishnets.
the food was good. the party of “5” year olds was a bit too much.
back to the room. i find a shirtless Tom Hiddleston doing Shakespeare and what more does a girl need then that?
Matthew passed out. i set up my laptop on the swanky desk, start sucking up the free WiFi and burning though videos from the nerds on my phone. it was a great night.
Saturday morning came with fall weather and rain and gray. hell of good weather, and there’s no sarcasm there folks.
Taco Bell, then it was Barns and Nobel. i was eyeing the 75th annaivery Wizard of Oz Monopoly set. the tokens were kick ass but when you landed on a railroad, you learned a special power to help play the game. what special power do you need for Monopoly? gack on that!
Matthew did buy me this 5 year notebook journal thing. every day there’s a new prompt you answer. you then see how your answers changes over the 5 years. follow all that fun with the tag, 5 yr blog.
we hit Best Buy, coz the bf wanted to and then we hit the crème de la crème of Springfield, Bass Pro Shop!
(after i got us lost, we made it there.)
we walked in and Matthew wanted to take me to see the alligator and i just grabbed him and took him to a post and told him to just look around!
just in the lobby was all beautiful. waterfalls, fake trees, dead elk, gods i forgot how county i am at times! there’s something about all this rustic aesthetic that really hits me.
we did go around and look at everything. Matthew didn’t want to go slow and take it all end (he’s there more than me). did get some killer pics of a alligator gar fish.
i did say i should be taking pics of everything but i didn’t. i wanted to take it all in and live it, not just behind a camera. or cell phone.
and i got an otter. my bf is weird like that.
we make it back to his house for some PIZZA.
Sunday i went home.
i did get three gifts this weekend. the first 2 makes you question how old the person is. the third, you’ll see.
first off Matt’s Jessica made me this awesome ass braided up bracelet with a penguin on it and my name! it’s so pretty!
second, Matthew brought me The Wizard of Oz on blu-ray.
and the third, Matthew brought me a bottle of vodka, Stoli.
and that’s my 33rd birthday.

October 8, 2013

5 yr blog, day 3

What is your biggest dream? 

 children. having them, pregnancy, birth.

October 7, 2013

5 yr blog, day 2

Are you happy with your choices today?

sorta. should have gone to bed earlier than 5 AM. need to work on my room and diet. did get money sorted out.

October 6, 2013

5 yr blog, day 1

Do you have any new friends?

Colt. in fact, he’s part of my 3.
Tom might rank up here one day.

October 5, 2013

happy birthday to me

i’m sitting here, in a lovely hotel room, bf passed out in the bed. i brought my laptop and am sucking up the fast and free Wi-Fi.
i’m awesome with my phone on Blip, watching my nerds from
again, i keep thinking of getting vlogging. i need to work on my edit.
i did a “movie”, using my phone camera. it’s, ok? i think it’s two minutes long and i’m still working on what the hell my editing software can do.
and maybe watching some real vlogs.
and setting up a YouTube channel and maybe getting on Goggle +.
still need to think and sorta stuff out.
and if i had fast internet, i would go insane with power.
so, hoping to get it up and running one day, YouTube and all.

October 4, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Have you ever seen a ghost? Been in a haunted house? What is your opinion on otherworldly beings? Do they exist? Tell us your favorite ghost experiences and your thoughts on the supernatural.”

no, i have not seen any ghost.
i have been to a haunted prison.
otherworldly beings, they are out there. who they are, i don’t know. i know they are there and i’m ok with that.
my fav experience is when i went to the prison. just lots of funky feeling out and about.
my other experience i wrote about 2/6/2001.
last Friday (2/2/01) i’m sitting in the lobby of Richardson doing nothing waiting for my 9 o’clock. behind my right shoulder i smelled the perfume Windsong. a little while later i smell it again. that’s the perfume my grandmother use to wear. she has been dead for four years.

October 1, 2013

The Hair

times have changed.
i look at my phone. the lock screen is this awesome pic of Tom Hiddleston as Loki, looking kinda Jesusy. to unlock my phone you type in 5654, which spells LOKI.
watching The Lone Ranger this summer, i went back and looked at Johnny Depp’s IMDB page to see when was the last time i saw a Johnny Depp movie that inspired me; Alice in Wonderland in 2010.
i remember the movie that sealed the deal of my nerd love for Johnny Depp, it’s was the first Pirates movie. i was floored and amazed by him.
as a person who shunned all this poplar and cool, i rode that Pirates ship long and hard. it was awesome.
but with The Lone Ranger and Dark Shadows, Johnny Depp is not cutting it anymore. he’s still my fav actor of all times, and many of his older films are my go to fav movies to watch, and he’s part of the Holy Trinity with Tim Burton and Danny Elfman but there is a new love in my life.
and i am a mewling quim.
Tom Hiddleston, mostly his Loki, no, Loki, has taken over me.
Tom Hiddelson’s Loki didn’t strike me muchly in Thor, shirtless Chris Hemsworth hit me hard. it wasn’t until Avengers that i was awestruck.
no, it was all the internet memes and they keep coming (and Colt keeps showing me).
but going over Avengers, i asked Matthew, “is it just his longer hair that makes him that much, more, then what he was in Thor?”
and then i saw the first preview of Thor: The Dark World. i thought “so, longer hair on Loki makes him sexier in Avengers, they are trying that with Thor and it ain’t working. OH MY GODS!!!”
the preview ends with Loki, sitting in his cell with longer, more flowy hair.
and his nickname, The Hair, was born.
and the video of Tom Hiddleston from Comic Con, the way he kept saying “Say my name!” made me want to get on my knees.
it was when Colt sent me that Jesusy Loki pic, and i put it on my phone, that i realized, Johnny, there’s a new guy in town.

September 27, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompts

“This week's prompt is all about favorites. What are some of your favorite witchy web sites? Books? Metaphysical shops? Witchy music? Pagan/Wicca Youtube channels? Go ahead and make your list as broad or specific as you want and list off the witchy things you love and would suggest to others.”
  • “witchy web sites”: Witch’s Vox? i don’t really go to websites anymore.
  • books: my go to book is Scott Cunningham’s Cunningham’s Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs. it’s just been my go to book for a long time and really what helped me really grow as a witch.
  • metaphysical shops: don’t have one. i have not found one i liked.
  • “witchy music”: i don’t do “pagan” music. i don’t have a firm grasp on what it is and what bits i’ve heard, it’s all Celticish and i don’t care for Celtic music.
  • “Pagan/Wicca Youtube channels”: don’t really do Youtube. anyone have any suggestions?
  • Facebook group: Paganism and Wicca. best set of people out there. read and follow the rules and come armed to fight.

September 25, 2013

my return to the DarkShark's

i was bad.
with my work schedule, i was off Tuesday. “yeah!” i thought. “i can watch Agents of SHIELD! oh no! i’m not at the store to get Iron Man 3! no!!!”
Kody had the idea of stay at Colt’s after work for the 4 hours till midnight.
Colt put me in a corner by saying he would let me come over IF i have a card reading for his friend Tom.
stupid me, i agree.
here’s my list of why this is a bad idea:
  • I AM SHY! i don’t do well with meeting new people.
  • i would be shown as the sham i am with my card readings (i don’t have the meanings memorized and use cheat sheets).
  • and i have never done a cold reading before. what could wrong with that? (ha ha ha! *panic*)
work was ok. i torn into the Iron Man 3 shipper. it’s pretty.
and then i made my way to Colt’s, pizza rolls in hand.
and they had pizza there already. bitches.
Tom is ok. he wants to see me drunk.
i did not plan on being a fag hag for 2. i’m not built for this.
so, after card reading (which went well, cold read and all), Colt turn Supernatural back on.
i started writing a note to Nicole about stuff and kinda started crying.  
anyhoots, with Colt cuddling on the sofa, me on the floor like a dog (grr), we “awoke” to make to the store, rightly before midnight, with the beauty of that shipper.
well, it was a bit before midnight and Colt wanted to see the “DarkShark” shirt i was telling about.
and i gave him the DVD copy from the DVD/Blu-ray pack i got.
on a plus note: during the evening, Tom excused himself to go outside to smoke. Colt then excused himself to the bathroom.
the noises i heard were loud, wet, and unhealthy. i picked up my phone and txted Colt, “Feel better?”
i heard the low growl of his phone vibrating and then hysterical laughter from the bathroom.
Tom came back, Colt came from the bathroom, sat on the couch, put a pillow over his head and started laughing hysterically.
Colt was a bit embossed by the ordeal.

September 24, 2013

my night at the DarkShark's

i’ve done lots of stupid stuff in my life when it comes to the opposite sex. somehow i came out mostly unscathed, burnt around the edges but still whole.
so why was it such a wonderful idea to go over to Colt’s for a slumber party?
Mother decided she wanted to redo the bathroom, rendering us shower less for a night. a brief trip to Grandma’s would solve this dilemma.
some little voice in the back of my head quietly yelled “stay over at Colt’s!”
and Krazy agreed!
there is no proper term for the relationship i have with this child. it would not surprise me if we had known each other in another life.
Thor’sDay came with Mom and me hitting Jeff so she could get her eyes checked. they didn’t dilate her eyes but whacked them out so she had David Bowie eyes. it was freaky.
came home, napped, cooked tacos, got yelled out for being a horrible child, packed, and headed out to the store to await further instructions from Colt.
after a map, detailed instructions, and last minute items from the store, i head out into the full moon night to a tiny town with a tiny apartment.
i found my way there, unlocked the door and walked it.
he lives like a Buddhist monk, so minimalist it’s borderline scary.
i was touched to see the birthday gift i gave him as art on top of the refrigerator.
it’s a small place, built like a SIMS house (think i have built such house).
i loved it. it was so perfect. i want one.
yes, i did go through all his cabinets and didn’t touch anything. i didn’t go in his room, which would be weird.
he had 3 packs of hotdogs and a crate of popsicle in his freezer.
i took my shower (he has a clear shower curtain, creepy) set up an “altar”, sent Colt a pic of the vodka (“Dinner is ready”), and finished up taco night.
and waited for fireworks.
he came home and was surprised by the lack of mess (i can be neat when i need to).
now, Colt has said his place is haunted. i don’t know if it was the vodka or what but something was pricking my magicks. it was not fun.
we ate. he took his shower. i meditated, for the first time since 2010 (!), and gods why did i?
there is something there. it’s a black cloud in the corner of his bedroom, right above his bed.
right where i was to sleep.
i brought my tarot cards and asked who was here.
this is what i end up with for cards.
doing a stupid reading, the past showed it’s the ghost of Colt’s lovers.
for the present, it’s his control plus me that leads to me giving him some loving.
the future rest freaked me out. i saw me with nightmares, and then it got hazy. the King of Ghost and the Page of Bats. i know i’m the Queen of Bats, i don’t understand how the biggest of Colt’s ghost to a young female me?
(ok, i get it now. me with nightmares, which happen, but it was just a night of dreams, for me and him. this leads to the biggest bad of Colt’s past, which lead to his sorta melt down Friday night and me yelling txt messages to him since he is SO MUCH LIKE ME AT THAT AGE IT FREAKING KILLS ME!!!)
on with our regular scheduled programming.
i asked if the place needed an exorcism, it does. to clarify, binding might work, but for little people? the next card was too much me or him or both but hey, Star, hope! it’s all good!
we talked. i knew it was bad when i didn’t want to tell him what the cards said or that i couldn’t look at him.
i did tell him what the cards said. and then i found out he didn’t even have salt and pepper, basic tools for all things magick, and common seasonings. HE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE SALT AND PEPPER!!!
it came the witching hour. he took the couch, and i took his bed, with the demons of his past over my head.
so his bed. i hung my pentacle on his headboard.
and end up sleeping with my feet at the head part.
my dreams: they were all a muddle of Colt, his place, work, and things of that nature.
next morning went well. Colt had the privilege of me to cooking him breakfast.
made breakfast nachos and while he was doing dishes, i meditated again.
and this is where it gets… fuzzy.
with running water in the background, i called upon the DarkShark and i saw him. when i asked him to go inside the bedroom, he wouldn’t move. i then called upon the DarkFrog and he wouldn’t go in the room either. both of them stayed planted next/in Colt.
so, i called upon Wildpenguin. omg, did not see that coming.
i thought Wildpenguin would be a penguin. no. it was this tribal, naked woman, painted to like a penguin, black arms and white breast. it was strange.
she would go in the room.
so, i called up my inner 4 year old. she went into the room.
both Wildpenguin and the 4 year old went into that room and wanted to fight that thing in there. even when they beckon the DarkShark and the DarkFrog, Colt’s inner animals would not go in there.
he played video games and i took a nap. when i awaken, Colt has sent me a pic txt message. fearing it was me sleeping, it was of TV with Loki.
he had played The Avengers in hopes of awaking me.
he did say i breathed hard when i was sleeping last night and during naptime. he couldn’t sleep last night to my breathing.
and he had odd dreams too. :-/
went to work.
so, that was my night.

September 20, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Mabon is the fall equinox, and is a time to celebrate the changing of the seasons. How do you celebrate this turning of the wheel of the year? Do you practice with a group? On your own? Both? This week's prompt is all about how you celebrate the coming of the fall and the balance of the wheel.”

i didn’t, i don’t, i suck at being a witch.

September 17, 2013

you can make me feel...

i wrote a poem. first time in many a year. i think it’s good.
i’m really pulling teeth, trying to fill this white page. it’s like i’m dead on the inside and have no emotions to write.
funny, it takes Spike singing of letting him rest in peace to make me feel.
i have been taking my vitamins for a week now and really, that’s where the poem came from.
i’m not me. i don’t know what happen, that everything came down on me. is Wal-Mart such a soul sucking job?
i should not be like this. i’m at such a high functioning depression lvl, it’s not fun.

September 16, 2013

a short visit from a short visit boyfreind

in other news, Matthew came up for a short visit. i couldn’t get my days off so it wasn’t much of a visit.
we did get my Blu-ray player up and watched Star Teck Into Darkness.
i will say this: THE MOVIE SUCKS, MAKES ME NERDRAGE, but Benedict Cumberbatch is a sexy as hell in it. he should get an Oscar nom.
and with J.J. not doing Star Trek 3 WHO’S GOING TO SAVE THE WHALES NOW?!?
anyhoots, we went to my 2nd cousin wedding, the shortest Catholic wedding i ever went to in my life. it wasn’t even a freaking Mass! the church was pretty.
the décor and color scheme was not my thing and gods; everyone uses freaking mason jars now-a-days! i’m glad i’m not on Pinterest. my wedding will be that classy 4 year old with a Halloween fetish and an Oriental Trading Company catalog.

my knight in shiny armor

so Friday the 13th turned out to be a grand night.
FOUND THE MOTHERFUCKING MONKEYS!!! they were missing for a week. had to redo 3 shelves but it’s ok. we have the monkeys.
so, onto the good part!
Colt has been making fun of Destinee, that she’s pregnant (since she’s doing it 5 times a day). Destinee said she would be probably be like me when she gets pregnant.
now i was standing in Colt’s “corner”, and they were down by the gray cabinets. Colt knew shit was going to hit when he saw me slowly lift my head up and slowly turned to her and said “are you calling me fat?”
it ALL went downhill from there.
Destinee kept digging a hole to bury herself in. Colt was over dramatic about all of it (and i love him for it).
by the end of the night, Destinee had also mention that i didn’t like to be happy, i like being angry all the time, i’m like the Hulk (“so i’m a big freak of nature?”), among other things.
it was like “The Misery Chick” from Daria
i hugged Colt, and thanked him for a great night. he kept egging Destinee on and when i got back to the store on Sunday, he had told everyone.

September 13, 2013

Pagan Blog Prompts

“Today's prompt is about time management. In the busy world we live, how do you find time for your spiritual self? How do you maintain your spiritual growth and nurture your inner connection to deity in between meetings, phone calls, traffic jams, family, friends and everything else you do?
Post your thoughts, tips and tricks and as always, blessed be.”

i don’t.

September 8, 2013


i keep kicking around the idea of my own internet web series.
i keep watching my reviewers at and they make it look so effortless.
i don’t know if i have it to be a reviewer. i don’t know how they slice all the clips into their review, or how to get slips onto the laptop to slice with a review. without it looking all ghetto as hell.
and with a limited crew of one, can’t do much of a show like The Guild.
there is the idea of vlogging but… eh. i rarely write at time so vlogging… eh.
a show would let me play a character.
oh hell, i’m just scared of internet bullying and what all happens when you put yourself on the internet. plus, being all female, the sexual harassment and “fake geek girl”.
stumbled upon a geek girl Tumbler (do i need one?) and one post was hot it’s always when the girl shows up, good chuck of the story time (movie or book) is her defending herself that yes i have boobs but also i am a top notch spy/car mechanic/fighter pilot/PERSON!
you know why i like Buffy? she’s a human. you strip all the fancy and sci fi and it’s a high school drama. she struggles in school, wants the cute boy to ask her out, her mom don’t understand her, etc. etc. etc.
everything comes back to Joss, doesn’t it?
ok, so i need to buck up, find out what i want my show to be, and get my ass in gear.